It’s been a fairly hectic time on the old internets this week. My Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, made the news by avoiding Halloween costumes this year, because – well, you know…
He just ran out of ideas.
The Not-Montreal-Expos won the World Series, touching off a strenuous yet polite online debate in Canada about whether this counts as an Expos victory since they are part of the heritage of that team. The correct answer: it does not, and further debate only serves to make Youppi cry.
Deadspin died, and with it a lot of keyboards went silent. Well, while we can’t resolve the previous two, we here at [DFO] are more than happy to welcome any of those wayward souls to our happy little corner of the internet. Have a look over our welcome page, and hopefully you want to join us in maintaining the snarky fun that was the mainstay of our former home, KSK.
For those of you who are still learning about our fair site, the weekends are a little more casual. Saturday mornings (and non-football Sundays), as you may have seen, are usually devoted to discussing Lesser Footy (aka, “soccer”) and Lesser Aussie Footy (aka, the “AFL”, Crikey! edition) when in season. The evening posts are usually sorbets for the next day’s football action, but are also home to a rabid pack of Canadian Commentists who rave about hockey & complain at the volume of Leafs coverage in our media.
I’m Beerguyrob, and I’ll be your server this evening.
We think you’ll agree: [DFO] – we’re not Drew Magary, but we’re also not AJ Daulerio.
Sunday Football Viewing Maps – courtesy 506sports.com
CBS EARLY
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
█ Indianapolis @ Pittsburgh – Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts
█ Tennessee @ Carolina – Greg Gumbel, Trent Green
CBS LATE
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
FOX SINGLE
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL: (national broadcasts only)
- Leafs at Flyers – 7:00PM | CBC
- Senators at Bruins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet360
- Canucks at Sharks – 10:00PM | CBC
- Jets at Vegas – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
- NCAA: (games of note)
- Mississippi at Auburn – 7:00PM | ESPN
- Northwestern at Indiana – 7:00Pm | FS1
- SMU at Memphis – 7:30PM | ABC
- Oregon at Southern California – 8:00PM | FOX
- BYU at Utah State – 10:00PM | ESPN2
- CFL: final weekend
- Argonauts vs. Tiger-Cats – 7:00PM | TSN / ESPN+
- Stampeders vs. Lions – 10:00PM | TSN / ESPN+
- Fisticuffs:
- UFC 244 – Masvidal vs. Diaz: From New York City
- Prelims – 8:00PM | ESPN2
- Main Card – 10:00PM | ESPN+
- Top Rank Boxing:
- Main Card: Berchelt-Sosa (junior lightweights) – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN5
- UFC 244 – Masvidal vs. Diaz: From New York City
- Left Turns:
- NASCAR:
- O’Reilly Auto Parts 300 – Texas Motor Speedway – 8:30PM | NBCSN / TSN2
- NASCAR:
- Dear Lord Why?!:
- NYC Marathon – 9:00AM | ESPN2 / TSN2
Anyhoo – that’s how Saturday nights look. I ramble a bit; we talk about football broadcasts; and then we entertain ourselves with jokes & gifs until one by one we all fall asleep or blackout. If you remember KSK, it’s how the live blogs went.
Welcome to all the new folks; welcome back to all the current folks, and enjoy your evening here at [DFO].
last funny:
mixed an ibuprofen and cbd oil into my mcdonald’s sprite and now i am unable to feel any pain. in fact i am incapable of feeling anything at all anymore. gravity is no longer affecting me and i am floating towards space
Donny made the mistake of going to another public gathering. I heard some people say he just wanted to go in front of a crowd that wasn’t going to be mean to him. I’m not sure why they would think that crowd would be in NYC.
https://twitter.com/RTaub_/status/1190810659220574208
BOO!
It was unfortunately less one-sided than the Nats due to the meathead demographic.
They cranked up the in-house music as well
Yeah, but I’m sure it still stung – he’s never exposed himself to boos before and this was supposed to erase the indignity of the first time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jo9t5XK0FhA
found a funny:
me: it’s called no nut november, im not allowed to cum at all but i think i can still get close and then stop
uber driver dropping me off: well good luck
I love any joke where the punchline is:
At first I thought this meant “lazy idiot” but turns out it’s the Quebec Circle-K:
WE’re in round 6 of a goalless Toronto-Philly shootout
Round 7. Nobody gets to win.
Round 8. Fire Alain Vigneault.
Round 10. There has only ever been the shootout. My grandfather told me stories of regulation, but I’ve never seen any evidence.
Toronto wins in Round 12, mercifully ending the pain
Your dedication…
Tears!
Fire Vigneault?
Ass. Flavoured. ASS.
