Were you not entertained yesterday? I certainly was. We had safeties, plenty of derpage, surprises, comebacks, new stars (if only for one week) and the usual disappointments. All in all, a great bag of tricks. I’ll throw a few cogitations at you. Think of it as an addendum to the much-beloved “Hippo Thoughts”.
Fallout:
-sure glad I didn’t invest in Baker Mayfield. I know he’ll be just fine but his line is going to make things rough for him here and there.
-next week’s Bills/Jizziants game is going to redefine the word ‘uglyball’.
-slam the brakes on this Hollywood Brown guy. He only had 15 snaps all game and the Ravens aren’t going to reverse direction and fling the ball all day all of a sudden. He got a bit lucky. Look for major regression next week.
-Alex Mattison. He’s got major talent and the Vikes would be wise to develop a package of plays for him rather than just use him as a fill-in for Cook.
-I’ve said this to anyone who’d listen and several who didn’t: Calvin Ridley is such enormous value in fantasy. Julio will always get the best cb and safety help to boot. That leaves Calvin on a lesser talent and he flourishes. “But he only had a couple of big games last year, that’s why his TD total is inflated”, you say. I say he scored 10 as a rookie finding his way in the offense and will be even better this year. Matt Ryan trusts him and the Falcons will be throwing all year long. Don’t be afraid to play this guy.
-I predicted that Jordan Howard would be left behind at some point but week 1 was a surprise.
-congrats to those that played Desean! You’ll be paid back next week with 2 catch, 23 yard outing. Such is the nature of that beast.
-Mustache Minshew’s fall back to reality is going to be even more painful than a broken collarbone.
-don’t pull the plug on Damien Williams just yet but it sure doesn’t look promising.
TO THE GAMES!
Texans/Saints:
Houston’s O-line gave up a league-high 62 sackeroos last year. The Tonsil (intentional) trade might make a wee bit of difference but that line play is affecting qb Watson’s development. Them Saints are psyched about a UFDA they found by the name of Deonte Harris, a wee lad that goes 5’6″, 170 and played DII football at Assumption College. He holds the all divisions record for most career return TD’s at 14. You know what they say about players that ball out at Assumption…
Den/Oak:
You know what fans of the Broncos new qb are called? Flaccolytes. (I thunked that up all on my own! I probably read it somewhere and forgot about it ) Most folks slept on rb Lindsay during draft season because of the yapping about Freeman but I don’t buy it at all. I guess we’ll see if the hubbub around te Darren Waller was justified.
Pluck those strings folks!
Great. Cats have learned ding-dong-ditch.
Seems like something those assholes would do.
goddamn, that’s a good punt
goddamn, that’s a good run
KAMARAWAVEEEEEE
upon hearing Breesus broke his record?
Pey-ton-hopes-you-fuck-ing-die!
How does she explain those bruises to her parents?
Rough sex
Better every loop
And that’s how the second butthole was born.
see, she shoulda had Hippo spot ,, smh
I almost feel like I’m watching the Foreskin-Iggle matchup from yesterday, just with different uniforms but the same refinery-explosion level of meltdown by the visiting team.
“Refinery-explosion level meltdown” needs to be trademarked immediately.
It is also an inevitability in Louisiana.
Texas knows all about illegal substitutions, I’ve heard.
“Like the time they replaced my side of beef brisket with cole slaw?”
-A. Reid
“No no no, I didn’t order a side of brisket, I ordered a SIDE of brisket.”
all joshing aside, this been a pretty good footy match
Entertaining yet predictable
Extremely important thread about badass hippos:
https://twitter.com/NomeDaBarbarian/status/1169598786777169921
Texans gotta tex
Coach tell the defense he was trading them to Miami if they didn’t get their shit together?
DOCTOR BALLS. PAGING DOCTOR BALLS.
“We never doctored balls” — Tom Brady
I LOVE THAT RESPONSE!!
Guava is certainly quite a card!
Jesus Christ. wow.
