Being Vancouver, the snow that paralyzed us on Wednesday is all but gone by Saturday. The rest of the country may go back to mocking us for our inability to cope. Also, St. John’s, NL had 75 cm of snow & 100 km/h winds on Friday, leading to a state of emergency and cops shutting down all major roads & bridges. But the Tim Hortons’ stayed open. Best Coasters might just be pussies.
Ax to why we’re all here, this is the first Saturday in a long time where there hasn’t been any real football of note. But that doesn’t mean there isn’t any jonesing going on.
Tonight is the sweaty palmed evening of the occasional bettor. Not for the seasoned pros like the Hippos of the world. No, tonight is for those who listen to the wrong friend and bet against spreads because “they got a feeling” or – even stupider – “I heard a rumour…”. These are the idiots who make small bets on things they don’t understand, and then either brag about “beating the system” if they win $20 or “they got robbed” when they lose $50.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0LE2xXQwbWQ
The over/under are 50.5 (AFC) and 46.5 (NFC) as of when I put this together Saturday at noon. These are the bets and people upon which GAMBLOR feasts, and this weekend lubes them up for the reaming that is the Super Bowl.
Already ahead – OBJ, who had the charge against him dropped by the NOLA PD because the cop doesn’t want to go through the hassle.
Tonight’s sports:
- NHL:
- Blackhawks at Leafs – 7:00PM | CBC / Sportsnet / NHLN
- Vegas at Montreal – 7:00PM | City
- Sharks at Canucks – 10:00PM | CBC / Sportsnet
- NBA:
- Bucks at Nets – 6:00PM | TSN
- Raptors at T-wolves – 8:00PM | Sportsnet1
- Lakers at Rockets – 8:30PM | ABC / TSN
- NCAA: games of note
- Louisville at Duke – 6:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
- LSU at Mississippi – 8:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
- Temple at SMU – 8:00PM | ESPNU
- BYU at Gonzaga – 10:00PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
- Fisticuffs:
- FOX PBC Fight Night – JULIAN WILLIAMS VS JEISON ROSARIO
- Prelims – 6:30PM | FS1
- Main Card – 8:00PM | FOX
- UFC 246: From Las Vegas
- Prelims: McGregor vs. Cowboy – 8:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
- Top Rank Boxing on ESPN:
- Main Card: Alvarez-Seals (light heavyweights) – 10:00PM | ESPN / TSN3
- FOX PBC Fight Night – JULIAN WILLIAMS VS JEISON ROSARIO
Bet wisely tomorrow. Or, if not, let us know how it went & where to send the flowers. Nighty night.
It is bullshit that these games are so late tomorrow when I’m on eastern time for a change.
You should be here, on the best coast, and then your life would be better.
Be best.
I’ll take your advice as seriously as I take Melania’s
Hey. Still up. I mean awake. Not up.
So many dumb mother fuckers paying 50+ for a sub minute fight like they haven’t seen a modern UFC card. The awful human will always win fast. That’s how Dana books his shows.
Excuse me: “So many dumb *mother lovers* etc etc etc”
I’ve never paid more than six bucks for a sub.
Oh wait, I misread.
Putting the dom in findom
Or something. You get the idea. I’m stupid
So, there’s a sandwich shop chain that originated in Austin around 50 years ago. It expanded rapidly, and then contracted somewhat. Not sure how many there are anymore, but the bread that Schlotzky’s makes is so fucking awesome that Yul Brynner would probably have let Charlton Heston and crew continue to use straw to keep making it.
What was my point? I forgot, but I had my friend-chauffeur run by there yesterday after my doc visit. Got a large original ham and cheese (cut the black olives) that will make eight fucking meals because of my surgically shrunken digestive tract.
Under Andy Reid, the Chiefs are 2-1 when they have two weeks to prepare, and 1-4 when they only have one. With the Eagles it was 3-1 and 7-8. If the Chiefs win tomorrow, they will probably win it all.
Go Tits.
Still watching this cheerleading documentary (it’s a series). It’s interesting how the head coach of this incredibly competitive program ends up still being a pretty decent human being.
I feel bad for the girl who is telling herself that “pain is temporary”. Someone who is in their forties needs to tell her that no, it’s not.