We’re now going to Shaquille O’neal to get his opinion!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcxKwQJZ_04
My sister got her PhD at USC. I got to walk the campus when I was in the USN.
Holy shit the place was amazing. Like the buildings all have an ancient Greek theme. it’s gorgeous.
I will never understand why a California kid would go up to the great lakes region over staying in Cali. If you have the talent for a scholarship, why freeze your ass off in a shithole like Southbend. I’ved done jobs there….there is fuck all in South Bend Indiana. Like a community college in San Diego has more amenities.
ND must be paying their players. It makes no sense otherwise …
You’re like the candyman. They said your name 3 times!
In all seriousness the recruiting sucks. They hired a new AD and word on the street says Urban Meyer. They let all of that talent just walk away. You too Bruins! Don’t be slinking away.
You’ve got to pay this bill.
There are just some states that should NEVER struggle to recruit (Florida and Cali especially). With modern TV deals, traditional powerhouse programs in shitty locals should struggle.
Some have, like Nebraska. But others continue to hold on. It makes no sense to me.
UCLA and USC should fucking DOMINATE in recruiting. Alabama is a dead town except for a couple of Saturdays a year.
I hate him, but no one can argue that Saban is not the greatest college coach of all time. How the fuck do you convince kids nation wide to waste their college years in a tiny Alabama town?
Easy. Money.
Concur.
Absolutely, all of the recruiting goes straight to the SEC. TV time. And what kills an LA local like me is to see all of the Islanders go elsewhere.
Junior Seau Yo!
I went to Northern Michigan on a scholarship once upon a time. 2 feet of snow first week of October. The wind coming off the lake was a slow, damning guffaw.
I did boot camp in Great Lakes…in December. I was never so fucking cold in my life.
I will never forget going to Chicago and seeing the waves on the lake frozen in place.
That ain’t right….
For you Vonnegut readers, welcome to the Daffodill 13 club.
For those who enjoy a shitshow: WWE cut off a Saudi broadcast of their most recent Saudi Blood Money special because Vince was arguing that the Saudi government still owed him money. Afterwards, MBS had WWE talent ordered off one of the planes heading back, which is better than his usual dick move of horrific murder. Wrestlers are pissed that Vince fucked off in his private jet before they were ready to go, with some refusing to ever do a Saudi Propaganda show again. It’s almost as if nothing good could have come out of the whole arrangement like pretty much everyone who wasn’t part of WWE or Saudi Arabia shouted at the company before each show.
I once did a job in KSA. There was a money dispute. I got arrested at the airport and my travel documents seized. I spent a month trying to get out of that shit hole.
The sooner they run out of oil, the better …
My experience in that part of the world is that the locals are the most unjustifiably arrogant motherfuckers on the planet.
I have no problem with the young Arabs. Like is it weird they think they are the center of the universe? They call and the US military does their bidding.
I fucking detested the British and American expats. Fuckers tended to think they were on par with the Arabs.
Oh boy would they eventually learn….
McMahon needs to have a wrestling type show where the wrasslers go out in the ring and beat the shit out of women who drive cars or don’t cover their heads or faces. THAT would sell like a motherfucker in the Middle East. Probably in a lot of parts of the USA, too.
Troi Boiz has gone back to being ass-flavoured ass.
Just spit balling here – DFO Secret Santa?
Balls already said he was delivering a fleshlight. What else could you want?
Pantsless pants!!
I have a phobia that one day you animals will track me down ….
I am totally in on this idea.
If given the choice would Urban Meyer choose USC or Michigan to coach?
Michigan would be the ultimate heel turn. Redshirt might go to jail if that were to happen.
Based on his name, I’d guess USC.
Does he really have the heart for it?
A retirement home back at Bowling Green is what we really need.
Today’s schedule is so bad, I been watching EZU/JV Cincy
SMU/Memphis is going to be the game to watch.
Steak with roasted onion and ghost pepper? It works as long as (expected) you don’t eat the pepper.
As always, Pray FOAR Senor’s Terlet
As there is no photo of the onions and pepper in skillet, it will only get a mention in the next House if Pain.
Oh, we gon DIE, chuh chuh.
Own that shit.
I don’t even know what to do with them. Which makes it intriguing!
Let’s test it out.
Bring on the peppers!
I plan on trying a ghost pepper infused vodka.
Please Jeebus, just take the wheel and let Wahoowa win tonight. I can take the rest of today’s shit sandwich.
What is the O/U for Jets-Dolphins?
@JustStopDude are you with us this evening? I had an engineering question; maybe you or someone else can answer. Let’s say you have a 30′ tall barrier made of steel posts filled with concrete. You want to knock down a big section of it. Would it work to cut notches in the bottom of a number of the posts to create stress concentration points, and then to attach a cable/rope to the top and cycle tension on it (basically “bouncing” the wall back and forth) until a large section of it failed?
