Your “It’s The Playoffs For You And Me” Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

Did you squeak in? Did you get a bye? Tell us how it all went right/wrong down below. Me? I’ve got a bye in one money league and will get blown out in another unless my Fitzmagik/Parker stack comes thru in a big way.

TO THE GAMES!

Panthers/Falcons:

Atlanta’s O-line wasn’t very good to begin with (where have you gone, Devonta?) but now the threads are beginning to unravel. Even though Ryan gets the ball out quickly on average, he’s been put on his butt 15 times the last two games.

Ravens/Bills:

Lamar!’s outstanding play has papered over a wr unit that is pure fyre and not in the good way that the kids say. Do the kids still say that? Today they face a cb White (not a white cb, that would be ridiculous) that has not allowed a TD on 72 targets.

Bengals/Browns:

When was the last time this game mattered to both teams? The early 80’s? I’m glad not to have to lean on either Chubb or Mixon going forward. Dalton’s return to starter status means the ball will be in the air more (John Ross is back) and KHunt’s 43 touches have resulted in a missed tackle 23 times. Kareem is playing at a very high level.

Potato Skins/Packers:

After showing out last week, Washington might just have something in injury-free Guice. Add to that Haskins playing competently (tho he didn’t toss a 6 spot) and McLarin’s early season success-they just might be set up at the skill positions.

Lions/Vikes:

Cousins got off to a very bad start in the early weeks of the season, according to Thielin and Diggs but that run-heavy approach has paid back some delightful dividends now. The threat of Cook/Mattison getting the ball has resulted in Captain Kirk having the highest play-action efficiency rating in the league.

Niners/Saints:

You think this Kittle guy works on his game? Last year the only knock on him was that he had the 3rd-most drops-this year he hasn’t had a single one. As for the running game, good luck picking which fella will come to the fore this week. (I tried to work in a Cerberus joke but brain won’t let me)

Fins/Jets:

New Yawk has the fifth-most inviting secondary in fantasy so that’s why I’m heaving a prayer towards the Fitz/Parker combo. If you’re streaming te’s take a look at Mike Gesicki-he’s 5th in targets the last two weeks and has scored in both games. Rb Bell is out with an illness-my guess is he’s sick and tired of having 3.2 yards per carry.

Colts/Bucs:

Coach of the year has to go to Reich, right? He dealt with the Hodor retirement ambush, changed the O to suit Brissett and has weathered injuries to every one of his skill guys. And his team is still sniffing at a wild card spot. Well done.

Broncos/Texans:

Houston is riding high after last week’s W over the Pats. Now comes the fall? Or do they roll? Courtland Sutton owners are praying that rook qb Drew Lock can keep the fantasy points flowing.

Give it to me!

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Spur

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TheRevanchist

Too cute!

Dunstan

Bloomberg commercial. Welp, NOW I’m convinced that what this country needs is an elderly white New York billionaire who’s been accused of sexual assault to come in and “run the country like a business.”

King Hippo

You get one with his awkward school yearbook pic yet? Somebody studied that, and said FUCK YES, greenlight that muthafucka!!

LemonJello

Robert Kraft really likes this comment. Like, a lot.

bk109

So outsource everything possible, keep on chasing trends LATE and do one’s damnedest to pay as little taxes as humanly possible?
Btw, I’m not saying that’s wrong per se, because I work for one of those lovely tech behemoths that like Ireland for its people, tax loopholes and uhhh….. our lovely accents?

Gratliff

Ireland is one of like 5 developed countries with a lower overall tax income than America, so this tracks

bk109

Oh, I bet a lot of countries have a lower corporate tax rate than the US, but few could match the Irish effective rate of under 2.5% for “strategic” partners 😀

King Hippo

Again, seriously…this kind of crap seals the deal for Sen. Warren. And if it does so for me, it will do so for most party loyalists/former Kamala Harris supporters like me.

Doktor Zymm

I’m pretty sad by Warren totally backpedalling on schools

Gratliff

She’s going to push harder to center now to try to cut off Biden and Mayor pete while betting she won’t shed enough support to Sanders, though most leftist progressives already moved away from her when she started tempering her M4A plan. She won’t lose enough to matter, though. She’s been saying some dumb shit lately, but as long as Biden is in the race, she would have to become incredibly stupid for it to even pop up on the average voter’s radar.

