It’s been a fairly hectic time on the old internets this week. My Prime Minister, Justin Trudeau, made the news by avoiding Halloween costumes this year, because – well, you know…

      

He just ran out of ideas.

The Not-Montreal-Expos won the World Series, touching off a strenuous yet polite online debate in Canada about whether this counts as an Expos victory since they are part of the heritage of that team. The correct answer: it does not, and further debate only serves to make Youppi cry.

Besides, he’s moved on.

Deadspin died, and with it a lot of keyboards went silent. Well, while we can’t resolve the previous two, we here at [DFO] are more than happy to welcome any of those wayward souls to our happy little corner of the internet. Have a look over our welcome page, and hopefully you want to join us in maintaining the snarky fun that was the mainstay of our former home, KSK.

For those of you who are still learning about our fair site, the weekends are a little more casual. Saturday mornings (and non-football Sundays), as you may have seen, are usually devoted to discussing Lesser Footy (aka, “soccer”) and Lesser Aussie Footy (aka, the “AFL”, Crikey! edition) when in season. The evening posts are usually sorbets for the next day’s football action, but are also home to a rabid pack of Canadian Commentists who rave about hockey & complain at the volume of Leafs coverage in our media.

I’m Beerguyrob, and I’ll be your server this evening.

We think you’ll agree: [DFO] – we’re not Drew Magary, but we’re also not AJ Daulerio.


Sunday Football Viewing Maps – courtesy 506sports.com

CBS EARLY

 Anchorage
 Fairbanks
 Honolulu

█ Indianapolis @ Pittsburgh – Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts

█ Tennessee @ Carolina – Greg Gumbel, Trent Green

█ NY Jets @ Miami – Spero Dedes, Adam Archuleta
I bet CBS wishes they could have a different game for 75% of the country. Not Andrew Luck vs. Not Rapey Ben is Not A Ratings Winner. And I’m not going to lie – that LOLJets – LOLFins matchup looks to sound as hideous as it will likely play out. The broadcast team might kill themselves after calling a 3-2 Jets win.
—————————————————————-

CBS LATE

 Anchorage
 Fairbanks
 Honolulu
█ Green Bay @ LA Chargers – Jim Nantz, Tony Romo
█ Cleveland @ Denver – Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon
If I can trust anyone to make a turd sound like a filet mignon, it’s Kevin Harlan. It will be the only thing making that game watchable.
—————————————————————-

FOX SINGLE

 Anchorage
 Fairbanks
 Honolulu
█ Chicago @ Philadelphia – Dick Stockton, Mark Schlereth
█ Minnesota @ Kansas City – Kevin Burkhardt, Charles Davis
█ Washington @ Buffalo – Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston
█ Detroit @ Oakland (LATE) – Thom Brennaman, Chris Spielman
█ Tampa Bay @ Seattle (LATE) – Kenny Albert, Ronde Barber
I will be at the Tampa-Seattle game, so will be spared the ordeal of Ronde Barber trying to interpret Kenny Albert.
—————————————————————-
Finally, remember – it’s a 14 hour viewing window on Sunday, thanks to the London game. Don’t forget to hydrate!

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: (national broadcasts only)  
    • Leafs at Flyers – 7:00PM | CBC
    • Senators at Bruins – 7:00PM | Sportsnet360
    • Canucks at Sharks – 10:00PM | CBC
    • Jets at Vegas – 10:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NCAA: (games of note)
    • Mississippi at Auburn – 7:00PM | ESPN
    • Northwestern at Indiana – 7:00Pm | FS1
    • SMU at Memphis – 7:30PM | ABC
    • Oregon at Southern California – 8:00PM | FOX
    • BYU at Utah State – 10:00PM | ESPN2
  • CFL: final weekend  
    • Argonauts vs. Tiger-Cats – 7:00PM | TSN / ESPN+
    • Stampeders vs. Lions – 10:00PM | TSN / ESPN+
  • Fisticuffs:
    • UFC 244 – Masvidal vs. Diaz: From New York City
      • Prelims – 8:00PM | ESPN2
      • Main Card – 10:00PM | ESPN+
    • Top Rank Boxing:
      • Main Card: Berchelt-Sosa (junior lightweights) – 10:30PM | ESPN / TSN5
  • Left Turns:
    • NASCAR:
      • O’Reilly Auto Parts 300 – Texas Motor Speedway – 8:30PM | NBCSN / TSN2
  • Dear Lord Why?!:
    • NYC Marathon – 9:00AM | ESPN2 / TSN2

Anyhoo – that’s how Saturday nights look. I ramble a bit; we talk about football broadcasts; and then we entertain ourselves with jokes & gifs until one by one we all fall asleep or blackout. If you remember KSK, it’s how the live blogs went.

