Your Sunday Night Football Open Thread

I looked down at my battered cardboard suitcase and smiled. My larger-than-average pocketknife (his name is ‘Buck’) was nestled inside his sheath which was wrapped inside some underclothes. I could do better than this but it’s more important to blend in. Mother had passed in ’26 and left me a surprising amount of money ($15,000) that I put into that roaring stock market. I doubled my money and then tripled that afterwards. I listened to the nay-sayers and pulled most of my money out in the summer of ’29 and now it’s 1932 and I’m sitting real pretty. No need for a job but what to do?

Well, first things first. I headed to the dining car at the front of the train and bought a half loaf of bread, a slab of ham and a pat of butter and went back to my seat. I’d heard about these ‘Hoovervilles’ popping up all over the US and I couldn’t turn down the opportunity. The train from Toronto to DC should take almost two days but I’ve got plenty of time to do what needs to be done.

-Joshua! Don’t bother that man!

The voice sounded distant and it broke my reverie. A boy with sallow cheeks and sunken eyeballs was staring at my meal on the seat beside me.

iripped off a big piece of bread and ham and passed it to him. He smiled but didn’t say a word.

-You didn’t have to do that, mister. Joshua can be such a nuisance sometimes.

-It’s nothing at all ma’am. It’s more than I can eat anyhow.

The woman in the plain dress and bonnet thanked me. She must be from the country. Why she was headed to the States, who knows.

The train finally pulled into Union Station. I gathered my things and took a taxi to The Mayflower Hotel. My thought was that if it was good enough for Coolidge’s inaugural ball, it’s good enough for me. The room was comfortable and the smell of freshly-cut flowers filled the air.

The next day I headed out to the Anacostia Flats where approximately 43,000 folks had assembled a community, the pathetic hovels consisting of bits of brick, wood, sheet metal and whatever else kept the rain out and the despair in. The plan was to pretend to be a reporter, to say that I was going to report their story in a sympathetic manner. They should be paid their war bonus now, in ’32 and not have wait another thirteen years.

I scouted the periphery, seeing veterans of WW1 and their wives, children and various hangers-on milling about. After all, what was there to do? Late in the afternoon my eyes fell upon a one-armed man that looked promising from a distance. I identified myself as a reporter from The Milwaukee Caller.

-That’s one of them Communist papers ain’t it?

-No it’s not really like that. I just want to hear your side of the story. All I read is that this place is filled with radical agitators that want to overthrow the government.

-Hah! That’s rich. What’s it’s filled with is men and women and little ones that have fallen on hard times and just want to get back up again.

He led me to his shambling hovel and I’m glad he missed my sharp intake of breath when I realized he was living alone. Things were falling into place.

-I was with the First Division-we were called The Big Red One.

-You saw some action?

-Not nearly as much as the Frenchies we fought beside but more than enough.

He poured some coffee from a battered and bruised urn. It was watery and acrid-tasting at the same time. He saw my face as I sipped.

-The water has been through these coffee grinds a few times-best that I can do.

-Tell me about-I gestured to his arm-how you lost it.

-They say you don’t hear the shell that puts you under but I heard mine. Got hit with a ton of shrapnel-last thing I saw was the bone sticking out my arm. Woke up in hospital with just the left one. I came back and all I could get was a janitor job. The principal figured out I couldn’t keep up even though I came in on Saturdays and even Sundays after church.

-You still go? To church?

-Not anymore now. Our military chaplain kept telling us that God had a plan but from what I saw there was nothing, no plan, just men dying in horrible ways every damn day. After I lost my job I made my way here, hoping that something can come of our demands.

-My heart jumped as he brought his old rifle out from under his bed. He still had the bayonet attached.

-Don’t worry, it’s not loaded. But I’m bringing it to the march tomorrow.

-I tried to keep calm.

-Can I see it?

-Sure. He handed it over.

-Do you think maybe with the bayonet on, it might rile some folks? There’s talk of some army guys might be watching you march.

-Yeah, I guess you’re right.

-I can take it off for you if you like.

-Sure. He bent away from me at the waist to grab a pamphlet-

-Have you read-

-The knife went into his side and he flailed a bit. I turned him and sunk it deep above his pelvis and ripped up to his rib cage. Parts of him were coming out and he tried to hold it in for a bit and then his eyes rolled back into his head. Bubbling saliva came out of the corners of his mouth as he began his passing.

-I slipped out of Hooverville under cover of the night and made my way back to the hotel using as many side streets as I could. There was no need but old habits are good habits.

-I slept almost the entire way back home to Canada.

TO THE GAME!

Chiefs/Packers:

Oh, this could have been a glorious shootout and might still be if Moore can be 65% as effective as The Mahomes. Tyreek has been phenomenal on very few opportunities the past two weeks. On 8 catches he’s got 3 TD’s and 154 yards receiving.

Do your thing.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
505 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Viva La Tabula Raza

OGBAH GREAT NFL NAME!

hippofant

Is Tumblr still alive?

hippofant

Been booking a flight for an interview. What’d I miss?

