Your “Look Who Came Crawling Back!” Thursday Night Football

Yeah, Melvin Gordon is back in the cranky, hardline bosom of the Spanos family. It’s about time a rich white cabal won a showdown against a lone black dude. I feel as though the universe has come back into balance. To no one’s surprise, Rikki’s Austin Ekeler shares are tanking.

Going over the numbers, this doesn’t look like a bananacakes game but maybe we could have a bananabread tilt? The kind of bananabread that is just a little bit warm, warm enough that the generous pat of (unsalted) butter melts gently over the surface. The kind that has that crust that is a bit crunchy-not burned but has sat in the oven just a minute or two longer than the recipe suggests. Where was I?… Oh, right. TO THE GAME!

Eagles/Pack:

Fantasy dudes are whining that qb Rodgers is a dud so far but it should be noted that he’s played 3 of the top 5 D’s from last year. Wagerers are taking note that Rodgers is a minor god-like 62-10 at home over the course of his career. He should get well vs. a Philly team that has not recorded a single sack from a defensive end so far this year. “But at least their secondary is keeping things tight”, is a line that no one who follows the club closely has said this year. It’s remarkably easy to pass on this unit. Like, 300 yards plus per game easy.

Maybe the Eagles offense might come to the rescue tonight? Geez, I guess it could happen. However DJax is out, Goedart has a calf issue, Arcega-Whiteside has a heel thing and Alshon is also calving. Ertz should get all the balls he wants and more this evening.

As the Mennonites like to say, “Make hay folks!”.

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WCS

WVU alumi Rasul Douglas did a good!

litre_cola

I am just as shocked as you when I saw who was in coverage.

litre_cola

The bleergh report will be the longest ever post on DFO at this rate.

entropy

So the Eagles defense is trying out some new Mutant League Football moves?

WCS

That was a pretty impressive display of derptitude for a third down defense.

Gatoraids

Philadelphia with that hands up tackling strategy

JustStopDude

Has anyone made an insurance purchased based on Aaron Rogers?

I really don’t get celebrity endorsements.

WCS

90% of Green Bay “owners.”

herodotus450

The last time I saw a Navy fail this badly in Memphis, Julius Caesar was balls deep in Cleopatra.
/Navy is playing Memphis by hte way.

Gatoraids

Fits usernames++

Viva La Tabula Raza

The US Navy didn’t do too bad against Memphis back in 1862. But it was a different era.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Battle_of_Memphis

The First Battle of Memphis was a naval battle fought on the Mississippi River immediately above the city of Memphis, Tennessee on June 6, 1862, during the American Civil War. The engagement was witnessed by many of the citizens of Memphis. It resulted in a crushing defeat for the Confederate forces, and marked the virtual eradication of a Confederate naval presence on the river.

King Hippo

This “not covering Davante Adams” strategy is quite bold

Gratliff

That’s not how you spell bad

King Hippo

/am pretty high

Viva La Tabula Raza

Many teams have tried this against Julian Edelman.

Gratliff

Football is like 12th best sport imo

JustStopDude

Interpretive dance for the win!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Number 11? Philately!!

Gratliff

Woooo! TECHNICALLY CORRECT!

Spur

Fuck these Zebras

entropy

Would it kill an NFL broadcast crew to use the Jon Favreau “HE’S SO LITTLE!” sound clip just ONCE in Tiny Darren’s career?

rockingdog

LOL BLERRRGH?

Gratliff

A WIDEOUT CAUGHT A BALL

Gratliff

fuuuuuuuuuuuck you

Gatoraids

Tiny fake

litre_cola

HOLY SHIT, SOMETHING HAPPENED.

Gratliff

AN EAGLE DID A THING

litre_cola

f you add all of these flags and 3 more challenges then BC Dick will appear and shake his fist.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I really love how at least part of corporate America are trolling the right wing with all these ads with the interracial and gay couples. Just fucking love it.

jjfozz

Gordon Ramsey is my god.

Sharkbait

Isn’t Sendejo where Red was going to meet Andy Dufresne at the end of Shawshank?

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think it was Pendejo, not Sendejo.

Spur

Premature Bleergh

Redshirt

You’ve been talking to my ex-girlfriend I see.

entropy

Ah shit with all these flags we’re gonna get another scolding Brady tweet any minute now.

Gratliff

lol wtf is any of this

Gatoraids

Troy so much wanted to criticize Scandling for not catching it

Spur

Rodgers to he Eagles comment image

jjfozz

A show based on 911 is easy, show me a series based on 411, and I’ll watch it.

entropy

411 operator: “NO I DON’T KNOW ‘THE SHOP WITH THE CAKES BY THE ROAD, THE ONE WITH FANCY LETTERING’ FOR FUCK’S SAKE CAN YOU GIVE ME ANYTHING TO GO ON HERE?!!”

Sharkbait
Viva La Tabula Raza

Them panties look like they are obscuring a bush like a crow’s nest.
comment image

Redshirt

411: “411, City and State.”
Me: (area of Cincinnati suburbs where I live)
411: “That’s not a city.”
Me: “Well, for being a figment of my imagination, it sure has a shitload of traffic, homes and stores.”

Viva La Tabula Raza

Are you okay? Did the ambulance/police get there in time?

King Hippo

I would gladly kill everyone in these Sprint ads with my bare hands.

