JV NFL Raging Semi #1 – 2019 Playoffs

Yes, yes, let’s get it out of the way…

Oklahoma (+13.5) v. LSU (Megatron’s Butthole, 4:00, ESPN)

This here line seems excessive to me, with all the Bayou Bengals (hey, perfect for Joe Burrow and Team WKRP!) questions at running back.  And make no mistake about it, the game-breaking threat of Clyde Edwards-Helaire (fookin’ GREAT name) keeps opponents from devoting extra defenders to disrupt Burrow and the medium-to-deep passing game.  That said, Steerfuckers North have mostly looked fairly ordinary all season long, and are quite the distant #4 in this tournament.  I am not really a Jalen Hurts believer, particularly against a defense with the size and speed of LSU.  Just ask UGA quartered back Jake Fromm what it’s like.

el Hippo Predicion: LSU 37, Oklahoma 27

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King Hippo
Reclusive, vulgar Broncos fan. Also a proud fookin' Evertonian. Likely dropped on my head repeatedly as a small child. [Insert George Carlin quote followed by thoughtful nod.]
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herodotus450

“After further review, who gives a shit let’s just say it’s an Oklahoma touchdown since they’re still down 28 with less than a quarter to play and we’ve got hotel escorts waiting for us.”

herodotus450

Do the refs think that that they can’t throw flags against LSU because they’re both yellow?

Spur

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Don T

“Only the finest mulch goes into Zubrowka”

Horatio Cornblower

“There’s a problem with the down box.”

Don’t blame your partner for your ED, Sir. Face your problems like a man.

Spur
Redshirt

Please explain in English.

herodotus450

Joe Burrow still in this game is like if America dropped another bomb on Japan after they surrendered just for good measure.

herodotus450

This game is even more lopsided that the Red Wings’ season goal differential!
(sigh) If only my dear Scotchy were here, he’d get the joke.

scotchnaut

I’m here. Well, maybe a bit late.

rockingdog

Found a funny:
doctor: umm everything looks like gold… apart from the clitoris

midas’ wife: yea

Spur
rockingdog

Yoooo this game is a blow out
did people really think OU had a chance?
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Horatio Cornblower

No, but I didn’t think they’d be down 42 with half the 3rd quarter to go.

Sharkbait
Senor Weaselo

If it’s not from TSN Jorts, it doesn’t count!
/Can I have that sweet sweet endorsement money now?

herodotus450

I was ready to call them all Borscht eating pussy wagons until #29 at the end did the “handshake fake out to hair smooth move” and now I’m all in on team nostrovya.

Senor Weaselo

Rushing TD doesn’t count, do it over until you throw it in.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Whooops.

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Spur

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herodotus450

Hot (ie drunk) Taek: the playoff should be flexible every year, allowing for at least all the undefeateds to get in, then whomever else the almighty committee deems worthy.

herodotus450

FCS teams count as a loss.

Senor Weaselo

Incorrect.

They count as TWO losses.

herodotus450

Non-P5 teams don’t count as a win, they’re just ignored in a team’s record.

herodotus450

Still have to play the conference schedule, and it’s not like there’s currently any incentive to schedule good out of conference opponents.

ballsofsteelandfury

Nope! Stay tuned for my post!

Redshirt

(at Halftime)

QB Coach: “What you think Joe? You wanna play the 2nd half.”
Joe Burrow: “I don’t know. I could get hurt.”
QB Coach: “That’s right. If you get hurt, you could drop in the NFL Draf-”
Joe Burrow: “Lets play some football!!!”

Horatio Cornblower

This is an excellent point.

Horatio Cornblower

Deaf people are more than welcome at Chick FilA, as long as they ain’t one’a them queers.

Spur

Faggot Fingers is my new Liberty College message board troll name

Redshirt

What did Oklahoma do to piss off LSU? Besides being Oklahoma.

Horatio Cornblower

The Chair recognizes the Cherokee Nation…

Spur

Jim Inhofe, Tom Coburn, Don Nickles

Viva La Tabula Raza

Let’s not forget Scott Pruitt, one of Trump’s first swamp-drainers.

Senor Weaselo

Senor’s friends, who lived in Norman and now live in Houston (he did his doctorate at OU), are not pleased. In fairness I find that understandable. Also in fairness, a Noob Noob “god DAMN” is in order.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Meanwhile, best friend’s latest wife, LSU alma mater as well as Saints season ticket holder, is ecstatic.

