Your “What If You Neither Walk Away Nor Run?” Tuesday Evening Open Thread

Beerguyrob

Beerguyrob

A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
Beerguyrob

NFL Nuggets:

  • The big news of the day is that Riverboat Ron got run out of town.
    • Carolina fired him after a 5-7 start, behind a team that has thrown 15 TDs versus 11 interceptions, been sacked 45 times & given up an average of 23 points per game.
    • He’s been replaced by Perry Fewell, who sounds like he was named one letter off a TV preacher & looks like the lovechild of Michael Irvin & Mike Singletary.

Naturally, this is the perfect place to insert the Kenny Rogers classic.

  • In other coaching news, Jerry Jones poured some gas on the fire with his comments about Jason Garrett.
    • When asked about Garrett, Jones said, “In my opinion, Jason Garrett will be coaching in the NFL next year.”
    • This answer was in the middle of a longer conversation about what it takes to win a Super Bowl:
      • “Nobody has the exclusive skills to get the job done so that collectively you can win a Super Bowl,” Cowboys owner Jerry Jones said during one of his regular appearances on 105.3 The Fan in Dallas, via Jon Machota of TheAthletic.com. “But there are qualified people. Jason Garrett is one of them. In my opinion, Jason Garrett will be coaching in the NFL next year.”
    • The reason reason this is being discussed? Slow news day.
  • Apparently, the Seahawks were battling the flu in their Monday Night win.
    • Six Seahawks were officially listed as having symptoms or an actual case on their injury report.
      • But because it was a home game, they didn’t need a second plane like the Patriots.
    • “It was pretty bad,” quarterback Russell Wilson said, likely not discounting the price of his water so his teammates could stay hydrated.
  • But the one good thing to come out of the Monday Night game? Those Canadian PJs Tyler Lockett and David Moore rocked walking into the stadium.  
    • They were the big hit on all Canadian sports broadcasts.
      • The key is the escape hatch in the back.
    • They wore them in honour of fellow Seahawk player and Canadian Luke Willson, who is currently injured but was apparently a big sideline inspiration this week during the flu-ridden practices.
    • In typical Canadian style, no one knows where they got them, and no merchant yet has taken advantage & put them up for sale.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL: (all Canadian teams are regional broadcasts only)
    • Lightning at Predators – 8:00PM | NBCSN / Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Mavericks at Pelicans – 7:30PM | TNT / TSN
    • Heat at Raptors – 7:30PM | Sportsnet1
    • Trail Blazers at Clippers – 10:00PM | TNT / Sportsnet1
  • NCAA:
    Let’s tell Hippo the line’s 4.5.
    • Hoops:
      • St. Peter’s at St. John’s – 6:30PM | FS1
      • Iowa at Syracuse – 7:00PM | ESPN2
      • Northwestern at Boston College – 7:00PM | ESPNU
      • Michigan at Louisville – 7:30PM | ESPN
      • Florida State at Indiana – 9:00PM | ESPN2
      • Rutgers at Pittsburgh – 9:00PM | ESPNU
      • Duke at Michigan State – 9:30PM | ESPN

Wikipedia – which has been ridiculous with the charity pleas today given it’s Giving Tuesday or whatever – says there have been four official cover versions of The Gambler: (links to two)

  • Alvin and the Chipmunks on their album Urban Chipmunk. (1981)
  • Johnny Cash on Gone Girl (1978)
  • Blake Shelton on Cracker Barrel: Songs of the Year Concert (2007)
  • Brian Posehn with Jamey Jasta on Fart and Wiener Jokes (2010)

Of course, there’s only one version the [DFO] Commentariat will allow me to play:

There was no goddamned way I was linking to anything Blake Shelton.

Beerguyrob
Beerguyrob
A Canadian man-child of indeterminate age, he stays young by selling alcohol at sporting events and yelling at the patrons he serves. Their rage nourishes his soul, and their tips pay for his numerous trips to various sporting events.
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TheRevanchist
BrettFavresColonoscopy

