Business is brisk at The Salvation Army store on Sundays. It wasn’t always this way, hell it wasn’t even open on Sunday before I offered to put in the time. You see, the shop is a nondescript building that faces another nondescript building and they’re separated by an over-sized walkway. The only other business of note open on the sabbath is a bottle store. I happened to grab some vodka before the football games and noticed the large amount of people loading up. Many of them were a certain kind of people. My kind of people.
I suggested to the world-weary and harried spinster that ran things that I could, perhaps, maybe run a Sunday shift. Hell, I could do it on my own-all she had to do was open up for me. Well, it didn’t take long for her, maybe just three weeks, to decide that missing the beginning of Coronation Street wasn’t worth the hassle. So I got the keys just as I had planned. Of course I was the only one working as well. And sales increased overall by 15% because, as I suspected, a part of the demographic that buys alcohol early on Sunday morning also happens to shop at a used goods store. Sometimes a plan is just that easy to put into action and, you know, execute.
A guy by the name of Brad started stopping by and I’d pour him a coffee and we’d chat away. The cashiers desk was elevated so that I could survey the entire store quite easily all while ‘flapping gums’ as they say. Brad’s clothes were worn but not raggedy so I guessed he’d only recently ran into a rough patch. He eventually made it known that he was working in a wrecking yard and busted up his leg in an accident. Some nasty hospital fees (no insurance of course) and a later infection that sent him right back into care for two weeks put an end to him having an address.
“You know what I miss most about having a place?”, he asked one day. “Huh, no idea”. “It’s being able to sit back today with a cold beer and just relax and watch football.” Of course his team was the Browns-it couldn’t have been any other. The gears started doing their calculations…
The following week I closed the store one hour early so that we could catch the 4 o’clock games. There was a dark dive bar that I knew, the sort of place where everyone is a serious drinker and everyone minds their own business or they’re out the door real fast. Brad drank down that first glass from the pitcher in two gulps. Yeah, as I thought, he liked his beer and didn’t get to drink much these days. I offered to buy him a burger or something but he wanted that alcohol to sit on his empty stomach for awhile. He entertained me with stories of Peyton Hillis, Dennis Northcutt (Dennis Northcutt?) and ‘that son of a bitch’ Butch Davis.
By seven it was time to go because he was sloppy and all over the place. I could feel a few eyes looking in our direction and that’s all it took. I insisted that he grab a spot on a park bench and sober up a little before heading to the hostel where he was staying. He was amenable. Things happened fast. I stuffed a rag in his mouth when his head lolled back, punched him hard in the stomach to knock the wind out of him and then I knew he was mine.
Heading back to the car I was worried about all the spatter on my clothes should someone happen by but it was a sleepy Sunday night and there was only dogwalker at a safe, unidentifiable distance. Business is still brisk at the store, might stick around a bit longer. Oh, almost forgot-Goodnight, Brad.
TO THE GAME!
Cowboys/Saints:
Dallas wins 20-10 as OC Kellen Moore continues to weave his magic spells over DAK!, Amari and Zeke.
Have at it gringos!
FUCK YOU YOU OLD FUCK GO BACK TO THE RETIREMENT HOME
What did I say!?!?!
Kicker’s duel
I just watched the Ireland-Japan game of the Rugby World Cup without knowing what the outcome was, or even that it would be worth watching. Holy shit it was.
Teddy Ballgame looks much better tonight.
I was drinking with this guy tonight. I explained American football to him. “Blimey,” he said. “Cor blimey.”
Very true. Fair weather Saint fans cheered for Dallas
13? 10? Slugfest?
fuck off, Cris. I will not have you ruining analytics.
That shit could be 100% accurate and I wouldn’t believe it just because Collinsworth is the one shilling it
is the internet mad about the Joker having a black girlfriend?
It’s the internet. So, yes.
That packers fan isn’t nearly fat enough
ah yes, timeout, FG, timeout, kickoff. Then maybe another timeout.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VThoJek6hT0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K13hH0pJx5s
Ah, the trickery clusterfuck. A Saints tradition.
TRUE WCS FACT: Sean “Glass” Lee is my neighbor’s nephew.
….is your neighbor samuel l. Jackson’s character in unbreakable?
So how the fuck was that different than the other 50 flags for unnecessary roughness?
Sean Lee hurt himself?
I am Trent Green, and so can you!
Is week 4 some sort of record for longevity for him or has he basically become one with the concussions?
Yesssss. Spread the ball around. Running back by committee at all times.
Taysom has pent up Mormon rage
I’m sure his wives know how to calm him down.
