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Your Methadone Monday Evening Open thread

Beerguyrob

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, , ,

(I’ve used this type of headline before. I regret nothing.)

It’s both MLK Day & post-Conference Championship Monday, so anyone who can isn’t working.

NFL Notes:

  • Tom Brady is stirring the pot to see what the Patriots will do.
    • The final two years of Brady’s contract will automatically void on the first day of the new league year, rendering him a free agent.
      • He can’t be franchise tagged, per a provision in that same contract that prevents it.
    • So there’s just two options:
      • He signs a new deal
      • He goes somewhere new as a 42 year-old gun for hire

Obviously there’s not much to talk about, as there’s now two weeks to get hyped for THE BIG GAME©®™

Joe Montana with the Tweet of the day:

The Chiefs are the early favourites for THE BIG GAME©®™, with the line officially at -1.5.

  • Prop bets aren’t out until next week.

Of the Super Bowl travel packages available, it’s an expensive proposition

  • The cheapest, which involves spending four night 18 miles away in Coral Gables, plus game ticket, comes in at $7540 per person, or just over $9200 if you go by yourself.

  • The most expensive is the Fontainebleau, which will set you back over $13,000 for room & game if you have no friends or family.

It’s like Hippo said earlier today – the Super Bowl is more of a sports-themed event than actual thing for true fans. The pricing structure of the event itself just reinforces that bias.

Tonight’s sports:

  • NHL:
    • Panthers at Wild – 8:00PM | Sportsnet
  • NBA:
    • Lakers at Celtics – 7:30PM | TNT / TSN4
    • Warriors at Trail Blazers – 10:00PM | TNT / TSN4
  • NCAA:
    • North Carolina State at Virginia – 7:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
    • Texas at West By God Virginia – 7:00PM | ESPNU
    • Oklahoma at Baylor – 9:00PM | ESPN / TSN2
  • Wrestling:
    • Monday Night Raw – 8:00PM | USA / Sportsnet360
      • the “go-home” show before the Royal Rumble this Sunday.

Just a reminder that next week will be the annual return of “[DFO] Hate Week” to the weekday Open Threads, where we unleash all our vitriol at various topics of disdain about the NFL, leading up to the match. Feel free to make suggestions about, or email me, possible topics, as one of the usuals – the Patriots – have decided to skip this year’s event.

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yeah right

Throughout life a person can obsess on the wrong choices they made.

One should focus on the right choices instead!

Like quitting Facebook, never signing up for Twitter or Instagram.

These choices allow me to sleep well tonight.

3
BallsofLacrosseAndMapleSyrup

so LinkedIn, Snapchat and tik tok are ok?

1
yeah right

Never heard of em.

/ is an old bastard

1
Col. Duke LaCross

I save all of my bluest material for LinkedIn.

1
Unsurprised

I keep forgetting this is kind of back.

https://www.thefarside.com/

1
SonOfSpam

(Professor Fry voice): Good news, everyone!

My wife just made fun of the autistic doctor show, so I have free rein to do the same and not worry about being seen as a bad person!

9
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I knew there was a reason you loved her.

3
SonOfSpam

That’s probably #1 or at least in the top 5.

3
Brick Meathook

I’ve got some new shows in the works for CBS:

Very Special Justice: An autistic judge with near total recall of the entire U.S. Code and all case law is assigned to a traffic court. Wackiness ensues with each and every case.

Anchors Ahoy! A retard is promoted to Fleet Admiral in the United States Navy who then starts and wins massive sea battles each week using incredibly unorthodox tactics.

Holy Moly: A completely incoherent and drooling Archbishop becomes a beloved community leader due to his extremely funny condition.

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

As a Navy veteran, I would watch at least one episode of Anchors Ahoy! Also, an alternate version of this show could feature the working girls of the various liberty ports visited, and be called Chancres Ahoy!

5
Beerguyrob

If it stars Meg Ryan as the madam with a heart, “You Have Crabs” is there as a working title.

1
Brick Meathook

In the first episode of Anchors Ahoy! the U.S. Atlantic Fleet sails east around the world and attacks Pearl Harbor.

5
Unsurprised

Who wins?

0
TheRevanchist

Hey! Does anyone remember that TV show Wings?

I am very sorry if you do.

0
herodotus450

Featuring a young Monk

2
Redshirt

I hate that show so much, I think my memory created an episode where a tornado hit them and everyone died.

1
SonOfSpam

comment image

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I remember Wings, but an earlier version. I haven’t been able to confirm, but at age 60, I think I am the oldest person that frequents this site.comment image

3
SonOfSpam

The XXX version of that, “Wangs” was also good, but not silent.

6
Viva La Tabula Raza

More importantly, was it in the original B&W, or had Ted Turner colorized it?

1
Unsurprised

…

Too soon

0
Redshirt

https://www.cnn.com/2020/01/20/sport/tim-tebow-married-trnd/index.html

Reports say they have consummated the marriage, but the bridegroom does remain technically a virgin due to his tendency to miss the wide open target.