How is Blake Shelton still a thing?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Just started Alan Furst’s latest, Under Occupation. For the last thirty years, this dude has written espionage novels that all take place in the Europe of the 1930s, with WWII looming over all, or in the early years of the war, when German victory seemed more likely than not. The protagonists are usually Joe Everyman, who get sucked into various schemes and spy stuff, usually through no conscious choice on their part. I think what I like best about them is that the “hero” has a background unfamiliar to us in North America. A French movie director of pot boiler dramas gets involved with the underground and the Communist attempts to politically dominate post-war France (The World at Night and Red Gold), a Polish mapmaker who ends up smuggling the Polish national gold reserve to Romania on a train made up to hide it’s purpose (that is only the first adventure, many more follow) and then becomes the leader of the Polish Intelligence apparatus in occupied Paris (The Polish Officer), a Russian journalist sucked into a plot to expose the fact that Stalin was an Okhrana stoolie in the 1900s and 1910s (Dark Star), an Hungarian count who ends up trying to block the Danube by sinking several large barges in order to block transport of oil to the Fatherland from Romania by way of said river (Blood of Victory), an Italian journalist from Trieste who gets involved in an anti-Mussolini propaganda operation (The Foreign Correspondent), Dutch merchant marine captain who is tasked with carrying out several clandestine missions on behalf of the Brits (Dark Voyage), a Greek police Lieutenant in Salonika who gets involved in an underground railroad smuggling Jews out of Germany through Eastern Europe and Istanbul (Spies of the Balkans); this is not a complete list, it Just goes on, all fucking fascinating and when you read them you feel like you are watching some B&W film noir from the late 40s like The Third Man. Who could come up with all these unique characters? Another cool thing is that the missions these guys and gals get involved with most often don’t succeed, which makes it even more interesting, although he usually gives a coda as to how things worked out for the protagonists in the long run.
To me his first remains his best, a magnum opus about a young Bulgarian kid who is recruited by the NKVD in 1933, attends NKVD school in Moscow, sent to Spain to fight Franco, defects to Paris, gets betrayed and sent to prison, and does a whole bunch of cool shit for the French Resistance during the war, as well as for the OSS. Side by side with the story of an American OSS agent who of course he ends up working with, and there are a whole lot of other subtle story lines that go along with the main plot. That one’s called Night Soldiers, I’ve probably read it more than a dozen times since I bought mine out of the remainder rack in 1990. Fuck, after writing this, I might just go pull it off the bookshelf. It’s been a couple of years.
(YES I AM INTERNET YELLING THIS AT YOU: GO READ ANYTHING BY ALAN FURST THAT HAS BEEN PUBLISHED SINCE 1988). You’ll be glad you did. This guy is fucking awesome.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B078NJ2644/?ie=UTF8&%2AVersion%2A=1&%2Aentries%2A=0

They need to make movies out of these books and I don’t understand why they haven’t. The BBC did do a treatment of “The Spies of Warsaw,” with David Tennant as the pre-war French military attache in Warsaw. Panned by many critics, I was cool with it except for Tennant’s Brit accent. Dude, you are supposed to be the FRENCH attache, not the Limey one. Still, me liked it.

Warthog

Good stuff. I like how the mirror that gets shot in the restaurant in the first novel keeps showing up in later novels – though it’s getting a little too much like Stan Lee cameos.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Agreed. The first one I got was Spies of the Balkans when it came out in paperback based on someone’s recommendation, and it’s great.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m having foot surgery next week and will be at home convalescing until the year 2020. All this impeachment frenzy should keep me amused if the college bowl games all suck. Stocking up at the HEB this weekend, going to lay in a pallet of microwave popcorn.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

[pours out a sip on the concrete] – Rex Ryan

ballsofsteelandfury

Good luck! We’re all counting on you!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I will try to hold up without showing any pain, for the side.

Senor Weaselo

So Jomboy did a thing on everyone’s favorite Younghoe

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I’m thinking most call in fans on 105.3 The Fan in Dallas react completely reasonably.

Senor Weaselo

I got a “The NRA wants you!” thing in the mail. That’s a hard pass.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh
Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I certainly hope you don’t get shot “in self defense” because of this.

Gratliff

Most people don’t realize that asking to be removed from a mailing list falls under castle doctrine

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I have asked my Trump supporting Republican co-drinkers at the wine bar if (well, actually when, because he inevitably will) Trump flat out tells his base to start killing Democrats at one of his MAGAt Nuremberg rallies, will they be taking me out? I’m not going to let them know that I’ve got a Model 70 Colt 1911 with 200 rounds of .45 ACP, because in Texas even liberals have guns, and I’m keeping my powder dry.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Too late to edit, but when I said “Trump supporting,” what I meant to say was “Trump fellating/felching/salad-tossing.” Sorry about the confusion.
And if you are not familiar with the term, do not google “felching” on your work computer.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I just call them “cultists” at this point.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I didn’t know you were a Russian honeypot!

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

Goddammit, busted again!!!
—Maria Butina

rockingdog
rockingdog

found a sad funny:

rockingdog
rockingdog

LOL
check russell wilsons twitter
he has baby yoda as him! HA!

Senor Weaselo

“Hawks, go you shall.”

Gratliff

According to tradition, this guy’s basketball career ended at the whistle, and he’ll now only be allowed to watch NJCAA basketball.
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Senor Weaselo

He’s using that dude as a surfboard, right?
/Do they ever call the charge on those poster dunks?

Gratliff

If you did that, think of how many fewer posters there would be to sell

rockingdog
rockingdog
rockingdog
rockingdog
rockingdog
rockingdog
Gratliff

Flyers just beat the Leafs so bad that Toronto players are talking shit on their own team in the post-game. You love to see it.

Gratliff

ME: "lol Rangers fans are so ridiculous about AV, they're projecting about him because they don't want to admit their team and young players may have just not been good"

ALSO ME: "The Leafs are bad exclusively because of Dave Hakstol."

