Your “Hallelujah or Heartbreak?” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Did Fitzmagik come through? I’ve no way of knowing because I’m writing this at 10am EST and I can’t see the past from this here future.

TO THE GAMES!

Chargers/Jags:

Mike Williams had 10 TD’s on just 64 targets so he was a sexy fantasy pick back in August. Before he was dropped long ago by his owners he rewarded them with a big, fat zero 6 spots. With a bit more Williams magic he might become just the twelfth player with 700+ receiving yards and nada to show for it. That weirdo stat seems to be code for the Chargers entire season, don’t it?

Titans/Raiders:

Since he grabbed the reins in week 7, Tannyhill is fantasy’s QB5. My question: How does this make any sorta sense? His best wr is ranked #43 and his te is #20. But this team belongs to Henry and the Titans will ride him until the wheels fall off.

Chiefs/Pats:

Perhaps the smoke and mirrors show finally comes to an end here? Brady is delivering some god-awful stat lines week after week because he has no difference-makers at wr-no one that can bust off a huge chunk play. Edelman is fine as a first down picker-upper but that’s about it. I’m looking forward to the battle between Tyreek and the Pats secondary because you know Mahomes is gonna take his shots and why would he bother directing them at that bum Sammy Watkins?

Steelers/Cards:

What do we do with Kyler? His running ability keeps him in the fantasy starter conversation as does his 6 games with 2 or more TD throws. But what about those other 6 games with no TD tosses at all? Do you trust him, at home, vs. the Steelers, in your fantasy playoffs? Very tough call. As far as younger brothers of established pass rushers are concerned you could do worse than T.J. Watt and his 15 sacks.

Bring it. Again.

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blaxabbath

I’m only listening to CardinalsTalk instead of watching any football. I think I have perfected my NFL Sunday interest.

Horatio Cornblower

“To those of you expecting to see 60 Minutes, get fucked”

blaxabbath

Even people who watch 60 Minutes are surprised their clicker landed on it each week.

Redshirt

Enough of Col. Sanders trying to nail Mrs. Butterworth! Get back to the game!

LemonJello

Missed opportunity to Trent Green Das Dreamboat…

Redshirt

Oh, come on! You had Brady dead to rights for a six yard penalty!

King Hippo

My teevee has been off for 15 minutes, and ain’t coming back on until SNF kickoff.

Horatio Cornblower

Turn it back on. TURN IT BACK ON!!!!

bk109

“T.Brady scrambles left tackle to KC 12 for 17 yards.”
Is that even fucking legal?! Tom Brady running?

WCS

Jdjsyywgsuhdhdhuxyrhdhucjfjdusyd6dhh**@^@< ^#&$,$>$,=&’dnej

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gratliff

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn

Horatio Cornblower

Oh my god that is a brutal non-call.

Gratliff

“A runabout? What was he doing in a runabout at 4 in the morning?”
“Apparently, he was getting murdered”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iUQdlrQGM3s

Brick Meathook

OBEY THEM BIG OL’ TITTIES

Brick Meathook

Dago Red

bk109

Shit 🙁 He’ll be missed

Horatio Cornblower

DO IT FOR BIG BIRD AND OSCAR THE GROUCH!!

Redshirt

Oh no!

Gumbygirl

Why did I turn this on? The Steelers won, I was happy. Fuck.

WCS

You’re a masochist like the rest of us.

Gumbygirl

Must be. Hey, I have a health and safety question: I found a chewy caramel edible that’s about 4 or 5 months old. Do I take a chance on it, or is it certain death by food poisoning?

tomsellecksmoustache

Are we all watching the Steve Harvey dick joke beauty pageant? Cause these girls need some affirmation.

litre_cola

Just got home. They are going to score a referee assisted td and go for 2.

Gratliff

This game is the Andy Special, and not the one that involves tying a live goat to a post

Old School Zero

Penalties/Yds per ESPN: KC 10/136 NE 4/20

Horatio Cornblower

To be fair, the refs have literally taken 12 points off the board for the Patriots.

Horatio Cornblower

Tyreek Hill made a poor decision there, but I suppose I can hardly be surprised by that.

Mother Puncher

Christ they’re going to win arent they

Horatio Cornblower

Yes.

