Your “I Knew You’d Come Crawling Back” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Were you not entertained yesterday? I certainly was. We had safeties, plenty of derpage, surprises, comebacks, new stars (if only for one week) and the usual disappointments. All in all, a great bag of tricks. I’ll throw a few cogitations at you. Think of it as an addendum to the much-beloved “Hippo Thoughts”.

Fallout:

-sure glad I didn’t invest in Baker Mayfield. I know he’ll be just fine but his line is going to make things rough for him here and there.

-next week’s Bills/Jizziants game is going to redefine the word ‘uglyball’.

-slam the brakes on this Hollywood Brown guy. He only had 15 snaps all game and the Ravens aren’t going to reverse direction and fling the ball all day all of a sudden. He got a bit lucky. Look for major regression next week.

-Alex Mattison. He’s got major talent and the Vikes would be wise to develop a package of plays for him rather than just use him as a fill-in for Cook.

-I’ve said this to anyone who’d listen and several who didn’t: Calvin Ridley is such enormous value in fantasy. Julio will always get the best cb and safety help to boot. That leaves Calvin on a lesser talent and he flourishes. “But he only had a couple of big games last year, that’s why his TD total is inflated”, you say. I say he scored 10 as a rookie finding his way in the offense and will be even better this year. Matt Ryan trusts him and the Falcons will be throwing all year long. Don’t be afraid to play this guy.

-I predicted that Jordan Howard would be left behind at some point but week 1 was a surprise.

-congrats to those that played Desean! You’ll be paid back next week with 2 catch, 23 yard outing. Such is the nature of that beast.

-Mustache Minshew’s fall back to reality is going to be even more painful than a broken collarbone.

-don’t pull the plug on Damien Williams just yet but it sure doesn’t look promising.

TO THE GAMES!

Texans/Saints:

Houston’s O-line gave up a league-high 62 sackeroos last year. The Tonsil (intentional) trade might make a wee bit of difference but that line play is affecting qb Watson’s development. Them Saints are psyched about a UFDA they found by the name of Deonte Harris, a wee lad that goes 5’6″, 170 and played DII football at Assumption College. He holds the all divisions record for most career return TD’s at 14. You know what they say about players that ball out at Assumption…

Den/Oak:

You know what fans of the Broncos new qb are called? Flaccolytes. (I thunked that up all on my own! I probably read it somewhere and forgot about it ) Most folks slept on rb Lindsay during draft season because of the yapping about Freeman but I don’t buy it at all. I guess we’ll see if the hubbub around te Darren Waller was justified.

Pluck those strings folks!

 

 

 

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The Maestro

HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’ BOYS?

Time to get to apartment hunting. Need to shake things up and see if I can find a place closer to work for me. Unless maybe someone has a better job so I can quit mine and get a country estate to call mine own?

King Hippo

housing market NAWT FAY-UH?

The Maestro

I mean, it’s fucked, but it’s so much decidedly less fucked than somewhere like Toronto or Vancouver. Now THAT’s fucked.

litre_cola

I hear your local hockey heroes aren’t using Lebreton Flats. maybe an estate there?

herodotus450

That’s some Antonio Brown-feel level burnage

The Maestro

I mean fuck. I’m sure I’ve got more money than Eugene Fucking Melnyk. Maybe I should be the one to build the new rink??

King Hippo

Worst part of my auction was not being aggressive enough bidding Watson.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

refastening his drawers, he got shot up GOOD!

LemonJello

Medical Tent Sponsored by Orchids of Asia?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

“Geeze, you got alot of pussy.”

litre_cola

That is a pussy magnet.

King Hippo

500s defense looks pretty solid

Spur

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’m still at work, how much PI has there been in this game?

Sharkbait

Not enough

LemonJello

“Pie? Is this new for MNF? What kind of pie?”
-A. Reid

Spur

Trubisky, Watson or Mahomes. Which would the Bears if given the chance again?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

“You wanna stop eye-fuckin’ my pre-dinner martini?”

Spur

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litre_cola

Dawwwwww

King Hippo

changing hands going over the pylon was pretty heady

Sharkbait

Bill “Lovie Smith” O’Brien

Spur

Watson hurt himself on that dive

King Hippo

they’ll Demarol him up good

Brick Meathook

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LemonJello

Reidian timeout usage there, Imaginary Team!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Buttchinski strikes again!

LemonJello

Fellow degenerates, I bid you all a good evening.

ballsofsteelandfury

Mr. Jello

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

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N’yello.

Spur

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Just fuck already!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Late to the eliminator challenge, so I rushed in and grabbed the Saints because they’re playing some college team I’ve never heard of from Texas. Doesn’t seem like it’s working so well so far.

blaxabbath

Oh! We can still join that?!

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

You can, but you’re stuck choosing the next game now that this one has kicked off.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You’re guaranteed to beat me!

King Hippo

TWO Hopkins drops. WOW

King Hippo

maybe he doesn’t like being a Bleached Asshole?

ballsofsteelandfury

If anyone has any more search terms for me, feel free.

I have one more slot to fill.

Phrasing.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I just found out what “sounding” was this morning, and I’m not exactly sure what you’re asking, so go with that.

