Shall we get right at it? We shall.
TO THE GAMES!
Jets/Bills:
[shakes head] The Jets won 6 games? How? Anyhow, it’s not a far reach to posit that as a kid, Josh Allen must have thrived during ‘unstructured playtime’.
Browns/Bengals:
Much like Sex Panther, this game smells like Bigfoot’s dick. One must give Cincy props though, they dug themselves into a giant hole and now they have a Burrow.
Packers/Detroit:
December 29, 2019-mark this day as the last time you’ll ever hear the name David Blough. “He did his best, but his best was not nearly good enough”.
Chargers/Chiefs:
As noted last week, the Chiefs suddenly Hetty Green-like D (only an average of 9.6 points given up over the last 5 games) throws a spanner in the works of the playoffs. The Chargers now enter their “Eli Phase” whereby a clearly ineffective player long past his prime insists he can still play and the powers that be think it would be poor form to force him into retirement/bench him.
Bears/Vikes:
Minny is locked into the #6 seed so look for them to rest some dudes. By keeping Truth Biscuit behind center, Chicago fans can look forward to the O spinning its wheels for at least the next few years.
Fins/Inveterate Cheaters:
Brady has stuck his dick in Miami’s blowhole 15 times at home and has only been denied the one time. Many kudos to coach Flores for a job well done, despite every single member of the front office and ownership handcuffing him every step of the way.
Falcons/Bucs:
I’m sure that if I left this game out of the intro not a soul would have noticed. That said, Jameis will throw a pic in his 1st or 2nd series-it’s kind of a good luck thing with him. It ensures that he’ll toss a few more along the way to 350+ yards.
Saints/Panthers:
New Orleans will put this one to bed and then watch the Niners to see if they end up as the #1 or #2 seed.
Type to your heart’s content below.
Benevento WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/should have done HT bet aussi
This is one of my 2019 favorite exchanges.
Oh my god.
Wolves B getting to halftime down just 1-0 vs Liverpool A should feel pretty good, but god damn…
NO OTHER SIDE gets that goal allowed under the new rules. Not enough to be the best squadron this season, they also have to get every advantage/call humanly possible.
The offsides call on the Wolves goal was also iffy…
I didn’t even notice that, probably re-caffeinating
A fun historical post for our Gooner folk:
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2015/10/24/its-time-to-take-arsenal-seriously-and-other-24-october-lesser-footy-matters/
My first EPL post and introduction to Lesser Footy terminology (bk will enjoy):
https://www.doorfliesopen.com/2015/08/08/welcome-back-beloved-and-hated-epl/
Makes me wonder, whatever happened to MTWV?
It hurts to cough and I have to cough frequently. And play a gig tonight (but I should be back for the NFC West Championship Return of Beef Moe Sham-A-Lam-A-Ding-Dong).
Pray for whoever’s wedding I’m gonna wheeze through. And maybe me, sure.
Play 1812. That way you can cough every time the cannons are supposed to go off.
Considering what’s been happening the last week to our clientele I’m just hoping I don’t get stabbed.
For some reason I am now envisioning you disarming a knife wielding perpetrator using only a Stradivarius.
Why are cats so weird lol
Just refusing to bend to human will/accept any form of human authority. IS RIGHT AND GOOD.
You now on Kruger’s list
Yikes. That is one kitty I don’t want to cross.
He’d prolly piss on your foot or give ya the side-eye treatment
In the spirit of balls’ comment….yep just like every other pussy I’ve ever met.
Bullshit. You’ve never met a pussy you can’t cross.
LOL. I walked right into that one.
No pun intended.
Found a funny:
Trump just likes the Home Alone movies bc they make family separation look fun
For Scotchy forgetting about futbol, 150 komments is prettay prettay good.
Just tried to book rooms for my cousin’s wedding in May and the place is already booked.
Oh well, regrets it is!
LOL
Anyone realize that the Buckeyes postgame meal was Papa Johns?
https://mobile.twitter.com/AriWasserman/status/1211156266254385153
Probably a lot of people, especially after Barstool actually ran it as a blog for some reason…
guess they’s #UpForWhatevuh!
The game is being broadcast on one of the Spanish channels. iVamos Lobos!
si, es verdad!
On brighter news, I just received my 2020 Geelong Cats membership packet! I’ve received a new scarf, a bumper sticker, a magnetic schedule, and a lanyard. Very happy!
“What are you planning to do with that lanyard?”
