At work today, I got distracted on the Web looking for glues with the most intoxicating bouquet. And then, “Kobe Bryant Dies in a Helicopter Crash” popped up. The first thing I thought of was Bryant ravaging NBA defenses like AIDS inside Roy Cohn, and then the Colorado rape allegations. Expecting a torrent of paeans to Bryant, I say screw manners: Death should not impede badmouthing a deserving subject.
The respect for the dead comes from a simpler time, when only nerds and the military had Internet, and children routinely shut the fuck up. The wisdom went that the dead cannot defend themselves, and a visit from The Cold One warrants eternal, peaceful rest from the living. At least until it becomes known that the deceased stiffed everyone and had a secret family with a waaaay uglier side thang.
At present? The thirst for Internet notoriety will bear the most slobberin’ and scathing taeks about Kobe. A Facebook pic of a steak will be dressed as a homage to the Laker legend and Celtics fans will get even more unbearable, but I secretly hope that the ball-hogging perorations will make the Internet look like Tom of Finland’s studio.
I don’t mean to make light of the tragedy. Point is: Death shouldn’t compel anyone to extol only the virtues of the deceased, unless they are sincere and deserved. In memoriam tributes easily become an exercise of fake pieties, or the odd rumination on death and the randomness of existence. I don’t want hypocrisy, much less any ponderous stuff. We’re re already mourning the imminent end of the 2019 NFL season. Dammit, have some fucking respect. [Wipes nose with empty Funyuns bag].
This is how the world will be from two weeks on: complete desolation until mirages of substance appear (Free agent signings! Draft speculation! Projections based on guys practicing in shorts!). But let’s be thankful of what we have: a Patriots-less Superb Owl between two dynamite teams. And also celebrate the worthy: raise yer drinks to the Tennessee Titans, who made it happen.
On tonight’s docket (all times Central)
Bullets @ Hawks – 5:00 PM
Suns @ Grizz – 5:00 PM
Damn Celts @ New… Orleans? – 5:00 PM (ESPN)
Nets @ Knix – 5:00 PM
Clips @ Magic – 5:00 PM
Pacers @ Blazers – 8:00 PM (NBA TV)
(Home team first, which makes all the sense in the world)
Necaxa v. Atlético San Luis – 5:00 PM
FC Juárez v. Morelia – 7:00 PM
Men
Gael Monfils (10) v. Dominic Thiem (5) – 8:00 PM
Daniiil Medvedev (4) v. Stanislas Wawrinka (15) – 10:00 PM
Women
Anett Kontavelt (28) v. Iga Swiatek (Unranked GO IGA!) – 8:00 PM
Garbine Muguruza (Unranked; ¡VAMOS GARBINE!) v. Kiki Bertens (9) – 10:30 PM
Stanford @ California – 5 PM (ESPNU)
Ohio State @ Northwestern – 5:30 PM (Big Ten Network)
Superliga Argentina
(Riots permitting)
Boca Juniors v. Independiente – 6:45 PM
NHL
AaaaaandD, there’s a new “Curb Your Enthusiasm” on! [finger jab] I’ve yet to see any of the new season, but my DVR is keeping them warm. I love Larry David, a soul misundertood more than the NFL’s standard of evidence for replay reviews. It saddens me that LD, a man so invested in reason and honesty, gets derailed again and again by ridiculous social mores or the affectations that lubricate human relations. Sure, that stuff keeps persons in society from tearing each others’ windpipes, but still! He’s a tragic hero, to be sure—and the episode when his mother died is crying-from-laughter funny. And I bet Larry slapped Martin Scorsese harder than any Marvel fan could.
Enough digressin’. Go nuts, heretics.
Images via postimages.com
Indian Super League from Kolkata, which is near the border with Bangladesh. Looks a bit humid out there on the most lush pitch I’ve ever seen!
The senate when asked about Bolton
Oh, yeah. I should take a shower before bed. Ta Ta
h
ttps://giant.gfycat.com/AmpleAmazingEquestrian.mp4
80s X-Men fans would get this: She could play pre-Hand Betsy Braddock if she wasn’t already in the MCU
She kinda looks like Aya Cash from You’re the Worst.
What the shit is tjis?
https://twitter.com/zachzachzach/status/1221548367206989825?s=19
A lie.
I saw the olds complaining on the Facebook dot com that the Grammys were no longer a family friendly show. What happened?
Just old assholes being old assholes. The Grammys have never been family friendly.
Probably this, which is just a white version of the dress J Lo wore to the Grammys twenty years ago,
Am I supposed to know who that is?
She’s an actress married to one of the Jonas Brothers who wore this to the Grammys.
Also, no.
At least award shows are good for something.
https://giant.gfycat.com/SpryHarmfulBooby.mp4
Sorry. The gif was making me dizzy.
Let’s get on for the work week.
