Your “But Wait! There’s More!” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

TO THE GAMES! (yet again)

Niners/Rams:

Hey, the NFC West is getting verrrry interesting these days, isn’t it? I’d like to personally thank Shanny Jr. for making vultureback Jeff Wilson Jr. a healthy scratch last week so that Breida Filter could get a score. It’s still an ugly RBBC with Coleman back healthy and Mostert in the mix taking targets/touches away from the moneybacks. Team-wise it’s working out quite well. BUT I’M NOT INTERESTED IN THAT.

Falcons/Cards:

FIRE UP THE SCOREBOARD, there’s gonna be a shit-ton of scoring in this one as the flood gates of points are opened. Kyler has been deemed a disappointment thus far but the bar was way too high to start the season. The last three games he’s averaged 63 on the ground and has found his way into the end zone twice. He’s a fine option today if’n you have him.

Titans/Broncos:

Anyone but Delanie Walker. You can run on Denver, you can (sorta) pass on Denver but you can’t feed your tight end vs. Denver. The most anyone has gained against them is a paltry 24 yards by Waller.

Cowboys/Jets:

As noted by commenter Tabula Raza, what the bluefuck is going with this being the national tilt? I guess the Texas/NY/Joisey audience is the thing but yikes, this won’t fly. The Jets slot corner has only given up 56 yards all year but the outside fellas-Trumaine Johnson, Nate Hairston and Daryl Roberts-are allowing 68.6% completion averages to qb’s. Maybe Amari and Gallup will feast? What are your thoughts? Darnold is back and despite the jury being sorta inclined to see him as an underwhelmer, the Jets have averaged 7.6 points and 139 yards in the air without him.

Go be yourself in the comment section.

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Gratliff

Dallas booking itself for that big NFC East first place matchup next week

litre_cola

Is that who the Iggles have next week? Going to need a chamber of solace. The expletives will fly.

clint greasewood

In primetime

Buddy Cole's Halftime Show

He’ll nut in your wife’s eye and go the distance!

But enough about John Holmes, look at Robby Anderson.

Spur

Can Double J have Garrett killed and buried in the nearby swamp? It’s time to time for Chris Rishard

King Hippo

Touch of Downs, 92 yard touchdown!

Gratliff

AHAHAHAHAHAHAH

King Hippo

Tits coach said he’d cut off his own dick to win a Superb Owl, apparently.

litre_cola

Spur, I ate the loss but that stop was amazing.

/Boys will still win.

King Hippo

Good decision by Princeton Red, but garbage playcall.

Spur

:sigh:
I hate football

Gratliff

Red zone stop by the Jets? Gotta be Dallas

King Hippo

throw to Gallup you asshole

Sharkbait

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Sharkbait

CBS needs their own version of the Sad Fox Injury Music

King Hippo

but something in the polka family

King Hippo

Weird Al’s Another One Rides the Bus?”

Spur
King Hippo

Res ipsa loquitor:

PASSING YARDS
TEN
M. Mariota
5-11, 39 YDS
DEN
J. Flacco
5-9, 30 YDS

Redshirt

Somewhere Kaepernick is kneeling down to punch a wall.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I drink a lot of Bacardi, but have never experienced anything resembling what they are showing in their advertisements.

King Hippo

Idiot Kyler doesn’t slide, no TOs for ATL

King Hippo

Idioter Hippo, thought was 3rd down

King Hippo

dunno how the fuck to fake enthusiasm for this embarrassing SNF fixture. But Mandatory Viewing is Mandatory.

hippofant

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hippofant

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hippofant

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Gratliff

“Dallas can only beat tomato cans.”
Well, actually….

King Hippo

FUCK OFF MALCOLM BROWN

litre_cola

POOP LAB ADVERTISEMENT! SEND US YOUR POOP!

theeWeeBabySeamus

You haven’t lived until you’ve pooped in a box and mailed it to someone.

litre_cola

Do I ask?

Yeah I ask. Have you ,ailed poop in a box? Better than a glitter bomb I suppose.

Redshirt

Lets see: Dallas-NY Jets or Brad Garrett playing a serial rapist and a wife beater? This is a tough one.

King Hippo

he rapes Ray Romano?

Redshirt

I said tough choice.

King Hippo

Everybody Rapes Raymond

Redshirt

“Tonight on a very, special episode of ‘Balls on ASSignment’, the weekly PornHub search thread tradition takes a very dark turn.”

King Hippo

Imagine the old lady strapping one on and taking him. While the laugh track plays!

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL

theeWeeBabySeamus

He’s a big boy. I hope she can take a punch.

hippofant

Fucking… I accidentally mis-built my grid in Cities: Skylines so I just demolished 3/4 of my town and shifted it all over a square or two.

