Your “Hey Banner Pic-You Know This is a Football Blog, Right?”” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Yeah, up here in The Canada Don Cherry was fired because his last windy rant included the phrase ‘you people’. He was talking about poppies. Parse that out, Einstein. He’s been a divisive TV shouty person for 39 years and was once voted as the seventh greatest Canadian in a CBC poll/doc series. He was essentially your blowhard drunk uncle that barked louder and louder as the night wore on and he realized he was losing the argument that he brought up in the first place. Let’s head over to our usual thingy.

Fallout:

-The NFL delivered some highly entertaining games yesterday on the heels of some fantastic tilts the day previous. LSU and Minnesota delivered the W and were rewarded with the #1 and #7 spots in the AP poll. Fucking well done.

-Not well? That’d be David Johnson and Saquon Barkley. Both seem to be putting their team over their health and that never turns out fine.

-Charles Rogers was an extremely gifted wr at Michigan State that flamed out in the pros due to injuries, substance abuse and bump-ins with the law. He passed at the age of 38.

-Injuries? Too numerous to mention. Lots of guys in concussion protocol including at least 4 (!) Giants I’m aware of. Lots of MRI’s happening today as well.

-Pat Shurmur’s seat is getting hotter. Check this out-the backup left tackle that got torched by the Jets D after starter Nate Solder went down had no idea he was going to play that position because he’d always practiced as a ‘jumbo’ tight end on the right side. These little tidbits about players not being ‘coached up’ properly are leaking out which suggests to me that Shumur is about to lose the room.

TO THE GAME!

Seahawks/Niners:

Jimmy G went off last week but San Franny still averages a mere 28.75 pass attempts per game. Good luck to those of you that have either Coleman or Breida or both. Me? I’ve got Chris Carson and I hope he pulls a Kenyan Drake. The latter went for 110 and a TD vs. this vauntful D. Btw, that D has not yet faced a top 15 qb yet. I mean, yes, they’ve crushed the throats of teams they should have crushed but Russell Wilson is in another (in the convo of league MVP) category altogether.

Hey, let’s do some typing!

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Spur

I’ve seen this game before. Seattle will come out hot after halftime. Don’t count your gold yet

LemonJello

Jet fuel melting steel beams hot?

Covalent Blonde

Your suspiciousness is well-earned

King Hippo

yeah, that DL is TOTES gassed

Gratliff

….The two whitest players?

Fronkenshteen

Yep

King Hippo

such NATURAL LEADERSHIP

theeWeeBabySeamus

Gritteh

Gratliff

Maybe Penta should tie his wagon to Tyreek Hill instead of Kittle after all
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SonOfSpam

“Thank you for your service” I say to the kneeling hooker as I drop a Sacagawea into her weave.

hashtagDFOSaluteToVeteransDay

LemonJello

A Sacagawea? Is that like a Canadian Najeh Davenport?

litre_cola

Whoa whoa whoa, we apologize for pooping in people’s hamper

SonOfSpam

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King Hippo

Dear Stupid NFL campaign – a letter sent to a random stranger is creepy as fuck, and designed solely to make the writer feel better about him or herself. PLEASE EAT SHIT

SonOfSpam

Sounds like someone didn’t get any mail while at Sing Sing.

LemonJello

And did they have each of the players send the same form letter???

Mistborn Impossible

Beating opiate addiction is no small thing. I root for him for that reason

King Hippo

I battle mines with MOAR opiates. Potato, po-tah-toe

Gratliff

Sometimes you have to fight fire with oxy

litre_cola

I always appreciate someone with a knowledge for weed, so there is still that.

Senor Weaselo

Good evening lizard people. I’ve just done a terrible thing.

I volunteered myself, as the TA, to play viola.

SonOfSpam

Is that code for “show the high school girls my erect penis” because otherwise what?

King Hippo

is this a mortal sin against the standard fiddle??

Senor Weaselo

Actually yes! Or at least crippling sin. But I could use the alto clef work and we have zero violists so fuck it, gives me more to do.

Gratliff

Kittle might be out, but that doesn’t mean we don’t get Pentagon Jr gifs!
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LemonJello

I have…questions about this.

Gratliff

Just your standard “Pissed off ninja skeleton falls afoul of a secret league of Japanese female assassins” storyline.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zD-nGhN_YmI

LemonJello

Oh, that makes perfect sense* then.

*it does not, in fact, make perfect sense

Spur

Jimmy G might impregnate the entire Bay area

Brick Meathook

I’m in a working class bar in (the soon to be gentrified neighborhood of) Pointe Ste. Charles in a bar that will show a shitty OTT v CAR hockey game before an NFL game. It’s a matter of principle. I’m starting to recognize Québecois jokes by ear. 8 inches of snow expected tonight. Here’s the view out towards Charlevoix metro station.

