Your “Hey Banner Pic-You Know This is a Football Blog, Right?”” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Yeah, up here in The Canada Don Cherry was fired because his last windy rant included the phrase ‘you people’. He was talking about poppies. Parse that out, Einstein. He’s been a divisive TV shouty person for 39 years and was once voted as the seventh greatest Canadian in a CBC poll/doc series. He was essentially your blowhard drunk uncle that barked louder and louder as the night wore on and he realized he was losing the argument that he brought up in the first place. Let’s head over to our usual thingy.

Fallout:

-The NFL delivered some highly entertaining games yesterday on the heels of some fantastic tilts the day previous. LSU and Minnesota delivered the W and were rewarded with the #1 and #7 spots in the AP poll. Fucking well done.

-Not well? That’d be David Johnson and Saquon Barkley. Both seem to be putting their team over their health and that never turns out fine.

-Charles Rogers was an extremely gifted wr at Michigan State that flamed out in the pros due to injuries, substance abuse and bump-ins with the law. He passed at the age of 38.

-Injuries? Too numerous to mention. Lots of guys in concussion protocol including at least 4 (!) Giants I’m aware of. Lots of MRI’s happening today as well.

-Pat Shurmur’s seat is getting hotter. Check this out-the backup left tackle that got torched by the Jets D after starter Nate Solder went down had no idea he was going to play that position because he’d always practiced as a ‘jumbo’ tight end on the right side. These little tidbits about players not being ‘coached up’ properly are leaking out which suggests to me that Shumur is about to lose the room.

TO THE GAME!

Seahawks/Niners:

Jimmy G went off last week but San Franny still averages a mere 28.75 pass attempts per game. Good luck to those of you that have either Coleman or Breida or both. Me? I’ve got Chris Carson and I hope he pulls a Kenyan Drake. The latter went for 110 and a TD vs. this vauntful D. Btw, that D has not yet faced a top 15 qb yet. I mean, yes, they’ve crushed the throats of teams they should have crushed but Russell Wilson is in another (in the convo of league MVP) category altogether.

Hey, let’s do some typing!

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Horatio Cornblower

Let’s take a moment to acknowledge the great job Joe Tessitore is doing tonight: it’s not often the play-by-play guy manages to fellate the troops and the officials within a 5 minute period but by God, Joe managed to nail it!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Good thing the Patriots aren’t playing tonight. The vacuum generated by the suction would blow out your eardrums and Eustachian tubes.

Spur

“member 28-3” 49ers thought it was over at halftime
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Brick Meathook

These are two utterly unlikeable teams.

You may think different. However, as a veteran my opinion counts a little more than yours, pal. Fuck you.

Mr. Ayo

Bad news for you. You’ll never urinate on my frozen grave.

Good news for you. You could urinate in the urn of my ashes.

Brick Meathook

I SHALL URINATE ON THINGS NONETHELESS

Game Time Decision

Sometimes intentionally

Viva La Tabula Raza

As a fellow veteran (target not bubblehead), I dislike them less than you, and really don’t care about either.

Brick Meathook

I SHALL KILL YOU LAST, BROTHER

Viva La Tabula Raza

I don’t know if I should believe you.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eVV8HHtqRo

Brick Meathook

If by “cleaned toilets” you meant “split atoms” you are surprisingly correct for a Canadian.

Horatio Cornblower

I’ve had some meals in college after which I “split atoms” in the bathroom.

Viva La Tabula Raza

ET or MM?

Brick Meathook

I TURNED WRENCHES NOT TWEAKERS

Viva La Tabula Raza

As an MR, I usually spent all my time fixing MM and BT fuckups. Those guys could cross-thread a lightbulb.

Sharkbait

Yes! I’m *checks notes* still getting murdered by the Hippo

King Hippo

if that CarsonDOWN was in Q1 I’d be super itchy

Sharkbait

I’ll take the L. Gallup helped me win in my money league this week.

Unsurprised

Sharkbait morphed into a bag of pills so slowly nobody else noticed.

Spur

Now that was a “fuck you” score.

Gratliff

Booger: “The fuck is up with these refs?”
Whoever-the-fuck-that-is: “These are the best referees to ever be gifted from on high to us filthy peasants”

Unsurprised

If it makes you feel any better I did that the other day and hit myself in the face with the shit bag.

— Paul Dellevigne (@pauliethesuit) November 11, 2019

That’s a nice euphemism for watching a Fins or JEST game. The Fins/JEST game was especially putrid.