Doktor Zymm

What team do they support in northern Arkansas?

Game Time Decision

The “keep it in the family’ team

King Hippo

Most Glorious el beisbol Cardinals!

/also probably the Non-Gendereds

Doktor Zymm

Ewwww, can’t just be the cow pokers?

Game Time Decision

Rodgers diva face here for sure

Spur

one more drink!

Mr. Ayo

Expect more for yourself. Push for two.

Doktor Zymm

Cheers!

Horatio Cornblower

Excellent use of history there, Scotchy!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3kkpsuT1Hs

Spur

comment image

Doktor Zymm

I can only assume he’s holding some sort of off-brand whipped cream canister? And….why the gloves?

Gratliff

Clearly a can of old English. His cock smells like mahogany now.

Doktor Zymm

Not the malt liquor, there’s another Old E?

Mr. Ayo

Old English Wood. I’m not laughing.

http://www.rb.com/us/brands/old-english/

I am giggling though.

Gratliff

Segregation is a real problem in the oil industry
comment image

Doktor Zymm

Oh dear god you are correct, that’s a match, LOL. This also explains the towel, cause you gotta buff that stuff

Mr. Ayo

Someone should tell him that’s not a bronzing product.

Brocky

…….this is killing my glove vibe ….

Spur

comment image

King Hippo

DID U NOE HE PLAYD BASKETBALL??

theeWeeBabySeamus

OK, as it stands now….. if James Connor gets me 30pts tomorrow, I’m gooooooood.

Damn u Brocky with your 17 pt defense, your 22 pt RB and your Rock n Roll music!!!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

OH, and fuck Mike Evans too.

Horatio Cornblower

I, also, would like to request a very good game from Mr. Connor.

Brocky

Eh, my combined players have 3.5 so far tonight

Doktor Zymm

It’s a shame when young men feel the need to imprison balls in baskets

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
yeah right

Greatest hobo movie ever! I saw that on the back end of a double feature at the Crest drive in in Ridgecrest California. Fucking Borgnine man@

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

He played one of the best evil characters IMO, ever.

Spur

Rodgers didnt even care his lineman was down. What an asshole

Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

“Tap and Go” sounds more like every relationship A Rod has had before his current one.

Spur

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Is the word order BUMAUSSIE or AUSSIEBUM?

Spur

Look he just needs a ride OK.

ballsofsteelandfury

Aussiebum. It’s a line of underwear.

Yes, it’s good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Shit, I think I just burned a pizza.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

“Cajun” pizza coming up!

Mr. Ayo

You monster!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Nope. All good. Good thing I checked when I did though.

Gatoraids

Make existing pizza the crust and add new layer of cheese and toppings

theeWeeBabySeamus

Mmmmmm….love the smoky aroma.

King Hippo

I’mma bet 35-20 is the final

Spur

comment image

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’ll be in my bunk.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Done. Thanks.

yeah right

Currently reading Earth Abides by suggestion from the DFO book club. Great read and amazing how it still reads timely despite the fact it was written 70 years ago.
Love me some post apocalypse fiction.

King Hippo

I’m on “Lucifer’s Hammer” right now. World Made By Hand series also really good.

yeah right

World made by hand is all ordered and next in line. I read Lucifer’s Hammer right out of high school and fucking loved it. I might read it again.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I probably read that 3 or 4 times over the first 20 years after it was first published. Cool book.

Spur

I recommend Trinity’s Child by William Prochnau for some classic cold war fun

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m glad to hear it wasn’t a disappointment. I always forget to preface my suggestions with the “I don’t know if you will like it, but I really liked it” disclaimer.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m reading ‘The Vanquished’, about why peace never really had a chance after WWI.

Nobody tell me how it ends; so far all I can tell is that this Hitler fellow seems suspicious.

Spur

Matt Moore will lead us to Victory and the nearest Waffle House – Andy Reid

Doktor Zymm

Did he really just say that Mahomes is dying slowly inside?

King Hippo

he looked like he was surfing a nice opiate wave to me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=akT5u5JICC0

theeWeeBabySeamus

ONE OF US!!!! ONE OF US!!!!

Brick Meathook

Mahomes has cancer.

yeah right

Who plays the scrappy sidekick in the movie?

King Hippo

gotta be Kelce, right?

Brick Meathook

Kelce is his retarded friend who doesn’t understand death.

yeah right

Played by Gronk for irony.

Brick Meathook

Robert DeNiro gains 400 lbs. to play retarded Andy Reid.

King Hippo

I wonder if I could still successfully program a VCR. You know, if I had to in order to survive?

Game Time Decision

12:00
12:00
12:00
12:00

Brocky

Fuck off gruden watson isn’t jordan

King Hippo

compared to Emo Carr, he sure is

Brick Meathook

I never realized how much of Robert DeNiro’s early career was playing retards.

Spur

I believe we say Palin-Americans now instead of the R word.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s even more insulting.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Four days ’til Halloween and I just turned the A/C back on.
COME ON OCTOBER WHAT’RE YOU DOING TO ME HERE???

