So tonight is WineWife’s Office Christmas party. We’ve all been down that road before – the +1 to a partner’s corporate function. It’s so much worse when you are the invitee, because there’s some sort of higher expectation for both bad and good behaviour. The co-workers all want to see the downtown version of my wife, so they can gossip around the office.
But they also know they never will, so they hold out that the BeerGuy version of me will show up, even if I’m wearing the suit & bothered to put a brush through my hair.
I assume that’s why there’s an open bar.
But knowing there’s an open bar also puts WineWife’s spotlight squarely on me, because any behavioural tic is going to be hyper-analyzed. Even a simple belly laugh at her boss’ joke will gain critical attention and/or a sniff-test breathalyzer. Twenty-seven years of selling beer & projecting my voice means I’m louder than most people, a fact which will not help at a 200-person dinner. Honestly, I’d rather be sick than spend an entire evening uncomfortably dressed & waiting to be yelled at over some minor indiscretion that likely won’t even be my fault.
Sunday Broadcast maps: (courtesy 506sports.com)
CBS EARLY
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
█ Baltimore @ Buffalo – Ian Eagle, Dan Fouts
█ Denver @ Houston – Kevin Harlan, Rich Gannon
█ Indianapolis @ Tampa Bay – Spero Dedes, Adam Archuleta
█ Miami @ NY Jets – Tom McCarthy, Jay Feely
█ Cincinnati @ Cleveland – Beth Mowins, Tiki Barber
I don’t want to tell CBS how to do their job, but aren’t they even a little…concerned (?) pairing a lady up with Tiki Barber? I’m assuming he’ll be wearing some sort of shock collar, or HR is offscreen with tranq darts.
CBS LATE
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
█ Kansas City @ New England – Jim Nantz, Tony Romo
█ Tennessee @ Oakland – Greg Gumbel, Trent Green
█ Pittsburgh @ Arizona – Andrew Catalon, James Lofton
I know “standings” say five of these teams have “playoff aspirations”, but c’mon. There’s only one game worth watching here.
FOX SINGLE
█ Fairbanks
█ Honolulu
█ San Francisco @ New Orleans – Kevin Burkhardt, Charles Davis
█ Washington @ Green Bay – Kenny Albert, Ronde Barber
█ Detroit @ Minnesota – Thom Brennaman, Chris Spielman
█ Carolina @ Atlanta – Chris Myers, Daryl Johnston
█ LA Chargers @ Jacksonville (LATE) – Dick Stockton, Mark Schlereth
For the life of me, I don’t get why eastern Montana gets the Packers – [Redacteds] game. And the over/under on “San Diego” references is 5, because Mark Schlereth is an idiot.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Leafs at Blues – 7:00PM | CBC / Sportsnet
- Kings at Flames – 10:00PM | CBC / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Pacers vs. Knicks – 7:30PM | TSN
- Grizzlies vs.Jazz – 10:00PM | TSN
- NCAA:
- Pigskin:
- ACC Football Championship: Virginia vs. Clemson – 7:30PM | ABC / TSN3
- Big Ten Football Championship: Ohio State vs. Wisconsin – 8:00PM | FOX
- Hoops: a selection
- Colorado at Kansas – 7:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4
- Marquette at Kansas State – 9:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN4
- Pigskin:
- Pugilism:
- UFC Fight Night: Overeem vs. Rozenstruik
- Prelims – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN5
- Main Card – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN5
- UFC Fight Night: Overeem vs. Rozenstruik
Well, that’s it for me this week.
Enjoy the games tomorrow. Oh yeah – and remember Pearl Harbor.
Problem, though. Can you even buy “big black dildos” in bulk on Amazon? I don’t want to go into a sex shop like some weirdo.
I have a story there.
Florida gulf coast.
No black dildos, however.
The case has 12.
30 at a time.
https://www.amazon.com/LOLINEDNAT-Realisric-Lifelike-Enjoyable-Waterproof/dp/B081TYLPZM/ref=sr_1_26?keywords=big+black+dildo&qid=1575775200&sr=8-26
Ðîl`dɔ
you DO want ’em waterproof
Please tip your drivers, folks.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PftOxn4ANjc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-qcY3F2LQZM
ppl forget “Dr.” Pepper got his degree from American Samoa University
GO LAND CRABS
why are they “throwing” FITBAWs that way??
