Monday Morning Mock Draft: Stay Inside The Lines

Good morning.

As you may recall, our cat took a turn for the worse a few days ago, refusing to eat and just hiding around the house, the way older (13+ in this case) animals will do when they’re about to die.  It was a rough couple of days around the Cornblower estate, where we tend to like out pets more than we like most people.

Then again, based on all of (gestures wildly in multiple 360 degree circles) this, I’d say we’re justified in that.  My cat may go after birds once in a while, but the last time I checked he wasn’t trying to bring our country back to the 1850’s.

I mean, he probably would if he could, (he is a cat after all), but so far I haven’t seen any evidence that he is.

What does this have to do with the mock draft topic?  NOTHING.  The thing is, the furry little bastard rebounded today, (youth pastor voice: Do you know who else made a big comeback on Easter Sunday?), and I’ve spent a large part of the day making sure he stays on the antibiotics and other meds he’s been taking, as well as on my hands and knees feeding him fingertipfuls, (there’s no way that’s a word) of food.

It’s been a long day, and I don’t have a topic.

But what I do have is a particular set of a skills, a set of skills that allows me to take notes and/or otherwise record suggestions that people send me for these drafts, and tonight I’ doing little more than dipping into them and, well,

I’ve got these notes that said Scotchy suggested something like “cars you’d design.”  I don’t know what that means either, and my handwriting isn’t helping any.  I’m sure that, unlike when dealing with the local transient population, his intentions were good and I’ve screwed this up, but this is what we’re left with.

We’ll expand this draft to cars you wished you’d designed, cars whose design you admire, or cars you would design or modify.  I don’t know; you crawl around feeding a cat an ounce at a time so your daughter doesn’t have to cry and then you come up with an idea!

For reasons lost to time, and me, I don’t have access to the back rooms anymore, so I’ll shout out to Scotch in the Sunday liveblog, but for the sake of having the first pick I will take the Swedish Koenigsegg

which probably goes really fast, but that’s not why I’m drafting it, because I live in Connecticut and if I took that thing to it’s max speed I’d hit a tree, a deer, a toddler, or all 3 faster than you can say “Hey, where did Horatio steal that car.”

But it looks cool as hell.

The rest of you are on the clock.

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BugEyedBoo

Maserati Gran Turisoi. Back before covid hit, someone who worked in our building had entirely too much money and liked Italian cars. His cars would alternate between the Ghibli, the Gran Turismo, and a Ferrari. Didn’t have a reserved spot, didn’t park it out on the edge of the lot, just parked them there next to the beaters.

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BugEyedBoo

Gran Turismo. I need to proofread more. Or once in a while.

Gumbygirl

When we got hacked by the fucking Rooskis, we lost the ability to edit again. I think so, anyway. Last time I tried, I could not. Let’s do a test

Last edited 1 year ago by Gumbygirl
Gumbygirl

Huh, it’s working again. That’s how much the Russians suck, they can’t even sabotage properly. Motherfuckers.

BugEyedBoo

Does it work for us proles?
It does!

Last edited 1 year ago by BugEyedBoo
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

5. Can’t pass up this kind of value so late in the day. The 6000-SUX from Robocop.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Do you come with the car?”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8oJzfmWO3CU

ballsofsteelandfury

Not a pick but I wanted to make the point that I’m VERY MUCH pissed off that Waymo couldn’t get the rights to install one of these in every vehicle:

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Did they even try? I would be even more pissed off if they didn’t even try.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Centauri’s Interstellar PimpRig.

“Get in, loser. We’re hunting the Ko-Dan Armada”

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“Pick of the draft. A+++.”

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ballsofsteelandfury

The Ultimate Land Yacht: The Lincoln Continental Mark IV

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Gumbygirl

Balls is Huggy Bear!

ballsofsteelandfury

Funny enough, I’ve nicknamed my best friend at work Huggy Bear!

ballsofsteelandfury

You can fit multiple dead bodies in that trunk!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Craig James right now (artist’s conception):

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scotchnaut

The vehicle of choice for retired blue collar workers that envied the Mafia guys in the neighborhood back in the 60’s and 70’s!

2Pack

Well since this retro classic is still out there, my 4th round pick is the iconic 57 Chevy.

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2Pack

With her on that big bench seat next to me.

