Good morning everyone!

Welcome back. Damn glad to have you stopping by for your weekly Gravy addiction fix. We do indeed have another recipe with real goddamn gravy today and I think you’ll like this one.

Today’s recipe is entry level simple but at the same time crowd pleasing and more than anything, deeply fucking satisfying.

That photo up there is a true Hawaiian staple, it’s a “plate lunch.”

Damn right.

Plate lunches are found all over the Islands and are said to date back to the days when sugar plantations were everywhere in Hawaii. A plate lunch always includes a couple of big ass scoops of white rice, a scoop of mac salad and a protein or two. Or three. Or fucking four. The general idea was to drop a big motherfucking calorie bomb on the workers to sustain them for an entire day of sweating their balls off while working in high heat and humidity.

Plate lunches can include variations of all of the basic proteins.

Chicken plate lunches can be barbecue chicken, Katsu chicken – which are deep fried chicken cutlets – there’s kalbi ribs, beef teriyaki, kalua pork, lau-lau – which is pork and fish wrapped in banana leaf and cooked slow. There can be poke, sushi, fried fish, fried shrimp, coconut shrimp…

You get the idea.

Living in L.A. we have a large selection of former islanders living here and there is no shortage of Hawaiian “barbecue” places. Shit, I’ve got one directly across the street from the right dojo. In fact my son-in-law’s family is from Hawaii and you’re damn skippy I recruited him and eldest right to jump in and contribute to the meal.

What I guess I’m trying to say is I have no idea how prevalent Hawaiian food is elsewhere, I just know that we’ve got a Hawaiian restaurant approximately every 4 blocks or so anywhere you go in L.A.

Anyone here made the trip to Hawaii?

I’ve been. Stayed right in Waikiki and did all the regular touristy shit. My youngest daughter and I surfed Waikiki Beach, we took a snorkeling excursion a couple of hours away off the North Shore of Oahu and snorkeled with some giant sea turtles which was unbelievably cool. Oh yes, we did the traditional luau too.

And hoo-boy let me fucking tell ya, it was touristy as FUCK.

 

This is it, it’s called Germaine’s.

It’s on Oahu and was established in the 1970’s and is supposedly the first commercial luau in Hawaii. Yep they had the roast pig, cooked in the Imu (or underground pit) that we watched them uncover. They had some poke, some poi and all the rest of the stuff you would expect, including hula dancers and the fire twirling Polynesian dealie. And you know what? We had a good fucking time! I ate a shit ton of roast pork, had a bunch of drinks, watched the show and enjoyed myself completely. The Emcees looked straight out of I Love Lucy or the Mike Douglas Show or some fucking thing but so what?

Accept the fact that while you’re here you ARE a goddamn tourist.

It is absolutely worth visiting Hawaii and I can’t wait to go back again.

Anyway.

So what kind of plate lunch (or is it platelunch?) are we doing today?

Motherfucking Loco Moco and mac salad! It’s a staple and probably the most famous plate lunch there is.

It’s a big goddamn scoop of rice that’s topped with a seasoned burger patty, covered in a brown gravy then topped with a fried egg. Served alongside a scoop of homemade mac salad.

Fuck counting calories today.

You know you want it!

If you know your Hawaiian culture you know their affinity for Spam – blame WWII – and some versions of Loco Moco use Spam instead of a burger patty.

We will NOT be doing that today.

Fuck it, let’s go!

Hawaiian Style Mac Salad!

First note: you’ll want to make this in advance of the Loco Moco. It’s best if refrigerated overnight.

1/2 lb of macaroni

1 carrot – shredded

1 cup of mayo

1/4 cup of milk or dairy – I used some leftover heavy cream that I had on hand

1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar

1 tablespoon of sugar

1 teaspoon of garlic powder

Salt and pepper to taste.

That’s it!

Hawaiian mac salad is pretty basic and some may even call it bland, but everyone loves it, even the kids, and remember – calorie bomb?

Let’s get the party started. First thing is shred that carrot. Use the small shred holes on a box grater.

Get some water on the boil and cook your macaroni per the instructions on the bag.

When the noodles are cooked drain them and immediately add the tablespoon of apple cider vinegar directly on the still hot noodles. Now we’re going to dump these noodles into a bowl, or do as I did and put them in a handy storage container for the mixing of the rest of the ingredients.

Now we’re going to add in the minced carrot and combine.

See? If you’re using the storage container, you just put the lid on and shake that fucker up until mixed.

Now, I don’t know what to tell you anti-mayonnaise folks, maybe cook an order of fries instead? Because mac salad uses mayo, Friendo.

Real fucking mayo! None of that shit-awful Miracle Whip (shudders) or reduced fat mayo or mayo substitute. In order to be authentic it’s the real fucking deal here. That is a 3 cup measuring cup right there and I next added the heavy cream and the sugar to that cup and stirred the shit out of it.

Add the mayo mixture, along with the garlic powder to the noodles and stir thoroughly to combine. Give a taste and then season with the salt and pepper.

Sock this in your fridge and let sit overnight. Next day give it another taste and add some more salt and pepper if needed.

Mac salad achievement unlocked!

Next day we’ll get after the Loco Moco.

Loco Moco!

Some cooked rice

Some gravy

A seasoned hamburger patty

A fried egg.

Good luck!

