What is there to say? This game is not for the gentle of soul, nor the weak of stomach, the loose of bowels, the scurvy of teeth or the Giant of heart. I don’t think I’ve ever cheered for a truly dominant team that I knew was going to run train on a hapless opponent. Check that-back in my wee days I would sometimes (sometimes) watch the Canadian national hockey team destroy the Norwegians or somesuch. Guh. Of course I don’t recall a single detail of that. Where was I? Yeah, this one’s gonna be a disastercake. And I don’t know why we’re here-other than the fact that we’ll try to put together a cracker of a joke that might cause a total stranger several hundred miles away to unintentionally shart his sweatpants.
TO THE GAME!
Jizziants/Pats:
Let’s run this baby down, shall we?
-the two lead rb’s for the Giants are practice squaders
-Engram, Shepherd, Saquon and Gallman are out (so too are Burkhead, Dorsett and Chung)
-according to PFF, New York’s secondary is comfortably in last place in overall rankings. Opposing qb’s average 72.7% of their passes against them.
-Brady is 12-1 on Thursday Nights
-Rook qb’s are 0-12 vs. Bill Belichick at Gillette Stadium
So what I’m trying to say is, maybe kiss your kids (longer than 3.5 seconds is a no-no, and please! On the cheek for gosh darn sake!) or call your mom-whether it’s across the room or at the assisted living facility, it matters. So what if she confuses you for her actual favourite child, you’ll have given her joy, in that in her mind she wasn’t badgered by ‘the one I should have swallowed’.
Hey! The Sunday start is 9:30 EST sharp for Carolina/Tampa in Londontown. IT’S MANDATORY.
Type away…
Just a whole season of the Patriots grinding games out on the ground while they move to an incredibly boring 16-0 is a nightmare reality
ahem, 19-0
But what if they lose this game, then go on to win the sb, 18-1 again, all losses to the Big People.
That would be so perfect.
I know, it almost seems that I am not really a fan of the team at all, even though I have been for over 50 years. Maybe I’m an even bigger fan of irony.
The thing that is really weird is that they are going to get as much national exposure on TV telecasts until mid-December that you will think they changed their name to Dallas Cowboys.
Prediction – Gigantes get a TD in the last minute, go for two and lose 21-20
Belicheck is just trolling us now with that new undersized white receiver.
So I have a huge case coming up and tomorrow morning we’re having roughly the 8th conference call about it, and because this one is going to have a couple of very high-ups on it this morning I had two calls from other people affiliated with the case reminding me not to do anything like make smartass remarks or call anyone an asshole.
I am about 30% inclined to start the call with
and then resign.
Is this like basically a group project in high school where you just let the smart girl who wants to do it all just, you know, do it all while you sit back and hang?
Lemme change my original answer because I think you’re just talking about the phone call itself in which case, yes, you nailed it. I plan to say as little as possible and let everyone else talk themselves into corners.
Oh — so you’re the girl
I have that where I work, for the USAF Civil Engineer. There’s this 40 year old structural engineer that is on my staff; she is the smartest person I have ever met in my life. I let her roll. It’s like being retired but not being retired for me.
Impressed that Rodney was able to hug him without leading with his helmet
I think we can all agree, that all this business with China is Richard Nixon’s fault.
—Joe Stilwell
Throw to Rhett Ellison please and thank you!
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-nj04ygO1s5o/UrykjCvtl5I/AAAAAAAAPg4/9NOXpGFbhRU/s1600/op-in-his-thread.gif
Gilmore all over him but no call. Reverse the jerseys see what you get
Blue jerseys with white lettering?
Alright, nice throw, Duke boy.
Callin it tight when (not New England) is on offense. Nice, I live for the referees giving New England all the breaks
LACES OUT!
One of the classic blunders
That was an exceedingly satisfying doink. You could see it coming the whole time like a good train wreck.
Doink!
HA DOINK!
BONNNGGGG
— Blair Walsh
Not saying it’s a bailout flag because that was definitely holding, but that shit doesn’t get called when the Patriots do it
Just put the game on. I see everything thats wrong with the NFL is on display here. Bailout call for the Pats? Of course!
where’s our-ah bailout Obama???
Gerrit Cole is going to look great in pinstripes next year but man do I hope he gets a howling case of food poisoning this coming week.
I really meant to bench Brady tonight in favoUr of DAK!DAK!DAK! against the Jets, because I thought the weather was going to be an issue tonight.
Instead the weather’s fine and Brady’s just being mediocre to be a douche.
Timed perfectly with a misthrown glorified handoff. Maybe he is falling off the cliff at long last.
