Your Tuesday Evening “What Do I Want To Watch?” Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL Nuggets:

  • Sam Darnold has been cleared to play this Sunday against the Cowboys.
    • He was apparently all-but-ready to go against the Eagles, but an ultrasound showed an enlarged spleen, a side-effect of mono, apparently.
  • GRONK ON FOX NOW!
    • His first action will be this Thursday during the Thursday Night pregame show.
      • Shocker! The Patriots are playing the Giants that night.
  • Someone asked & JERRAH! answered: Jason Garrett is safe for the season.
    • As an English teacher, even I can see it’s bad business to fire Garrett now, when you can just let him go for free when his contract expires at the end of the season.
    • The going odds are that Dan Quinn will be next.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Sharks at Predators – 8:00PM | NBCSN
    • all Canadian games are regional broadcasts, so fuck Rogers with a hot knife.
  • MLB:
    • Astros at Rays – 7:00PM | FS1 / Sportsnet
  • WNBA Playoff:
    • Game 4: Washington Mystics at Connecticut Sun – 8:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4
  • NBA Preseason Basketball:
    • Mavericks at Thunder – 8:00PM | ESPN
    • Nuggets at Trail Blazers – 10:30PM | ESPN
  • Rugby World Cup:
    • Argentina vs. USA – 12:45AM | NBCSN / TSN
    • Scotland vs. Russia – 3:15AM | NBCSN / TSN
    • Wales vs. Fiji – 5:45AM | NBCSN / TSN

Watching Canada get whupped by South Africa 66-7 reminds me that maybe it’s not just enough to get invited.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Please Login to comment
42 Comment threads
81 Thread replies
0 Followers
 
Most reacted comment
Hottest comment thread
22 Comment authors
UnsurprisedBeerguyrobRikki-Tikki-DeadlySharkbaitBrick Meathook Recent comment authors
  Subscribe  
Notify of
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All right, I’m back from poker. I got way luckier than I had any right to get tonight, though it ran out on me at the end. One thing I learned tonight (from people who worked with her) is that CONSTANCE WU AIN’T CARE. She actually expressed disappointment publicly that her show got renewed cause she had other stuff she wanted to do.

SonOfSpam

Shitty Gulf city beats shitty Gulf city
(Where the meth is good and the girls ain’t pretty)

rockingdog
rockingdog

comment image

Sharkbait

Oh that’s good

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Sharkbait

King Hippo

I heard this song on way to airport tonight!

da da da da da da da!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

comment image

Senor Weaselo

Wait, Mother Teresa died of autoerotic asphyxiation?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Yes, she did.

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a funny:
friend: please don’t take this the wrong way
me: [already filling my overalls with rocks and walking into the ocean] ok

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Here’s a Quoteables GIF that didn’t make the cut for tomorrow’s post. Go nuts.

comment image

Senor Weaselo

“Ha-ha-ha-ha-HADOUKEN!”

Sharkbait

/captions

WCS

That’s exactly what I said.

SonOfSpam

Is he doing a thing that I should know what that thing is?

Because for now, my caption is “I’m shoving a bowling ball up your urethra! Take that, penile opening!” which isn’t really my best work. (j/k it’s probably my best work)

Sharkbait

Sounding?

BALLS!…You know what? That’s too mean. DO NOT search pornhub for that.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I’m glad I wasn’t the only person who learned something that day.

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m too late to get this joke.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers
SonOfSpam

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

ballsofsteelandfury

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHH

Sharkbait

WHAT DID I SAY??

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

comment image

“You guys wanna see something cool?”

nomonkeyfun

“Do I have to teach you how to force it in?”

-J. Winston

Brocky

comment image

Brocky

….andy dalton?

ballsofsteelandfury

Gronk’s Cloud of HPV should be someone’s new FF team name.

Sharkbait

My teams are Rob and Tug, and Kraft Mac and Squeeze. I saw Hand Krafted today and kicked myself for not thinking of that.

herodotus450
herodotus450

This is what Houston gets for not pronouncing it “Howston” anymore.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I like to have fun whenever I’m there and always say “Hooo-ston”

SonOfSpam

The city or the porno lady?

Sharkbait

Anyone gonna be up watching the footy at 1245a

ThurberHerder
ThurberHerder

So before I make my next comment, I’d like to know if China has investments in any DFO bloggers? Just want to know what’s allowed around here

herodotus450
herodotus450

I think General Tso has a controlling interest in a few of us, occasionally.

nomonkeyfun

I’ve been trying to sell my share to Red China for $16, but I’m told someone is willing to take $5 worth of opiates for theirs.

ballsofsteelandfury

Everything is allowed here except for full frontal nudity because America was created by a bunch of prudes.

Senor Weaselo

I made approximately zero money but some sort of per diem touring?

Brocky

I like chinese food.