5
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I am going to make a point of referring to her as an “African American” in order to trigger the bible-thumpers’ latent racist tendencies.

3
Unsurprised

She’s lighter than I am

0
Brick Meathook

From my college days, there are two musicians who I never want to fucking hear ever again:

a. Bob Marley

b. Steely Dan

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

Steely Dan was not a band. Steely Dan was a dildo. Make of that what you will.

With the core band recruited, Donald and Walter needed a name for their group. Since both of them were avid readers of 1950’s “Beat” literature, they decided to name the band “Steely Dan” after a dildo in William Burroughs’ “Naked Lunch.”

2
herodotus450

Bricky, don’t lose that album!

1
SonOfSpam

But if you do…
EVERY LITTLE THING
GONNA BE ALRIGHT

2
Gumbygirl

I feel that way about Journey. And REO Speedwagon. And Foreigner. And Rush. And many, many more.

0
Beerguyrob

You watch that Rush talk. Canada is still in mourning.

5
SonOfSpam

It’s ok, girls don’t like Rush, they like Bon Jovi. Genetic defect.

2
Gumbygirl

Nope!

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I was bummed about Peart’s passing, but since he had retired and no more output was expected, I was not quite as bummed as I have been when someone still producing new music, like say Tom Petty, died.
Your move, By-Tor.

2
Gumbygirl

Sorry for your loss. Thoughts and prayers.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

Also, whenever I hear Boston on the radio I want to scream…

1
SonOfSpam

Sounds like a feeling. Wait, maybe even Moar Than A Feeling.

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

All us dopers wanted Working Man to be the class song for graduation (1977, San Antonio TX), but we were overruled by the rich kids and our class song was Long Time. No one could sing the song at our commencement (though that probably would have been the case with Working Man, too, unless we could have got Geddy Lee to sing at our graduation.). I saw Boston in October 1976 of my senior year, at the bottom of a bill that had Moxy above them in placement (but apparently only here in SA; Moxy was very popular here) with the headliner being Black Sabbath [no not the AZ DFO poster]).

2
blaxabbath

Has anyone taken a professional exam prep course? I need to do one to get my contractors license here. I never get how the first course comes around for this stuff. It’s like, the exam center is on lockdown about the details of their test but, what, did the founders just come in six times and memorize the topics/styles presented in the exam?

0
Unsurprised

That is exactly what test prep places used to do. Now, there’s generally some sort of contractual agreement and general understanding where the state boards doesn’t want to have 0% passage rates and, also, there is information that they just want test takers to know. So they share the topic subjects and old tests with the test prep companies.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Two words…
Cheat.

Crap that’s only one word.

1
blaxabbath

For you all that follow that stuff — who rose up and took Deadspins place? Did a bunch of the writers migrate somewhere? SI?

0
Unsurprised

There’s an @UnDeadspin that shares links to ex-DS contributors’ material, but in general they’ve scattered to the four corners.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Re: Scotchy’s banner post.
For the first time in three years, I don’t have to bite my nails for two weeks wondering if my team is gonna win or choke in the Big Game. It’s kind of a nice change.

2
blaxabbath

Humblest of brags

3
Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m apparently as transparent as Mitch McConnell.

1
Redshirt

(found a funny)

God: “A here is my latest creation, Earth!”
Angel: “What are those things over there.”
God: “I call them “people”. Not my best work, I confess.”

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

comment image

3
nomonkeyfun

comment image

3
King Hippo

The ACC can lick my old, saggy, rancid ball sack.

Shitty Wolves got the win anyway!

2
rockingdog

Found a funny:
Me, in my teens: This radio station is playing my jams.

Me, in my 20s: This bar is playing my jams.

Me, in my 30s: This grocery store is playing my jams.

5
King Hippo

Nirvana is now considered classic rock in the popcorn radio station world.

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

I knew I was getting old when I heard the Muzak versions of Stairway to Heaven and Strawberry Fields Forever at the HEB.

1
Brick Meathook

I was complaining 20 years ago that The Clash and X and The Cramps etc were classic rock back then. Now they’re Golden Oldies.

1
TheRevanchist

Fuck, the truth hurts.

1
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I started at my new job today, and during orientation with HR, they mention that it’s new policy to start drug screenings and I’m the first one to go through this. My eyes must’ve been bigger than the rest of my face, because at that point she said “Marijuana is legal in the State of California, so…”

8
rockingdog

Oh shit….

1
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

A heads up when they made their offer would have been nice. It’s not like you couldn’t have stayed clean for two weeks.

3
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

I said verbatim “You’re going to want to include that on future offer letters.” You know, after my heart stopped pounding and I regained feeling in my right hand.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I mean, you could have stayed clean for two weeks, right?

0
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Sure. Unless you count whiskey.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Nobody counts whiskey. That’s how I can say I’ve only had four drinks tonight!