Welcome to all the new folks; welcome back to all the current folks, and enjoy your evening here at [DFO].

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Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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rockingdog

last funny:
mixed an ibuprofen and cbd oil into my mcdonald’s sprite and now i am unable to feel any pain. in fact i am incapable of feeling anything at all anymore. gravity is no longer affecting me and i am floating towards space

Gratliff

Donny made the mistake of going to another public gathering. I heard some people say he just wanted to go in front of a crowd that wasn’t going to be mean to him. I’m not sure why they would think that crowd would be in NYC.
https://twitter.com/RTaub_/status/1190810659220574208

Spur

BOO!

Senor Weaselo

It was unfortunately less one-sided than the Nats due to the meathead demographic.

Horatio Cornblower

They cranked up the in-house music as well

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah, but I’m sure it still stung – he’s never exposed himself to boos before and this was supposed to erase the indignity of the first time.

Spur
rockingdog

found a funny:
me: it’s called no nut november, im not allowed to cum at all but i think i can still get close and then stop
uber driver dropping me off: well good luck

Brocky

I love any joke where the punchline is:

Uber Driver: why did you sit in the front

Brick Meathook

At first I thought this meant “lazy idiot” but turns out it’s the Quebec Circle-K:
comment image

Gratliff

WE’re in round 6 of a goalless Toronto-Philly shootout

Gratliff

Round 7. Nobody gets to win.

Gratliff

Round 8. Fire Alain Vigneault.

Gratliff

Round 10. There has only ever been the shootout. My grandfather told me stories of regulation, but I’ve never seen any evidence.

Gratliff

Toronto wins in Round 12, mercifully ending the pain

yeah right

Your dedication…

Tears!

Sharkbait

Fire Vigneault?
comment image

King Hippo

Ass. Flavoured. ASS.

yeah right

We’re now going to Shaquille O’neal to get his opinion!

Spur
JustStopDude

My sister got her PhD at USC. I got to walk the campus when I was in the USN.

Holy shit the place was amazing. Like the buildings all have an ancient Greek theme. it’s gorgeous.

I will never understand why a California kid would go up to the great lakes region over staying in Cali. If you have the talent for a scholarship, why freeze your ass off in a shithole like Southbend. I’ved done jobs there….there is fuck all in South Bend Indiana. Like a community college in San Diego has more amenities.

ND must be paying their players. It makes no sense otherwise …

yeah right

You’re like the candyman. They said your name 3 times!

yeah right

In all seriousness the recruiting sucks. They hired a new AD and word on the street says Urban Meyer. They let all of that talent just walk away. You too Bruins! Don’t be slinking away.

You’ve got to pay this bill.

JustStopDude

There are just some states that should NEVER struggle to recruit (Florida and Cali especially). With modern TV deals, traditional powerhouse programs in shitty locals should struggle.

Some have, like Nebraska. But others continue to hold on. It makes no sense to me.

UCLA and USC should fucking DOMINATE in recruiting. Alabama is a dead town except for a couple of Saturdays a year.

I hate him, but no one can argue that Saban is not the greatest college coach of all time. How the fuck do you convince kids nation wide to waste their college years in a tiny Alabama town?

ballsofsteelandfury

Easy. Money.

yeah right

Concur.

yeah right

Absolutely, all of the recruiting goes straight to the SEC. TV time. And what kills an LA local like me is to see all of the Islanders go elsewhere.

Junior Seau Yo!

Gratliff

I went to Northern Michigan on a scholarship once upon a time. 2 feet of snow first week of October. The wind coming off the lake was a slow, damning guffaw.

JustStopDude

I did boot camp in Great Lakes…in December. I was never so fucking cold in my life.

I will never forget going to Chicago and seeing the waves on the lake frozen in place.

That ain’t right….

yeah right

For you Vonnegut readers, welcome to the Daffodill 13 club.

Gratliff

For those who enjoy a shitshow: WWE cut off a Saudi broadcast of their most recent Saudi Blood Money special because Vince was arguing that the Saudi government still owed him money. Afterwards, MBS had WWE talent ordered off one of the planes heading back, which is better than his usual dick move of horrific murder. Wrestlers are pissed that Vince fucked off in his private jet before they were ready to go, with some refusing to ever do a Saudi Propaganda show again. It’s almost as if nothing good could have come out of the whole arrangement like pretty much everyone who wasn’t part of WWE or Saudi Arabia shouted at the company before each show.