The white girl in the Wonder Bread dress kills me every time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r0CD4dVYAEY
I muuuust return to my people.
wish I was younger so my eyes could see what this photo represents. But NOOOO, I’m fucking old.
That kind of reaction time gets you 4 weeks off under the NFL concussion protocol.
I wrote this back in 2008-09 when I was in Kuwait.
I get the opportunity to see a lot of stupid road tricks when I am out and about on the highways of Kuwait. Many of these will be familiar to stateside drivers; the problem here is that the TRUE idiot drivers (comprising maybe 1 or 2% of the population on the road like back home) make up at least 40% of people behind the wheel here. This is what happens when you go from riding camels to driving Ferraris in a generation-and-a-half.
120-to-30 kph Brake Check – You’re tooling along at the speed limit in the center lane, and you notice a bus entering the freeway from the on-ramp with several vehicles behind it anxiously waiting to get out and around it. The bus merges in to the right lane, and the vehicle behind it (usually a Mitsubishi flatbed or cube truck, or possibly a Toyota Echo or other similar seriously underpowered shitbox) immediately cuts over into your lane so he can accelerate by the bus in excruciatingly slow fashion. You usually can’t get over to the left because that lane is full of vehicles blasting by you at 160-180 kph. Jam on the brakes, curse.
Rumble-Strip Boogie – on the freeway, when all the regular traffic lanes slow to a crawl due to an accident or some other hazard up ahead, there are those who are in too big a rush to creep along with the hoi-polloi. These folks move over into the breakdown lanes to the right and left, and tool along at regular highway speed (120 kph/75mph) or faster. Travelling at high speed across the rumble strips, drivers are known to lose control of their vehicle and veer, at high speed, into the crawling lanes (or into the concrete median barriers, THEN into the traffic). Much mayhem and carnage ensue. Best to stay in the center lane in traffic jams.
Three-Lane Hussein – Back home we call this move The Three-Lane Jane. Someone will blast by you in the left lane at 90 or 100 mph, then jam on their brakes and cut across three lanes of traffic in order to make that exit at the last second. This move results in a lot of wrecks.
Full Court Left – Happens at traffic lights. Guy in the far right lane decides, while waiting at the red, that he needs to make a left. As soon as the light turns green, he makes that left, in front of three or four lanes of traffic. Turn signal optional. Not as dangerous as some moves because everyone else is just taking off so he usually gets away with it without being involved in a collision.
Miraculous Three-into-One Right Turn – I see this all day every day. There’s a right turn coming up that a lot of cars take. But the lane is not really full or backed up. Why not? Because everybody maintains their position in the center or left lane as they approach the intersection. Then, at the very last moment, they all veer over into the right lane in order to make that right turn. Lots of cut-offs and force-ins. Some wrecks result, but mostly it just pisses you off.
Static Display – mostly observed in town after dark, but also observed on the freeway. Vehicle comes to a complete stop in (usually) the right lane. Oftentimes in front of a store or restaurant, while the driver runs in to pick up his prescription or take-out dinner. Hazard flashers are sometimes engaged, but usually only the parking lights are used, so the best bet at night is to stay to the center or left lane. Occasionally you see Static Displays accordioned or pancaked when the drivers of buses, water trucks, or cement mixers (all of which normally inhabit the right lane) are not paying particular attention. Leaving Projectile Child and Disposable Wife (see below) in the vehicle while you run in is an option.
Projectile Child – Observe the passengers in other vehicles as you drive down the highway and it won’t take more than three vehicles before you see a totally unrestrained kid crawling around the interior of a car or sitting on the console. Also detectable by the presence of a “Baby on Board” sticker in the rear window.
Disposable Wife – basically the same as Projectile Child, primarily seen in the passenger seat but occasionally observed leaning over into the rear seat to change a diaper.
Projectile Child and/or Disposable Wife are usually seen, for some reason, in:
The Surface-Level Kuwaiti Scud – A vehicle, usually a large SUV but often a full-size Euro or Japanese luxury sedan or the ubiquitous Crown Victoria and Chevy Caprice, that can be observed travelling at 40-50 mph faster than traffic conditions or good sense would normally dictate.
