Were you not entertained yesterday? I certainly was. We had safeties, plenty of derpage, surprises, comebacks, new stars (if only for one week) and the usual disappointments. All in all, a great bag of tricks. I’ll throw a few cogitations at you. Think of it as an addendum to the much-beloved “Hippo Thoughts”.
Fallout:
-sure glad I didn’t invest in Baker Mayfield. I know he’ll be just fine but his line is going to make things rough for him here and there.
-next week’s Bills/Jizziants game is going to redefine the word ‘uglyball’.
-slam the brakes on this Hollywood Brown guy. He only had 15 snaps all game and the Ravens aren’t going to reverse direction and fling the ball all day all of a sudden. He got a bit lucky. Look for major regression next week.
-Alex Mattison. He’s got major talent and the Vikes would be wise to develop a package of plays for him rather than just use him as a fill-in for Cook.
-I’ve said this to anyone who’d listen and several who didn’t: Calvin Ridley is such enormous value in fantasy. Julio will always get the best cb and safety help to boot. That leaves Calvin on a lesser talent and he flourishes. “But he only had a couple of big games last year, that’s why his TD total is inflated”, you say. I say he scored 10 as a rookie finding his way in the offense and will be even better this year. Matt Ryan trusts him and the Falcons will be throwing all year long. Don’t be afraid to play this guy.
-I predicted that Jordan Howard would be left behind at some point but week 1 was a surprise.
-congrats to those that played Desean! You’ll be paid back next week with 2 catch, 23 yard outing. Such is the nature of that beast.
-Mustache Minshew’s fall back to reality is going to be even more painful than a broken collarbone.
-don’t pull the plug on Damien Williams just yet but it sure doesn’t look promising.
TO THE GAMES!
Texans/Saints:
Houston’s O-line gave up a league-high 62 sackeroos last year. The Tonsil (intentional) trade might make a wee bit of difference but that line play is affecting qb Watson’s development. Them Saints are psyched about a UFDA they found by the name of Deonte Harris, a wee lad that goes 5’6″, 170 and played DII football at Assumption College. He holds the all divisions record for most career return TD’s at 14. You know what they say about players that ball out at Assumption…
Den/Oak:
You know what fans of the Broncos new qb are called? Flaccolytes. (I thunked that up all on my own! I probably read it somewhere and forgot about it ) Most folks slept on rb Lindsay during draft season because of the yapping about Freeman but I don’t buy it at all. I guess we’ll see if the hubbub around te Darren Waller was justified.
Pluck those strings folks!
HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’ BOYS?
Time to get to apartment hunting. Need to shake things up and see if I can find a place closer to work for me. Unless maybe someone has a better job so I can quit mine and get a country estate to call mine own?
housing market NAWT FAY-UH?
I mean, it’s fucked, but it’s so much decidedly less fucked than somewhere like Toronto or Vancouver. Now THAT’s fucked.
I hear your local hockey heroes aren’t using Lebreton Flats. maybe an estate there?
That’s some Antonio Brown-feel level burnage
I mean fuck. I’m sure I’ve got more money than Eugene Fucking Melnyk. Maybe I should be the one to build the new rink??
Worst part of my auction was not being aggressive enough bidding Watson.
refastening his drawers, he got shot up GOOD!
Medical Tent Sponsored by Orchids of Asia?
“Geeze, you got alot of pussy.”
That is a pussy magnet.
500s defense looks pretty solid
I’m still at work, how much PI has there been in this game?
Not enough
“Pie? Is this new for MNF? What kind of pie?”
-A. Reid
Trubisky, Watson or Mahomes. Which would the Bears if given the chance again?
“You wanna stop eye-fuckin’ my pre-dinner martini?”
Dawwwwww
changing hands going over the pylon was pretty heady
Bill “Lovie Smith” O’Brien
Watson hurt himself on that dive
they’ll Demarol him up good
Reidian timeout usage there, Imaginary Team!
Buttchinski strikes again!
Fellow degenerates, I bid you all a good evening.
Mr. Jello
N’yello.
Just fuck already!
Late to the eliminator challenge, so I rushed in and grabbed the Saints because they’re playing some college team I’ve never heard of from Texas. Doesn’t seem like it’s working so well so far.
Oh! We can still join that?!
You can, but you’re stuck choosing the next game now that this one has kicked off.
You’re guaranteed to beat me!
TWO Hopkins drops. WOW
maybe he doesn’t like being a Bleached Asshole?
If anyone has any more search terms for me, feel free.
I have one more slot to fill.
Phrasing.
“One more slot to fill. Phrasing.”
Obviously the last term should be “lame seamus comment”.
