Your “Oh Yeah – Football” Monday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

With all of Hippo’s quality basketball coverage this past weekend, it’s easy to forget why we’re all actually here – self-loathing football fandom.

NFL News:

  • Ndamukong Suh is visiting the Rams this week.
    • NFL.com notes the Rams have most of their talent still on rookie contracts, so if they wanted to go all-in on a two-year deal with Suh to try & win a Super Bowl now, pairing him with Aaron Donald wouldn’t be the stupidest thing they could do.
  • Orlando Scandrick signed with the [Redacteds] on Monday, two days after his release from the Cowboys.
    • Those of you hoping Dan Snyder got Haynesworth’d again are to be disappointed; it’s two-years & $10 million.
      • So unless there’s a silent zero in that contract, it just looks like a player switching to a division rival.
  • The Raiders have traded Cordarrelle Patterson & a sixth-round pick to the Patriots.
    • For the Pats 5th-round selection in 2018.
  • Rehab must have taken Jim Irsay’s phone away, because the Colts traded the Jets into the third-overall pick.
    • The Jets are sending their 6th, 37th and 49th overall selections in this year’s draft, and their second-rounder in 2019, to Indianapolis.
    • Still, the Colts seem thrilled, and expecting Luck to be healthy.

  • After [checks notes] nine seasons (!), Danny Woodhead has announced his retirement.
    • The Ravens cut him after one season of his three-year deal, because his hamstring just couldn’t return to elite status.

Finally, early speculation is that the Eagles & Vikings will open the 2018 schedule on Thursday, September 6.

  • While there is no official schedule release date on the NFL’s calendar, it’s expected to take place between April 16-21, or about a week before the Draft, probably as hype material to get people focused again.

I have to tell you – the last four days dropping in & out of all the basketball made for a delightful weekend. I hope you all enjoyed it as much as Hippo and Litre enjoyed making money off of it.

Let’s check in on the DFO Tournament bracket, to see how we no-money-fun types are doing.

I’mma just leave this here.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Blue Jackets at Bruins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet
    • Kings at Wild – 8:00PM | NBCSN
  • NBA:
    • Bucks at Cavaliers – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN
    • Lakers at Pacers – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
    • Warriors at Spurs – 9:30PM | ESPN / TSN
  • NCAA:
    • Women’s Basketball Tournament:
      • Second Round – 6:30PM | ESPN2
        • games include: Buffalo at Florida State, Duke at Georgia, Quinnipiac at Connecticut and Central Michigan at Ohio State.
      • Second-round – 9:00PM | ESPN2
        • games include: Creighton at UCLA, Oklahoma State at Mississippi State, Arizona State at Texas and Florida Gulf Coast at Stanford.
    • Men’s NIT Basketball Tournament:
      • Stanford at Oklahoma State – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • LSU at Utah – 9:00PM | ESPNU
  • WWE:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • It’s three weeks to Wrestlemania, so the final card is taking shape.

The first official day of school district Spring Break was today. Why yes, I was drinking by noon. NO BASKETBALL REQUIRED!

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.

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Brick MeathookSonOfSpamFronkenshteenRikki-Tikki-DeadlyblackroseMD1 Recent comment authors
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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

I’m watching Easy Rider on TCM. They’re about to kill Jack Nicholson.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

he ded

Fronkenshteen

My entry for DFO Anthem:
Guided By Voices’ “How’s My Drinking?”
https://youtu.be/5dcH8VJfaoE

SonOfSpam

I like it. I like this too:

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to drink any more tonight.

[pours self another glass of whiskey]

SonOfSpam

Yeah, I just opened another beer too.

(raises can of crappy beer)

Here’s to bad decisions.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Welp, I’m not quite fall-down drunk, so it’s time for some beer.

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Hide the vacuums!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In tribute to the post title:

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Watching this interview on Colbert, remind me to never piss off Drew Barrymore. She definitely takes names, holds grudges, and will devise a Jigsaw-like death for you.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Hey WCS; NEVER piss off Drew Barrymore.