White Line Fever (aka No Peripheral Vision Shuffle) – the tendency to straddle the white line separating highway lanes. This is usually seen being performed by niqab-wearing Muslim woman (only eyes exposed). Imagine trying to drive down the highway at 75 or 80 mph while trying to see where you are going through the letter-slot in your front door.
Sorry about the double post. I’m drunk. don’t read this one, read the one further down.
Love them both
It warms my soul to know that someone is at least marginally paying attention. Thanks for validating me, Balls (or can I call you “Vato”?).
Had Ethiopian food for dinner. It was delicious. But the bathroom at the bar afterwards didn’t appreciate it much.
Is this the Asian remake of ‘A Separate Peace’?
It’s always good to try food from a different culture, and it’s even better to always do so near a bathroom after your Irish digestive system overreacts to anything that isn’t “meat, boiled” in terrible, terrible ways.
Or is that just me?
The Scots-Irish side of my family complains that putting cinnamon on their oatmeal makes it too fucking spicy.
Sounds about white.
They are, after all, in SE Mass, right there in the Attleboro/Foxboro/Mansfield metroplex there on the RI line just adjacent to the shithole that is Pawtucket.
I’m glad to hear that the Ethiopians have their own food now. Back in the 80s, they didn’t have two grains of rice to rub together.
https://2020famineinethiopia.files.wordpress.com/2009/11/untitled19.
I think Ethiopia is now in a much better place. Their neighbors Somalia, Eritrea and S. Sudan? Eh, not so much.
I hope so. Most news from the third world is “sucks to be them, huh?”
I am going to go back to that bar and hit this steak like it insulted my wife.
?format=2500w
No explicit porn; please moderate.
Hey, I didn’t post the Key Lime dessert!
/because I couldn’t find it
I’d fuck that.
No one would blame you.
Well, look at how it’s dressed.
I would too, but would prefer it if it were uncooked.
—Alexander Portnoy
(that oughtta peg the obscurometer)
I ate at a place called the Celtic Cavern in Middletown, CT, tonight. I had this burger
?format=2500w
and it tasted every bit as good as that address is long and ridiculous and unlikely to work. And had a mushroom plate, and had a Guinness lamb stew, and some chicken thighs, (no, you’re fat: there were four of us and we were sharing), and some cauilflower/parmesan soup, and some mac n’ cheese and some key lime pie dessert and all I can say is that if you’re ever in Middletown, CT and do not go here and eat it will not because I didn’t tell you that everything was goddamn sensational.
Also there is a quality beer list and the staff is a lot of fun.
Well shit. It worked.
Well, edging is now out the window [literally].
After that meal I couldn’t edge out of the garage door, let alone a window.
Take this as a lesson kids: if you’re driving on the highway and happen upon some asshole running down the median after their camel then, and only then, the phrase ‘goddamn camel jockeys’ may be appropriately used.
All camel jockeys are now radio controlled machines. Please try to keep up with the times.
I saw that episode of ‘Real Sports’
That was some absolutely Stone Age shit going on.
What? We need to replace short fuckers with machines for horse racing?
The same ones we starve to keep small, and beat when they don’t win? I’M SORRY, I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA!
The robots replaced child jockeys
Dude runs fast, though.
I wrote the following to amuse myself and my colleagues when I was ensconced at (deployed to) the Hilton Kuwait Resort back in 2008-09 and didn’t have much to do because there was no reasonably priced booze available (a fifth of Johnny Walker Black Label was $150 on the black market) and Matt Cassel was the P*ts QB and we missed the playoffs in that 11-5 season. I drove from the Hilton to Camp Arifjan and back on a daily basis, and saw some crazy shit. Driving in the Middle East/Central Asia (I’ve done Turkey, Iraq, Afghanistan, Dubai, Abu Dhabi, Qatar, and Kuwait) is the motoring equivalent of an out-of-body experience. I had a 375 HP Holden Caprice LTZ (Australian Chevy built exclusively for the ME market) as my leased vehicle during my seven months there and so could hang in traffic. It only got 12 mpg, but subsidized gasoline cost only 85 cents a gallon so who fucking cared. Anyway, after we kicked Saddam out of Kuwait in ’91, they built a bad-ass highway system, but no one who lives there understands how to drive. Hope you find this amusing:
Shit, that could have been it’s own stand-alone post.