Horatio Cornblower

“Coach Reid, what was your strategy for covering Edelman”

“Glad you asked. In practice and in video we either had a guy wearing a yellow star or marked him with a yellow star so that we…”
/PR guy dives over the table to disconnect the mic

Old School Zero

“If he criticizes Israel, we’ll say he’s anti-semitic. If he is pro-Israel but anti-Trump, we’ll say he’s being paid by Soros. If he’s pro-Israel and pro-Trump, we’ll take his money, but we won’t let the FBI investigate white nationalists.”

TheRevanchist

“In practice, we put a sausage on the back of the Jersey with duct tape. Not any kind of sausage, but one smoked while wrapped in duck fat, a total of 3 hours. I ate that sausage. And the jersey.”

tomsellecksmoustache

Shit. I opened a beer, then had some bourbon. Then I opened another beer. This night is going off the rails in a hurry.

tomsellecksmoustache

Where are the adults in my life? I can’t manage this situation.

TheRevanchist

Last I heard Higgins is in Hawaii waiting for Thomas to return the car.

Horatio Cornblower

/raises hand
Right over here. Bring the bourbon.

litre_cola

Got any weed? Bring that too.

Gratliff

This is some Reidian shit taking place right now

King Hippo

Humanity’s ONLY hope is the Ratbirds winning out. I don’t see them losing in the playoffs with home field.

Old School Zero

“You see Jim, the eight consecutive holding penalties against the Chiefs is really what allowed for the Patriots come from behind win today. As well as the fourteen consecutive Pass Interference calls during the 2-point conversion.”

Redshirt

Facemask on the Quarterback?!

WCS

Fuck a Duck is now 3-0.

Time to watch the inevitable…

King Hippo

I am strongly leaning into turning it off.

Old School Zero

whaaaat the fuuuuuuck

bk109

… Uhm… Refball seems a pale word nao..

King Hippo

Not even ONE goddamned first down. Thanks a bunch, Kelce.

Horatio Cornblower

Yes, that’s what I want to see: Chiefs receivers running around while swinging the ball like a purse. What could go wrong?

Horatio Cornblower

Bleergh is overdoing it, even by His standards.

Old School Zero

Bleergh is well past his Major Tom phase, and is clearly at Ashes to Ashes

Redshirt

Someone punch Brady!

Old School Zero

Who was shooting? The mooses or the bears?

Gratliff

Bettman points getting out of hand

King Hippo

#TryHarderEh

Brick Meathook

Canadians can’t aim right I guess.

Brick Meathook

I hate bars with fixed barstools. They are built by and for amateurs.

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t think I’ve ever seen that. Sounds horrible. What else am I supposed to swing when things get out of hand?

Old School Zero

And here I would argue that most Barstool employees and fans should be fixed.

King Hippo

Yinzers gifted Qardinals at least 3 extra plays

King Hippo

/but Kyler has the pocket awareness of a squirrel

FelonySqwrrl

Confirmed.

Old School Zero

Oh baby that’s the good stuff

King Hippo

straight into my veins!!

Horatio Cornblower

Right into my fucking veins.

Brick Meathook

I can picture Hippo and Horatio lying in bed together and each typing that joke into their individual iPhones.

Doktor Zymm

I think this is my fault, I shouldn’t have gotten off the couch and stopped napping

King Hippo

Refs took 4 points away from P*ts, that’s good!

Horatio Cornblower

No, this one is all on Travis Kelce

Horatio Cornblower

Kelce’s trying to remember why his nose hurts.

Old School Zero

Kelce’s trying to remember which one is the nose, and which one is the ear

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

h

ttps://66.media.tumblr.com/884cbad008279d3957f9861b60d2f6d4/tumblr_nz9s0eGnSb1rs3j1zo7_500.gif

Horatio Cornblower

That isn’t even close. These refs are fucking horrible.

bk109

At least you see them murder both teams? That’s progress, I guess?

Horatio Cornblower

I just look forward to the NFL telling us what a great game the refs had, despite what our lying eyes told us.

bk109

And despite both teams being united in their utter disgust at the refballing in here?

King Hippo

indeed

Horatio Cornblower

Romo’s right, KC is dead

Gratliff

Bleergh, as is tradition

King Hippo

Belicheat out of challenges, at least

Spur

The Tits looking scary good.

Redshirt

All three of them look good.

Gratliff

So the uh resurgent RAIIIIIIIDAAAAHS aren’t really a thing, I guess

Spur

Dumbass Kelce

Mr. Ayo

WTH refs.

Horatio Cornblower

They’re having themselves quite the game tonight.

Horatio Cornblower

Travis Kelce is literally the dumbest person on the field