Col. Duke LaCross

“The Provo Soak”

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Offensive cohesion

Spur

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Spur

That’s my Eli Apple

King Hippo

+1 bad, bad girl

Gratliff

Grown ass man catch

Spur

Taysom was open

Gratliff

Another missed PI call smgdh

King Hippo

wow, nice LB play there

Sharkbait

Pepe’s white clam pizza FTW.

King Hippo

Booger continues to be a strong voice for labour over management. Football NEEDS that.

herodotus450

I guess that rules out bk109 as Booger’s alter ego

King Hippo

also, I have never met a black P*ts fan

Petronel

Mr. Nel waves hello from across the room.

litre_cola

You married a Pats fan? Oh my.

Petronel

Love conquers all. (Unless he had been a Hox or Boyz fan. Some things are dealbreakers.)

litre_cola

I am raising Decilitre as anything but an Iggles or Boyz fan. I do not want him in this mess. Wifey is a Bengals fan so that is inconsequential.

Petronel

That is some thoughtful and quality parenting, sir. Kudos.

King Hippo

well, I’ll be!!

herodotus450

I thought he was a Raiders fan. Maybe I’m thinking of somebody else who was going off on AB the other day.

King Hippo

that was the strangest part, as pretty sure he said previously he was a P*ts fan.

herodotus450

Maybe he switched at approximately 4:01 pm EDT on Saturday.

herodotus450
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I like that six minutes into this game not a single person has commented on any of the actual action. Is it Thursday night already?

Sharkbait

TL;DR: REVENGE!!!!1!!11!

King Hippo

Think I am getting enough crumbs from Duke Johnson to vanquish Senor Weaselo. I need that so don’t go insane from playing Sterling Shepard over Michael Gallup.

Senor Weaselo

You have Jacobs as well!

Petronel

Uh…the big fat font in the chyron is dumb-lookin’. Got nuthin’ else.

King Hippo

should I get y’all’s defensing unit off waivers? Or was yesterday an idiot-based outlier??

Petronel

Currently insufficient data for trend analysis. If we can hang with the Stillers in a coupla weeks…

Spur

Folks

Brick Meathook

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Col. Duke LaCross

“Resurrect Dead” was one of the better documentaries I’ve seen in the last ten years.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Red Dead Jupiter Resurrection would be a fun video game.

Sharkbait

I sincerely hope the Saints get burned by a challenged PI call this evening.

King Hippo

now SMIRE again!

King Hippo

Duke Johnson doesn’t start. NO SMIRE

Sharkbait

Tuned in just in time to see the racist still doing the theme.

Senor Weaselo

Wait, which racist are we talking about?

Col. Duke LaCross

Hank Williams II is living proof that talent skips a generation.

King Hippo

Hank, Sr. is basically my cutoff point for country music. He was really, really good.

Col. Duke LaCross

I saw Hank III a few years ago doing a split outlaw country/punk rock show and it was awesome.

King Hippo

I’ve heard tell he has some talent and is a real character. In the Williams, Sr. tradition.

litre_cola

I have J Richard in every league he will morph into T. Richardson so fast we won’t even notice.

King Hippo

Every Saints fan there in a ref shirt should be summarily executed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The double MNF thing is dumb

King Hippo

nuh-uh, DONKS WOO!!!

litre_cola

I enjoy it as well due to the last game starting at 8:30 Litre-local time, on the east coast it would be far too late.

King Hippo

Cat wisely talked Hippo in a 2-4:30 nap. It will be needed.

King Hippo

Speaking of motherfuckers…Bocephus, why can’t someone run over him with a UPS truck?

Gratliff

Did that motherfucker just say “rewrited”?

King Hippo

which motherfucker? Hippo was making coffee

Viva La Tabula Raza

OK, I think they have beat the whole “Saints wuz robbed” thing to fucking death at this point.

King Hippo

I mean, fucking Christ, #BFIB bitch about Dan Deckinger less.

King Hippo

Still, I love Booger. The MNF booth is now easily the best “national” duo.

/cringing to think who will end up calling my Donks later

//still re-caffeinating for kickoff

King Hippo

also, Bleached Assholes really needs all Watson yardage/scores going to Hopkins.

Gratliff

lol fuck the Saints. I want to see the curtain fall on this team immediately.

King Hippo

and double fuck Emeril

King Hippo

also, I really might have to plug and play Brokeback QB next week. ANYONE, including a hobo off the street, against Los Gigantes.

King Hippo

YEP, I will roll with Ridley next week. Good thinking!

I also am on a mini-GAMBLOR rush (was down to my last $300 on Saturday when I went into time out, back around $2K now), and have $50 on the 500s ML (+240). Caveat fuckin’ emptor.

herodotus450

Heh, has no one used the term Tunsil-ectomy yet?

Brick Meathook

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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I’m looking forward to Eli throwing 3 pickerceptions, mostly because it will make Josh Allen’s pickerception/fumbledown seem respectable.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Hey, don’t forget about me…” – Baker Mayfield

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m sure the Texans are going to get rectally wrecked in this Bayou Bowl, doubt if I’ll get past the end of the 2nd quarter.

Senor Weaselo

Remember when Bobby Boucher won the Bourbon Bowl?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And then Bobby Boucher gave that bowl to the Arizona Cardinals front office and it turned to be a magic bowl that’s always full of bourbon, no matter how hammered you get during office hours?

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