You know, even though i am drunk, I have to compliment myself on the brilliance of this post. i will repost it on the NFL thread tomorrow,because I am even more of an arrogant asshole than our president. Except not to the point of destroying our democracy.
It is wonderful. It’s sad how much of that shit I see in LA.
It really does deserve its own post.
RE; below Amber:
https://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/fashion/people/amber-heard-suffers-an-unfortunate-wardrobe-malfunction-as-shes-cleaning-out-her-garage/news-story/bd52f31ec26bc7d6db0c3bbe50093cf9
I have a certain respect for the achievement of being comfortable at the expense of convention [if you are hot]
There must be an evolutionary or god-given reason for man’s compulsion to see every nipple that exists. No matter how similar they are, I simply must see them all to be sure.
Climb every mountain.
It’s a progression. In the 50’s, the nipple was the holy grail. I remember being made absolutely catatonic in the early 70s when they started slowly slipping in the pubic bush hair. By the time all the mirrored vulva shots of Hustler came out in the late 70s and early 80s, I felt more like an anatomist than an Onanist.
The thing I took away from this article is that Johnny Depp needs to stop getting tattoos that have anything to do with his relationships.
There was an article?
It had words and pictures!
Words?
New all-encompassing ethos: check.
Who the hell plans a wedding on Championship Sunday that I have to be there at 9:30 and stay until 9 for? That’s gonna suck.
/Hey, it’ll pay for buying tires Thursday for the weren’t fucked up wheels
Assholes
Inorite
For you non-gearheads, this is a high performance aftermarket automotive equipment manufacturer.
I bet it’s a full price cash bar, too.
I just bought tyres; you must be getting a pretty sweet gig.
Someone who’s counting on a sparsely attended wedding when they run out before the vows.
The Super Bowl should be tomorrow so we could all have Monday off.
I start my new job on Monday, and for the first time in 7 years, my old job has the day off. The irony is not lost on me in the slightest.
It’s Marty King’s birthday right? That’s a good holiday. I have the day off but it’s not related. I also have the Monday after super bowl off. That’s good planning.
Better him than Marty Cohen.
I haven’t had MLK day off since law school, and that was so long ago that I had hair, and ambition, and hope.
Federal employee here: I do have Monday off. I HAVE A DREAM, GODDAMMIT!
Gotta love The Show shouting “BULLSHIT!” in the SDSU game after a non-called charge.
What’s a Homestar Runner hosted game show doing there?
https://youtube.com/watch?v=N6tAQhiTm1s
Watching Habs games here I’ve noticed a pattern:
A) Montreal goes up 3-0 in the first period (YAY!)
B) Opponent gets hot in the third period
C) Montreal loses 4-3 (sad crying French face)
Montreal wins 5-4 in OT!
They defeated a team from . . . Nevada?
You win.
I’ve had Venture Bros replaying as background noise for most of the week, and the show definitely peaked with The Family That Slays Together
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MhCdSpcOh9U
I started rewatching this show when visiting friends over New Year’s and I’m not surprised, but so happy at how good it is. Fucking love that show.
Agreed; it especially appeals to one who watched Jonny Quest as a kid.
Just started watching. It is delightfully weird.
In fine tradition of Adult Swim….. before corporate took over.
Just wait untl you have a handle on all the backstory, etc. It’s even better.
Ok, think I’ve seen the best picture winner.
1917.
An amazing study in filmmaking. Fucking brilliant.
Not sure how the academy will vote due to a very simplified plot but it was stunning on the big screen.
I’ve heard others say the same. I haven’t seen it yet though SO NO SPOILERS!!!
the germans still lose though, right?
The Germans attack Pearl Harbor.
Well, until the 1960s or 1970s or so; depends upon the metrics you choose.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=mFjEvl43zYY
It’s basically one sustained take!
Still blows my mind that Aponte in Heartbreak Ridge is also The Laughing Impound Yard Cop in Lebowski.
Just over Eastwood’s left shoulder.
Leads!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2dSY5fQylMw
We got ‘em workin’ in shifts!
A little more Montreal mob lore:
As I’ve heard it from several people here, there is no legal cannabis sales in Quebec because the Hell’s Angels still control the pot market and are fighting to keep it that way.