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theeWeeBabySeamus

You’re beginning to worry me.

SonOfSpam

Eh, he just filled with, how you say, ennui.

theeWeeBabySeamus

We’re gonna see him on one of the Lifetime Christmas movies I’m afraid.

Brick Meathook

This is BOTG. Not following your worry.

LemonJello

“8 inches of snow? Pure and uncut? How do I get that shipped to Indianapolis?”
-J. Irsay

Covalent Blonde

I don’t have words for how jelly I am

Mistborn Impossible

I’m so glad we’re all taking fashion cues from the U.S. military now
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SonOfSpam

Why, hello, tall can of Lagunitas 12th of Never Ale. Would you like to get in my belly? You would???

Consider your wish granted.

Brocky

So I started this game with a sizable lead in fantasy football, and I’ve calculated that both of my opponents players, Jimmy G. And the niners defense, both need to play above their season average in order for me to lose.

Watch as I descend into madness as the fantasy gods once again conspire to dick me over once again.

King Hippo

Take THAT, Phallocracy!!

Gratliff

Fuck. The Niners are scary good.

King Hippo

Deffo our only hope

Gratliff

Not true! The worst NFC East team can save the season, as has been proven.

Spur

Is it Thanksgiving week yet. Can we fast forward that shit please

King Hippo

Underappreciated facet, but He-mannuel Sanders is also a fantastic run blocker

theeWeeBabySeamus

He should get 10 bonus yards for losing the helmet.

King Hippo

AGREED. He’s a tough mofo.

theeWeeBabySeamus

I ordered a new sofa for “my room” today. It has fold down cupholders, a cooler, USB ports, and folds out into a bed (wooooo memory foam).

I may never put pants on again.

(the booze store delivers, right?)

WCS

Fat Mac wishes the Hamburger Store delivered.

LemonJello

That sounds like the perfect piece of furniture. I bet it really ties the room together.

rockingdog

found a funny:
a pink bullet traveling over 1000 feet per second passes through my prefrontal cortex, severs my corpus callosum, and exits through my occipital lobe, killing me instantly. Everyone cheers. It’s a girl

SonOfSpam

Saw a similar one today:
As a group of friends are gathered on the back patio for a bbq, a dead body suddenly falls from the sky. They look down to find a knife lodged in its back with a note that reads… “It’s a GIRL!!”

WCS

Go fuck yourselves, Apple.

King Hippo

#Blackberry4Lyf

Spur

#treogangster

LemonJello

Did San Fran lace the turf with DDT?

King Hippo

Deebo, Deebo!, DEEBO!!!

Spur

Still haven’t recovered from that shit show Dallas play calling last night. The mouth breathers this morning on sports talk tried to blame Zeke. Zeke doesn’t call the plays.

Week 16 against the Philly fucks will determine who goes to the playoffs

King Hippo

That Gingerballs idiot needs to accept that DAK! is his best offensive weapon, ham head or no. Especially with Cooper healthy.

Gratliff

Garrett is in that perfect position where he has enough talent on his team to come off as competent, but not nearly enough talent himself to ever do anything with it, so he just gets an unlimited number of tries

Spur

Evening Folks.

LemonJello

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theeWeeBabySeamus

In spite of being a semi-wolven sort, someone must crush Russell Wilson early.

Petronel

Dun

King Hippo

y’all’s front four be scary

theeWeeBabySeamus

That’ll work. For now.

Spur

But he’s just having fun out there.

Covalent Blonde

Honestly, McLaughlin can’t be any worse than Gould.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Challenge….Accepted.

Petronel

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JustStopDude

Holy shit balls….amongst this group of degenerates we could field a better announcing crew.

Oh has MNF fallen…

Gratliff

The original is still the GOAT
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LQUXuQ6Zd9w

King Hippo

/prefers Cake version
//hides from Grat’s wrath

herodotus450

No it’s War Pigs

Fronkenshteen

8:27. Mute button pressed. ESPN is a disgrace.

King Hippo

Quack quack on that one. YIKES

Petronel

ALL RIGHT BITCHEZ LET’S DO THIS

(I just hope we don’t get blown out)

eta: Janeane is now a bearded lady? Missed that happening completely

Covalent Blonde

Well with the SF MVP a.k.a. the penalty-tastic Seahawks D, we stand a chance.

Not, however, if we keep relying on Breida to get stuffed up the gut.

King Hippo

Hey, it’s a cray-cray transitioning world.

King Hippo

Throw to the backs, damn it

LemonJello

HEY! That’s…oh, you said backs…nevermind.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Me, too.
—The missing 100 lbs.

