Your “I Need This One Bad, Mate!” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Just over the horizon I can see the fantasy playoffs looming and those of you at 5-6 better get your collective shit together sooner rather than later. Perhaps you should take a flyer or two on some high upsiders, I mean what you’ve been doing so far hasn’t exactly worked has it? Just a thought…

TO THE GAMES!

Bucs/Falcons:

Tampa has given up an average of 3.5 scores thru the air over the last four weeks. They’ve had all year to fix this and nothing has been done. I don’t get it. Rb Brian Hill went busto last week and will likely do the same again vs. a Bucs squad that is stout against the run. Atlanta’s D has shown signs of turning it around lately but I think Evans and Godwin are going to remind them of some hard truths today.

Broncos/Bills:

Let’s get these youngsters the frickin’ ball, shall we? Both Singletary and Lindsay have distanced themselves from their backfield competition using their their lively legs. Let them run, damnit! It’s a small sample size but qb Allen seems to trust te Fant these last two weeks and that fantasy position is a wasteland. You could-and probably will-do worse than him.

Giants/Bears:

Hopefully Daniel Jones used the bye to get more comfortable with the O, increase his pocket awareness and solve his fumbling issues. Perhaps he even suggested to his dull as a 10-year-old knife OC some plays like RPO’s, jet sweeps, swing passes and pitch-outs. You know, the kinds of things that would allow the team’s most dynamic player to operate in a bit of space. Ah, whose kidding who, none of these things happened.

Steelers/Bengals:

Juju and Conner are out and this game has a dismal 38 over/under. It’s got ‘ugly’ written all over it. Rook qb Finley’s on-going troubles mean that Mixon will get all kinds of carries straight into the teeth of Pitt’s stellar interior D that consists of Heyward, Tuitt, Alualu and McCullers. Put cotton-eyed Joe down for 20 carries for 62 yards.

Fins/Browns:

All of the yakkers on the Sirius fantasy football channel are guaranteeing that OBJ will go off this week so you should probably fade him. I’ll bet his opposite number Davante Parker has the better numbers by the end of regulation.

Panthers/Saints:

Wr Chark is the sexy upside play here but Kyle Allen’s security blanket is D.J. Moore. He’s the one getting 35(!) targets over the last three weeks. Is Cup of McCaffrey on a roll? In his last 20 games he’s racked up 30+ points nine times. So, ‘yes’.

Raiders/Jets:

Guess who has been QB5 over the last two weeks? Yeah, it’s our own Unfrozen Caveman. I picked him up when I saw his cupcake, down-the-stretch sked but I didn’t have the balls to play him. Maybe you do?

Seahawks/Eagles:

Philly follows the Bucs lead in that they’re strong vs. the run but their secondary is a “Must Fly” zone. That means that a quality DFS stack is Wilson/Metcalf/Gordon. On t’udder side, you must think that the Eagles will be playing from behind but their receiving corps is a dropsy, non-handsy load of garbage. Ertz has been gold on first down so maybe the sneaky play here is Goedart? Did I spell it right? It’s early.

Lions/Potato Skins:

Rb Peterson’s toe owie caused him to miss practice but he figures he’s good to go today. That point is a bit moot because he’s ceding carries to Guice who is infinitely more explosive with the rock. I wouldn’t watch this one for quality qb play.

Let ‘er rip below.

 

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Kickers are terrible

King Hippo

That was very Brokeback

blaxabbath

What’s going on in NO? Neither Brees, Kamara, nor Thomas have like any points.

Petronel

Cucks cuckin’ it up at the Redacteds is the only game on here right now. Guess this is the price to pay for being able to watch both my teams later.

Cucks already in the spirit of holiday giving, it seems.

Spur
blaxabbath

BROWNS!

Gratliff

Can not wait to see how the Birds fuck this up

entropy

That… that was a really good throw from Darnold.

Redshirt

Hey, Tyler Boyd is still alive!

hippofant

That double-move utterly and totally failed, but FUCK IT THROW IT UP

Mistborn Impossible

So I’m suspended from twitter for a week for “encouraging suicide.” I was quoting a line from Archer: why don’t you crawl up your own ass and die?

Has anybody ever heard back from Twitter after an appeal? I never have.

I don’t expect anyone to recognize that it’s a quote (even though it’s also a quote from Friends), but I DO expect people to read the context and realize that crawling up your own ass is kind of literally impossible, and therefore the rest of the sentence also isn’t literal.

It would be easier to laugh it off if every time I report one of Trump’s tweets for ACTUALLY, LITERALLY inciting violence, I get a reply within seconds telling me Trump did nothing wrong.

Twitter needs to literally kill itself

hippofant

Reported for encouraging Twitter to commit suicide.

Gratliff

Wish I could remember who it was, but someone got suspended for the same reason for tweeting that Hillary should go into the woods without food or a compass.

Gratliff
King Hippo

this being twitter, was probably in defense of Tulsi Gabbard, tho

Mistborn Impossible

Wow. That’s way more vanilla than my comment!

Spur

You can stay with DFO for awhile. I regular assert things belong up Rodgers ass

entropy

So does Rodgers, for that matter.