Cris would suck Taysom Hill until he bled out in his magic underwear.
Boo Kamara. I need a New Orleans blowout that doesn’t involve Kamara doing anything at all.
Thats what i said after I won week one.
taking the Gospel to the ppls, I like it
MOAR KAMARA!
Wolf Hunter is going to land a kill shot on him.
If i wasn’t so dang lazy I’d have written a piece in anticipation of the Preacher Finale tonight.
That being said I still have yet to meet someone in person who actually watches it
Fell behind after the first season, but it is on the binge list.
I’ve got a season and a half sitting on my TiVo.
Fuck off, Cobb. Hippo needed.
Onions are underrated. Add them to everything!
Onions are Hippo’s 2nd-worst migraine trigger! Avoid them at all costs.
(Nods approvingly)
-Bill Raftery
While I also enjoy onions, I feel like they aren’t underrated due to the fact that they are in pretty much everything as is.
DAK DAK DAK DAK!!!
Thank you Von Bell
Dumbass
Bulllllllllllllllshit call
TIP DRILL
“I know that all too well.”
-D. Favre
Why are all the evil teams getting tip drill picks today?
Huh, now I realize why I don’t like N’Awlins. All the fuckers who say THEEEEE Ohio State in the intros.
found a funny:
[coworker on my first day back from vacation] how was italy?
[thinking about how the dogs barked normal] fine
they don’t even bark in Eye-Tie? That’s a juicy meatball!!
I know how we all perceive life which is with a dark shade of grEy. I do it every day, all day. I had a great day today brunching with friends and Decilitre was superb, snowing like a Karen here so I texted my boss and said I would work form home, no problem, finishing a magnum of prosecco a friend brought. Deci asleep. Just listened to ZZ Top, some did not know who they were, mentioned beards, bam. Female friends are the best for fun booze, male friends are the best for a one way trip to blackoutville, which I am a habitual inhabitant.
is nice that Mrs. Litre has enough trust and self-confidence to not look side-eye at female friends. Platonic female friends is the best type of non-imaginary peoples.
They have become her friends too which is superb. I am a bridesman next month but my wife is at the woman’s mimosa bar before the wedding. It is great that she is accepted, took a lot of prodding from me but so worth it so they talk and I am not in the mix.
before I eloped, I was to have a female best man at my wedding.
I’mma just stop trying to stream defensing units, play Non-Gendered Cowpersons every week.
Brees should have had that thing on his face looked at while he was in LA
Everything to Kamara
Watching old Siskel and Ebert episodes, makes me think I need to update my glasses
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=euq7gvzQXJk
LOVE A DED HOBO NAMESAKE!!
/also, how much moneys would it take to get him to announce himself as La’El Collins, Murder Guy?
Frito pie Chili.
Klaatu Barada Nictu to you as well.
It feels somehow more insulting to have Joan Jett there for like half a second not even getting a line in than when they pretended like this shit was original music
LOL
“YOU CANT DO THAT!”
https://twitter.com/xmasape/status/1178394282371305475
More prosecco? Well sure.
Ohhh CLASSY drankin’!
My friend came over for brunch and brought a magnum. “Well fuck, I did the math. Seriously” was all she said.
looks like Matt BARK BARK BARK BARK BARKlee couldn’t ROUGH it!
Sad.
I slept in late today and still took a nap during the late games. I feel good.
Here is today’s immature giggle:
Clots have a player whose last name is Hooker. Hilariously enough, Hooker is out with a knee injury, the way it should be.
Hippo? Show us a sign you’re still with us buddy
me was drafting column so I can pill up. Thank God for #BFIB, this was otherwise a “ball sack in the pencil shapener” weekend.
I now know what white girl wasted is. 43 years old, drank prosecco all day and moved on to rose!
/been a good day tho.
I have recently borne witness. It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
Told boss I was working from home. Confirmed 10 mins ago……
hey, you still HAD SEX. Out of state sex, even.
Good point.
Is killing a hobo even a crime if he’s a Browns fan (no offence JSD)?
You are removing a source of valuable draft advice.
This comment is criminally underappreciated.
I have a 30 point lead with only Jason Garret left to play, against 2 players and Zac Taylor. I should toss Princeton on the bench to avoid backing into a loss, right?
Don’t you dare deprive us of this story. Keep him in!
Can Kamara have a 40 point night please?
I only need 70 from Beatie Mixon tomorry!
I don’t want to tell you how to do your job but if you could kill a hobo with a hacksaw I would read the hell out of that story.
Much like Brad’s trust in you, this post seems premature.