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2Pack

Just accessorizing…

Mr. Ayo

Son of a bitch. That backfired.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Went and shot the basketball around for a bit. Today’s stats:

Number of three-pointers attempted by me: 1
Number of three-pointers made by me: 1
Number of backboards hit during said attempt: 1

But still, a bucket is a bucket.

Jimbo

– a bucket is a bucket.
L. Doncic walking out of KFC.

scotchnaut

As I would say in any organized game, “Ya Gotta Call It!”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

This feels like something we all drew as kids when imaging cars, the P50
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https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Peel_P50

and reviewed by Top Gear
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJfSS0ZXYdo

note that I would not fit in it, too tall, and even if I did, would nawt want to drive it

Last edited 1 year ago by BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup
NotShogunButShogun

Hell yes I’d drive it! I’d even give the P45 a shot.
(Might’ve made some changes)

Doktor Zymm

I would buy and use one of those in a heartbeat. I would die shortly after when every other car on the road ran me over after not being able to see me

Last edited 1 year ago by Doktor Zymm
SonOfSpam

Hi.

Some number of years ago, Prince died on my birthday, totally hogging all the attention.

Welp, today, Pope Francis has done the same. Thanks a lot, kewl pope.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Happy birthday! Murderer.

LemonJello

I’m not saying SoS is a life-force vampire.

But, I’m also not NOT saying it.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

“We have those but they’re for gravy.” – Indiana resident, who is also a gravy vampire

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Happy Birthday!

2Pack

Happy Birthday.

BugEyedBoo

Another trip around the sun, go you!

Senor Weaselo

That’s the corpse formerly known as Prince to the rest of us.

Gumbygirl

Happy Birthday, you stone cold killah!

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Gumbygirl

I almost bought one of these clown cars back when I was young and foolisher. Nash Metropolitan

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Mr. Ayo

I’ll take a Porsche 997.2 gt3 rs.

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BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

and then strip out all the stuff inside of it, add a roll cage and fire extinguisher

Mr. Ayo

This may be your draft but you can’t just take Koenigsegg. That’s the manufacturer. Pick a model such as the regera, agera, jesko, gemera, etc.

Last edited 1 year ago by Mr. Ayo
Senor Weaselo

Nike car? Nike car.
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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

By the way, I’m really happy to hear about the cat.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Do you think he might have gotten sick because of vaccine shedding? Just asking.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Yeah but the colloidal silver should cancel that out.

ballsofsteelandfury

Continuing the forbidden sex theme, what happens when a boat fucks a car?

An Amphicar!

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

The next pick on my board (not sure if the commissioner will let it fly) is actually in that same family.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

3. the nazis have been making autonomous self-driving cars for generations ppl forget that

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Can’t imagine anybody is going to be Ctrl-F’ing for Herbie the Love Bug but just in case…

Doktor Zymm

No one has taken the E-type? Yoink!
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NotShogunButShogun

I love and hate you.

Last edited 1 year ago by NotShogunButShogun
Gumbygirl

I had a neighbor who had one of those. It was always dead in his driveway. Pretty, though!

ballsofsteelandfury

@bfc,

The run on silly cars is most definitely NOT done. I present to all of you, The Penis Car:

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

I don’t see it

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

– Deanna Favre

NotShogunButShogun

“We did”
Sadly,
Internet

Brocky

My draft pick is the Dodge Viper, but darned if I know what year to pick

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BugEyedBoo

A coworker’s rich uncle died, and left him a little money. It was enough to buy a brand new Viper. They sent him a paint catalog, and he picked purple with orange racing stripes. It wasn’t his daily driver, but he’d drive it about once a week when the weather was good.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Shit, if the run on funny picks is on, I’m sprinting to the podium for Canyonero

https://youtu.be/PI_Jl5WFQkA?si=sldL0w57RqEYi2_E

scotchnaut

I’ll take whatever this is because it comes with some delightful accessories.

truck
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Looks like that spycam in Balls’ war room is paying dividends.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I thought that was a toiletcam that balls put there himself

DJ TAJ

As the nominations for the papacy begin to roll in. A new exalted leader has risen from the stink to move all mankind forward. To your knees naive, welcome the NEW truth, the new way.
The Time has Come

Gumby-Pope
Gumbygirl

I dunno, Taj, I’m kind of busy. But I do have a pointy head, so the hat would work!