Alright, Beckley boy. Don’t embarrass WVU.
Well done. Use some of the money on a better haircut.
that is NAWT the Beckley way
Rhetorical yes, but why would Jerry Palm update bowl projections while these games are in progress?
https://www.cbssports.com/college-football/news/bowl-projections-oklahoma-claims-last-college-football-playoff-spot-penn-state-into-new-years-six/
Where’s NC State going this year? Oh right, I forgot. They’ve already gone home.
SIT IN A CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU’VE DONE.
But hoopsball won in Winston-Salem!
I saw dat. Now if we can avoid losing to NC Central this year…..?
Cincinnati going to the Liberty Bowl? I see what you did there, Jerry Palm.
Remove conference championship round, in exchange for a 16-team playoff. Easy peasy.
Totally on board with that.
Can anyone tell me a good college football game on TV now in Canada, and what channel? I would greatly appreciate it.
Awoke from post-prandial nap to see a score of 21-7, thought “fucking OSU.” Imagine my surprise when the identity of the team with the 21 points came into focus. This can’t last.
Is it wrong that I’m moar interested in what you ate before falling asleep than I am in these games?
Since my gastric surgery, fine or gourmet dining is now a spectator sport for me. “Man, that ribeye looks good. Whatcha got on the children’s menu?”
gonna knock them all the way down from #2 seed to #3. Talk about SHOCKWAVES to the system…
Smrt move by the Big10 scheduling this game so late, so as to cater to all their fans on the west coast.
Get everyone on your list a big, black dildo for Xmas. They’ll be more receptive to your “no gifts” idea in 2020.
Hippo has a point.
Even Dr. Pepper says… Fuck This.
Is there any way the ACC Coastal Division can merge with the MAC?
More Tuesday football? I’m in!
it surely needs relegating
Pardon my language but…
There’s way too much fucking orange on my tv right now.
Conan’s porn videos are a bit over the top.
I bet Andy’s in the corner watching, too.
No, that happens later.
And I still say Trevor Lawrence has some kind of genetic defect.
Also not sure he was born a man, though that would seemingly conflict with DABO!’s deeply held religious convictions.
His hair is fabulous though.
Does that make me gay?
Not if you’re pitching in these daytime fantasies!
Seriously.
What kind of conditioner you think he’s using. It’s SO shiny.
Couldn’t find the Trump press conference to which you refer. Probably just as well.
*Insert gif I can’t find of Bond telling Pussy Galore “He’sh quite mad, you know.”*
I am having trouble paying attention to this game. Perhaps I am having a stroke, I have a cold so probably wouldn’t smell any toast regardless…
tOSU’s coach deffo looks like the kind of guy who’ll talk to you about crossfit
Peloton?
Nah that’s for girls. CROSSFIT, bruh.
BRUH CAN’T SKIP LEG DAY BRUH
You know, if your QB is being confused for Tiny Tim, it might be time to warm up the backup.
Deus! Deus! Cur reliquistis mecum ?!
Hey tWBS, does it bug you that Clemson’s road to another National Championship seems to keep getting easier?
Yes other tWBS, yes it does.
I read someone on The Athletic saying that Dabo!! should be on the NFL radar. He’s basically the Chris Farley “Down By the River” motivational speaker.
He got Jeebus on he side.
that why rural South grandmamas love him so
Also: “Girl Drink Drunk” is one of the greatest Kids In The Hall pieces ever, they’re at their peak here.
That, and “Daddy Drank”
Imagine being that fat fuck, trying to make it in Hollywoo for 20 years (I presume mostly doing Slim-Fast ads).
Then Clint Eastwood wants to make a Richard Jewell movie…
I guess Steve Bartman said no.
edit: Sorry. Misread comment.
He’s been in hiding for like 15 years, he’s prolly pretty fucking fat too.
Wisconsin ded after that
Wisconsin not ded
That was interesting.
Somebody just lost their virginity.
REMEMBER – Jesus is watching you while you masturbate.
What a pervert!
Probably likes what he sees though.
NTTAWWT
Just don’t waste the man’s time. Make it interesting.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=X02EwkGqyto
Almost like theeeeeee knows they don’t have anything to play for tonight.
but if tOSU loses tonight, they may have to wear their road jerseys against Clemson, instead of their home jerseys against Clemson!!