Asking for an amigo.
Rebar is inside right? You need to drill test points where you think the rebar is not there.
Then using a concrete saw, slice out what you want gone. Put in your wire ropes to pull.
You don’t want to expose the rebar because this is a path for corrosion. When the rebar gets exposed, it corrodes and will destroy what you want to keep.
Oh, interesting, I never even thought about punching holes – that’s even easier than cutting notches. But I’d be delighted to have the rebar corrode too; the whole point is to fuck with the structural integrity of the wall.
Punch holes and flood the base of the posts.
I think the posts are full of rebar concrete.
Play the long term game. Just expose the rebar. The D Day landing sites are all critically failing because the Germans used re-inforced with rebar, concrete structures. Meanwhile, there are WWI concrete structures that look untouched.
Most of there bunkers are failing to very limited concrete damage. Rust is a powerful force.
But I also want the delight of seeing a headline that reads “massive section of border wall topples over” sometime in the next year.
There it is.
The border wall is a joke. Right up with Obama promise to close gitmo. Trillion dollars projects are a nightmare.
Fun story….I was driving the quay crane in Philly when the billion dollar coke bust occurred.
Sorry about your coke.
99 on Oh-ray-GAWNE must have had a wee bit too many steroids for breakfast
“Local hockey team so bad, local man driven to excessive drinking” would be the headline of my personal newspaper.
…Are you me?
The extra hour of sleep tonight is going to rule.
Pro tip: take the Monday off after the time change.
Trust me.
Done and done
Good man!
Been looking for an excuse for this gif. Fucking hilarious
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIvUv8nrZww
Huh, that was NSFW huh?
I dunno. We never saw it.
Here’s imgur
v
Try again here, take out the space, I have no idea what I’m doing, how the fuck do I spend so much time on the internet and still seem so helpless
http://imgur.com/ gallery/vqrGtpr
It’s weird. I can see it now.
SMU-SMU and FedEx…are not good at teh footy. This game would be sloppy even for the ACC.
IU football is like the Big Ten’s little retarded cousin.
Seeing them do well is heart warming for everyone except the purdue faithful
“Pony Express” is also the title of that videotape I accidentally bought in Germany and totally didn’t mean to bring back in my checked luggage I swear, officer.
Balls search term? Nah, already done!
Fillet mignon right? 3 mins/side at 415, right?
Sounds about right, yeah.
I would sear it in a smoking hot cast iron skillet for 2 minutes on each side then 2 in the preheated oven. The sear is the key.
Roger
Atta boy. You could even make a pan sauce with some dijon, Worcestershire, maybe some garlic and heavy cream. Sprig of fresh rosemary or some such.
some shallots are nice too – deglaze with brandy, though stand back if you want to keep eyebrows
Don’t overcook it. You overcook it, it’s no good. It defeats its own purpose.
Goddamn right. The iron taste and the sear are what you’re going for. Salt and pepper only.
Butter yeah? Sure. Uh huh.
You just made Steak Diane!
Oh indeed.
“The Big 12” sounds like a specialty burger that Andy Reid would order at Carl’s Jr.
By the way you’ll never guess where I am right now.
Behind Andy Reid at a Carl’s Jr?
The Dr. Mrs. has been gone for literally less than 12 hours and I am probably the scruffiest person in this place.
You wore your second-best pair of Zubaz out tonight?
I need to get nice and drunk to pull the trigger some amazon items, sober Spur wont’s order.
If you regret-buy a Fleshlight, I know a certain Canadian that is owed one as a prize. I’ll even drive to you to pick it up.
Lots of red flags in this comment
Somebody getting a fuck doll for Kwanzaa!
trippy…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=109&v=QfFCb1y0WfA
We all on the SMU train?
Death by SMU SMU
All of us except the five hookers that Craig James slaughtered.
“Slaughtered” makes it sound classier
In retrospect I wish I’d gone with “butchered”. Ah well, guess I’ll just have to wait for the next batch of five hookers.
Leafs are, uh, slightly undisciplined
USC vs duckies should be good…. right?
Tis.
All are Welcomed
FFS I forgot Don Cherry was a thing, he’s wearing a suit with mustaches on it.
“FOR SOME REASON THESE YOUNG SPORTS WRITERS THEY’RE NOT HAPPY WITH OUR TRADITIONS” is a thing Don Cherry just screamed through my TV at me
30 seconds later, he was standing in a military graveyard. Crotchety old Canadian fucks must love the shit out of Don.
Yes, we do.