King Hippo

yes, this is her path to the nomination. She keeps enough of the ‘left activist” block, while cleaning up the “soft Biden” and uncommitted voters.

She would still be a very left executive – just a COMPETENT and pragmatic campaigner

Dunstan

Shit, I just turned DFO into political Twitter, didn’t I? I am so sorry.

bk109

You mean outside from the fact that Warren’s not exactly palatable to the normal person with her rhetoric and basically Hillary 2.0, but now with 0/64th Honest Injun blood? And that’s BEFORE she basically ensured that the tech (and big business in general) would back Joe Biden, ’cause he’s the only one not basically calling for a jihad on them (from their POV)? 😀

I’m sorry lads, but the only real candidate I could get behind is Tulsi. Yes, her politics are iffy, but ask yourselves – what other candidate isn’t a horrible retread AND/OR would look great in a bikini?!

King Hippo

FLAGGED

bk109

After a quick google image search, both Gene Skeletor and my wife agree with my assessment 😀

King Hippo

She’s basically an Island Moonie

bk109

When the alternatives are can’t win leftish retreads of Bernie Sanders and Liz Warren? Or the lovely scandal of the week Biden? Or Bloomberg’s out of touch rich white out-of-touch vanity run? Or Julian Castro, who I’m yet to see a photo of that doesn’t scream “Repeat Sex Offender” or “Marc Trestmann’s Weirder Chicano Cousin?” … Yeah… When all options are of the turd variety, you might as well pick one that looks good nekkid

For the record, I’m just yankin’ y’all’s chains… I just wanted to make the only candidate good in a bikini joke 😀 … That said, from an outsider’s perspective – it doesn’t matter who the Dems pick, as long as it’s Biden, ’cause all the others are deeply flawed candidates that would give “the current guy” a realistic shot of a second mandate. Not saying Biden’s perfect (not at all in fact), but he’s the one least likely to actively push people into not voting or into the waiting doomed clutches of the next Jill Stein

Gratliff

Dibs on the fantasy name

Marc Trestmann’s Weirder Chicano Cousin

Gratliff

REGIME CHANGE WAR

litre_cola

Jameis is top 3 most entertaining qbs in the league. You never know what is going to happen!

King Hippo

I want to see him and Brokeback play one another. A comedy of bananacakes.

litre_cola

MOAR FIN FIELDGOALZ

King Hippo

How to make the Terlet Bowl finals – on my bench are Michael Gallup, Drew Lock, Noah Fant.

Doktor Zymm

Mostert and onions are good on a hot dog

Redshirt

Especially grilled onions.

bk109

How ’bout some mayo too?
/me ducks behind cover

King Hippo

YEEEEWWWWWW MONSTER

bk109

Admit it – you’d love to see that happen? Even if just so you could bet on the over/under on burnt effigies and suicides in the Potomac 😀
Whoops, mistook that as a reply to my “Just Imagine James Dolan buying the Redacteds”

Spur

found the European

bk109

Actually, no. I just remembered my first trip to Fenway where a friend of mine politely explained what I’m allowed to get on my ‘dog and EXPLICITLY being told that asking for Mayo will get me hanged on the Green Monster 😀

Sharkbait

BRB about to cause a multi car pileup on I-95 north in Rhode island

Doktor Zymm

I would totally watch a version of ‘A Christmas Carol’ where the ghosts of QBs past, present and future visit Dan Snyder, and it ends with him waking up and giving the team to Tiny Tim

Gatoraids

All the ghosts are the cenobites from Hellraiser

Gratliff

*Tiny Darren

bk109

Except that with DC’s luck (and Karma!), he’d just sell the team to Jimmy Dolan XD

King Hippo

D-O-N-K-S!!!!

King Hippo

These here Tomsulas are funner than hayellll

Doktor Zymm

LOLRON

King Hippo

A.A. Ron – so clutch, converting 4th downs, pulling trim

Spur

Quadbox REDZONE!

Doktor Zymm

That was beautiful, did dude used to play receiver?

King Hippo

Lovely effort by Rapey Jameis “trying” to stop the pick 6

King Hippo

Does he have 6.9 fantasy points or sommet??

King Hippo

I pride myself on being An Asshole FOAR All Seasons!

Spur

Adrian Peterson is doing amazing things. If he wasn’t playing in Washington or a decent human, this year would get more press.

Gatoraids

I’d only Peterson could switch teams like he could switch his kids nuts saxk

King Hippo

Brokeback DED??