Spur

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JustStopDude

I once did a job in KSA. There was a money dispute. I got arrested at the airport and my travel documents seized. I spent a month trying to get out of that shit hole.

The sooner they run out of oil, the better …

Gratliff

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Viva La Tabula Raza

My experience in that part of the world is that the locals are the most unjustifiably arrogant motherfuckers on the planet.

JustStopDude

I have no problem with the young Arabs. Like is it weird they think they are the center of the universe? They call and the US military does their bidding.

I fucking detested the British and American expats. Fuckers tended to think they were on par with the Arabs.

Oh boy would they eventually learn….

Viva La Tabula Raza

McMahon needs to have a wrestling type show where the wrasslers go out in the ring and beat the shit out of women who drive cars or don’t cover their heads or faces. THAT would sell like a motherfucker in the Middle East. Probably in a lot of parts of the USA, too.

King Hippo

Troi Boiz has gone back to being ass-flavoured ass.

Spur

Just spit balling here – DFO Secret Santa?

Gratliff

Balls already said he was delivering a fleshlight. What else could you want?

yeah right

Pantsless pants!!

JustStopDude

I have a phobia that one day you animals will track me down ….

ballsofsteelandfury

I am totally in on this idea.

Spur

If given the choice would Urban Meyer choose USC or Michigan to coach?

WCS

Michigan would be the ultimate heel turn. Redshirt might go to jail if that were to happen.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Based on his name, I’d guess USC.

King Hippo

Does he really have the heart for it?

herodotus450

A retirement home back at Bowling Green is what we really need.

King Hippo

Today’s schedule is so bad, I been watching EZU/JV Cincy

Spur

SMU/Memphis is going to be the game to watch.

Senor Weaselo

Steak with roasted onion and ghost pepper? It works as long as (expected) you don’t eat the pepper.

King Hippo

As always, Pray FOAR Senor’s Terlet

Senor Weaselo

As there is no photo of the onions and pepper in skillet, it will only get a mention in the next House if Pain.

Oh, we gon DIE, chuh chuh.

yeah right

Own that shit.

yeah right

I don’t even know what to do with them. Which makes it intriguing!

Let’s test it out.

Bring on the peppers!

Sharkbait

I plan on trying a ghost pepper infused vodka.

King Hippo

Please Jeebus, just take the wheel and let Wahoowa win tonight. I can take the rest of today’s shit sandwich.

Senor Weaselo

What is the O/U for Jets-Dolphins?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

are you with us this evening? I had an engineering question; maybe you or someone else can answer. Let’s say you have a 30′ tall barrier made of steel posts filled with concrete. You want to knock down a big section of it. Would it work to cut notches in the bottom of a number of the posts to create stress concentration points, and then to attach a cable/rope to the top and cycle tension on it (basically “bouncing” the wall back and forth) until a large section of it failed?

Asking for an amigo.

JustStopDude

Rebar is inside right? You need to drill test points where you think the rebar is not there.

Then using a concrete saw, slice out what you want gone. Put in your wire ropes to pull.

You don’t want to expose the rebar because this is a path for corrosion. When the rebar gets exposed, it corrodes and will destroy what you want to keep.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh, interesting, I never even thought about punching holes – that’s even easier than cutting notches. But I’d be delighted to have the rebar corrode too; the whole point is to fuck with the structural integrity of the wall.

ballsofsteelandfury

Punch holes and flood the base of the posts.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I think the posts are full of rebar concrete.

JustStopDude

Play the long term game. Just expose the rebar. The D Day landing sites are all critically failing because the Germans used re-inforced with rebar, concrete structures. Meanwhile, there are WWI concrete structures that look untouched.

Most of there bunkers are failing to very limited concrete damage. Rust is a powerful force.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

But I also want the delight of seeing a headline that reads “massive section of border wall topples over” sometime in the next year.

yeah right

There it is.

JustStopDude

The border wall is a joke. Right up with Obama promise to close gitmo. Trillion dollars projects are a nightmare.

Fun story….I was driving the quay crane in Philly when the billion dollar coke bust occurred.

Horatio Cornblower

Sorry about your coke.

King Hippo

99 on Oh-ray-GAWNE must have had a wee bit too many steroids for breakfast

herodotus450

“Local hockey team so bad, local man driven to excessive drinking” would be the headline of my personal newspaper.

Sharkbait

…Are you me?

Spur

The extra hour of sleep tonight is going to rule.

yeah right

Pro tip: take the Monday off after the time change.