…..and Kelly Hu

Brocky
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Kelly Hu was going to be hosting some Dem fundraiser that we were going to go to and I bet my wife that I’d be able to get her number. I wish I still had that level of misplaced confidence.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

It’s pretty well known around here that I’m a member of both the Chinese Politburo and the Central Comprehensively Deepening Reforms Commission, and I’ve never denied it or tried to hide it. I don’t really believe in any of it, but the bribes I get are pretty sweet.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

DFO is not Communist. It may be a lair, a pig, an idiot, a Communist, but it is NOT a porn star!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

saying you're sorry you voted for trump is like saying sorry I fucked your dog like thanks but you're still someone who likes to fuck dogs

— Sarah Beattie (@nachosarah) October 2, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I’ll embrace and incorporate the undecided, the non-voters, the suppressed voters, the third-party supporters, literally anyone but Republicans. Republicans are excised like cancer and treated like like the worthless pieces of shit they are until they make amends. I do not give a fuck what they think, I do not give a fuck about appealing to them. When we win, they get on board or they fuck off. You don’t get away with treason for fifty years and then get a fucking hug from the people you’ve spent a lifetime destroying.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Of course, that’s the real joke: we’ll never win because we’re stupid and lazy and cowardly. So they will do the exact same thing just like they’ve been doing for the last 51 years. And we will sit back and eat shit and get robbed by these fucking cretins forever because Americans are worthless fucks who won’t fight for anything.

King Hippo

there is just soooo much fluidity in partisan affiliation nowadays. When I moved to this small town/suburb of the mighty metropolis that is Raleigh, NC? There was ONE Dem/left-leaning indy on the town council, and the mayoral races were always “chamber of commerce” Republican against “activist, light everything on fire” Republican.

Now, there is only ONE Republcan on the council (running for re-election against 2 Dems for a total of 2 seats – the GOP couldn’t even fill the 2nd slot for their “card”) and a Dem is running unopposed for Mayor.

And these aren’t people who switch back, team players who vote straight ticket, and assimilated WAY faster than the old Southern “Demosaurs.” But they still vote EVERY TIME like small town/suburban types.

We’ve got a real chance to build an enduring progressive majority here. But the tides are shifting fast, and it’s not easy to keep everything in sight.

King Hippo

Basically, it’s North Carolina following Virginia. Georgia and Texas follow North Carolina. Then, we aren’t stuck begging for Ohio and Florida all the goddamned time.

Sharkbait

Well that sounds encouraging.

King Hippo

it’s why the entire GOP establishment sold their souls for “judges” and is playing footsie with full-on fascism. They know they aren’t gonna be winning elections on their IDEAS.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I like to vote Republican because it makes me feel rich.

herodotus450
herodotus450

(Oval office, mid 2020. Camera on Trump as the ‘convict’ ruling comes down from the Senate. Trump addresses the camera directly.)
Trump: “We had a great time, I wanna thank everybody on my staff, and every body if you know what I mean, but now I’d like to announce…”
(Trump stands up and walks to a door on his left, opens it and walks through. We cut to another camera from inside the new room, showing Trump entering. It’s a board room with a long table, brightly lit, lots of photogenic businessmen and women of perfectly balanced races to appeal to all 18-35 demographics.)
Trump: “The next season of The Apprentice starts now!”
(Insert studio applause, Trump signals for them to settle down.)
Trump: “And I’d like to introduce my newest right-hand man, Vlad!”
(A smiling, human looking Putin enters, sits down next to Trump.)
Putin, with no hint of Russian accent: “I’m so glad the politics season is over, Don, now let’s get down to business and see how many girl scout cookies Gary Busey can sell on 4th Avenue!”
(Insert more studio applause. Fade out.)

Sharkbait

I’m not sure if that would be a good ending to this nonsense, or make it worse

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

ArmedandHammered
ArmedandHammered

What an ice hole.

Brocky

Icehole?

comment image

Senor Weaselo

WCS

Footage of Seamus this past February?

scotchnaut

What’s next Verlander? You gonna balk Choi?

herodotus450
herodotus450

My only regret is that I have only one “This is Great” to give.

WCS

Mr. Upton will be sleeping in the car tonight.

theeWeeBabySeamus

No boobies in there.

theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re drunk Verlander. Go home.

Sharkbait

I should not have read internet comments regarding Cheeto Mussilini defying congress today.

I need a drink

herodotus450
herodotus450

Finally catching up on internet comments from the last 3 years?

Senor Weaselo

THESE UNITED STATES CITIZENS, I CALL THEM THE DENIZENS OF LONDON IN SWEENEY TODD BECAUSE WE ALL DESERVE TO DIE.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I hate that people still treat him and McConnell like anomalies and not like the current set of republican traitors and crooks that have run this country into the pits of hell for the last fifty years.