Doktor Zymm

Nah, he just won’t be able to wear heels for a couple weeks

King Hippo

so…might as well b ded ,, smgdh

Spur

freak shoulder pad change accident

Spur

Reddit AMA questions for Rodgers

Ever get any mud on the helmet?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Why is there only one game on in the LA market and why is that game BAL-BUF?

Doktor Zymm

That’s what happens when you live in a major media market without its own team

Gumbygirl

I’m guessing they were contractually obligated to show an AFC game. Slim pickings for the early games, Cincy and Cleveland?

Gatoraids

GarapoYOLO

Horatio Cornblower

The 49ers-Saints game is bananacakes

Spur

No, his name is Eli Apple.

Spur

Is Guice made of pipe cleaners and duct tape. Dude is always getting hurt

Doktor Zymm

Most football players are made of pipe cleaners and duct tape. Guice uses the off-brand Duck Tape

Doktor Zymm

It’s all the Redacted’s medical department can afford

Spur

So, surplus Detroit Public School pipe cleaners and Dollar Store brand duct tape.

Doktor Zymm

Pretty much. The reason they missed Trent Williams’ cancer for so long is because they were using something called a ‘cancer detector’ which was just an old metal detector without batteries

Gatoraids

A golem made of trees Snyder cut down

Doktor Zymm

Everyone else probably already knows, but I just learned this weekend that tailgating will not be allowed at the Vegas Raiders stadium

litre_cola

They want the party to stay in the local bars?

Doktor Zymm

They’ll have an open area where you can hang out before the game, but no outside food or drink. So yeah, basically

Game Time Decision

Did not know but isn’t the whole place a tailgate party 24/7

Horatio Cornblower

The Vegas Escorts Union is not giving up prime real estate like that without a fight

Spur

you dont want to be outside in Vegas until November

Redshirt

Wow. The Browns are out bungaling the Bengals.

LemonJello

Shouldn’t Fox just switch to a more competitive game immediately after the opening kick of a ‘Dacteds game?

Doktor Zymm

People who have fantasy players on the Packers probably want to watch

Viva La Tabula Raza

Looks like everything Houston brought to the table against the Pats last week, they have left in the locker room this week.

Doktor Zymm

Back from Vegas in time to catch most of the morning games, woo!

King Hippo

LAMAR!

Doktor Zymm

I’m pretty happy he went to a team that won’t immediately murder him

Spur

Donks found a QB. Did the Horseface finally get lead to water and drank it?

bk109

Don’t worry, Elway will find a way to ruin/kill him too… After all, there can only be one beloved QB in Denver

Game Time Decision

There can only be oooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnneeee

bk109

Mike Evans ded?

Spur
Horatio Cornblower

Is Garropolo still banging the porn star, or did the Shield make her disappear?

King Hippo

YAAAAASSSSSSSS, MIDTYLLAND

litre_cola

Getting murdered in all 3 of my matchups. Was a good year, but fuck me what a bad week to implode.

King Hippo

2 late, ur THE ONE!!!!!1111

Spur

Just hand off to Singletary. The Bills are making this too difficult.

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

That is literally the team motto

Dunstan

So, from a Pats-hating viewpoint, what should I be cheering for? The Ravens, to fuck with the Pats’ chances at home field, or the Bills, on the slim chance they can take the division title and put the Pats on the road for wild card weekend?

I’m thinking Ravens. You can’t count on the Bills for competence. Ravens are hateable but occasionally good.

Gratliff

Never trust the Bills.

Spur

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bk109

Eh, might as well go with the Bills – they’re a likeable lot, their fans are awesome and Josh Allen’s one hell of a Manchurian QB 😉

Gratliff

Dear The Bills,
Don’t do this if you’re not going to win the division.
Signed,
Everyone

Gatoraids

Sadly enough have him starting in two fantasy playoffs in desperation

bk109

Update – nope, no misfires… So I guess this can go back in the BMP-1 … Wooohooo

Senor Weaselo

And aren’t they doing the 50th anniversary special tonight too? Everyone is sad now.

Horatio Cornblower

He lived up in my neck of the woods and apparently kept to himself, which explains why he always called the cops when I’d hide in his garbage cans and jump out yelling “I’M OSCAR” at the top of my lungs.

Anyway, RIP Mr. Spinney

King Hippo

goddamnit, Midtylland

Gratliff

This is gonna be doubly bullshit when they overturn the catch