In honor of bears, here is a top 5 count down of the best Bears to ever live:
Coming in at number 5, Jay Cutler. Not because of his game play. But because of his presence on and off the field. How many modern QBs have you seen with a cigarette hanging from his mouth? Not many. He had that apathetic face down to go with that cigarette dangling from his lip. That face defined his career. His eventual marriage to Kristin Cavalarri (whose name I don’t even want to google for spelling, because she is terrible), a D-List TV actress, was just a symptom of who he really is.
https://youtu.be/XsMGlHtVV9o
At number 4 on our countdown, Yogi Bear. No one loved pic-a-nic baskets, Booboo, the way he did. And he was always getting over on that park ranger. Gosh, that bear was swell!
Blasting through your screen and your hearts at number 3 is Ben. Adopted by Grizzly Adams, Ben and Grizzly got into something each week. The show ran for 2 glorious seasons, giving us such heart-warming things like bear hugs. It might have been based on a book or something. I don’t know. As Cutler would say, “Don’t care.” Books suck.
Football is the key focus here at number 2 (the best number every morning, after lunch, when I get home, and before bed) with Bear Pascoe. Coming out of the mighty FRESNO STATE in the 2009 draft, Bear earned his SB ring with the NY Giants when they beat the Pats, where Bear had 4 catches for 33 yards. These days, Bear has gone back to his roots of wrestling steers at Rodeos. He’s one tough hombre.
Ladies and gentlemen, in my hand I hold this envelop with the winner of our countdown. The votes were counted and verified by the accounting firm of Howard, Fine, and Howard. Here to open the envelope is our dear friend Leonardo DiCRAPio!
LD: What? I fucking hate bears! Do you know what that bear did to me?!
Me: Well, you deserved it. Just read the envelope before I punch you in the mouth, Gilbert Grape.
LD: And the winner is… barebacking?
Me: Great! I couldn’t agree more.
Onto the game.
We have the shitty Bears who are allergic to offense and a Cowboys team that isn’t good at defense. The way to make this game good? Only have the Cowboys offense on the field and the Bears defense on the field. Really, that is where the game is going to be decided anyway. Mack and Dak head to head. Can’t get any better than that.
I’m so disgusted with this game I don’t want to talk about it anymore. But, please, feel free to talk about it yourselves down below.
Make these fuckers walk home Jerry
Troy sounds really depressed. SUCH A PROFESSIONAL
And it begins…
That should have been forward progress
How about a facemask call?
Padre Weaselo is watching Evil. My response? (The only response.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zQ0c4_P2uno
This legit looks like a porno. No sarcasm needed
I’d watch that.
Lizard people. The NFC East really sucks, doesn’t it? The P*ts would win what, 18 games in that division?
Can Mrs. Butterworth sue Col. Sanders for sexual harrassment?
Wait, was that “Ghost Town” by the Specials? who in fuck dug that one up?
Man I fucking left monday night football for this?
MACK MACK MACK
“So Coach Belichek, what do you think of the NFL Top 100?”
“Grumble, grumble. I did your mother a 100 times..”
https://v.redd.it/9ahvbor9rwc31
Precursor…
Bears and Backfires used to fly over our battle group at very low altitude in the Indian Ocean and Sea of Japan back when I was in the fleet in the 1980s. It was always very exciting, especially when we were con-repping a carrier. It was even cooler when the Backfires were exceeding the Mach. BOOM!
Con-rep = connected replenishment:
Joe buck: must seem like yesterday huh troy?
Troy….. that wasn’t yesterday? Have you seen my helmet?
Neighbor’s gigantic xmas party is saturday. apparently it is a flat out drunken fest. Yes, I will attend and imbibe a cup or two of spirits, attend to my wife, and act accordingly
NO I FUCKING WON’T I’M GETTING INTO HOLIDAY VERSION BOURBLE LIKE A MOTHERFUCKER! SLEEPING ON THE PORCH IN MY OWN VOMIT
MERRY GODDAMN CHRISTMAS NEW NEIGHBORS!
/Ron Howard: “He slept on the porch that night.”
Reduced to praying Titty Boy makes a few mistakes here
Reminded – either this shitshow in blue or the team that just lost to the goddamned Dolphins? HOSTING A PLAYOFF GAME, BABY! Maybe the 13-3 Tomsulas!!
Alright, don’t get cute nagy, just run the damn ball
Jason Garrett spits on camera! He must be angrier than a Yalie with a Filipino manserveant
Dang! The Cowboys are awful.
sum kind of response there, offensing unit
Let’s see if they go to plaid
Hmmmm, yes, they have me wearing a hooded sweatshirt like a common hoodlum. I hope the Supper Club doesn’t get wind of this.
Just got in and turned the game on. I like this.
Dallas needs a subterranean stadium to succeed yeeeeeeeeeeehaw
We can get us some wetlands credits! YEEEEEHHHHHAAAAWWWW
Hey man, as incompetent as krang and shredder were on the old cartoon, they were never as bad as the Garrett era cowboys
Remember, dearest Buffy, we are not “fired” from our “job.” We simply realize that our talents are unappreciated by the great unwashed, and thus we must depart in a fashion that suits our class.
So.,,,San Antonio Spurs. Did any one else see that comeback on Tuesday? Lonnie Walker is it
My oldest son would sell me out for a Big Gulp and a hotdog.
That’s a pretty good haul.
My instant reaction grades:
7-Eleven: B-
Eldest Fozz: A+
….that’s good hustle?
this is now performance art
On one hand, hate to see the Princeton era come to an end in Big D. On the other, lol
the ol’ rub ‘n’ tug route
Otherwise known as my favorite hobby as a 13 year old
I’m 37, and that’s still one of my favorite hobbies.
46 and I can still remember when I had sexual urges!
60 and I have to take Viagra just to beat off.
6-10 it is
Division champs!
Goddamn, the Dallas D has completely unravelled
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHQqqM5sr7g
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLMF5GM0Kt8
wEll hello there, my dirty flying monkeys!
holy cats, the Non-Gendereds just made Cordarelle look like a competent WR
Well….
weak
AHAHAHA WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT
looks liek PLAYOFF FITBAW to me!!
/please DRAW the Cowpersons Week 16. AMERICA NEEDS THIS.
I’m lazy.
https://pixxxels.cc/gallery/gd8ow0vs/5905bbfa/
Gonna have to put a spy on titty boy
Keep an eye out for a loose titty
Do the Bears choke or Dallas shit the bed?