Your “Hey Banner Pic-You Know This is a Football Blog, Right?”” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Yeah, up here in The Canada Don Cherry was fired because his last windy rant included the phrase ‘you people’. He was talking about poppies. Parse that out, Einstein. He’s been a divisive TV shouty person for 39 years and was once voted as the seventh greatest Canadian in a CBC poll/doc series. He was essentially your blowhard drunk uncle that barked louder and louder as the night wore on and he realized he was losing the argument that he brought up in the first place. Let’s head over to our usual thingy.

Fallout:

-The NFL delivered some highly entertaining games yesterday on the heels of some fantastic tilts the day previous. LSU and Minnesota delivered the W and were rewarded with the #1 and #7 spots in the AP poll. Fucking well done.

-Not well? That’d be David Johnson and Saquon Barkley. Both seem to be putting their team over their health and that never turns out fine.

-Charles Rogers was an extremely gifted wr at Michigan State that flamed out in the pros due to injuries, substance abuse and bump-ins with the law. He passed at the age of 38.

-Injuries? Too numerous to mention. Lots of guys in concussion protocol including at least 4 (!) Giants I’m aware of. Lots of MRI’s happening today as well.

-Pat Shurmur’s seat is getting hotter. Check this out-the backup left tackle that got torched by the Jets D after starter Nate Solder went down had no idea he was going to play that position because he’d always practiced as a ‘jumbo’ tight end on the right side. These little tidbits about players not being ‘coached up’ properly are leaking out which suggests to me that Shumur is about to lose the room.

TO THE GAME!

Seahawks/Niners:

Jimmy G went off last week but San Franny still averages a mere 28.75 pass attempts per game. Good luck to those of you that have either Coleman or Breida or both. Me? I’ve got Chris Carson and I hope he pulls a Kenyan Drake. The latter went for 110 and a TD vs. this vauntful D. Btw, that D has not yet faced a top 15 qb yet. I mean, yes, they’ve crushed the throats of teams they should have crushed but Russell Wilson is in another (in the convo of league MVP) category altogether.

Hey, let’s do some typing!

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King Hippo

Chase the Hobo will miss this time. DRAW DRAW DRAW!!!

Sharkbait

WE WANT A TIE! WE WANT A TIE!

WCS

“Chase the Hobo” will be the next proto-indie band that makes a shitty song that’s used in 47 different commercials for trucks and insurance.

Gratliff

So many Marshawn gifs on Twitter now

Sharkbait

Seahawks and bad throws. Name a more dynamic duo

Porky Prime

Robert Kraft and Asian hands?

blaxabbath

Robert Kraft and Slave hands?

Horatio Cornblower

Tom Brady and air pressure gauges?

Horatio Cornblower

Dallas Cowboys and massive amount of cocaine?

King Hippo

motherfucker can’t even get them 10 fucking yards to win

Horatio Cornblower

PUNT!!!

Gratliff

Giraffe boy has lots of time here for hilarious derp

Gatoraids

McLaughlin group for the win

Fronkenshteen

WHY WERE THEY THROWING?

WHY AM I SHOUTING?

Horatio Cornblower

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Petronel

Don’t fuck it up don’t fuck it up don’t fuck it up

Horatio Cornblower

You sound like my wife when the doctor asked me if I wanted to cut the umbilical cord.

The Maestro

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

Horatio Cornblower

“Russell might have underthrown it…”

What gave it away, Booger, the interception?

hippofant

Glenn Greenwald?

Wakezilla

And that’s why you hand the football to Marshawn Lynch!

Horatio Cornblower

This game is insane

Col. Duke LaCross

That looked like a Tecmo Super Bowl interception.

Viva La Tabula Raza

HOLY FUCKING SHIT!

King Hippo

great fucking line backing!

Horatio Cornblower

I suppose Jesus made Russ throw that interception, too?

Mr. Ayo

Only his 2nd INT of the year. And both were back breaking mistakes.

King Hippo

still gets my imaginary MVP vote

Gratliff

SUDDENEST OF CHANGES

Petronel

Would love a pick-six here…

WCS

Pretty close.

Petronel

THAT’S GOOD TOO

Mr. Ayo

Almost

WCS

Do we see the greased pig one more time? I wouldn’t be shocked…

Gratliff

Russ is gonna break Manning and Foles’ record in 2 weeks against Philly. Not great!

Horatio Cornblower

Why are we reviewing this?

Sharkbait

Attempted commercial break?

Horatio Cornblower

Excellent point

WCS

“Hold my tepid tap water.”

— Russell W., Seattle

Mr. Ayo

MVP!!!

Sharkbait

Thats some bullshit right there.

Viva La Tabula Raza

This is fucking insane!

Col. Duke LaCross

Wow!

Horatio Cornblower

Wow, what a bullshit way for me to pick up a possibly crucial point for a 5th “sack.”

King Hippo

WOW

The Maestro

WOW

Viva La Tabula Raza

MOM

Mr. Ayo

*paging Balls to the pornhub search suggestion window*

Gratliff

Shenanigans!

Mr. Ayo

WTF Refs! You can’t blow that dead!

Fronkenshteen

Wha’ happened to Lockett?

The Maestro

“Fuck it, I’m goin’ deep.”

Sharkbait

RIP Sexy Rexy

Viva La Tabula Raza

Time to throw the old bomberooski.
—Wade Phillip’s dad

Mr. Ayo

Go route to Metcalf, now.

WCS

“Go route to Montcrief? Never again.”

— Mike T., Pittsburgh, PA,

Mr. Ayo

“We want the ball and we’re going to score!”

— Not Russell Wilson

hippofant

I know some of y’all cheering for the tie, but I want a pick-6 to Sherm so I can hear all the pearl-clutchers be all salty at his post-game rant.

Gratliff

Team Sherman since all the white people bought Manning jerseys after he declared himself the best corner in the game before they blew Denver off the fucking field

Gratliff

Sorry, Hippeh. You got your win back, if that’s what you want to call that walking abortion

King Hippo

plus I had the 1980s to numb me to pain

Horatio Cornblower

I’m up a point in FF, (and a questionable point at that), so I also would appreciate this.

Gratliff

But why is geno smith making the call

Downfield Matriculator

So Niners derpy clock management or Seattle’s stone hands defense — who ya got?

Petronel

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hippofant

How the fuck did the Bears lose Robbie Gould AND also not find Chase McLaughlin?

Sharkbait

WE WANT A TIE!

King Hippo

each team really does deserve a point here

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Not that I want the 49ers to win a Super Bowl (or not win a Super Bowl for that matter), but seeing a team go 18-0-1 would be pretty frickin’ sweet.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wonder what those dickheads in Miami would do.

/just kidding; we all know what they would do

King Hippo

MOAR FITBAW!!!!

Petronel

GO ROOKIE GO

Viva La Tabula Raza

This is quite the sphincter-clencher.

Gratliff

Comedy incoming

Gratliff

Well shit. That was about as perfect as you can be.

Mr. Ayo

MISS IT HOBO!

Horatio Cornblower

Jimmy G in the pocket right now:
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King Hippo

Booger is spot on.

Petronel

GODDAMMIT Janeane, we’ve already spotted them 21.

Sharkbait

Greased footballs for everyone!

King Hippo

finally landed that sweet Crisco endorsement

Fronkenshteen

Janeane looks like he wants no part of this.

King Hippo

shouldn’t have had that halftime peyote, I guess