Your Buffalo/Houston Wild Card Game Open Thread

And all that work in the regular season to eliminate all those lousy teams except for the Eagles, smgdh. Hey, we’re here-let’s make the best of it.

TO THE GAME!

Bills/Texans:

-J.J. Watt is back! The usual recovery time from a torn pec is six months + (depending on severity of course) but he’s a Wonder Warrior and all that. I’m guessing he’s not in game shape but he’ll have an impact because Josh Allen reacts very slowly to collapsing pockets.

-There’ll be an interesting battle between wr Hopkins (68 of his catches have gone for a 1st down or a TD-that’s phenomenal!) and cb White, the Bills shutdown (over-used word but the guy hasn’t given up a TD the whole season) dude. So The Shaun will throw to the other side, right? Welp, it looks as though deepball fella Fuller’s continuing soft tissue ailments will cause him to miss out this week. So we’re looking at the very average Kenny Stills going up against Levi Wallace who, after a rough start to the year, has only given up 7 catches the last four weeks.

-Devin Singletary should have himself a game in this spot. He really underwhelmed the last 3 games he played in (he was supposed to help deliver me a champeenship) but I went back and had a look-they were vs. the Pats, Ravens and Steelers, all top 5 in defending the run. The Texans are in the bottom 5 in that category.

-Prediction Time! If Josh Allen keeps it to two turnovers or less the Bills win, more than that and things get dicey. I’ll say Bills 26 (that’s 2 scores and 4 field goals because multiple busted drives) Texans 20.

Now it’s your turn. Tell me how you think the game will unfold.

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King Hippo

Jeebus Tapdancing Christ

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Should have punted

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s the look of a man about to soil himself

King Hippo

yeah, “about to”

herodotus450

Did he give the wrong signal for intentional grounding? If this was golp I would write in about it and expect him to get fined after the game.

Senor Weaselo

I like how they said FGs inside of 50 yards, and then they immediately get out of that range.

Mr. Ayo

4th and 27!

NFL Blitz!

King Hippo

shit, I might even punt

WCS

4th and 27!

Senor Weaselo

Scratch that, now it’s 4th and 27!

Bortleback

“Former superbowl referee” – hope he wasn’t planning on doing that again

King Hippo

He MIGHT have got hit in the head there

BrettFavresColonoscopy

He wouldn’t know

Senor Weaselo

And there’s the crippling sack!

Mr. Ayo

And intentional grounding!

Mr. Ayo

And a 10 second runoff!

Gratliff

lolbills

King Hippo

throw a sluggo here, and you score

Doktor Zymm

I…forgot that Romeo Crennel existed

herodotus450

Romeo and Charlie Weiss, the stunted saplings of hte Belichick coaching tree.

Old School Zero

“stunted”

Viva La Tabula Raza

comment image

Mistborn Impossible

Aww he’s cute

King Hippo

he’s existed for quite a long time, given he’s a sandwich shy of 4 bills

The Maestro

Jovan Belcher forgot Crennel existed too. That blasted little memory hole he had, you know.

Old School Zero

Real Mafia::Bills Mafia
La Cosa Nostra::LaBatt’s Cozy Nostril (aka snorting a beer)
The Invisible Hand::The Implied Handy (handjob in the zubaz)
Sleeping With the Fishes::Playing in the Superb Owl

King Hippo

WHY IS FRANK GORE IN THE GAME, YOU SHITHUFFERS!??

Doktor Zymm

Just noticed the Bills have an O-lineman named Spain. I really hope he’s awesome and we can make SO MANY Spanish Inquisition jokes in the near future

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I would prefer to make Eliza Doolittle jokes

WCS

WVU alumni!

WCS

So, this ends with a Bills’ field goal clanking the uprights, huh?

The Maestro

Somewhere, far off in the distance, Scott Norwood sighs.

King Hippo

Nah, Wolfpack Badass Steven Hauschka NEVAR fails!!!

