Your “I Knew You’d Come Crawling Back” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Were you not entertained yesterday? I certainly was. We had safeties, plenty of derpage, surprises, comebacks, new stars (if only for one week) and the usual disappointments. All in all, a great bag of tricks. I’ll throw a few cogitations at you. Think of it as an addendum to the much-beloved “Hippo Thoughts”.

Fallout:

-sure glad I didn’t invest in Baker Mayfield. I know he’ll be just fine but his line is going to make things rough for him here and there.

-next week’s Bills/Jizziants game is going to redefine the word ‘uglyball’.

-slam the brakes on this Hollywood Brown guy. He only had 15 snaps all game and the Ravens aren’t going to reverse direction and fling the ball all day all of a sudden. He got a bit lucky. Look for major regression next week.

-Alex Mattison. He’s got major talent and the Vikes would be wise to develop a package of plays for him rather than just use him as a fill-in for Cook.

-I’ve said this to anyone who’d listen and several who didn’t: Calvin Ridley is such enormous value in fantasy. Julio will always get the best cb and safety help to boot. That leaves Calvin on a lesser talent and he flourishes. “But he only had a couple of big games last year, that’s why his TD total is inflated”, you say. I say he scored 10 as a rookie finding his way in the offense and will be even better this year. Matt Ryan trusts him and the Falcons will be throwing all year long. Don’t be afraid to play this guy.

-I predicted that Jordan Howard would be left behind at some point but week 1 was a surprise.

-congrats to those that played Desean! You’ll be paid back next week with 2 catch, 23 yard outing. Such is the nature of that beast.

-Mustache Minshew’s fall back to reality is going to be even more painful than a broken collarbone.

-don’t pull the plug on Damien Williams just yet but it sure doesn’t look promising.

TO THE GAMES!

Texans/Saints:

Houston’s O-line gave up a league-high 62 sackeroos last year. The Tonsil (intentional) trade might make a wee bit of difference but that line play is affecting qb Watson’s development. Them Saints are psyched about a UFDA they found by the name of Deonte Harris, a wee lad that goes 5’6″, 170 and played DII football at Assumption College. He holds the all divisions record for most career return TD’s at 14. You know what they say about players that ball out at Assumption…

Den/Oak:

You know what fans of the Broncos new qb are called? Flaccolytes. (I thunked that up all on my own! I probably read it somewhere and forgot about it ) Most folks slept on rb Lindsay during draft season because of the yapping about Freeman but I don’t buy it at all. I guess we’ll see if the hubbub around te Darren Waller was justified.

Pluck those strings folks!

 

 

 

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Spur

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WCS

Great. Cats have learned ding-dong-ditch.

LemonJello

Seems like something those assholes would do.

King Hippo

goddamn, that’s a good punt

King Hippo

goddamn, that’s a good run

rockingdog

KAMARAWAVEEEEEE

King Hippo

upon hearing Breesus broke his record?

Pey-ton-hopes-you-fuck-ing-die!

Unsurprised

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LemonJello

How does she explain those bruises to her parents?

Unsurprised

Rough sex

Recovery Whiskey

Better every loop

WCS

And that’s how the second butthole was born.

King Hippo

see, she shoulda had Hippo spot ,, smh

Viva La Tabula Raza

I almost feel like I’m watching the Foreskin-Iggle matchup from yesterday, just with different uniforms but the same refinery-explosion level of meltdown by the visiting team.

WCS

“Refinery-explosion level meltdown” needs to be trademarked immediately.

Unsurprised

It is also an inevitability in Louisiana.

herodotus450

Texas knows all about illegal substitutions, I’ve heard.

LemonJello

“Like the time they replaced my side of beef brisket with cole slaw?”
-A. Reid

herodotus450

“No no no, I didn’t order a side of brisket, I ordered a SIDE of brisket.”

King Hippo

all joshing aside, this been a pretty good footy match

Recovery Whiskey

Entertaining yet predictable

Spur

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Gratliff

Extremely important thread about badass hippos:
https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1169598786777169921

Unsurprised

Hippos. Practical.

Recovery Whiskey

Texans gotta tex

Unsurprised

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LemonJello

Coach tell the defense he was trading them to Miami if they didn’t get their shit together?

Unsurprised

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Unsurprised

DOCTOR BALLS. PAGING DOCTOR BALLS.

Recovery Whiskey

“We never doctored balls” — Tom Brady

ballsofsteelandfury

I LOVE THAT RESPONSE!!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Guava is certainly quite a card!

litre_cola

Jesus Christ. wow.

Spur

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Horatio Cornblower

Been there.

LemonJello

Am there.

Unsurprised

[muffled quack]
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Brocky

4th quarter!

Brocky

Hopkins should have done 3 in a row.

Just like chris Benoit!