I old and crotchety enough but have always hated him. Fucking blow hard
found many funnies:
https://twitter.com/i/moments/1088145618399318016
If you new folks are out there hanging around we would like to tell you that commenting is not only welcome but encouraged.
My origin story goes like this.
I found Drew on Father Knows Shit before KSK. Back then you had to try out for commenting on Deadspin and I guess I didn’t pass the audition. When KSK started I was welcomed in with open arms. I was a Kommenter on KSK from day 1 to day last.
Remember how the blogs used to have a blog roll on the page and they recommended like sites?
Way back then led me to many other sports blogs. I’ve read Deadspin daily since about 2000- something? It was all Will back then, even pre-AJ.
I’m going to miss the fuck out of them but I’ll track them down as soon as they resurface.
If you are new here, welcome. It’s an honor to have you.
My name is yeah right and I’m the resident food guy.
If you have a menu request, I also take requests.
Welcome.
Can you teach me how to make a spaghetti so bad that my family will stop harassing me to make spaghetti or what they call “spanish rice” which is spaghetti but with rice? It’s like living with children.
That’s a great idea.
How not to cook properly.
I would start with 2 full bottles of ketchup…
I said I want them to ask me for it less
You are living with children. I kicked mine out when they got old enough.
Very few things I make don’t prompt the boy or his mother from breaking out the ketchup bottle. Fried chicken? Brats? Cheesecake? Ketchup.
Alright, start with 2 jars of yellow mustard and a bottle of Jagermeister…
Do you want tWBS’s extra ghost peppers?
You know what?
Hell yeah. I’ll fuck around with them.
I know only a few of us are going for Sanders, but it’s no less hilarious how they try to frame things without him being mentioned
I thought he was dead.
Mostly dead means he’s slightly alive
He said true blave! Thank you for your kind welcome! I am a refugee from deadspin, a Steelers fan, (except for Rapey Ben, fuck him) and a real live girl. I’m making porkchops and applesauce for dinner, that’s swell!
Those 5 tacos never stood a chance.
If you’re wondering, this is what watching CBC looks like from the US
I have to use the Spectrum app on the xbox, because if I watch it through the box, it stretches it, but only horizontally.
Drunk-ordered John Wick 3, which I have not yet seen, last night off of Amazon, it just arrived. I don’t think there are any games on tonight that will be more compelling than watching some killing with a fucking pencil by Theodore “Ted” Logan.
You will have a great night.
Twitter is just full of images that make me feel better about myself
Jesus.
Of course the laptop is plugged in.
All that’s missing is a needle, spoon, and cigarette lighter.
That dildo is a little high, innit?
Pretty hilarious that I didn’t even notice the dildo until you pointed it out.
And it’s sad that’s the first thing I saw. I need to clean my soul…
I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise.
If that’s a regular DS and not a 3DS, I’m going to think even less of them
I’m not Canadian and still rave about hockey.
Future father in law is staying with us this weekend, so even though I’ve been cutting back on the booze, tonight is likely a scotch night. See you all after dinner and a few cocktails.
Make sure his room is adjacent to your bedroom with the thinest walls
Now the walking 15 miles thing makes sense…
Goddam, is there going to be any game today that ends up the way I would like to see? Even seeing Purdue defeat Nebraska was unsatisfactory due to the presence of Drew Brees on the Boilermaker sideline. Since I work for the Air Force, I guess I should be happy that they are beating Army right now, but that might not last either. Edit: well, at least that went “my” way. Wait, you fumbled on a kneel down? And you want to fly an F-35A or a B-2 or B-21? Are you fucking kidding? Security Forces for you, dumbass.
I remember drinkin’ with a couple of air force transport pilots one time. I don’t remember much about the evening except that, when asked, said that the worst mistake he’d made as a pilot was taking off with his flaps fully deployed.
Sam Greszes and Dave Rappoccio talk Deadspin and KSK
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5FZjNE43r0Aop4EGpLetl8
Go in and order a Royale with Cheese!
All this welcoming talk makes it feel like the first day at the nudist retreat. They knew those brochures were packed with lies. Did everyone else see Simone biles doing flips in some well-fitted jeans? During some baseball thing? Great googoly moogoly. I’d die today if it were by having my head crushed in her thighs.
[looks up Simone Biles’ age; is relieved to find out that she’s 22]
I’m not going to even bother reading the box score. I’m just going to assume referee fuckery in the Notre dame game
What? You don’t want to watch Green Bay lite?
Didn’t see that one coming. Fuck Notre Dame (Full disclosure: have good friend that is a Hokie, and her husband is a big ND fan even though he got his MD at UConn. Bluidy Catlicks. I just texted him that he probably was getting the couch tonight, he said it was worth it).