/hides under bed

Doktor Zymm

Damn, fewer yard play, but expected it to be 1 at most

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Clearly they have a lot of faith in Josh Allen right now

Gratliff

Jason Peters-esque lead blocking

King Hippo

that was some badass OL play

King Hippo

man, what a play!

Doktor Zymm

JJ Watt, super irritating future spin instructor

King Hippo

could go to Extra Time, this

Doktor Zymm

yesssss precioussss

King Hippo

We’ll take the ball and…I’ll probably fumble, honestly – Brokeback at the coinflip

Gratliff

comment image

The Maestro

Ah. The universal balance has been restored.

King Hippo

please run the 2-pointer back

Mr. Ayo

Time to circle the wagons!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The Texans fans here are now talking shit to the Bills fans

JustStopDude

It’s like watching to morons dry hump opposite ends of a couch, while shouting insults at each other.

WCS

Now you’re straight lying to us. There are no such thing as Texans fans.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

I’d take a picture, but I don’t know how much soul is left to steal

JustStopDude

Well this has turned into a fun game….yay!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That’s absolutely the right play…FOR ME TO POOP ON

King Hippo

unreal, y’all

Doktor Zymm

The only advantage of having a lagging stream, I get the headsup to pay extra attention by comments like this

WCS

Not really. This is the Bills.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

My back hurts just watching Watson carry this team

herodotus450

“Watson, come here, I need you.”
-entire Tejans team

King Hippo

please don’t show tanktop man again, WWL

Doktor Zymm

2nd team in the 2nd state making moves!

The Maestro

NUUUUUUUUUUK

Doktor Zymm

Greenland?

King Hippo

oopsie doodle

Gratliff

Goddamn Hopkins, where was that shit when my fantasy season had hope

BrettFavresColonoscopy

TheAndre is quite good

Viva La Tabula Raza

So Ray Charles song is good for Augusta Master’s TV ad, even though he himself would have been allowed to cross only the servant’s entrance in his day.

litre_cola

Anyone checking on our Reverend? He may be a wee bit stressed.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

So obviously Watson is going to lead a scoring drive here (Hopkins?), So the question is–what can Allen do if he’s trailing?

The Maestro

Fumble.

Mr. Ayo

Piddle all over himself

Gratliff

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Ok, this made me laugh way too much

Mistborn Impossible

Your truck’s tailgate is the new proxy for your penis, guys! If you don’t own a truck with a fancy tailgate, then can you really even call yourself a man? I don’t see how you could

Doktor Zymm

Why are there no vagina proxies?? What can I buy to show the world how awesome my vag is?

Doktor Zymm

I really hope it’s a sweet hot tub

ballsofsteelandfury

A webcam?

Doktor Zymm

we’re going for metaphor here

Gratliff

A diamond ring

Doktor Zymm

That’s just the clit I think

clint greasewood

Designer handbag.

Doktor Zymm

The Cu Chi tunnels are pretty tight

Viva La Tabula Raza

Edsel. You shouldn’t even need to squint your eyes.comment image

Doktor Zymm

Oh hell yes

Bortleback

Explains the truck nutz

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Playoff kicks don’t have to hit uprights?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

There’s a woman here wearing an Andre Johnson jersey and acting like her son is on the field for Houston.

Can’t decide if I hate her or love her.

The Maestro

I think she’s just really, really committed to a bit.

WCS

Someone hide all the sharp objects at Rev’s place…

The Right Reverend Electric Mayhem

I’m cool. It’s cool

BrettFavresColonoscopy

At least we know Thurman Thomas’s helmet can’t hurt him

Petronel

Well this is getting interesting

King Hippo

ah wish ah cud quit yeeeeewwwww – Josh Allen on turnovers

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Wow Josh Allen must have thought that ball was a Playgirl magazine because he dropped it like he didn’t want anyone to know he had it.

Mistborn Impossible

Ok you win