WCS

Lesson learned.

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Do I have to remind you again?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Share the vibrator.

WCS

Gets you to the moon and back.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Nah they were dropped on Berlin.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

Do you like movies about Gladiators?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Ook!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Fronkenshteen

What is this?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Don T

Every outlet that talks about quality FAs available and does not include Kaep deserves a boycott. I wonder who covers sports at Mother Jones.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Someone who is gladly erasing Kaep. MJ is a goddamn affront to its namesake.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All right, the wife is in Denver for one more night, I worked out today and actually got a good bit of work done, so it’s time to make some martinis and get lit the fuck up and watch some Rick and Morty.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

KING KONG

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blackroseMD1

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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blackroseMD1

Wait, when did Wonder Woman fight Harvey Weinstein?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

So I turned on the TV to see the wrestling everyone is talking about, but there was no wrestling on USA. But there was wrestling on NBCSn, so I turned that on, and no shit it was real wrestling! Like high school wrestling, except countries vs countries! And then dig this: it was chicks wrestling! I thought it was amazing for the 15 seconds I watched it before changing to King Kong on TCM which is just starting!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Dude, Where’s My Ca— FUCK!

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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WCS

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Gratliff

That was DELIGHTFUL

Wakezilla

/turns on Raw.

What the fuck am I watching? This is so incredibly dumb.

Gratliff

You mean

Gratliff

I can’t wait for the casual wrestling fans here to get exposed to Broken Matt Hardy and his compound at Mania. It’s gonna be like when I watch David Lynch movies and a Lynch fan explains that it making sense was never the point.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Like business casual or weekend casual?

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Broken Matt Hardy says Fuck Heineken!

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Erry body happy and smilin’ one day, then the next……..

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Keep smilin’ lady . . .

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Does anyone know a quick (read: instant) way to get rid of a hickey?

I gave myself a haircut and when I was tidying up I thought, hey, use the vacuum on your neck like the barber does! And it got stuck to the skin for a little bit.

The reason that this is important is because my wife is coming home from her business trip tomorrow.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

You’d be better off creating so many hickeys on your neck that her only reasonable conclusion is that you are, in fact, not safe to be left home alone.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I thought I made that clear last night when I mentioned that I was already licking oven mitts.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

I missed that.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

That is a terrific Blair Walsh impression.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Your wife may suggest you just cut it out with a straight razor.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Sure…… sure……. try ice, also wash the lipstick off, or just put your penis in the vacuum cleaner nozzle.

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Don T

Make it bigger, plead erythema.

Wakezilla

Aloe Vera and some sort of skin bomb?

Mr. Ayo
Mr. Ayo

Enjoy some new fashion sense?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Holy fuck am i tired

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

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Gratliff

That’s good paramedicine right there

WCS

The woman falling out, too, is the cherry on top.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Like a captain going down with the ship.

Senor Weaselo

Chris Henry approves!

Don T

😘

Don T

Amateurs.
-Chris Henry

Joliet Jake Delhomme

God I hate this time of year. I find college sports, especially basketball, disgusting. I have sat in a classroom with “student-athletes”. I have to fight through 5 layers of March Madness to find any live sports to watch. At least the AFL starts this week.

ballsofsteelandfury

WHOOHOO!!!

litre_cola

Ballsy I think we are over 10. I don’t think Zymm is in, but we have added a couple more.

ballsofsteelandfury

Guaranteed prize to the winner!!

Joliet Jake Delhomme

I may get to tell my Sydney friends to go fuck themselves this week, so win-win.

litre_cola

Melbournians are far nicer folk.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

I may get to give two weeks notice and that would fuck them in the ass.

Joliet Jake Delhomme

Don’t forget the AFLW grand final this week.