It seems like there’s an obvious joke there about him banging whores.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cKUkV0PmO40
Gonna share some big titties again because I’m pretty sure Kobe was why my absolute disinterest in the NBA coincidentally began and lasted through his entire career.
h
ttps://pixxxels.cc/gallery/1980g4cts/
This is the memorial post I put on my facebook today.
This is where I was going to post my heart-felt tribute to one of the greatest Lakers, the Black Mamba. However I’ve decided to hold off on posting a loving memorial until all the reports are in. I just want to make absolute sure he didn’t ass-rape anyone else while plummeting.You know, because we can all look past one good ass-raping because he was such a good player, but two ass-rapings? That just makes you a… a… well just a real jerk.
ASS HERPES !!!
(dang, Dok Zymm isn’t here to appreciate that one)
Balls, what’s your favorite episode of psych?
I love the Despereaux episodes, but there’s so many good non-Desperaux episodes. It’s difficult to pick just one.
Calabasas mountains: 9 rebounds, 1 block today
Shaq wins.
I did the same thing with just one fart.
Now they’re both dizzy.
Dem dames wuz dizzy to begin wit.
Ah, the Wuhan spin kick. They never see it coming and can’t stop it.
I have had to play the F1 theme for wedding entrances. It’s pretty cool actually.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9HaUZ-MWppQ
I just play it to wake up every morning!
Moose on his way to work?
It hasn’t snowed here in a month…….
Slow
OK, I would straight up murder robohan
OK, this one’s not so bad. And bonus, it’s topical today.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3p_xAToFzck
Youtube is screwing with me again. Sent me down a 70s hole. Bread was on before this. I figure I’ll give ’em a few minutes to get back to Audioslave. I don’t want to walk up the stairs right now anyway.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxHnRfhDmrk
As much as I can no longer stand American Pie, Vincent was an absolutely beautiful song. Decent version of Crying too, but not better than Orbison’s. Or that Spanish version in Mulholland Drive. That one brings me to tears and I barely entiendo.
By the end of this series, I’ll be able to apologize fluently in Japanese
That Tennessee logo would make a good shirt.
Alesha Keys. Worst host ever. Or just the worst
Fuck it, let’s go.
Guh, I hate rooting for Bolton to become a thing.
Current timeline is so fucking stupid.
I blame this on David Bowie dying, and the Cubs winning the World Series.
And Jared Fogle getting arrested. It’s a complex web, but it’s obvious if you look.
It’s hard for me to believe that this didn’t leak without Bolton’s say-so. Which makes me wonder what his game is.
Agreed. Something seems…off with this revelation.
I’ve seen it theorized that he wanted to make sure that this info made it into the public sphere – that the White House would have classified and/or declared executive privilege over anything he said as part of testimony. I’m not sure I believe that’s true, but it would explain why this is happening.
Bolton is a hardline neocon hawk. So, enemy of my enemy I guess? Aslo, he looks like every conversation ends with, “Good day sir.”
Has the CIA restarted their lacing of the water supply with hallucinogens? Cause I don’t know what the hell I just saw on my tv.
Is this the Grammy thread? No? Good. Because the Grammys suck.
/But congrats to Nicola Benedetti for winning with her recording of the Marsalis Violin Concerto. Yes, Wynton Marsalis wrote a violin concerto.
SWEET. Had $50 on Benedetti.
Please note I reserve the right to change my opinion if I ever make that recording of the six Back Sonatas & Partitas for Solo Violin, and make it commercially available.
Or an album of my own works. Or if the “Bruce Saylor at 70” I played on is ever released and nominated.
You’ll have to let us know what it’s called so we can support you
I wrote a violin concerto.
I would have expected no less.
He’s always been a banned guy.
I’ll take it!
The fact that Yola walked away with nothing is a fucking travesty. Goddamn that’s a good album.
Also, nothing for Rhiannon Giddons. Thought for sure she’d get one too.
What kind of re-animation elixir did they have to use on the corpse of Steven Tyler for this performance?
For Sharky:
?itemid=16074122
Havent hit that episode yet, but I’ve heard this part is hilarious.
I finished the whole series in one day. I hope he does more.
I’m gonna blow through this by the end of tomorrow for sure.
-M. Irvin, surveying a Scarface-like pile of booger sugar
That was quite the funny segment.
How did you get Lindsey Graham’s office poster?
More like “scored a 7.3 on the Kinsey scale” Graham, amirite?
Ugh, I took a Sunday nap that is going to totally fuck up my ability to fall asleep when I have to get up early tomorrow. Probably should solve that with whisky.
The math checks out on this.
I fully endorse this line of thinking.
I am hearing that some stuff is going down in Baghdad right now.
So it’s more than just Kobe.
Are you on the flight right now?
If so, is Don’t Mess With The Zohan one of the inflight movie choices?
Where’s he going? Gitmo?
No, we don’t leave for another four hours. We have been at SFO all day because all the flights out of Burbank were pretty full except for the first one.
Gonna see a concert at the Dome of Rock?
one more drink!