Redshirt

Is that game any good? Other than you simulating the poles shifting.

hippofant

It’s amazing. Best city simulator since 3000. And the scale of the cities you can build is pretty much limited only by your PC’s power.

There are four complaints I have about the game: 1) Lots of paid DLC. 2) An obscure-ass mechanic that will really fuck with you called death waves. 3) Some of the uber-wonders do weird things that can fuck with you. 4) Traffic AI plz.

Buuttttt a lot of those can be modded. Steam workshop support for the game is amazing.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Dak: I’m fine coach, put me back in.
Coach: Dak, you’re talking to the photographer.

litre_cola

Did I show her tits?

theeWeeBabySeamus

Photographer might need the blue tent now I guess.

Gratliff

thicc game clock

hippofant

Why does the game clock look so funny? Am I having a stroke?

Gratliff

Losing to the Jets? Gotta be Dallas

theeWeeBabySeamus

tWBS, are you sad you benched Stefon Diggs this week?
Yes other tWBS, yes you are.

Sharkbait

How the fuck ya doing

Spur

WOW. Dallas giving touches to their 40 million dollar RB!? NO WAY

litre_cola

I thought Boise coordinator was the next coming?

/still think you win as Jets are shit.

King Hippo

Donks D, stepping up for they fallen Chubb

Senor Weaselo

Greetings from Angry Orchard! I’m on line for donuts with both Hermana and Senorita Weaselo. There have been zero murders.

King Hippo

but you’re working on it, right??

Senor Weaselo

They will team up and become a crime-fighting duo. Or crime syndicate. Coin flip.

clint greasewood

Nothing better than Hudson Valley in the fall. Some of the best distilleries in the country.

King Hippo

oh, Janeane…

Spur

Cowboys gonna be Jets first win

litre_cola

You think? I think yous will find a way. Too much talent.

Spur

Capt Mono likes good and again Dallas is refusing to run the ball.

King Hippo

Deebo, Deebo!, DEEBO!!!

Game Time Decision

Jest with first blood

Redshirt

They’re like an infectious virus. Easy to get, hard to get rid of.

Viva La Tabula Raza

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c9z33lasnkU

So, were the AFL NY Jets named after the Leonard Bernstein street gang, or were the West Side Story Jets named after the football team?

King Hippo

I do think Flacco is MOAR ELITE than Mariota

litre_cola

Dems da pills talkin.

Spur

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Redshirt

“Go be yourself in the comment section.”

The last time I did that, I have half the Commentrait wanting me banned and the other half wanted me doxed?

Game Time Decision

Intro written by Scotchy. So your mileage my vary

litre_cola

You are the righty we like!

Game Time Decision

500 channels and I can only see DAL vs NYJ Do something congress

Spur

Double J will have your attention.

litre_cola

FUUUUCCCKKK. We are in the same struggle. Every Canadian channel and only this. Trying to download DAZN to inlaws tv.

Viva La Tabula Raza

“None of this was necessary, if only the NFL had let me buy the Buffalo Bills.”
—Sentient Orange Overflowing Colostomy Bag.

Redshirt

So if we give him the Buffalo Bills, he’ll leave? Come on, Buffalo! Take on for the team!

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Too late! I find I like being authoritarian dictator!”
—Same guy.

King Hippo

RZ also showing this pretty much exclusively

King Hippo

great, RZ has decided to show like EVERY GODDAMNED PLAY of NYJ/DAL

King Hippo

D-O-N-K-S!!!

ballsofsteelandfury

TaLLadega race postponed until tomorrow.

Funny and nice that the afternoon games (2 in LA!) are actually good!

King Hippo

HOW ABOUT THE DONKS INSTEAD OF A KNEELDOWN, YOU COCKMONKEYS

Mr. Ayo

#ThePauls!

King Hippo

NEVAR miss a play!

King Hippo

MOAR than a bit fuckety, neither KC/HOU nor LA/SF being a national game. But Non-Gendered Cowpersons at the Jest?? Who could pass that opportunity up.

Gratliff

If Jets win, it will be completely justified

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

More like JETStified, amirite?

Gratliff

Browns using the Undertaker’s theme is a bit on the nose

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Let me get this straight – Houston went for it on 4th and 3 instead of trying a 44 yard field goal? Ballsy.

Also – did Miami miss the extra point or did they go for 2 and fail?

Redshirt

Went for the win and failed.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Good for them!
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litre_cola

Uggh. Well that was something wasn’t it. West Coast time rules! It is 1 pm and I am loaded.

Game Time Decision

You can nap and still be ready for the late game and dinner

King Hippo

NO SLEEP DURING MANDATORY 14-HOUR VIEWING WINDOW

litre_cola

NAp? MOAR WINE!

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