Gratliff

Oh you fucking worthless Boston fucks

litre_cola

I hope you are speaking to all sports teams

Gratliff

Generally speaking, yes; specifically, Bruins, who could really seal up the whole thing for the Flyers by not sucking against Columbus.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Correction: all Bostonians (and New Englanders, and people).

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m getting pancakes for dinner.

I’m 12.

theeWeeBabySeamus

LOL. You gonna ask for the chocolate chip smiley face?

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Chocolate chips AND chocolate syrup.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Ah, the Diabeetus Plate Special.

Gratliff

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Nuttin’ better ‘n’ some good ass-plate.

Wakezilla

Pancakes for dinner? Ain’t nothing wrong with that

litre_cola

Did that last week. Was excellent.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Jesus Christ, I’m stupid for reading Reddit but I have to share this because I just yelled out loud “Oh, come on!”

LemonJello
LemonJello

“WHY!?!”
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Gratliff

Is there anything more Christian than helping an ailing boy get the poison out, though? How do you think Mother Teresa got canonized? A quadriplegic going off like Old Faithful certainly sounds miraculous.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

She sure as fuck wasn’t giving people pain relief or any sort of physical care.

theeWeeBabySeamus

At first I read it as…

…I was injured in an accident and decapitated.

WELL THEN HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU WRITING THIS???????

LemonJello
LemonJello

Thanks ObamaCare!

Senor Weaselo

He got better.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Twice a day? When I was 14 I jerked off 8-10 times a day minimum. This kid was lazy. What was his accident? Was he too lazy to get out of the way of a speeding car?

LemonJello
LemonJello

Bizarre shop vac/air compressor three-way?

Redshirt

Sunday is already being called one of the worst days in Cincinnati Sports History. That’s both sad and impressive.

Also, has Bearcats BB Coach Mick Cronin and Marvin Lewis been seen in the same place before? I know ones short and bald and the other is fat and black, but that last 10 minutes seemed peak-Lewis.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Have you seen Altered Carbon? Maybe it’s just Marvin’s consciousness moving between “sleeves” in order to cause maximum consternation?

Gratliff

I don’t know. I mean, Columbus did just give up two goals.

blaxabbath

With the Rams on the upswing and SF back in building mode, ARI really needs to go full Browns and start stockpiling picks and opening up cap space so, in four or five years when the division is in a lull again, they can just sell off everything to buy a division title.

That is, ultimately, the best chance at ANY success this franchise will have in the next ten years.

Gratliff

Here I am wanting a Boston team to win of all things, and they’re going to lose to a thing from ohio.

LemonJello
LemonJello

It’s clobberin’ time?
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blaxabbath

Have any of you folks ever had a burger from Dairy Queen?! Might just be the best fast food on the market.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“It’s not fast food, it’s FAN food!”

— Darren Rovell

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Not for a long time, but they used to be good.

Senor Weaselo

I did during my couple weeks upstate, but I actually preferred the chicken.

LemonJello
LemonJello

It was the only fast food option for a young LemonJello in my home town. I haven’t had anything from DQ in a long time now.

Brick Meathook
Brick Meathook

Wow, that is classic small town America right there.

LemonJello
LemonJello

Indeed.

Gratliff

They’re not bad, but I haven’t seen an actual Dairy Queen eat-in place since I moved to Michigan. Everything here is just an ice cream stand.

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Gotta pour one out* for Danny tonight.

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* Thimble, not 40

LemonJello
LemonJello

We get it, you’re a “little teapot” Danny…

Gratliff

I hope the Eagles-Vikings game is just the Eagles intentionally throwing the game and letting Vikings do whatever against the backups while doing a conga line with the Lombardi up and down the sideline. Vikes fans have not taken that NFC game well. You’d think that hilarious collapse after the week of endless shit talking and fucking around at the museum steps would have made them shut up but nope.
So now it’s at the point that I can’t feel bad for them and I want it to hurt as much as possible.

Don T

Being a sore winner is the sweetest spite. I salute you, sir.