WCS

HAIL BLEERGH

King Hippo

HAIL BLEERGH FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW

rockingdog

LOL

King Hippo

Janeane WOO!! You GO, girl!!!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Throw it to Emmanuel….like a whole lot. K, thx.

WCS

Whoopsie-doodle.

Gratliff

It’s weird that Hetfield got all crazy and had to leave California because he hates the libs or whatever, but like every third Metallica song is about how horrible war is
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lCsH1g5ZESk

SonOfSpam

The anthem singer seemed really happy and excited.

rockingdog

kind of psyched to watch this SF offense do its thing…

King Hippo

It’s a unique animal, fo sho

herodotus450

“Second, they came for our Don Cherry’s, but I didn’t say anything because I’m not Don Cherry.”
Where does it end, people!

SonOfSpam

“They came for Don Cherry, but I didn’t say anything because he’s an asshole and fuck that guy.”

Dunstan

“They came for Don Cherry, and I said ‘what the fuck took you so long?'”

ArmedandHammered

All the family has to do to have him committed is show his latest TV appearances and his wardrobe.

litre_cola

Geaux Heaux.

King Hippo

Tomsulas FTW!!!

litre_cola

Heaux +6.5 is prettay prettay tasty.

King Hippo

I could imagine a blowout. That extra half-point “hook” seems like Vegas just begging one to take the SeaTruthers. Then again, Russell Wilson.

JustStopDude

So….so drunk…just because….

SonOfSpam

Nightfall is a good reason. Or dayfall.

King Hippo

name a better way to stave off the DTs you CAN’T!!!

JustStopDude

Hair of the dog. Or as the Cantonese say, “may many mornings not bring you a disappointment as a child”….it makes more sense in Chinese damn it!

King Hippo

Hey scotchy, read sommet today in The Athletic about Saquon apparently being shit at pass pro and causing problems for the offense. A different (Rotowire) writer noted Danny Dimes not reading defenses properly and checking into good running situations and/or out of bad ones.

Wut say yeeeeeewwwwwww?

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Por que no los dos?

King Hippo

yeah, if I was a GM, I would try to accumulate 3rd and 4th round picks, and just draft an unholy fuckton of OL.

Brick Meathook

I’m here two weeks and the winter has begun:

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LemonJello

Thoughts and prayers, Brick!

Brick Meathook

I came from the beach of L.A. for this.

Brick Meathook

I’ll urinate on all your frozen graves.

SonOfSpam

“Sweet!”

– D. Trump

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Probably get frostbite on your wang. Rookie

Brick Meathook

OK boomer

tomsellecksmoustache

Pee pee poo poo, amirite ladies!

Gratliff

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Fronkenshteen

If it was 60 I’d feel a pang of worry. 85 not so much.

King Hippo

I have 42.9 lead plus Tevin, against Carson and Myers. Similar level of irrational worry. This would get me to 8-2 and in charge of almost all foreseeable tie-breakers to cement a bye in Week 14.

Money league side is 2-8 because I suck at all facets of life.

SonOfSpam

I’m behind by 4, and I have Carson and Breida. Hopefully they don’t fight pregame and get disqualified.

King Hippo

what a bad beat story that would make, though!

Sharkbait
Gratliff

An entire country sets its TV contrast levels back to normal in response

Gratliff

Non-existent unless you’re big on hockey/owning the libs

Brick Meathook

Most people never heard of him or of hockey either. I used to watch him back in the 90s in Los Angeles with friends who got the Hockey Night in Canada. I thought he was hysterically funny, especially when he busted on “You-karanians” taking hockey jobs away from Canadian boys. He was a blowhard but he was good at it and I liked him.

Brick Meathook

I thought he was like Charles Barkley. I still don’t know what’s wrong with saying “you people.” Aren’t they “those people?” I’m one of them people.

Gratliff

It’s pretty clear he’s being shitty towards immigrants. It would be really bad if it were anyone else, but it’s borderline progressive for him. McLean’s statement read like he was held hostage during the segment when he’s nodding right along on the video. I think it’s more context than anything. The week before, he responded to Sabourin getting stretchered off the ice with a shockingly dismissive “he just got knocked out. that’s all.” and pissed off a different large segment of people. They’re probably just tired of having to run an endless PR campaign behind every Don Cherry segment.

Dunstan

Yeah, it wasn’t the “you people” by itself, it was the “you come here….” that followed and made it clear he was singling out immigrants.

If it was just a rant about Canadians being too lazy/cheap/indifferent to wear a poppy, it would have been fine. He’s done that in past years. I kind of agree with it. But he was implying that it’s immigrants in particular who aren’t patriotic/don’t honor the sacrifices made, and it’s not like he took a scientific survey. He looked around his rapidly de-whitening Toronto neighborhood and freaked out.

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