2
Redshirt

I got hit with four straight “random” drug screenings. It took them that long to realize that this is me sober and not under the influence of anything. Which is good because if you show me a person that can pee on demand, I’ll show you a person that needs to have their kidneys looked at.

3
blaxabbath

What’s really the necessary lead time on those things, for a daily+ user?

1
ballsofsteelandfury

I’ve heard 30 days.

0
Low Commander of the Super Soldiers

Daily use is approximately 30 days, yes. Think of 30 days as a cap, and any use before that cap adds 2 days.

1
blaxabbath

I’ll give you 30 minutes

2
ballsofsteelandfury

I’m watching Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade and they’re on the train and there’s a sign that says “Magic Caboose” and I’m just giggling like a schoolgirl thinking of somebody…

5
theeWeeBabySeamus

I just hope it’s not me.

1
ballsofsteelandfury

No. I wasn’t invited to Spur’s Greek Odyssey…

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

You can come as my plus one.
So to speak.

2
Unsurprised

So we’re not doing “Phrasing” anymore?

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Whew. I needz a drank after that one.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

Mom just said that while the lights were out, State players should have punched UVa players in the nut while the officials couldn’t see.

Yes, I love that crazy old woman.

4
King Hippo

11 point lead. I must be hallucinating.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

We be lucky.
So far.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

I just told mom to be happy he hit that three or I’d be breaking shit.

Mom: Just don’t break my stuff.

0
Unsurprised

Set the squirrels loose.

2
theeWeeBabySeamus

#VarmintLivesMatter

0
Unsurprised

#VarmintLivesSplatter

1
litre_cola

Fuck varmints right now.

0
Unsurprised

We’re gonna need a lot of lube

2
Redshirt

A squirrel chewed up my car’s electrical system costing me thousands of dollars.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNAK21fcVzU

1
Unsurprised

I agree. I cannot stand squirrels. Of course, that’s just going to make my death by raccoon mauling all the sadder.

1
theeWeeBabySeamus

Watch out for the possums.

0
Unsurprised

Check the medicine cabinet.

0
Unsurprised

Yeah, there is a boutique industry of models and “models” gearing up to be whisked to the big game so they can take selfies on the sidelines and in the VIP suites without having the first fucking clue, or caring, about the game.

2
Unsurprised

That isn’t to impugn just those ladies. Most of the men aren’t there for the game, either.

2
Redshirt

This is the first time I’ve seen the Season 1 episodes of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, and my God, do they suck. My love for this series is be reduced episode by episode.

3
Beerguyrob

Thank God Roddenberry was alive, because a network would have cancelled the show after that first season.

More importantly, thank Gorn he handed off day-to-day duties to Rick Berman, who tightened things up.

2
Redshirt

You’re thinking of Next Generation. Roddenberry died in 1991. DS9 started in 1993. At best, it was in predevelopment.

I think it survived Seasons 1 and 2 riding on the coattails of TNG in syndication (“if you don’t get DS9, you won’t get TNG”).

Once TNG ended, I think they were able to focus on the show starting with Season 3. It helped getting the Defiant so it could go away from the station in something other than the spaceship version of a wagon and getting the Dominion as an enemy instead of Bajorian internal affairs and the Doctor Who/Power Ranger-ish Monster of the Week.

Once they got Worf on the show and got the Klingons involved, that’s when the show found its stride.

But its a wonder how they made it that far.

3
Unsurprised

Sometimes people believe in a series.

1
Beerguyrob

Ah yes. You are correct. Still, those first few TNG episodes were…oof.

3
TheRevanchist

I didn’t get through the first season. I hate every character on there. They even castrated Warf. Fuck that show.

This is the definitive list, per Revan Media Group, LLC:

TOS > Enterprise > TNG > Voyager > Discovery (because it’s not on regular TV) > The animated series > Turkish Star Trek > getting stabbed in the groin with a broken bottle and bathing in lemon juice > DS9

2
Redshirt

TNG > TOS > DS9 > VOY > TAS > ENT (Season 4) > DIS > dick + bottle + lemon bath > ENT (Seasons 1-3)

Picard is currently penciled into DS9/VOY, but we’ll see what happens.

0
King Hippo

I would very much enjoy my Shitty Wolves winning in Hoo-ville.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

If they’d stop doing stupid shit and work the ball, maybe they could.
‘Hoos by 10 in the second.

0
theeWeeBabySeamus

UVa is overplaying the passing lanes just like they always do.
If we knew how to pick and roll, or go back door (giggity), we’d be fine.

0
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hey, how come we don’t listen to more Du Jour around here?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwykvrwvWW4

0
SonOfSpam

I like them as the band of the day.

3
theeWeeBabySeamus

It looks like they’re on a plane, sponsored by Target.
comment image

3
Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They are. The whole movie is intentionally filled with product placements. It was intended as satire but people didn’t get it and just thought the filmmakers were being hypocritical.

1
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