I am starting this riposte during a 3 Oct continuing legal education seminar.  Today’s predicted high in Wake County, North Cakalaky, is 97 muthafuckin’ degrees.  I am seriously about to lose my mind.  Watching cold, rain, and wind in Northern Europe?   Helps a little, but also sooooooo jelly.  This is a good summer song, though:

Also, it would be awesomesauce for Everton to be one of the sides taking advantage of various levels of turmoil at United, Spurs, Chelsea, and Arsenal.  Alas, that ain’t happening any MOAR than Hippo getting to drive with the windows down.

15th position, with a -6 goal differential.  HAVE A WORD.  But it’s early, and a win at 11th-holding Burnley would send us ahead of those dullards, and likely several other sides.  I still believe this Toffees side can be good.  It needs to start today (10:00, NBC Gold).

Perhaps you want to get up early, and see if Spurs can avoid a panic moment.  They visit the Trash Birds at 7:30 (NBCSN).  Charlton at Mighty Whitey (7:30, ESPN+) will be a fine streaming alternative.  If you don’t roll with Gold, you’ll get the Shite hosting Foxy Footy (10:00, NBCSN).  I’ll pass, thanks so very much.   But this is #3 (the GD maths also support this as a non-fluke) at #1, so imaginary peoples without blood hatred might enjoy it.

Fronk’s Hammers have been very Johnny-on-the-spot early, as well.  In 5th position, hosting Uncle Woy’s Palace in the spotlight dance (12:30, NBC).  This reeks of banana skin fixture, and we will learn a lot about West Ham if they avoid slipping.

You get FOUR matches on Sunday, with 2 televised at 9:00 – Cherries at Arsenal (CNBC) and Wolves at City (NBCSN).  I am still waiting for Europa’s poison chalice to catch up with Wolves, plus they usually make a showing in big matches.  Will flip around, and not consider Chelsea at relegation-bound Saints on Gold.  YMMV.

Weekend’s finale is one of mutual desperation – 10th position United at next-to-last (ahead of only the hapless Moose Hornets) Barcodes (11:00, NBCSN), in what should be an ugly affair.  Ole loses this, and the vultures will REALLY start circling.

Did you know that first place in La Liga is on the line (10:00, BeIn)?  And it’s 2nd position Granada who have the superior goal differential over their 1st place hosts (a little engine that could named Real Madrid).  Fascinating theatre.

JV time, y’all!!

Utah State (+27.5) at LSU (Noon, SECN)

Holy mother of all trap games.  And yes, I will HAVE to bet this, Team Secular Big Love State has a 1st round QB prospect (aptly named Jordan Love), and is always spunky as hell.  This is reaaaaallllly early for their body clocks, but almost equally so for the night game preferring Bayou Bengals.  I have a feeling, and y’all should watch.

Iowa (+3.5) at Michigan (Noon, Fox)

For the more traditional viewer, this is the highlight of the window.  Lesser Harbs will be soiling his pleated khakis if he loses at home to Team Cornpone.  The contrast between the home side and the less talented (but extremely well-coached) Iowa bunch will be telling.

TCU (+3.5) at Iowa State (Noon, ESPN2)

Don’t look now, but the Bloodeyes just might be relevant again.  Win in Ames, and I will deffo believe.  Team Cornpone State can’t afford to go 0-2 in conference play, so they should put their best foot forward.

Auburn (-3) at Florida (3:30, CBS)

Finally, a matchup that actually does kinda sorta mean MOAR.  Vegas has been in love with War Damn Eagle all season, but I just don’t see it.  That said, who really believes in the Florida Men, either?  Just watchy, no bet-y.

Baylor (+1.5) at Kansas State (3:30, ESPN2)

I am always interested to see how the Big Twaaaaalve middle class sorts itself out.  Similar to Iowa State, the Unded Bill Snyders (in the 2nd post-Snyder era) can’t afford an 0-2 conference start, especially at home.

Arizona (+4.5) at Colorado (4:30, PAC-12)

A beautiful, interesting afternoon fixture in beautiful Boulder, Colorado.  I’m not sure at all how good either of these teams really is.  As such, possible good teevee.

Michigan State (+20) at Ohio State (7:30, ABC)

Yeah, this seems like a snuff film to me as well.  But the night window just sucks out loud this week.

California (+18) at Oregon (8:00, Fox)

This match surely looked better when the Golden Shower Bears had their #1 QB alive, but the line still seems too high to me.  Quack Attack ain’t what it once was.

Washington (-16.5) at Stanford (10:30, ESPN)

Seriously, thunder fuck this night slate.  This is the best I can do for y’all tweakers.  We will see if the Trees have any pride left, and can make this a mudder.  Wouldn’t count on it.

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Balls’ La Liga Minute

As teh Hippo said, Granada, of all teams, is battling Real for first place. Soon enough, however, order will be restored and the Big Three will be on top.

At the beginning of the year, I predicted that Atlético would win La Liga. I’m not backing down from that statement, but they need to find some goals somewhere. They are tying games they should be winning and dropping precious points.

On the other side, Barça still hasn’t figured out how all the new pieces fit into the puzzle. They may eventually figure it out or they may not. If they do, however, look out!

I think Real will be in first place in La Liga, will get knocked out of the Champions League, and will fire Zidane in the same week. And this could happen before Christmas!

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