— Kurt (@Kurt_BSH) November 17, 2019

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

God, I hate this time of the year so damned much. Just two more weeks until the days start getting longer again. Normally, I give myself free reign to drink as much as I want until the solstice hits…and this year will be no exception.

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I have the same philosophy, but for both winter AND summer solstices.

Redshirt
Unsurprised
Unsurprised

The concert wasn’t the disaster?

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

I remember that shortly after this happened, you could buy a t-shirt in the classified ads in Rolling Stone and Creem that read “I’D WALK OVER YOU TO SEE THE WHO!!”

Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

The key is the escape hatch in the back.

Man, if we had only thought of that feature when we were underway back in my Navy days. I might have stayed for 30.

Redshirt

You see? These Whovillians have it right. Who cares if all your possessions are stolen on Christmas Morning? The most important thing is you have each other and Christmas Spirit in your hearts.

That judge and those people whose possessions I stole on Christmas Morning completely overracted!

Redshirt

How in the hell do you put a Commercial Break in between “You’re a Mean One Mr. Grinch”?!

Redshirt

When I’m elected Evil Overlord for Life, “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation” and “How the Grinch Stole Christmas” will be required viewing once a Holiday Season. Optional viewing of Jim Carrey’s “The Grinch” is permissable as it meant well, but any viewing or discussion of “National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation 2: Cousin Eddie’s Island Adventure” will result in Summary Execution.

Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

I have a soft spot for Bad Santa. Billy Bob playing himself!

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Here’s your soft spot

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Viva La Tabula Raza
Viva La Tabula Raza

So what do the Hebrew people have to watch, holiday-season-wise?

Redshirt

Eight Crazy Nights?

nomonkeyfun

The Hebrew Hammer
Starring Adam Goldberg, Judy Greer, Peter Coyote, and Andy Dick.

ballsofsteelandfury

Wait, that’s a real thing?

Redshirt

Yeah. We, as a society, let that happen.

ballsofsteelandfury

I just looked that up. SOMEONE at DFO needs to watch that and write about it!!

Senor Weaselo

I saw it last year. It is not good.

ballsofsteelandfury

WRITE ABOUT IT!

Senor Weaselo

I purged as much of it as I could from my head and I don’t want to watch it again. Hell, you got one of the songs stuck in my head. And now you shall suffer too.

Senor Weaselo

Mentioning the newest edition of Grinch will also result in exec—dammit.

Redshirt

No, don’t worry. You’ll live and get plenty of exercise with the sentence of hard labor.

Senor Weaselo

Can I keep my phone to get sweet, sweet Adventure Sync distance for Pokemon Go?

Senor Weaselo

The Star Wars Holiday Special will also be mandatory viewing, but for different reasons.

Don T

DENIED!
-St. John taunting St. Peter after a blocked shot.

Senor Weaselo

It’ll be the high point of the season, save the one out of nowhere win against a ranked team (either Nova or Seton Hall).

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

A stack of just baked tortillas. What a beautiful thing. pic.twitter.com/E48Vd1Tphu

— Rene Redzepi (@ReneRedzepiNoma) December 3, 2019

https://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js

Redshirt

Kamala Harris, I call it my Marriage Backup Plan because they have moving on with their lives and I’m doomed to a dark future scared and alone that will only end with death’s sweet release.

Unsurprised
Unsurprised

This was the only logical result.

tomsellecksmoustache
tomsellecksmoustache

Marianne Williamson says that’s the result of your parents vaccinating you.

Redshirt

I’d be upset, but I’m not sure Marianne’s on the same dimensional, existential bandwidth as the rest of us.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’ll sell you a crystal that will allow you to communicate with her via its resonant frequency.

Gratliff

Finally got around to the Spider-man game, which was primary reason I snatched up a PS4 during sales last week. It’s easily the best superhero video game I’ve ever played. It’s clearly built like the Batman Arkham trilogy, but with a drastically superior superhero story written around it. If they’d taken just the story missions and turned them into a movie, it would have been the third best Spider-man behind Spider-man 2 only because Alfred Molina was clearly the better Octavius. (Into the Spider-verse is maybe the best superhero movies ever made, period.) Now it’s on to God of War so I can be a terrible father vicariously when not being an actual terrible father.
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Unsurprised
Unsurprised

Alfred Molina is just a great actor. He could turn anything from dreck into at least passable. But that episode also felt the most like a Raimi movie.

Gratliff

And he does a lot of dreck. My guy keeps busy.

Redshirt

He’s the reason why everyone thinks Spider-Man 2 is a great movie. He elevated an above average movie and a poor Spider-Man into an epic adventure.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

In a movie full of standout performances, as was the case in Boogie Nights, he was still a giant amongst children.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Into the Spiderverse is the best *comic book* movie ever made. The story was very good, but there have been better. The visuals are the best that’s ever been done.

Senor Weaselo

False, this is the best Octavius.