Gratliff

Now that the warmups are over, Eagles can go into their patented “3 Quarters Of Actual Football Playing” mode

Spur

#96 for the Philly needs to learn its hard to bring down Rodgers from behind.

Gatoraids

Nfl should have given the Eagles a bye week next week for the opening weekend of the Joker let alone a home game.

jjfozz

Update on the snowflake who slagged the company online. no retribution AND I am now assigned to a project she is leading. guess who is going to do the very least amount expected of him? I’m 20 years older than that fat load, and I play this game the right way. I’m looking forward to fucking up on purpose.

ballsofsteelandfury

Fucking up on purpose is an underrated and effective tactic.

jjfozz

Yes, it takes some time, and you have to do it with a certain amount of tact, a real challenge for me. But i took this thing she did personally and I’m fucking furious she hasn’t been brought up and hammered for this shit. The first time she fucks this thing up, I will make more noise than Epstein at a Chuckie Cheese birthday party.

Redshirt

Just repeat my survival mantra over and over again: “She’s not worth the felony.”

JustStopDude

I have been doing training this week. One of our new guys is from Jordan. Smart young kid. Electrical engineer. Pays attention, asks great questions.

HR sits in two days ago in training . Your typical southern VA “best your heart, redneck.

Afterwards I am asked by her about the people in the class. Mohammad’s name comes up.

She doesn’t have a good vibe on him. Thinks that he might have problem with women. We have had problems with ME guys in the past about women but if you just talk to Mo for 30 seconds and aren’t an idiot…it’s obvious he is gay. It’s literally the whole reason he is a refugee.

I am consistently amazed at the crap that comes out of HR people’s mouths because if I said the same shit, I would be shitcanned.

jjfozz

There’s a reason why the Toby character on The Office is portrayed the way he is. HR people are cunts, through and through.

Spur

stomp clap stomp stomp clap

Viva La Tabula Raza

If this keeps up, I might be out in the garage after halftime.

JustStopDude

The best think about watching Amazon prime is the brit/scot feed. It’s a rolly good swaggering!

Viva La Tabula Raza

I was intrigued by this, but on my Amazon Prime I can only get En Espanol; the English language broadcast is Joe/Troy.

Sharkbait

THESE EAGLES. I CALL THEM HEART DISEASE BECAUSE THEY ARE TYING TO KILL ANYONE WEARING A PACKERS JERSEY

LemonJello

We would have also accepted “Diabetes.”

rockingdog

I came to PLAY!
comment image

Viva La Tabula Raza

“scarves,” dumbass.

JustStopDude

Carolina with a white QB….the dude could murder someone and the fans will prefer him over Cam.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Even if or especially if he murdered Cam.

Gatoraids

Gritty. Hell be next governor of North cackalacky

Redshirt

Wow, Fox, the guy that got clocked in the head is OUT? Thanks for the update.

Other injury updates:

A. Lincoln: OUT (Head/Possible Concussion)
Achilles: OUT (Achilles tear)
J. Christ: EXPECTED TO RETURN (Hands, Feet)

jjfozz

You forgot J. Christ: Stitches in side

Redshirt

He was already dead when he was speared. That was the 1st Century Medicine’s way of checking if someone was alive.

JustStopDude

The brutal thing about crucification is that the cause of death is suffocation.

Mr. Ayo

R. Shazier: OUT (Neck, Nerves)

jjfozz

Megatron hydrated with Pedialyte. J. Christ hyrdated with cheap wine. Now that’s hustle!

jjfozz

Eagles playing as dirty as the city they represent. fuck them.

Spur

i am intrigued by your ideas and wish to subscribe to your newsletter

rockingdog

LOL late flag helping the PACK….

JustStopDude

Are they allowed to call offensive PI on the Packers?!?

JustStopDude

Nevermind….make up call.

King Hippo

Jeebus, it ain’t like my neck don’t hurt badly enough without slo-mo replays of this shit

Gratliff

ffs

Spur

Dammit Eagles at least dive at Rodgers legs.

Spur

Erin: “Good news guys, the player that almost died, can see colors again.”

Gatoraids

A single bright light drawing him closer

jjfozz

“And one day, he may regain his sense of smell.”

jjfozz

THESE GREEN BAY PACKERS, I CALL THEM THE NAZI REGIME BECAUSE THEY BOTH HAVE HISTORIES THAT I FUCKING HATE

King Hippo

Wait, did the Packers just go a little too far at the end? – Marge S., Cincinnati, OH

rockingdog
Redshirt

At least this isn’t baseball. If it was, the Unwritten Rules would’ve resulted in Carson Wentz being speared or piledriven because some idiot not involved in this play beaned a Packers player not involved in this play. Because nothing says “Don’t try to kill one of our players” like trying to kill one of their players back.

jjfozz

You know what? I want to kill every person in a Michelob Ultra commercial. Because they are an accurate representation of the douche-fucks who drink that beer.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Every time I see someone order an Ultra, part of me dies inside.

LemonJello

Just means one more good beer available for me.

Viva La Tabula Raza

That would make me feel better too, except I had to stop drinking beer about 5 years ago so it makes no difference if more better beer is preserved for those that appreciate it.

entropy

These appleTV+ shows are all jokes, right? They didn’t hire actual writers for this cliche shit?