Let’s get right at it… TO THE GAMES!
Pats/Fins:
Guh. Nice start. The spread in this game is 19, which is about 19 more points than my level of interest. Btw, Brady’s record in Miami is 7-10.
Cards/Ravens:
What’s better than young love? Only a battle between young, dynamic qb’s, that’s what. That reckless hypothesis will be tested today.
Niners/Bengals:
Kittle owners had to be pissed that 2 TD’s were called back on penalty-but fear not, he was targeted more than twice as often as the next wideout. Jimmy G had a trash day a week ago but every opponent should be loving Cincy’s secondary. It’s almost as bad as the Giants.
Bears/Lions:
T.J. Hockenson had the very best day that any rook te ever had in his splashy debut. I’ll bet that the Bears lay some pads on him, unlike the Cards.
Vikes/Pack:
Cousins threw a mere 10 times last week. You knew that they were committed to the run but that’s crazy. Thing is, they got up by 14 very early and could do whatever they liked and what they liked was running down the clock starting in the second quarter. Don’t worry, wr’s Theilen and Diggs are still there and will be used.
Jags/Texans:
The Constant Gardner Minshew gets his very first starty-start quite a bit earlier than even his mom expected. And she expects a lot! You would think that de Watt will spoil his milk but he had exactly one pressure last week and nary a a sackeroo.
Bills/Giants:
What can you say about this game that hasn’t already been said by the spittle running down the chin of a homeless heroin addict? Yeah, I’m gonna watch.
Seahawks/Steelers:
Speaking of talent-less secondaries (see, Giants above) Seattle’s has a distinctive lack of BOOM these days-expect the Steelers passing game and their talented wr’s to have a pleasant bounce back.
Colts/Titans:
With Devin Funchess gone, (he’s always been a ‘meh’ guy to me) Deon Cain looks to step in and make a difference. What happened to Parris Campbell?
Cowboys/Potato Skins:
Dallas backers are all agog regarding Dak’s newfound passing prowess but those TD’s last week were the result of missed tackles and assignments. (Antonio Hamilton is a bum) Dak only threw into the endzone once all game. Maybe OC Kellen Moore is onto something but in my books the ‘Boys qb is a glorified game manager.
Well, there you have it-everything you could possibly need to watch the early afternoon slate aside from pills, booze, dope and munchies. Have at it!
Three metres! Shit yards! (Do they know I know metric?)
New thread is up. My sorries.
Coach Reid already putting in his Door Dash halftime delivery order.
https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js
I’m shocked he hasn’t been below .500 for years now
If you go to BigBlueView you’ll be told that he’s a Hall of Famer.
He’ll be in the Hall of Fame 1st ballot, and Peter King will brag about how his presentation helped push Eli over the edge.
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Eli’s heave is way off. So much more of the same is increasingly hard to take.
Fire Marrone
The absolute fuck are the Jags doing
Losing, near as I can tell.
Fuck. Chark just sealed my loss for the week. My attempts to fuck lemonjello by starting AB were in vain.
Try lube next around.
Oof! Singletary with a hammy.
Yup. Gotta be.
Minshew!
Manning face activate.
FRUMBLE
Please, lord I don’t believe in, no OT in Houston, please. I won’t suck your dick for this request, but I might hold it in my mouth for a minute or two.
Go on…..
No OT in HOU, so I am safe…
Cincy D at -8 WOO
Josh Rosen ded
Well, if he rises within the next three days we’ll know he’s the Chosen.
So the Chargers game comes down to River’s throwing arm. They are fucked.
Lol, and he throws an interception.
Somewhere, LCSS just smiled.
Hell yeah fake chrome chain!
I’d like to see Dallas play action pass here; just to really rub it in.
Josh Rosen doing his best sex Cannon impression
No chance Rex is circumcised.
WOULD YOU CUT SOMETHING THIS GLORIOUS? NO YOU WOULD NOT!!! THE CHICKS WANT IT LONG AND DEEP AND THE DRAGON IS GONNA GIVE THEM EVERY GOD-GIVEN INCH HE HAS, NO MORE, NO LESS. NOW GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY WAY YOU TEBOW-WANNABE; I GOT A RECEIVER RUNNIN’ INTO TRIPLE COVERAGE AND I’M FUCKING EVERYTHING AND THROWING IT DEEP!!!
Poetry.
Eli looking like he needs some orange slices.
MOM!!!!!!!! IT’S ELI AGAIN!!!!!!
Imagine being ground to dust in front of your home crowd by the fucking Bills
Back in the day I was ground to dust by bills but eventually it got a lot better.
Dolphins trading 3rd pick for Montcrief next week
Game on the line and y’all let fucking Marmalard scramble for a first
Like jet fuel melting steel, Pete doesn’t comprehend pass interference.
Back to back pick sixes in Miami.
For the cover
Fitzpatrick didn’t go to Harvard for nothing, you know. Gotta supplement that backup QB income somehow.
I’m sure he’s got an in with his Skull and Bones bros.
BLEERGH FEASTS IN YINZBURGH
You would think BLEERGH had its fill just from ‘Dacteds/DemBoyz.
/BLEERGH makes Zeke’s “Feed Me” motion
Zeke TD caps this game. it started ugly.
Graphic sodomy in Miami
Dolphins field should be sponsored by Bang Brothers instead of the heat with the amount of fucking going to be done on it this year
Even the field in Miami is trying to quit
Pretty proud that I changed my oil and, just before backing the car off the ramps realized that, traditionally, an oil change isn’t complete until you’ve put the new oil in.
That’s just what big oil wants you to think maaaaaan
A real man would have driven frontwards off the ramps.
Mason Rudolph needs to take this team over. Fuck Big Ben.
I would say the Bengals are laying an egg, but laying an egg requires effort.
“They should just lie back and enjoy it.”
-B. Knight
—Clayton Williams III, too
Saquon Bakelite* is soooo much better than anyone else on the field it’s cashews!
*I like to call him by his real name-polyoxybenzylmethlenglcolanhydride
polyoxybenzylmethylenglycolanhydride*
That 4th ‘y’ always gets me! Damn it!
That is some high quality derp, Dallas DB!
My auction league side is gonna lose, despite my opponent starting the Cincy defense (-3 and counting)
How would you draft let alone start Cincy DST?
methinks it was a “waiver wire streaming” move – usual unit for him is Saints
Dolphins entering VD formation
Holy shit, Redshirt, you’ve one long season ahead of you.
Yup
It’s funny because I’m a Giants fan.
Did I just have a stroke, or did I see a commercial with Rudy as Col. Sanders?
Unless we’re coordinating our strokes, the good news is you’re healthy.
I hope so, I always liked Supertramp.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1SPgW5wKS88
Jesus Christ, Dallas
Nevermind, slurs that time
Is Big Ben dead or just dinged up?
Questionable to return.
I mean, he’s been dead inside for years now.
Yes
ARM OWIE
Man, this HOU-JAX feature really blows dead dogs.
As someone starting Watson I agree
Any 6-3 score is code for ‘ugly as hell’.
Good baseball, hockey, or soccer score, though.
Shoulda specified.
Mind you, I wasn’t trying to quibble.
Congrats to all of you that played Will Dissly! (2 TD’s)
/Frantically makes waiver wire claim
“Giants have given up 21 points but are playing much better than last week.”
/truer words…
Eli and The Fumbles playing to an angry crowd.
When do they bench him for having mononucleosis.