Brocky

Honestly, reading comments about the imbecile in chief actually desensitized to his winning. Don’t know what I’m trying to say here, noting ventured, nothing gained?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Ooh, Stros are on.! Man, I miss the Killer B’s.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL. I need to send that graphic to someone. But she’d get really really pissed.
Meh, who cares?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

DO IT

Senor Weaselo

I have missed having Curbstomp sauce, but goddamn it feels good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Speaking of sauce, you’re gonna have a shitload of peppers by this time next week. One more harvest in a coupla days then they’ll be on their way north. I can’t believe how many there are.

scotchnaut

George Lincoln Rockwell’s off-Broadway musical CurbSTOMP never had the success that his supporters thought it would.

scotchnaut

Engram and Shepard and Gallman and Barkley are out Thursday vs. the Pats. Giants are gonna get carved up more than a prize tuna at the Tsukiji Fish Market.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Maybe they’ll show some footage of them throwing fish in the Fish Market in Seattle. They probably have some in the vaults.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I just now learned that Justin Theroux was in Miami Vice (2006)

Senor Weaselo

Evening lizard people. I can’t believe anyone has ever said this, but go Rays!

Brocky

I did after watching “The Rookie” in school”

this particular fan enthusiasm lasted all of 2 minutes

How in god’s name do I phrase this without providing an opportunity for an innuendo

herodotus450
herodotus450

What about the guy who owns both Original Famous Ray’s Pizza AND Ray’s Original Famous Pizza chains in NYC?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I believe the sergeants in SPACE FORCE have said that numerous times.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Everything sucks. I’m totally stuck in a limbo of failure and uncertainty.

But at least I’m not a Jets fan.

scotchnaut

What’s the point of watching blurb-ball after the Boob Jays won the Girdled Series bark in 19-Nifty-One?

Sharkbait

I don’t know who made the Ice Giants schedule, but 6 days off in the first week of the season seems like a bad idea.

scotchnaut

Can’t get enough camera shots of hot girls in the stands glued to their phones.

King Hippo

and if they get hit hard enough by a foul ball, they might become interested in ME!!!

herodotus450
herodotus450

That’s why I voted against the netting.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Have any of you ever been driving and felt the urge to fart? You’re alone in the car so you decide to let it go. Then suddenly something shifts and you’re no longer sure of the “state of matter” coming down the pike. Could be gas, solid….or God forbid….liquid. So you clench and hit the accelerator.

Yeah, me neither. Never done that.

Good news is I made it home.

King Hippo

to be over 35 is to…keep an extra pair of pants in the office

Senor Weaselo

Have you done it… in tux pants?

theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m afraid to ask if you still performed.

Senor Weaselo

It was luckily on the way home.

Sharkbait

What to watch? Be like me and watch Good Eats.

/is food nerd

ballsofsteelandfury

If Dallas keeps Princeton after this year, there should be a riot in the Metroplex. I would advise JJ against riding in any convertibles if that were to happen.

scotchnaut

[JJ decides to keep Princeton]

[sales of Mannlicher-Carcano rifles soar]

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Come on. Everyone knows you use Barrett rifles to hunt oil men.

blaxabbath

There’s gonna be a riot in the metroplex bc illegals.

scotchnaut

“Focus, ya gotta focus. Throw it right between Katie’s tits.”

-Verlander, escaping the inning

King Hippo

Seems like we will see Wade Miley sooner rather than later.

#PartyInTehUSA

WCS

comment image

scotchnaut

/not sure if I posted it the other day

Me: “Honey, I hiked all the way from ‘X’ Creek to the lookout tower and back again!”

Her “I remember when you ran from our house in the middle of town to the tower and back again.”*

*she pushes me in more than one way

herodotus450
herodotus450

Verlander 1st inning home run is like seeing the sun rise in the east.

King Hippo

Tommy Pham is a badass. My ideal is for him to come back to SL for the WS. He will get the biggest ovation you’ve ever heard for an opposing player.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Either he gives up 4 more in 5 innings and he’s done or strikes out everybody for 8 innings.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Well he only gave up 3 more in only 4 innings. Oh well.

herodotus450
herodotus450

Remember like three years ago when all the fat, lazy, complacent, piece of shit baseball sprotswriters voted Rick Porcello the Cy Young winner over Verlander because Porcello had more team wins and one of the voters voted for “Jason Verlander”?

King Hippo

there are deffo a subset of voters unaware of anything that takes place outside NY, BOS, or LA.

scotchnaut

“Pork is almost right there in the name. We gotta vote for old Ricky!”

-Fat, lazy, complacent sportswriters

herodotus450
herodotus450

“Cello is right there in the name, we gotta vote for him!”
-Major League Bassist writers who got the ballot by mistake

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

It’s too bad Gronk isn’t going to be on the CBS broadcast; sitting next to Phil Simms for 5 seconds should be more than enough time for that walking cloud of HPV to kill him in his chair, live on camera.

King Hippo

I would love to see that.

King Hippo

One team has Justin Verlander. The other is tossing a bullpen game.