It’s bound to happen. The sun only shines on a given dog’s ass for a given amount of time and then moves on. I often remind my nephews up home, in their 20s, who have never known anything but success for the P*ts, that they will see a 2-14 season in their lifetimes. They only tolerate me for saying this because I have more money than them because they are young and just starting their careers and I am old and have reached career maturity and have no heirs and feel obligated to buy rounds or cases or kegs for them, as the situation warrants. But I know they roll their eyes like I’m the crazy uncle when I try to play Cassandra about the future of the P*ts.
Take comfort in knowing that Troy really should have listened to Cassandra.
the SillyCuse coach REALLY says their team motto is Orange Is The New Fast
So our only hope of a non-Patriot SB winner is an NFC East team sneaking in again, eh? Not great!
It’s the flat top.
Did Joe just say the Patriots got another takeaway, their third interception of the game?
Goddamn, their regular word salad gibberish has gotten me so angry that now I’m not sure I’m just having a stroke.
The fuck are you talking about Troy? The fuck did the safety have to do with that play?
Maybe he needs a smack upside his head to reseat his loose brain.
GIVE ME ALL THE JONES FACE!
New Eli same as the Old Eli
Is Danny Dimes related to Dime Bag Darrell?
If so, the wrong one died.
Maybe someone will go out on the field next time they play MetLife and gun him down.
I’m going to agree with our own Viva La Tabula Raza. Gronk is surprisingly articulate. It’s throwing me off how he’s speaking in complete sentences.
I guess he was trolling us all along. Nice one Gronk!
Not taking a concussion every other week probably helps. Maybe he will introduce Sen. Warren at a campaign rally next.
Wohl: Warren will not support our troops as she left her marine boyfriend for an even tighter end the Gronk.
articulate?? The bar must be very low for you.
So, is the wind at the game the reason the Jints haven’t been blown out so far? Or does Eli have a monkey’s paw in his possession?
Eli wasted those wishes on juice boxes and bubble gum 14 years ago.
Why do they do this half time circus out on the street?
I turned it off, who is it today? Nightslam? Third Eye Blind? Yanni?
Strahan, Bradshaw, Gonzales & Gronk + inane banter and barely coherent sentence fragments + inarticulate crowd noise = Fox TNF Halftime Show
Oh I thought it was the Genesis show.
Those are almost as bad.
Hey, fuck you!
—Phil Collins and Peter Gabriel, at various times in their careers.
Circuses go well with the bread.
Robert Kraft got his prostate checked at the Spearmint Rhino
Spearmint is out of his price range
“Who’s this ‘Mint’ fucker? Yeah, I’ll spear him, no problem.” – Vontaze Burfict
This is really good.
I saw Crucial Catch in the Pats endzone and could not figure out why they woudl want to celebrate their owner’s arrest coming out of a sleazy massage parlor
Every time I see that Crucial Catch thing, I think of Wayne’s World movie.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dX4LDoGBYlI
Dude standing behind the Montreal bench just has a jersey with “Leafs Suck” as the name. Ok Montreal, maybe we can be friends after all.
Of course the black man doesn’t get White privilege.
reverse that so BoldenDOWN instead
WOO!!!!!
/for fading James White
Schefter is probbo putting the finishing touches on his “AJ Green traded to Patriots” tweet right about now.
Jakobi Meyers WOO (sorry, he is Wolven Sort)
The Law Firm 2.0
“Now that I don’t play, mom was able to finally sew my mittens into my Giants coat!”
Most under-rated bad band of the 80’s? I’m going Reo Speedwagon. If the lead singer walked down the main street of Kenosha before a gig, small children would run in the opposite direction.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zpOULjyy-n8
Bananarama
Romeo Void
Squeeze
Berlin
Although Terri Nunn’s Playboy appearance was very highly rated by me.
I loved REO Speedwagon in the 70s; You Can Tune A Piano But You Can’t Tuna Fish was one of my favorite albums. But when they released the Hi Infidelity album, in the blink of an eye they went from REO Speedwagon to REO Stationwagon, at least in my humble estimation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4PdU6migsqQ
The stench from my son’s feet could drive the Wolfman away from a van full of strippers
Sour shoes.
I give this a noine.
Wait, your son started stripping? – Marc T., parts unknown
Jewkah! is gonna get 20+ targets now.
No no, you see, that was a strategic fumble by Bradychick to give the Pats more time of possession.
Got a pot of Pork Chile Verde in the oven. Two hours from bliss.
Cooking Yeah Right’s Italian Beefwich tomorrow.
I had a bidness lunch of Argentinian chimichurri pork tenderloin with plantains. Fuck, it was good.
Have you ever posted the recipe for the chili?
It’s an ATK recipe, but I added a little liquid in the form of Pabst Blue Ribbon to the pot.
Thanks.
https://www.cooksillustrated.com/recipes/11894-green-chili-with-pork-chile-verde-con-cerdo
https://youtu.be/1xfJpPNg2SM
Gordon got folded like a pretzel
Brady standing in the pocket like he was waiting for ME to get open.