-J. Epstein, A. Hernandez and D. Carradine, in unison
Wisdom:
The days between Christmas and New Years are liminal spaces, much like airport layovers. They aren’t real. Nothing matters. Get high at 10am. Watch all 3 Lord of the Ringses. You are your own god
That’s a nice ass on the banner image. And I like the drawn-in pocket.
gonna incorporate that on your skin suit? 😀
Artist rendition of Brazilian Balls.
Clean-shaved, of course.
Dear Italian Gamblor,
I miss teh Serie A/B and I am sure Hippo misses some obscure team in Serie G that is from a tiny town that produces amazing wine.
Litre.
Serie B played this am!!! And Benevento kicks off in 30 minutes.
To the gambling machine!
So did Serie D!
Head cold affecting bets. Have money on Benevento and Empoli now.
quite a bit on Benevento ($208 to win $100)
Proud of meself anytime I hit the mute button before a single word escapes the mouth of Tory Cunt Lampard or Ubercuntenfurher Klopp. Go sniff your own farts, already.
lol, we lost, yet you’re the one extra salty and bitter… Heh
LOL
https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/if-you-call-me-a-boomer-you-are-committing-a-hate-crime
Seriously, all white people should really just die. SUCH VICTIMS, us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4L4yII2h18I
If saying ok boomer is a hate crime, then saying ok boomer is a hate crime is also a hate crime.
Uhm… A bit of context from someone from across the ocean. Is “boomer” a pejorative term for someone as fat as a, well.. boomer (SSBN/ballistic missile-carrying submarine) or something else?
Boomer is an old person. A member of the “Baby Boomer” generation that is so out of touch that other generations say “ok boomer” to mock him.
At least that’s what the Internet tells me.
Boomer is more of a mindset than literal generation at this point. Anyone who’s equally out of touch is a boomer regardless of their birthday
as in “Baby Boomer” – it pokes the mildest fun at older white ppl, most of whom still say “coloured” or worse in everyday speech.
So, basically what I found (as in, a common name for a generation, which now is trying to be used to feed the Internet perpetual outrage machine… aka Twatter). I honestly thought that there be something more that I was missing XD
Right. There is also the whole “Q-Anon” conspiracy whacko thing, which is mostly Boomers.
YES!! SO TRUE.
Gotta say, wifey graciously deciding to drive us back home so I could vent was a rousing success… I can haz drankin’ … and she can have a speeding ticket, ’cause why the fuck not at this point 😀
Edit: Best part, the traffic cops saw me in a somewhat foul mood venting to you lot… and when she told them what happened in the last 20 minutes of the Arsenal game, the older cop said simply “we know, we were listening to it on Tunein” XD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d6UWhP0Jxis
I mean, United look fairly sorted now. She ought to be happy.
Plus, married to a multiple tank owner amirite!!!??
Her being happy about ManUre isn’t helping, lol. Luckily, she’s rather Patriots-y in her support for those wankers.. It’s either Win the the title or it’s “just another bloody lost season” XD
well, at least ye can P*ts relate to the feeling?
How should I know, the season hasn’t even started for the Pats yet XD Seriously, tho, I still laugh my arse off when I think that I picked the Pats, ’cause they felt like the Arsenal of the NFL – won everything, still in contention year in and year out, but no shot in hell in actually doing it again in the foreseable future…. 3 rings and 5 SB appearances later, I’m glad I didn’t research anything, when I was asked which team I’m rooting for when we lost to the Giants the second time (which further reinforced my belief that they’re the “close, but no cigar” us across the pond 😀 )
I bet $30-40 on each of youse and the Bills to win the title. You pay off $230-ish (in blood money, but I’ll cash it), Bills $1350.
Salford up 4-nil and AWAY. That Old Ham must have been left in the sun all 12 Days of Crimbo
At least I’m not colour-deficient enough to own a yellow shirt to jinx Wolves
Which reminds me.. You mushed us to defeat! On the plus side, 200 quid sure does help ease the sting of Arseing shit up yet again 😀
how many potato-quid to an Ameri-quid?
Since quid (in Ireland) means Euro and not pound, it’s a payout of 223.50$ on today’s exchange rate
That makes sense. I think when I submitted the 5 Brexit Bucks pool fee (for Prediction League) it was like $8.50-ish in Ameri-quid (with PayPal fee).
Potato-quid be all in the middle then.
Goooo Chelsea!
Just woke up… did I miss anything?
Bad dog!
I tried to coax the Gooner folk into a #ShameBet with ya, but they sagely passed
I predict Josh Rosen is Hanukkahnna be playing in the NFL next year.
think 1 more season for the pension to fully vest, I’d be aiming for that.
/then again, The Giraffe is in like his 6th, no shame in holding a clipboard
It is all about that sweet sweet pension money.