Trust me.

Game Time Decision

Done and done

yeah right

Good man!

Brocky

Been looking for an excuse for this gif. Fucking hilarious
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herodotus450
Brocky

Huh, that was NSFW huh?

ballsofsteelandfury

I dunno. We never saw it.

Brocky

Here’s imgur
comment imagev

Brocky

Try again here, take out the space, I have no idea what I’m doing, how the fuck do I spend so much time on the internet and still seem so helpless

http://imgur.com/ gallery/vqrGtpr

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s weird. I can see it now.

King Hippo

SMU-SMU and FedEx…are not good at teh footy. This game would be sloppy even for the ACC.

Brocky

IU football is like the Big Ten’s little retarded cousin.

Seeing them do well is heart warming for everyone except the purdue faithful

herodotus450

“Pony Express” is also the title of that videotape I accidentally bought in Germany and totally didn’t mean to bring back in my checked luggage I swear, officer.

ballsofsteelandfury

Balls search term? Nah, already done!

blaxabbath

Fillet mignon right? 3 mins/side at 415, right?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Sounds about right, yeah.

yeah right

I would sear it in a smoking hot cast iron skillet for 2 minutes on each side then 2 in the preheated oven. The sear is the key.

blaxabbath

Roger

yeah right

Atta boy. You could even make a pan sauce with some dijon, Worcestershire, maybe some garlic and heavy cream. Sprig of fresh rosemary or some such.

Warthog

some shallots are nice too – deglaze with brandy, though stand back if you want to keep eyebrows

Brick Meathook

Don’t overcook it. You overcook it, it’s no good. It defeats its own purpose.

yeah right

Goddamn right. The iron taste and the sear are what you’re going for. Salt and pepper only.

yeah right

Butter yeah? Sure. Uh huh.

yeah right

You just made Steak Diane!

Warthog

Oh indeed.

rockingdog

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“The Big 12” sounds like a specialty burger that Andy Reid would order at Carl’s Jr.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

By the way you’ll never guess where I am right now.

LemonJello

Behind Andy Reid at a Carl’s Jr?

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The Dr. Mrs. has been gone for literally less than 12 hours and I am probably the scruffiest person in this place.

LemonJello

You wore your second-best pair of Zubaz out tonight?

Spur

I need to get nice and drunk to pull the trigger some amazon items, sober Spur wont’s order.

ballsofsteelandfury

If you regret-buy a Fleshlight, I know a certain Canadian that is owed one as a prize. I’ll even drive to you to pick it up.

Gratliff

Lots of red flags in this comment

King Hippo

Somebody getting a fuck doll for Kwanzaa!

rockingdog
Spur

We all on the SMU train?

Gratliff

Death by SMU SMU

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

All of us except the five hookers that Craig James slaughtered.

ballsofsteelandfury

“Slaughtered” makes it sound classier

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In retrospect I wish I’d gone with “butchered”. Ah well, guess I’ll just have to wait for the next batch of five hookers.

Gratliff

Leafs are, uh, slightly undisciplined

rockingdog

USC vs duckies should be good…. right?

ballsofsteelandfury

Tis.

Spur

All are Welcomed comment image

Gratliff

FFS I forgot Don Cherry was a thing, he’s wearing a suit with mustaches on it.

Gratliff

“FOR SOME REASON THESE YOUNG SPORTS WRITERS THEY’RE NOT HAPPY WITH OUR TRADITIONS” is a thing Don Cherry just screamed through my TV at me

Gratliff

30 seconds later, he was standing in a military graveyard. Crotchety old Canadian fucks must love the shit out of Don.
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BC Dick

Yes, we do.

Game Time Decision

I old and crotchety enough but have always hated him. Fucking blow hard

rockingdog
yeah right

If you new folks are out there hanging around we would like to tell you that commenting is not only welcome but encouraged.

My origin story goes like this.
I found Drew on Father Knows Shit before KSK. Back then you had to try out for commenting on Deadspin and I guess I didn’t pass the audition. When KSK started I was welcomed in with open arms. I was a Kommenter on KSK from day 1 to day last.
Remember how the blogs used to have a blog roll on the page and they recommended like sites?
Way back then led me to many other sports blogs. I’ve read Deadspin daily since about 2000- something? It was all Will back then, even pre-AJ.

I’m going to miss the fuck out of them but I’ll track them down as soon as they resurface.

If you are new here, welcome. It’s an honor to have you.

My name is yeah right and I’m the resident food guy.
If you have a menu request, I also take requests.