Just fucking with you. There are 4 components to this dish rather than a single structured recipe and I’m willing to bet you can do 3 of the 4 components already. Because shit, if you can’t cook rice, cook up a burger patty or fry an egg why the fuck are you reading food recipes?

But I digress.

Cook some rice per the instructions on the bag. Nothing fancy or gussied up today, just plain white rice.

Boil up some water, you can season with salt and even add a pat of butter to the water.

Eldest right was on rice detail today and I’m a little uncertain of the alchemy she used. I get the water to a boil, add the rice, cover and cook on LOW for about 20 minutes. She did this whole “add the rice to the unheated water thing” then…

She cocked the lid on the pot and let it cook on medium?

I’m not here to judge! Besides the rice came out perfect.

Make a pot of rice the way you normally would and don’t criticize if someone helps you out and uses a different technique, OK?

See I’m getting better.

Brown Gravy!

24 ounces of beef stock

1 onion minced

16 ounces of sliced mushrooms

1 tablespoon of butter

1 tablespoon of Worcestershire Sauce

2 tablespoons of cornstarch

1/2 teaspoon of dried thyme

Salt and pepper to taste

Let’s dice up that onion first.

Action shot!

The advantage of having the entire damn family here was the ability to have someone else, or 2 someone elses, available to take the photos. That simplified things exponentially!

Get your onion minced.

Next get out a skillet and melt the butter over medium heat and saute your onions. Maybe 6-7 minutes here.

Remove the onions when sauteed.

What we’re going to do first is cook the burgers in the same pan we sauteed the onions, thus imparting a delicate yet subtly piquant onioney goodness to the burgers.

Sorry.

A pan fried burger!

Start with some meat!

These 2 pounds of meat made 8 burger patties.

Dump the meat in a big bowl and add the shit you usually add to make a burger.

That’s some salt, pepper, garlic powder, onion powder, crumbled up corn chips (it’s a right family thing) and an egg.

Thoroughly wash your hands then prepare to get them dirty again.

Make some damn patties!

Over medium high heat, slap down some burgers!

Leave alone for 5 minutes, then flip them bastards over!

If you’re cooking these in batches remove the cooked patties to a plate, cover with some foil and place in a 200 degree oven to keep warm.

Next We’re going to dump that lovely beef fat from the skillet into a dutch oven to finish the gravy. Add the mushrooms and the sauteed onions to the Dutch oven and cook for about 7 minutes or until the water has evaporated from the shrooms . Then add in the beef stock, Worcestershire, thyme and a sprinkle of salt and pepper.

Reduce the gravy down by about 1/3. What? 10-12 minutes? Sure.

Next take the 2 tablespoons of cornstarch and add 2 tablespoons of the gravy stock to a small bowl and whisk together until smooth. Add the cornstarch slurry back to the gravy and cook for a couple of more minutes until you’ve got GRAVY!

Reduce heat to low and keep warm while assembling everything else.

Side note: this is a solid all around brown gravy for any brown gravy applications you may encounter. Making a meatloaf with the tomato sauce/ketchup coating and want a brown gravy for your mashed potatoes? This is that gravy. Cooking a pot roast in a slow cooker or Instantpot and want a rich brown gravy without fucking with the pan drippings from either? Right here.

Please note the bulk of today’s labor will be from the dish washing so for Godssake get a recruit for that!

Next component?

Now fry up an egg!

Jesus Christ, really!?!

Melt some butter in a pan. Over medium heat cook the egg, that for fucks sake I hope you had the intellect to crack if you need help cooking an egg.

Cook to desired doneness.

Bet your sweet ass I do mine sunny side up! Just be sure the white is cooked. I use a pan lid over the egg until the white cooks through. Best part is? No flipping needed so no danger of breaking the yolk. Another handy hint is to crack the raw egg into a small bowl then dump that into the pan rather than cracking the egg and adding to the pan directly.

We’re going for some sexy ass presentation today.

Loco Moco team! Assemble!

Scoop of rice down? Check!

Burger on the rice? Check-a-doodle!

Gravy on both? Check yo’self before you wreck yo self, check!

Now get that glorious fucking egg on top, soldier!

Crack some black pepper on that egg and a small sprinkle of salt too.

Next add a user friendly scoop of our mac salad.

I mean, look at that fucking egg!

Touchdown motherfuckers!

Go ahead and cut into that yolk to get the golden cascade of deliciousness running all over everything and then cut yourself a bite of the entire thing.

I don’t even have to do a taste summary or anything do I?

Scoop up a bit of that mac salad. See? Creamy, rich, decadent, a little zing from the vinegar and the harmony of the shredded carrot in there?

Come on, Man!

While all nine of us were eating at the same time, there was that single moment of peaceful zen where not a single fucking word was spoken.

Total fucking silence.

The very short-lived bliss!

One issue though, after everyone was fed there was NOTHING left. There was not even a slight chance of seconds.

What the fuck would you even need with a second serving of this?

Jesus Fuck, man!

Do you know what we just consumed here?

Shit yes, it’s delicious just realize you can’t do this everyday. I don’t see your asses out there in the sugar cane fields.

Give this one a try and fuck around with your proteins. Become the plate lunch fucking master!

Thanks as always for following along folks.

Yes, you can now take a well deserved nap after that damn meal.

I appreciate you good folks, I really do.

PEACE!