Dave Ramsey says to take the lump sum and roll it over to an IRA. Make more when you’re alive and more when you die (because the IRA is in your estate whereas the pension is not).
Yeah, when you can’t even keep playing for the lolfins at the height of their tank, then… sorry, but it just starts to get rather Jamarcus’y or Leaf’y XD
If that doesn’t sum up the 2019-2020 Arsenal experience perfectly I don’t know what will: “He got a real response from his team for 20-25 minutes”, it’s just too damn bad the game is 90.
I was just getting ready to say y’all had the match by the scruff again…and boom. Pants shat.
Again, it’s like you haven’t been paying attention at all to the “Arsenal experience” the past half-a-decade, lol… This ALWAYS happens when it matters XD
You sure you aint a Fulham supporter? Hell the best podcast for Mighty Whitey fans is called Fulhamish.
The similar Toffee phrase is “Everton, that”
I literally haven’t. I think I started “rooting” for them 4 years ago when Hippo made us all pick Premier League teams.
I chose Arsenal because they were good, but no great, no I wouldn’t be a bandwagon jumper, and because at the time they had some sort of connection to the Yankees.
yep, they always replayed the matches on YES
They’ve now moved over to Man Shitty, but it would just be crude of me to likewise switch.
Actually, I was asking Hippo,lol. No offence, but I just couldn’t feel the yawning darkness, where a long-term Gooner’s hopes and dreams about the team gradually were killed, one howler at a time and leaving only apathy and gallows humour. Plus Arsenal supporters know not to have any expectations whatsoever during the holiday games 😀
I’ve been supporting the Toffees around 12 years now. From the late-stage Moyes era.
My meme was that 4th position was reserved (in ink) for y’all
Apologies, I was one of the snide neutrals who thought giving Arsene the sack would push you into real title contention. Whoopsie-doodle.
2 bets won, 1 ahead, 1 more WAY ahead, 1 level at the half.
/again, I had positive odds on ’em all WOO!!!!!
I already won my fantasy league so I’m not concerned about today’s games.
Also, during her visit here this week, my mom posted a photo to Facebook of the new black and silver stadium going up off the freeway. It had dozens of other old people likes and brief “NEAT!”-esque old people comments before my wife saw it and informed her that her caption was incorrect in stating, “New Rams stadium going up!”
I was just surprised she knew who the Rams were. But, then again, she isn’t from LA…..
Stabia get one in the 90th!!!!
/how is Ray Lewis not a principal investor??
He’s usually a silent investor in such things.
Allegedly.
That Keeper is gonna be in Siberia the instant the January window opens
As long as he takes the back line with him I’ll allow it.
“Visit Rwanda” takes on a far more ominous meaning in this context.
I am more than willing to supply a CEV for body disposal purposes, but one of ya will have to clean it afterwards 😀
There are 4 passengers from West London I would like you to take too.
The Siberian second division is surprisingly competitive.
Players literally dying to get promoted out of it!
The Fightin’ Gulags are favoured over the Wolfhounds this year.
Jesus Christ, Arsenal
Nah, Even Tebow can’t help us now!
Hehehe
Huh, the guy who should have gotten red-carded scores the equalizer. How about that?
With a healthy assist from our keeper, who flat missed the ball.
absolute howler by Gooner keeper
Yay? My tie or Chelski win bet is back in play… Hurrah!
I almost put a quarter on Draw
good thing I didn’t, yikes.
That’s my Gooners! Now I am actually pissed that I took the 1.40 X2 and not a Chelski outright!
Ref seems to have some money on Chelsea, missing what was clearly a yellow on Chelsea and giving it to Arsenal for (well-deserved) verbal abuse.
Salford City and Virtus Entella both up 2-nil now. That’s some Tight Butthole!
Virtus Entella sounds like something you’d have to call up your exes if you tested positive for it.
Hallmark should make a card for that
There’s the Arsenal defense I’ve been waiting for. “Run around like recently beheaded poultry and wait for the other team to hammer it over the net.”
I am dreading today moar than I’ve dreaded a day in a long, long time.
These people better be outta my house, or at least outta my TV space, by 4:30 foar Ratbirds/Yinzers.
And Mom’s already bitching up a storm. Not to them, but to me.
Tough shit, she’s the one who told them they could come today. You get what you pay for.
Early drinking on a Sunday, anyone?
This sounds like a perfect day for you to declare your house a “Pants-free” zone; host only.
LOL. Might have to pull out the “Masturbate” card.
Good lord, that early slate of NFL games reminds me that it’s a beautiful day with an ice storm bearing down on us and I should really get some yardwork done.
finally worked out what Ozil’s face reminds me of – the 3-eyed fish from Lake Springfield
You’re…you’re not wrong.