King Hippo

I have mine on auto (high and low) so mine ain’t never go off.

Gonna be 4 degrees F on Halloween outside of Boulder, apparently.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I tried to resist, but I don’t plan to sleep in my own sweat tonight.

Doktor Zymm

If you move to CA, apparently October is the super hot season here

theeWeeBabySeamus

Combustion ftw….Wooooo!!!!!

Doktor Zymm

Haha, fucking Dematha

Spur

comment image

Spur

comment image

Brocky

Mildly related: i saw a family dressed as scooby doo characters, the kid was scooby, mom and dad were fred and daphne, and for the life of me I can’t stop myself for judging them for not being the far more interesting characters in shaggy and velma

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

The porn parody is good.

Brocky

And in that version, the shaggy and velma scene is better. Game set match

Horatio Cornblower

Danger prone Daphne did it again!

Doktor Zymm

JJ Watt: Steroids, or shitty stretching routine?

Spur

swamp disease

Doktor Zymm

Rocky Mountain Fever?

yeah right

Hoof in mouth disease.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Check his testicles.

Horatio Cornblower

Yes

Mr. Ayo

Watson looks like he just got out of a boxing ring.

King Hippo

He got kicked in the face on winning TD. And this is the best OL he’s ever had!

Doktor Zymm

If laws don’t apply to other species, how genetically different do you have to be from a reference human for the law not to apply to you?

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

MAGA.

Mr. Ayo

Cheeto.

yeah right

Yep. These replies pass the acid test.

Gratliff

10 more cardinals were put in FBI custody while that commercial aired

King Hippo

Hail Mary time!

Mr. Ayo

Not against this ferocious CHEF D.

Spur

The only woman Rodgers likes

Doktor Zymm

HAIL MARY FULL OF GRAPES

Spur

comment image

Spur

comment image

Spur

so the Green Bay defense eats ass

Mr. Ayo

Matt Moore has devaunted the GB defense.

Spur

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Yay! Pretty picture time!

Wakezilla

Dude has an incredible body, but I can’t imagine how much food restrictions he must live by to look like that

Spur

comment image

Spur

The Pizza Hut approved Dallas ass kicking of Philly

Spur

You know Rodgers is jealous of Mahomes

King Hippo

Andy Reid really is a very good coach.

Brocky

Bears should hire his offensive coordinator as coach. Worked for the eagles

Doktor Zymm

We shit on him a lot, but you really have to be to have a career of his length in the NFL. It’s a minority that last more than a few years, especially with multiple teams

theeWeeBabySeamus

It’s a minority that last more than a few years, especially with multiple teams

Tell me about it.
– J. Caldwelll

(nawt raycess)

King Hippo

I mean, he’s just fun to shit upon. But you have to also credit the flipside, and his still being around for the shitting.

Doktor Zymm

I only wish that more coaches had that combination of being fun to rib (or eat ribs) and being legit good

Wakezilla

Nice to see Houston is beating the former Expos.

/Still bitter

Doktor Zymm

Try to poach the Twins or the Rangers, they were both the Senators, so it would be super poetic or sommat

Doktor Zymm

comment image

King Hippo

well, fuck. These guys gonna make me edit my column entry.

King Hippo

Your reminder that Gale Sayers was scary fucking good.

Brick Meathook

I thought Gale Sayers tragically died of cancer back in the 1960s, but that what some other guy. Gale Sayers is still alive.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Yeah, I think the guy’s name you’re thinking of is James Caan.

Brick Meathook

I thought it was Robert DeNiro.

yeah right

That was the baseball version.

Basketball version was Jamaal Wilkes.

Brick Meathook

Hockey and soccer don’t have any tragic cancer dying movies. Track stars die tragically in car crashes, which is wonderfully ironic.

Doktor Zymm

I feel like soccer really should have one, but it should be in Italian. Cancer in hockey is like crying in baseball.

Brick Meathook

In an Italian soccer tragic cancer dying movie it would open on the player’s death bed and he would be surrounded by family and team mates and he would just rapidly talk non-stop (with occasional coughs) for ninety minutes and then he would finally die and then his team mates would go and win the big game.

Doktor Zymm

YES

Brick Meathook

Airplane crash is the preferred tragic death for rock stars (helicopter crash also accepted). Choking on vomit is a close second.

Brocky

Evening.

comment image

theeWeeBabySeamus

Indeed it is.

Doktor Zymm

I’m going to become a spider farmer: https://www.wired.com/2009/09/spider-silk/

theeWeeBabySeamus

Joe Buck: This is the time for the Nationals to respond.

tWBS: No Joe, that was yesterday. They be fucked right proper now. No wonder Brockmire thinks you’re a douchebag.

Mr. Ayo

The Nats made an interesting strategy choice of having to beat Gerrit Cole twice in this series.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Cole has beautiful hair. It’s probably very distracting to the batters.

King Hippo

NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR GOLF BULLSHIT OR ESPECIALLY TIGER

theeWeeBabySeamus

Even as a golfer, I must concur on both points.