Welcome.

Gratliff

Can you teach me how to make a spaghetti so bad that my family will stop harassing me to make spaghetti or what they call “spanish rice” which is spaghetti but with rice? It’s like living with children.

yeah right

That’s a great idea.
How not to cook properly.

I would start with 2 full bottles of ketchup…

Gratliff

I said I want them to ask me for it less

yeah right

You are living with children. I kicked mine out when they got old enough.

Gratliff

Very few things I make don’t prompt the boy or his mother from breaking out the ketchup bottle. Fried chicken? Brats? Cheesecake? Ketchup.

yeah right

Alright, start with 2 jars of yellow mustard and a bottle of Jagermeister…

Senor Weaselo

Do you want tWBS’s extra ghost peppers?

yeah right

You know what?

Hell yeah. I’ll fuck around with them.

Gratliff

I know only a few of us are going for Sanders, but it’s no less hilarious how they try to frame things without him being mentioned
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Brick Meathook

I thought he was dead.

Gratliff

Mostly dead means he’s slightly alive

Gumbygirl

He said true blave! Thank you for your kind welcome! I am a refugee from deadspin, a Steelers fan, (except for Rapey Ben, fuck him) and a real live girl. I’m making porkchops and applesauce for dinner, that’s swell!

yeah right

Those 5 tacos never stood a chance.

Gratliff

If you’re wondering, this is what watching CBC looks like from the US
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Gratliff

I have to use the Spectrum app on the xbox, because if I watch it through the box, it stretches it, but only horizontally.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Drunk-ordered John Wick 3, which I have not yet seen, last night off of Amazon, it just arrived. I don’t think there are any games on tonight that will be more compelling than watching some killing with a fucking pencil by Theodore “Ted” Logan.

ballsofsteelandfury

You will have a great night.

Gratliff

Twitter is just full of images that make me feel better about myself
comment image

yeah right

Jesus.

yeah right

Of course the laptop is plugged in.

Viva La Tabula Raza

All that’s missing is a needle, spoon, and cigarette lighter.

ballsofsteelandfury

That dildo is a little high, innit?

yeah right

Pretty hilarious that I didn’t even notice the dildo until you pointed it out.

ballsofsteelandfury

And it’s sad that’s the first thing I saw. I need to clean my soul…

yeah right

I am Jack’s complete lack of surprise.

Brocky

If that’s a regular DS and not a 3DS, I’m going to think even less of them

Sharkbait

I’m not Canadian and still rave about hockey.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Future father in law is staying with us this weekend, so even though I’ve been cutting back on the booze, tonight is likely a scotch night. See you all after dinner and a few cocktails.

Gatoraids

Make sure his room is adjacent to your bedroom with the thinest walls

ballsofsteelandfury

Now the walking 15 miles thing makes sense…

Viva La Tabula Raza

Goddam, is there going to be any game today that ends up the way I would like to see? Even seeing Purdue defeat Nebraska was unsatisfactory due to the presence of Drew Brees on the Boilermaker sideline. Since I work for the Air Force, I guess I should be happy that they are beating Army right now, but that might not last either. Edit: well, at least that went “my” way. Wait, you fumbled on a kneel down? And you want to fly an F-35A or a B-2 or B-21? Are you fucking kidding? Security Forces for you, dumbass.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I remember drinkin’ with a couple of air force transport pilots one time. I don’t remember much about the evening except that, when asked, said that the worst mistake he’d made as a pilot was taking off with his flaps fully deployed.

Gratliff

Sam Greszes and Dave Rappoccio talk Deadspin and KSK
https://open.spotify.com/episode/5FZjNE43r0Aop4EGpLetl8

Brick Meathook

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Go in and order a Royale with Cheese!

BC Dick

All this welcoming talk makes it feel like the first day at the nudist retreat. They knew those brochures were packed with lies. Did everyone else see Simone biles doing flips in some well-fitted jeans? During some baseball thing? Great googoly moogoly. I’d die today if it were by having my head crushed in her thighs.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[looks up Simone Biles’ age; is relieved to find out that she’s 22]

ballsofsteelandfury

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Brocky

I’m not going to even bother reading the box score. I’m just going to assume referee fuckery in the Notre dame game

Sharkbait

What? You don’t want to watch Green Bay lite?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Didn’t see that one coming. Fuck Notre Dame (Full disclosure: have good friend that is a Hokie, and her husband is a big ND fan even though he got his MD at UConn. Bluidy Catlicks. I just texted him that he probably was getting the couch tonight, he said it was worth it).