Heh, he reminds me more of the Cheesestring’s mopey brother to be honest (and about as fucking useful in midfield)
He’s not half that cheerful.
Hence the mopey brother part… Tho, if you take home like… 300k a week, despite being outright hated by your fanbase and despite your iffy gameplay for years now… The Irony is that he’s actually the better player between him and Alexis (atm)… I freely admit that I wanted us to dump Ozil and give Alexis ALL OF THE MONEY
This is very much a full-contact footy match. Ref seems to come over from the Clemson-tOSU tilt last night.
yeah, the dislike is really shining through
So how’s everyone’s illegal footy stream this morning? Mine has been choppy as hell, but so has netflix. The internet is great and also it sucks.
I have NBCSN on the teevee box, otherwise just tracking scores. None of my bets losing yet, and 1 is winning. That’s nice.
Viasat Sport for me transcoded and streamed from my HTPC, because my wife is still torturing me (making me wait around and pay for AND carry ‘er stuff). On the plus side, the ANR in the Echo Buds seems to work really fookin’ well an’ hear the crowd react to every touch…
Script is flipped this half, an equalizer is coming and Arsenal don’t look too interested in tallying a 2nd.
All 5 of me morning bets are “underdogs” where I get at least 2 to 1 payout.
3 of 5 winning, other 2 still goal-less
…How can you call that flipping the script, when I explicitly told you that it’s pointless to ever believe in Arsenal… especially around the holidays?
By the way, which team signed Moyes? I heard something about it on TalkSport earlier and I couldn’t catch which team threw the towel on the season.. If we hadn’t taken Arteta, I’d be concerned, but I fail to see which other team would be this clueless and/or desperate… (Also, might as well put some money on Big Fat Sam to succeed him within 12 months)
West Ham. I condolensced Fronk below.
Holy shit… They sacked Pellegrini? It was like 6 months and it’s not like it was nearly enough time to unfuck everything fucked with West Ham… Also, that makes my joke about Big Fat Sam(tm) darkly prophetic, ’cause I see those fuckers jumping the gun if Moyes (as per usual) does fuck all and relegation is still knocking on the door come… late february.
Also lol, told wifey about ^ and her only comment (from the dressing room) was “The Footy Gods Show No Mercy. Amen” XD
Gooners are running that back line ragged.
Don’t let yourself hope that they got this… They don’t … They never do.
this seems like a good spot for the “new manager bump” – home fixture, hated Chelski in awful form
Which is offset by their traditional shittin’ of the bed around the holidays.
Heh, I just realized that the Arsenal supporters’ mantra might as well be summed with:
“Never let yourself believe”
Ozul’s game is now as ugly as his fookin’ face
Ah, but this year they’ve got us all fooled, as they started shitting the bed before the holidays!
Robbie Earle fancies 2-2 draw. Mustoe thinks Chelski nick it.
Yo. Am I happy with our new manager?
fuckin ‘ell I am happy. Did you make a swap, too? I missed that
Noyes.
oh my. Heartfelt condolences.
Moyes, rather.
probably better with Evil Twin Noyes.
So, relegation is nigh?
I mean, I still think 4 teams suck worse than y’all. And he won’t douse the foundations in kerosene like a Fat Sam would. But I am certain he’s no long-term solution.
Protestants up 2-1 at Parkhead, there will be violence!!!!
Plus a Celtic dude just punched a Ger in the nuts.
Eh, that’s a “Hey, you up for a pint afterward” in Glaswegian!
Litre, Entropy, and Horatio are still my top 3 picks for “Commentist Party members to draft in a bar fight” – but you’re moving steadily up the ladder.
I definitely look the part, but I’m on the losing side of 50: If I threw a punch these days I’d tear my shoulder and god forbid I landed it I’d dislocate my wrist and break two knuckles.
Also I do not own any tanks.
If I am drinking Rye I am your guy.
I am wearing red for Arsenal this morning, because Frank Lampard is a Tory Cunt.
/wasn’t great luck for tOSU, though
Still losing to Chelsea, but at least now I can irrationally blame your mush for it 😀 … Also, wearing actual Arsenal red in-store atm, just to serve as a warning to be left bloody alone XD
A draw would be ok, that even keeps Everton in 10th, which is psychologically beneficial to Hippo.
ah shit, no. We’d be level on points, but y’all have GD
Feel down? This’ll make you downer than Unfrozen Caveman QB
https://www.espn.com/nfl/story/_/id/28384526/lions-wr-marvin-jones-says-6-month-old-son-marlo-died-friday
Unrelated, I’m not sure what crimes I’m guilty of in past lives, but these mall trips during the height of the shopping should offset anything this side of genocide, damn it…
My feed for this game is from North Africa. I used to love when I would get weird commercials from strange feeds.