I don’t know how true that is, but Montreal does have a very strong and interesting organized crime history going back a long ways.
That is what I have heard too. In BC it is because the Hells Angels et al have kept street prices so low that the stores can barely compete. There are a few of them throughout the cities but in Alberta they are like liquor stores now.
You can still oreder everything online and get it delivered by post.
When did the LA Kings become lottery contenders?
Two years ago
I’m whittling down my Amazon Prime queue, visiting here when it’s time to refresh the evening cocktail. There’s shit that’s been in queue since 2014.
Last day of the cold snap. I went outside to smoke a bowl. It was frozen. I warmed it up by putting it in my bbq.
*This komment brought to you by Weber grills and stoners everywhere.
So, it was Rush for me last night. Tonight I’m Amazon Priming and Youtubing Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys. Back when I was in high school in Redlands CA, their Endless Summer was the go-to 8-track whenever we were driving down to hang out at Huntington or Newport. Probably would not be allowed to do so these days.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yggQ3HbO0Wg
One observation: Dennis Wilson drum kit : Wright Flyer :: Neal Peart drum kit : F-35 or SR-71
About a year ago I was going through some of my father’s old stuff. Just trying clean things out kinda thing. I found a box full of 8 tracks.
WHY DID YOU STILL HAVE THESE AND WTF WERE YOU THINKING YOU WERE GONNA PLAY THEM ON?
I would keep a couple and put em behind my bar. Any Alan Parsons or Steely Dan?
Actually yes on the Steely Dan. Also some Skynyrd and Zeppelin. Can’t remember the rest.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJMEaKHbnao
I’ve still got a half dozen old VHS video cassettes. They are of things that have never been released on DVD (mostly Oingo Boingo and Midnight Oil music vids/concert performances), and I hope to get them digitized before all the brown oxide stuff falls off the tape. They supposedly can do this at CVS for about 25 bucks per tape.
Edit: My dad has dozens of VHS tapes, but I think he still has a player and can watch them. Though why he would on a modern TV, which he does have, is a mystery. I don’t think he actually does.
When I’m elected Dictator For Life of the Universe, I will reinstate the copyright on “The Birthday Song,” and overfund a rabid, Politburo-esque agency with enforcement. Anyone caught singing it will be sentenced on the spot with Quebec’s favorite penalty: death.
peine de mort
A little too close to comfort to petite mort
Fuck off, mate.
—John and Paul
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cs5vUfddkT8
Found a funny:
jolly green giant implies the existence of another, sadder, green giant
I’m watching a Montreal Canadiens home game in my favorite local blue collar Québécois pub (allegedly owned by the Hell’s Angels) and everything is in French and there’s a pretty decent snowstorm going on outside and it’s -14°C which is 6°F in normal temperature.
Was the cover charge just you saying “Independence for Quebec” really loud?
Whenever they talk politics here, which is never, I just ask who the president of Canada is and they stop talking about it.
Actually, I’ve found quite a few locals who admire the U.S. for the death penalty. Some guy here just stabbed his wife 50 times in front of their six children, and suddenly all the locals here wish it were Texas.
Say what you will about the death penalty, there are some people who really, really, really fucking deserve it.
En Francais, I hope.
NC State won, Everton got a point away, and I even cashed a fluke $25 bet on Barcodes (at like 12 to 1 – don’t worry, losses elsewhere made this a wash).
Yet I am reminded constantly that life without FITBAW is not fucking worth living.
XFL is just around the corner…
eh, that’s just pro rasslin’ where everyone is trying a full heel turn
I’m glad those charges were dropped. Maybe he got some cash out of the decision. Either way, as much as I think Beckham is a turd and a team cancer he was just a drunk alum who got a little over exuberant at a big title game. There are far worse things to concern the courts. Good Saturday to all. I’m watching old movies snd drinking off a fun weird Friday night at (after) the curling club. Skoal!
Hopefully just some hothead who wanted a sincere-ish apology.
He sure as Hell doesn’t deserve one now
“Amber Heard suffers multiple first degree NIPSLIPs while cleaning out her garage.”
Film at 11?
I’M LOOKING, OKAY!?!?
She cleans her own garage? Sounds fake. Still interested.
Johnny Depp was living in it, and she was finally throwing his ass out.
Have broom, will travel.