Viva La Tabula Raza

2 or 3 good officiating calls, but how many fuckups?

Mr. Ayo

TOUCHED DOWN!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Sure wish Clowney had been this effective when he was with the .500s.

Sharkbait

Karma for that bad Roughing The Passer?

Spur

Eat shit Refs

Unsurprised

EVERGREEN

King Hippo

/German citizens flood the office with job applications

King Hippo

Rough night, Janeane

Mr. Ayo

#StillWithHer

King Hippo

you are a true light in teh darkness!

Mr. Ayo

SUDDEN CHANGE!

Gratliff

Time to boo an 8-0 team!

Petronel

Oh for fuck’s sake

Viva La Tabula Raza

Bullshit call.

Mr. Ayo

Yeah, makeup calls!

Man, these refs are PAC-12 terrible tonight.

Spur

That was a clean sack. BS

hippofant

Eh. I thought that call was correct. Wasn’t on Clowney, but…

theeWeeBabySeamus

9 points. Still time foar Russell Wilson to die, and I’m good.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Tongue in cheek only, of course.

Fronkenshteen

Live by the Tartt, die by the Tartt.

King Hippo

This is Russell Wilson’s MVP trophy!

Game Time Decision

How will they make the trophy if he’s not hot enough to melt the steel (beams)

WCS

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Mr. Ayo

Helmet catch!

Spur

As i was saying.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Muddafukka

King Hippo

We swapped out the football with a greased-up turkey. Let’s see if anyone notices!

Unsurprised

That would be an interesting Buttfumble

Mr. Ayo

STOP FUCKING FUMBLING YOU GODDAMN COCK WALLETS!

BC Dick

Getting really tired of that fumbling business. Is the wallet full of cocks or made of cocks?

Viva La Tabula Raza

I think it can be both?

Gratliff

Can be both

King Hippo

and what a Xmas idea!!

Spur

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Gratliff

No greater proof of evolution than a dog committing insurance fraud

Viva La Tabula Raza

Looks like my arthritic chow mix trying to get up off the floor. Unfortunately, without the miraculous healing in the last bit.

theeWeeBabySeamus

Well shit, that just happened.

Gratliff

Has any defense done a Power Rangers celebration yet?

Mr. Ayo

Thank you Janeane!

King Hippo

#You’reWithHER

Petronel

ARGH

Unsurprised

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theeWeeBabySeamus

I’m still not seeing Emmanuel dammit. Meh, just keep Wilson off the field and I be a’ight. Probably.

Sharkbait

He ded

Spur

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Unsurprised

Good kitty

Sharkbait

Ohhhh! Videogames! What next???

Gratliff

Wind chill of 7 already. Glad I moved 250 miles south of the upper peninsula for the warmer climate.

theeWeeBabySeamus

So what, like 12 degrees?

Gratliff

That’s what it is here. It’s actually a wind chill of 1 in the Soo, so technically warmer climate!

theeWeeBabySeamus

Positively tropical.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Heh heh. Meanwhile, today I got frustrated because I am having trouble getting the temperature in my solar-headed soil sterilization chamber above 130.

Gratliff

Wilson really eating shit tonight, eh?

Fronkenshteen

My fault. Took him in daily fantasy. Sorry about that.

Sharkbait

A pacifier shaped mouth guard can’t be that intimidating

King Hippo

but practical in case a rave breaks out

theeWeeBabySeamus

You got some X?

King Hippo

spaRklEqueeN said not to give you any, sorry

theeWeeBabySeamus

So, Russell Wilson is a girl scout now?
Where my damned Thin Mints?

The Maestro

This UP thing with Russell Wilson is the corniest shit ever.

Spur

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hippofant

I love it when the commentators have no idea what’s actually going on and are just making shit up.

“Uhhh, the players are all jumping on each other. I guess the ball is loose?”
“A lot of the 49ers seem excited! They probably have the ball?”
“They do! Some 49er has the ball! Let’s see who actually comes out with it in 3 minutes!”
“Fuck fuck fuck fuck, someone throw it to commercial already!”

Spur

I always wanted commercials, not a replay.

litre_cola

Well, fuck. There goes that bet. Nyquil and bed time!

Mr. Ayo

Not so fast! Seattle always plays close games and you’re going to miss the best quarter.

King Hippo
Mr. Ayo

Dammit, HOX determined to shoot their dicks off.

Petronel

FUCQUE YEAH

Spur

You see want madness Brick has brought. Hippo save us!