BC Dick

If you commit suicide based on a stranger’s tweet, it’s justified.

blaxabbath

I appeal my tweet about Pence that got me banned every once in a while. So far, no one at Twitter has thought to write off my well-justified death threats to the VP.

Spur

Wentz lost that ball again on a sack.

Gratliff

No matter how bad your team is, at least they aren’t the Bears

entropy

If swearengen doesn’t call the refs “cocksuckah” every play, well, what’s he even there for, really?

entropy

Jesus the wind took that kick away from the Raiders.

Spur

and making Wentz look extra shitty

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

It’s six minutes from halftime and the Jets have yet to punt. It’s not like they need any extra help.

blaxabbath

CHris Godwin has 27 fantasy points with over 2 mins left in the first half.

blaxabbath

My opponent is playing Mike Evans, who has zero.

Gratliff

Been watching this game in the sense that I’ve been cooking with redzone in the background while christmas shopping and I’m amazed Eagles aren’t down by 30

Col. Duke LaCross

*Coach calls a dozen Gore dives in a row.

Spur

only if Allen fumbles the ball and Singletary picks it up.
Bills coaches are fucking dumb not feeding him the ball

Redshirt

Insurmountable lead here at PIT-CIN.

litre_cola

Only 2 games on the afternoon slate? And Le Coupe Grey of course.

BC Dick

I hope nana has deci in his hawks jersey. I know she doesn’t. If you’re still in Peru? I’m recording and just started.

litre_cola

Nana went to the airport this morning, she has happy hour and a Grey Cup party to get to at the community in Mesa.

BC Dick

Oh right. My dad’s hell. Dozens of 60+ couples not watching the game and discussing appetizer recipes. I got up at 7 after very few hours of sleep, still quite drunk, to do slow cooker beef on a bun. I have no idea how to make it right but on first taste it is obscenely spicy.

Spur

You will watch the Pats and Cowboys play and like it.

BC Dick

And miss a Winnipeg grey cup try? Blasphemy. I will mix your nicest wine with Diet Coke if you watch anything but the grey cup.

Spur

Damn, Russ, should have had that.

Spur

Dimes for days by Wilson

Gratliff

Spent that drive buying a PS4, so that worked out well for me

litre_cola

Jesus Christ Wentzy, what the fuck.

Spur

Wentz completed a pass in the flat!! To a bird player.

Redshirt

BLEERGH screwed us out of a Safety Dance in Cincy.

entropy

Well shit lookit LegoMan go.

bk109

Uhm, does anyone see ANY sort of roughing the passer against Darnold?!

entropy

No. No I did not.

bk109

I honestly think that sort of IP theft is uncalled for.. Phantom roughing the passer fouls is only ok when we play home at Gillette 🙂

blaxabbath

New Yorkers are TOUGH.

King Hippo

TOUCH OF DOWNS TOUCHED DOWN

Redshirt

PIT-CIN is going to end up in a fight if the Refs don’t start using their yellow hankies.

King Hippo

FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT!!!

Gatoraids

Cripple fiiiiiiiight

Senor Weaselo

it’ll end in a fight anyway.

LemonJello

Cuck Liouns just out there not giving a fuck and letting the [*Redacted] s run train on them.

entropy

Well, guys, gotta go. Been called up to play Right Tackle for the Jets in the second half

King Hippo

PLEASE START FIGHTS FOAR COMMENTIST PARTY

entropy

Trust me, if I swing a helmet, someone’s getting hit, then I’m screaming “DFO FOR LIFE!!”” and fleeing the stadium.

King Hippo

WE LIKE UR STYLE CHUH CHUH

entropy

I am enjoying Gumbel blaming Bell’s inability to get free of a swamped line of scrimmage on Bell himself, and not a garbage O-line. It’s the kind of clueless commentary that reminds me why I usually watch games on mute.

Redshirt

That’s why I listen to radio.

bk109

In all fairness, Gumbell and the rest of the mouthbreathers were jizzing all over themselves talking about Bell’s “patient” running style, but conveniently forget that … well… that only works when the O-Line is the traffic cones and wet cardboard that couldn’t pass muster with the G-Men…

King Hippo

I am playing a side who has given up, but still has OBJ in the lineup obvs

Spur

If the Giants dont want Saquon , Dallas will trade Zeke and Garrett for him

King Hippo

An actual good decision by the Special Young Man QB?

Brick Meathook

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TheRevanchist

Now to get the second and third interceptions out of the way.

King Hippo

#2 – check!

Game Time Decision

Aints with challenges on back to back plays.
1 /2 for being overturned

herodotus450

Jeff Driskell don’t quit your day job (as heir to the raspberry farm)

Spur

Wentz careless with the ball, you hate to see it.

King Hippo

Fronk, u listen 2 Hippo this week and play Murray??

bk109

So, the Truthbiscuit really isn’t the truff for the DoubleDoinks?

King Hippo

I think Bollo’s hip must be acting up, such a shame?

King Hippo

Bollo es merde

King Hippo

Bungles need to spear Mason Rudolph, raise Black Power fist.

TheRevanchist

I support this declarative sentence.

King Hippo

will accept teh pickerception

rockingdog

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