Jimbo
ballsofsteelandfury

For my next pick, I’ll take: The Bullpen Cart

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Not sure if a specific team is required. If so, I’ll take the Mets’ cart

2Pack

3rd round value. Nothing says securing the open road better than an RSOV, aka heavily chopped and bolt on accessorized Range Rover Defender. Your sporty crew served weapons say it all.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

2. Lexus 2054, as seen in the film Minority Report. This is the Lexus I’ll be taking to Patty and Selma’s funeral.

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DJ TAJ

Since it’s the coolest machine ever conceived I’ll take the 72 Dodge Barracuda, better known just as a CUDA.

CUDA
BrettFavresColonoscopy

2. Lamborghini Countach. Back when I gave a shit about cars, I saw this at the auto show and bought a poster of one.

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ballsofsteelandfury

This one?

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ballsofsteelandfury

Or this one?

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BrettFavresColonoscopy

Neither. I think my perviness was delayed onset.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

So the picture is not one of the cars I made as a dumbfuck 7 year old on an Apple IIGS “Car Builder” program

Mine were more an anticipation of the mid-2000s Cadillac Escalade/Chrysler 300/Dodge Ram “Rolling Brick” aesthetic.

But I remain proud of my effort.

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh man now you’ve got me thinking of Racing Destruction Set for the Commodore 64 where you could set the gravity to “Pluto” and such.

BeefReeferLives

People used that program to come up with all sorts of stupid ass car designs…

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ballsofsteelandfury

The one and only:

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ballsofsteelandfury

Wienermobile

Last edited 1 year ago by ballsofsteelandfury
The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

Lamar Jackson steal of the draft

DJ TAJ

Hey, I have one of those.

Weiner
Don T

Not picking, just #Relevant
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The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

This. Huge props to the designer for saying “fuck it, no styling I give it is going to make any impression.”

1000017641

I like how the entire news service just calls it the Popemobile. There is no other description. Bigger props to the recently deceased to make it open air. THAT is faith in action.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Great pick on so many levels

BeefReeferLives

Aston Martin DB5

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NotShogunButShogun

I’d make a Mazda combined with a Saab. Quirky but so fun to drive and survive in.

And for personal reasons, a two-door late 70’s Delta 88 with a modern engine that could use all that hood (bonnet) to it’s fullest.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Tucker Talisman: https://imgur.com/a/HRhd1L6

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Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Oh neat, I didn’t realize that imgur links embedded like that! What a fun day!

ArmedandHammered
ballsofsteelandfury

Oh that’s gorgeous!

BugEyedBoo

Done to get around a pickup truck tariff back in the day. The seats in the back made it Not A Pickup Truck.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Ok, I’ll take the Corvette. If I have to be specific, the 1963 Stingray

BrettFavresColonoscopy

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BugEyedBoo

Boattail or GTFO.

2Pack

In the second round my Maserati 3500 GT does one eighty five…

OIP
ballsofsteelandfury

What do you get when a pick up truck fucks a sexy sports car?

An EL CAMINO!

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Last edited 1 year ago by ballsofsteelandfury
NotShogunButShogun

We had multiple growing up. Perfect for hauling dirt track bikes to races

ballsofsteelandfury

In breaking news:

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Jimbo

Did JD Vance kill the pope? I’m just asking questions .

NotShogunButShogun

Want to kill a foreigner? Send an American.

NotShogunButShogun
Last edited 1 year ago by NotShogunButShogun
Don T

correctoU
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Jimbo

The D in JD is for Demonio.

2Pack

Had one. Want one again some day. 1974 Triumph Spitfire

74-Spit
BugEyedBoo

Plymouth Superbird. Word of the Day: Homologation. Back in the dad, NASCAR required the cars to be actual ‘production’ cars. Win on Sunday, sell on Monday. This was too fast, and was soon banned. But they were actually sold, and I remember seeing one fairly often driving around Beckley WV. It was that very same Richard Petty blue.

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scotchnaut

Closely related-The Dodge Super Bee, which was our family car for a few years. Did my father take it up to 120mph with two small children sitting in the back seat without seatbelts on? Why yes, yes he did.

bee
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I’d like on in green, please.

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WCS

1967 Ford Mustang
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Doktor Zymm

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Alfa BAT concept car

ballsofsteelandfury

Someone actually made a real life Flintstones car. I wish I’d thought of that…

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Jimbo

I’ll take the Delorean. Cool car from one of my favorite 80s movie.

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