I am aware my computer has virusherpes now BUT I NEED TO WATCH.
Uhm, why don’t you just watch such iffy feeds from a VM? Unless you’re running your OS on a potato (or a single-core Atom), you should be able to just use a VM to sandbox any unpleasantness.. Hell, you can even set it up, so when it’s done, it resets to a known “good” image as soon as you close it 🙂
Methinks you vastly overstate our technical (and general) competence. I am just proud to be able to use the wireless printer.
Same real name, same computer incompetence!
Actually, I think that you vastly underestimate both how easy shit is to do now and your own level of technical competence. Hell, depending on the OS (ie Windows 10, current version) it’s a feature baked in and ready to use.
Edit: Easiest variant (on the windows front)
https://www.windowscentral.com/how-use-windows-sandbox-windows-10-may-2019-update
yep, on Windows 10. I have no issues with this rig right now though.
Same, but I’ve got a full-up virtual machine for iffy streams and suspicious programs (not cracked or anything, but with the amount of adware and hidden and repeated telemetry gathering, I prefer to see what something does before going on the main machines)
Hello y’all, how are ya this fine day?
(reads the Fins/Patriots blurb)
(ENGAGES MASSHOLE MODE [’cause I’m stuck in a bloody mall with the wife and I’m bored as fuck. Be warned, the following is mostly joking]
… OH YEAH? Let’s assume for a second that the Patriots have actually cheated and this is not the NFL’s hamfisted way of trying to compensate for the other 30 franchises’ continued gross incompetence… Yes, 30.. Let’s face it, nothing short of Jesus coming back from the Minor Leagues to QB the Browns and lead them to glory won’t fix that tyre fire… Let’s assume that for a second, sure… Why not… Riddle me this, mate, if “cheating” is what it took to win, tell me why the fuck aren’t your teams cheating better? Please, don’t try to bullshit the “oh, no, we’re fresh as the driven snow” crap – each team has its skeletons. Is it ’cause the other 31’s incompetence extends to their cheating? … I guess I want to ask is… well, this hatred seems personal… Did our Lord and Saviour Grumblelord and/or his prophet DaDreamboat plow yer dog or eat your mom or something? … Or do you just hate America and pissing on patriotism and the Patriots is just your way of working for the hostile foreign nation of Canadia?
///Jokey rant over
Seriously, tho – is this game in Foxborough or Miami, ’cause if it’s the latter… Weird shit happens in there… Miraculous shit happens…
Hey, nobody asked ya to smell it! – Big F., Yukon Territory
Thought I would be 1st one in. Damn. Yes, 1st soccering game is the old firm derby in Glasgow. THERE WILL BE BLOOD!
Steroid course for migraine, plus disturbing bullshit from CO about my asshole kids (though they’ll tell me it was just the asshole ex-wife, and how the fuck can I discern truth, I can barely function as an adult as is), and I slept nary a wink. Tried twice, 90 minutes each time.
The insomnia reminded me to get my Serie B bets in, though. Benevento, Juve Stabia, and Virtus Entella WOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
/also, I am mad that I failed to bet Queen of the South against your Ayr fooks yesterday. Scotland can do one.
//nah, SNP is the tits, fuck Boris and fuck the United Kingdom
This derby is real good. Saved penalties, hatred, sectarian chants what more do you want?
the hatred is nice, indeed. Every Scottish match I have ever watched (and don’t think anyone carries SPL here anymore) has been dire, though.
It would probably ruin Bulgarian and Slovenian enjoyment if I could actually watch the level of play. Even when I have moneys on MLS, I know better than to watch.
A meteorite strike?
Absolutely. Take Parkhead out in one blow with all the racist fucks inside.
That time of the month already? I thought that this generations-old sectarian violence thing’s done for the year
You’ll get the Troubles back once Boris gets his petty way on teh Brexit!
Nah, the Brits don’t have nearly as much cash to waste this time around… Plus at this point it appears that the Scottish and the Sheep-shaggers are on our side!
That is true. Northern Ireland will probably try to find a way to have Jeebus relocate their landmass across the sea.
Without Scotland and Wales’ votes, Boris won’t need NI votes anymore and might just be all like “buh-bye.”
Serves those fuckers right, make a deal with the devil…
As per always, I neglected to mention that there are some soccer tilts to view while we wait for the manly men to lock horns.