Gatoraids

Homicides on his family?

rockingdog
Spur

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Gatoraids

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Suplex City has a new mayor

Senor Weaselo

The P*ts May go 19-0 because the rest of the AFC/NFL is the Springfield Tire Fire but the Red Sox are in the process of officially being eliminated from AL East contention so it’s not all bad.

herodotus450

And Dombrowski got Dombreleased today.

herodotus450

Instittution in chaos? I’m not saying it, but I hear people are saying it.

Horatio Cornblower

They’re well on their way to being really bad for a really long time.

Remember, Dombrowski made Detroit what it is today: a shattered urban hellscape populated by vampires, meth dealing assassins, and a really bad baseball team.

Petronel

Belly to back suplex well executed (if a bit over-rotated), penalty reversed.

Recovery Whiskey

That was a WWE piledriver

rockingdog

BRAVO!

Gratliff

Hopkins getting me so good fantasy points AND suplexes

King Hippo

+1 heel turn

rockingdog

was that a wrestling move?

Brocky

wATsOn is beTtEr than TrUbisKy!!!!!!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ahhhh, now the wheels REALLY start to come off.

Col. Duke LaCross

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!

Recovery Whiskey

Pickerception

Col. Duke LaCross

I am already tired of Taysom Hill.

Sharkbait

me too

Viva La Tabula Raza

Swiss Army Knife!

King Hippo

but he’s WHITE and ATHLETIC!!!

LemonJello

Odd Hill to take a stand on…

herodotus450

What the TaySOM Hill is going on in here!?

Recovery Whiskey

But he’s gritty

LemonJello

DID SOMEONE SAY GRITTY!?!
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ArmedandHammered

They changed the color of the down and distance graphic.

rockingdog

Cool!

Spur

Taysom is one tough Mormon.

Recovery Whiskey

His wives love him

rockingdog

hopkins turning upppppp!!!!

King Hippo

BOOOOOOO, they called us for an obvious offside, BOOOOOOO

Viva La Tabula Raza

Never can stop scratching my head that the two big NFC South rivals each have home stadiums for which the same company has paid for naming rights.

Spur

The Piggly Wiggly used to have rights to all 4

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wasn’t there a big bidding war between them and Winn-Dixie? Or was it A&P?

Senor Weaselo

Was it because of Winn-Dixie?

The Maestro

Something something something German double agents…

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

Something something fascists didn’t actually lose WW2

Unsurprised

Ah, capitalism.

rockingdog

found a funny:
[stops during sex] im so sorry, this almost never happens [correctly pronounces Acaí]

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

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Gatoraids

Murray got to get all the scores to get you to start him rest of season in vain.

Sharkbait

God damn vulture

litre_cola

Guess I’ll hang out after the half to see the Texan implosion.

The implosion your ordered is ready Mr. Tabula Raza

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450

General Santa Anna sends his regards.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yep. It’s like I could make a prediction based upon 15+ years of past performance.

Viva La Tabula Raza

White rapping kid seems a little young to be selling out to The Man (Genesis, in this case).

litre_cola

Maybe he is in a land of confusion…..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHmH1xQ2Pf4

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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herodotus450
Gatoraids

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Gatoraids

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Especially with that priest around.

LemonJello

A BAND IS ON THE FIELD!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised

This is usually the only thing on the field worth watching in Louisiana

Viva La Tabula Raza

Guess I’ll hang out after the half to see the Texan implosion.

Mr. Ayo

Off to a great start!

Brocky

Hello matron.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Whoops

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

All the officials in the stands (from the referee convention, I assume) seem to disagree with their compatriots on the field this evening.

Brocky

Sometimes i wished my fantasy deducted points for drops

King Hippo

REALLY starting to hate the Saints.

Unsurprised

— Martin Luther

Mr. Ayo

‘Aints getting screwed by another rule.

It’s beautiful.

Brocky

They DID NOT just refer to bill o brien as a great coach

King Hippo

It’s a great gameplan tonight, give him that much.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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LemonJello

That’s just good advice.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Why wouldn’t you do that?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don’t drink too much at tWBS’ house.

Unsurprised

Some people live dangerously.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

Battle of field position via penalty flags.

Senor Weaselo

John Sterling is on WEEI, and Luke Voit just missed a homer. I wonder if he would’ve done the call.

Which I accidentally posted on Hippo Thoughts because I’m a dumbass!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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ArmedandHammered

The episode with Minerva Mink was a lot hotter.

rockingdog

thats a great funny!

Senor Weaselo

Obligatory Lola Bunny comment?

Sharkbait

Fuck you Apple card.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

BALLS! I found your search term!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Maybe ONE of them: Midget Meat Locker.

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litre_cola

I can’t unsee this. Damn you Moose!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Yeah, I got hard too.

Gratliff

Why the fuck are they using yellow for down and distance?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Sharkbait

I keep thinking theres a flag every damn play

ArmedandHammered

For awhile there it certainly seemed like it.