I just found out what “sounding” was this morning, and I’m not exactly sure what you’re asking, so go with that.
“The Provo Soak”
Offensive cohesion
That’s my Eli Apple
+1 bad, bad girl
Grown ass man catch
Taysom was open
Another missed PI call smgdh
wow, nice LB play there
Pepe’s white clam pizza FTW.
Booger continues to be a strong voice for labour over management. Football NEEDS that.
I guess that rules out bk109 as Booger’s alter ego
also, I have never met a black P*ts fan
Mr. Nel waves hello from across the room.
You married a Pats fan? Oh my.
Love conquers all. (Unless he had been a Hox or Boyz fan. Some things are dealbreakers.)
I am raising Decilitre as anything but an Iggles or Boyz fan. I do not want him in this mess. Wifey is a Bengals fan so that is inconsequential.
That is some thoughtful and quality parenting, sir. Kudos.
Stupid wall. I hope you guys are reunited soon.
well, I’ll be!!
I thought he was a Raiders fan. Maybe I’m thinking of somebody else who was going off on AB the other day.
that was the strangest part, as pretty sure he said previously he was a P*ts fan.
Maybe he switched at approximately 4:01 pm EDT on Saturday.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Toynbee_tiles
I like that six minutes into this game not a single person has commented on any of the actual action. Is it Thursday night already?
TL;DR: REVENGE!!!!1!!11!
Think I am getting enough crumbs from Duke Johnson to vanquish Senor Weaselo. I need that so don’t go insane from playing Sterling Shepard over Michael Gallup.
You have Jacobs as well!
Uh…the big fat font in the chyron is dumb-lookin’. Got nuthin’ else.
should I get y’all’s defensing unit off waivers? Or was yesterday an idiot-based outlier??
Currently insufficient data for trend analysis. If we can hang with the Stillers in a coupla weeks…
Folks
“Resurrect Dead” was one of the better documentaries I’ve seen in the last ten years.
Red Dead Jupiter Resurrection would be a fun video game.
I sincerely hope the Saints get burned by a challenged PI call this evening.
now SMIRE again!
Duke Johnson doesn’t start. NO SMIRE
Tuned in just in time to see the racist still doing the theme.
Wait, which racist are we talking about?
Hank Williams II is living proof that talent skips a generation.
Hank, Sr. is basically my cutoff point for country music. He was really, really good.
I saw Hank III a few years ago doing a split outlaw country/punk rock show and it was awesome.
I’ve heard tell he has some talent and is a real character. In the Williams, Sr. tradition.
I have J Richard in every league he will morph into T. Richardson so fast we won’t even notice.
Every Saints fan there in a ref shirt should be summarily executed.
The double MNF thing is dumb
nuh-uh, DONKS WOO!!!
I enjoy it as well due to the last game starting at 8:30 Litre-local time, on the east coast it would be far too late.
Cat wisely talked Hippo in a 2-4:30 nap. It will be needed.
Speaking of motherfuckers…Bocephus, why can’t someone run over him with a UPS truck?
Did that motherfucker just say “rewrited”?
which motherfucker? Hippo was making coffee
OK, I think they have beat the whole “Saints wuz robbed” thing to fucking death at this point.
I mean, fucking Christ, #BFIB bitch about Dan Deckinger less.
Still, I love Booger. The MNF booth is now easily the best “national” duo.
/cringing to think who will end up calling my Donks later
//still re-caffeinating for kickoff
also, Bleached Assholes really needs all Watson yardage/scores going to Hopkins.
lol fuck the Saints. I want to see the curtain fall on this team immediately.
and double fuck Emeril
also, I really might have to plug and play Brokeback QB next week. ANYONE, including a hobo off the street, against Los Gigantes.
YEP, I will roll with Ridley next week. Good thinking!
I also am on a mini-GAMBLOR rush (was down to my last $300 on Saturday when I went into time out, back around $2K now), and have $50 on the 500s ML (+240). Caveat fuckin’ emptor.
Heh, has no one used the term Tunsil-ectomy yet?
“Lame.”
-Thomas Pynchon
I’m looking forward to Eli throwing 3 pickerceptions, mostly because it will make Josh Allen’s pickerception/fumbledown seem respectable.
“Hey, don’t forget about me…” – Baker Mayfield
I’m sure the Texans are going to get rectally wrecked in this Bayou Bowl, doubt if I’ll get past the end of the 2nd quarter.
Remember when Bobby Boucher won the Bourbon Bowl?
And then Bobby Boucher gave that bowl to the Arizona Cardinals front office and it turned to be a magic bowl that’s always full of bourbon, no matter how hammered you get during office hours?