Been there.
Am there.
[muffled quack]
4th quarter!
Hopkins should have done 3 in a row.
Just like chris Benoit!
Homicides on his family?
movie night:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DSUilYKcRMA
Suplex City has a new mayor
The P*ts May go 19-0 because the rest of the AFC/NFL is the Springfield Tire Fire but the Red Sox are in the process of officially being eliminated from AL East contention so it’s not all bad.
And Dombrowski got Dombreleased today.
Instittution in chaos? I’m not saying it, but I hear people are saying it.
They’re well on their way to being really bad for a really long time.
Remember, Dombrowski made Detroit what it is today: a shattered urban hellscape populated by vampires, meth dealing assassins, and a really bad baseball team.
Belly to back suplex well executed (if a bit over-rotated), penalty reversed.
That was a WWE piledriver
BRAVO!
Hopkins getting me so good fantasy points AND suplexes
+1 heel turn
was that a wrestling move?
wATsOn is beTtEr than TrUbisKy!!!!!!
Ahhhh, now the wheels REALLY start to come off.
FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!
Pickerception
I am already tired of Taysom Hill.
me too
Swiss Army Knife!
but he’s WHITE and ATHLETIC!!!
Odd Hill to take a stand on…
What the TaySOM Hill is going on in here!?
But he’s gritty
DID SOMEONE SAY GRITTY!?!
They changed the color of the down and distance graphic.
https://twitter.com/bhofheimer_espn/status/1171225156502638593
Cool!
Taysom is one tough Mormon.
His wives love him
hopkins turning upppppp!!!!
BOOOOOOO, they called us for an obvious offside, BOOOOOOO
Never can stop scratching my head that the two big NFC South rivals each have home stadiums for which the same company has paid for naming rights.
The Piggly Wiggly used to have rights to all 4
Wasn’t there a big bidding war between them and Winn-Dixie? Or was it A&P?
Was it because of Winn-Dixie?
Something something something German double agents…
Something something fascists didn’t actually lose WW2
Ah, capitalism.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqXAW2snGMI
found a funny:
[stops during sex] im so sorry, this almost never happens [correctly pronounces Acaí]
Murray got to get all the scores to get you to start him rest of season in vain.
God damn vulture
The implosion your ordered is ready Mr. Tabula Raza
General Santa Anna sends his regards.
Yep. It’s like I could make a prediction based upon 15+ years of past performance.
White rapping kid seems a little young to be selling out to The Man (Genesis, in this case).
Maybe he is in a land of confusion…..
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHmH1xQ2Pf4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YV4oYkIeGJc
Especially with that priest around.
A BAND IS ON THE FIELD!
This is usually the only thing on the field worth watching in Louisiana
Guess I’ll hang out after the half to see the Texan implosion.
Off to a great start!
Hello matron.
Whoops
All the officials in the stands (from the referee convention, I assume) seem to disagree with their compatriots on the field this evening.
Sometimes i wished my fantasy deducted points for drops
REALLY starting to hate the Saints.
— Martin Luther
‘Aints getting screwed by another rule.
It’s beautiful.
They DID NOT just refer to bill o brien as a great coach
It’s a great gameplan tonight, give him that much.
That’s just good advice.
Why wouldn’t you do that?
Don’t drink too much at tWBS’ house.
Some people live dangerously.
Battle of field position via penalty flags.
John Sterling is on WEEI, and Luke Voit just missed a homer. I wonder if he would’ve done the call.
Which I accidentally posted on Hippo Thoughts because I’m a dumbass!
The episode with Minerva Mink was a lot hotter.
thats a great funny!
Obligatory Lola Bunny comment?
Fuck you Apple card.
BALLS! I found your search term!
Maybe ONE of them: Midget Meat Locker.
I can’t unsee this. Damn you Moose!
Yeah, I got hard too.
Why the fuck are they using yellow for down and distance?
I keep thinking theres a flag every damn play
For awhile there it certainly seemed like it.