Spur

You expect a Boomer Sooner to do the dignified thing and step aside and let the more deserving people to move ahead, think again. The Boomer Sooners are going to try to hut every LSU player. If the Boomer Sooners cant win they’ll hurt someone.

Redshirt

Bengals Fan Redshirt: “No! Don’t play Burrow in the 2nd half! He’s gonna get hurt!”
Buckeyes Fan Redshirt: “Go for 100! Pass every down!”

Senor Weaselo

I’m guessing tOSU Redshirt wins out because at least they have a chance to win something in the near future?

Horatio Cornblower

They’re actually gonna play the second half!?
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Col. Duke LaCross

THIS ED ORGERON, I CALL HIM ‘TERRY NICHOLS,’ BECAUSE I HAVEN’T SEEN THE FOLKS IN OKLAHOMA GET BLOWN UP LIKE THIS SINCE APRIL 19TH, 1995!

Sharkbait

The Second Half. Sponsored by…Ryder Trucks!

Senor Weaselo

Lessee the box score, 21/27, 403, 7-0, pretty good 49-14 win for… WAIT IT’S HALFTIME?

Fuck it, go for 100!

Redshirt

Do you even send Burrow out for the 2nd half?

Horatio Cornblower

I don’t. Back-up QB, back-up RB, and we’re doing nothing but run the ball unless they put 8 in the box, (The Jenna Jameson Defense), and then we’re throwing screens.

Spur
Horatio Cornblower

Conor McGregor is going to die broke and alone, and I am here for it.

Horatio Cornblower

My son bought me a bottle of that for Father’s Day, because somehow or other he got the wise-ass gene, and I drank that thing over several months out of spite.

I can’t imagine McGregor will make money off of that swill.

Sharkbait

So, the Witcher is…interesting to say the least.

Horatio Cornblower

Any good? I was thinking of starting that.

Sharkbait

Full disclosure: I haven’t played any of the games (yet). But the writing is sub par, and the plot is hard to follow ( apparently on purpose) but I kind of want to see where it goes.

ArmedandHammered

Shit, Burrows looks like he would right at home as an insurance agent in a small Midwest town.

rockingdog

So apparently Taco Fall is a hit for the celtics….

LemonJello

Andy Reid is suddenly interested. A Taco Fall is right in his wheelhouse.

Spur

I assumed he’d more of a Roast Beef Slip fan

Senor Weaselo

He’s already conducted the Boston Pops.

ArmedandHammered

So Boomer Sooner is in reference to their implosion rather than an explosive offence?

LemonJello

How’d you get the halftime speech from the Okie locker room?

Horatio Cornblower

You don’t. You get in your car and leave.

Senor Weaselo

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Horatio Cornblower

Mike Brown cannot wait to draft Chase Adams with the 1st pick!

herodotus450

Okies have no choice but to go for Burrow’s knees in the second half.

litre_cola

Wheeeeeeeeee red wine and cold meds!! I feel like trucker Homer.

Horatio Cornblower

Probably time to start thinking about sitting Burrows and Jefferson for the championship game.

Horatio Cornblower

If you’re an Oklahoma fan it’s time to start drinking heavily.

Well, heaviER.

Redshirt

So how’s the LSU-Oklahoma…

(see score)

…snuff film?

rockingdog

Found a funny:
stevie nicks: ok so this one is called “eat shit and die you fucking fuck” what do y’all think?
lindsey buckingam: ok lets call it silver springs and leave it off the album

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Are you high as fuck?

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Horatio Cornblower

Unless it’s with a volcano coming up through the floor I don’t care.

Spur

8 teams playoffs looking good right now. App State kicking the shit out of the Sooners would be more entertaining.

ballsofsteelandfury

Here’s my 16 team playoff:

10 winners of each conference
6 at large teams.

Mr. Ayo

And Notre Dame excluded unless they join a conference

Unsurprised

How about we compromise and just end Notre Dame?

ArmedandHammered

Can we get a +10 button for comments like this?

litre_cola

Yeah, you get 1 super like a week!

ArmedandHammered

Also could we end Baylor in the name of rape prevention and co-ed safety?

Viva La Tabula Raza

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herodotus450

After this game you think there are 12 MORE teams worthy of a playoff? There aren’t even four.

Spur
rockingdog

Jamin