I see Wahoowa has become self-aware, and accepted their fate
Awfully nice of them to save me from having to switch channels back and forth.
I keep doing it out of habit, though.
That’s my drinking strategy.
Well shit. I thought we were talking opiates.
STOP CONFUSING ME!!!!!
It can be both.
And a dash of CBD oil.
Thought the NHL had come to their senses and canceled the rest of the Red WIngs’ season, but there they are playing again tonight so I don’t know.
“Go Wiscy!”
-Dylan Thomas
“Go Whiskey!”
— DFO
Go, whiskey! – Temperance League
My family? My friends? My coworkers? You’re gonna have to narrow it down, but yes.
ppl can’t fale u if u fale them first ,, ppl forget that!
I’m bored. Here are the 10 best games of 2010-19 in no particular order.
Undertale
Nier: Automata
Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn
Red Dead Redemption
Portal 2
The Last of Us
Assassin’s Creed 4 (The one with pirates)
Dishonored
Super Mario Odyssey
Saints Row: The Third
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_hUbJeKKNZE
That’s Rob Van Dam as the ring announcer and Hulk Hogan as the luchador in a very unfortunate bit of casting
/fires up 8 bit NES
//plays Tetris and Blades of Steel until dawn
They never made another hockey game to match. Gradius during intermission was so good.
FTL better than all of those combined, not to be too outrageous.
you mess around with LISA?
I know of it, but never played
Clamson not invincible?
last funny:
My dog makes me laugh harder than any person ever has and for this gift I feed him hard brown pellets twice a day and lock him in a little jail when I leave the house
I pick up all his poops out of the yard and throw them away. That little fucker owes me.
– UGa
Hey, Redshirt:
Am I correct in that you’re an Ohio State alum?
Oh yeah!!
Welp
Speaking of losers, here’s a photo of the Pearl Harbor raid of December 1941, with an explosion occurring along Battleship Row. At the top of picture at right are a series of white structures; these are gigantic oil tanks that held all of the Pacific Fleet’s fuel. The Japanese left them untouched. If they had destroyed these tanks alone during the attack Hawaii would have been undefendable and the Pacific Fleet would have to withdraw to the mainland. Also partially visible at right is a fully equipped shipyard with dry docks that was mostly untouched; it was used to repair almost all the damaged ships and was a key to the U.S. victory at Midway five months later which destroyed the Japanese carrier force that attacked Pearl Harbor.
BushRooseveltdiddid9/11Pearl HarborBullshit. Jet fuel can’t melt steel, you stooge.
Then who was in the submarine? Who called about the weather?
found a funny:
[new snowman watching the snowfall]
Is this *gags* is this flesh?
I didn’t go to our office party, but my overtime billing sure did pay for it.
I’m not bitter.
But u still has nice cans, Moose!
/I also wonder why I am considered to have the same amount of “overhead” as the attorneys who don’t even open their own e-mail. My AA maybe does 10 minutes of work for me in a month.
Cincinnati going from the Cotton Bowl to the Gaspirilla Bowl is going to be a lot of Joe Borrow going from LSU Tigers to the Cincinnati Bengals.
“DO YOU BELIEVE IN PSYCHIATRIC ASSESSMENTS?”
https://www.espn.com/nhl/story/_/id/28227894/judge-orders-miracle-ice-player-mark-pavelich-undergo-treatment
CTE’s a hell of a drug*
*Waking nightmare
I like this pun.
Wow the Cinci-Memphis was a one possession game with both teams scoring around 30 points, who could have possibly foreseen that.
The two teams are pretty close in talent. Its just one team likes to shoot themselves in the foot.
I was just going off the fact that the exact same game happened last week.
Derp. Sorry.
Cincy should let them score a touchdown.
Beer guy rob just yell out Freebird every few minutes. You will make friends for sure!
Mrs. Cola and I have a date! To a microbrewery then to a nice restaurant.
I get the shitty Tennessee Oilers/Vegas Pirates game, and everyone else gets to see my Chiefs pound the butt of Brady. I want to watch the butt pounding!
If Buddy Cole were around he would approve.
Man, rainy winter days in Los Angeles when you’ve got a hangover are the WORST.