I think today has marked the first “real” day back from the depth of the COVID-19 scare.
Sure, there were a whole bunch of people in Tulsa ignoring black history in their quest to suckle at the teat of a sentient orange-hued McDonald’s patty.
At the Trump rally, Brian Clothier, 61, is wearing an adult diaper over his pants that reads “Scientists say [farts] spread the virus. I COVID my ass to stop the spread.” pic.twitter.com/2Ljok0vKKe
— robertklemko (@RobertKlemko) June 20, 2020
And there were other problems in the world that, let’s face it, deserve plenty of attention because they are between nuclear powers that combined have 2.5 billion people
But hodge that – there’s sports! There was English footy, and German footy, plus the AFL & rugby SuperLeague. It was a morning to behold.
Oh sure, the Phillies might die, and the Tampa Bay Lightning got airborne MRSA, but that’s cause they’re quitters! I’m sure once the weekend is over everything will be fine…
When contacted, the NBA Commissioner released the following statement:
Tonight’s … entertainment?:
- NASCAR XFINITY Series:
- Unhinged 300 – 5:30PM | FS1 / TSN3
- The Unhinged 300 from Talladega Superspeedway in Alabama.
- Russell Crowe is the Grand Marshall for the race.
Faber’s was better.
- Russell Crowe is the Grand Marshall for the race.
- Fun fact: Until 1998, it was a 500-kilometer (310 mi) event, the longest race on the NASCAR Busch Series schedule.
- In 1998, fans complained about the use of kilometers, which was seen as a European custom. Management changed the race to a 300-mile (480 km) event from 1998–2001. The change shortened the race distance by just four laps.
- In 2002 it was returned to a 502 km / 312 mile race, to coincide with the race sponsor’s 3-12 ad slogan, before returning to a 300-mile race in 2015.
- The Unhinged 300 from Talladega Superspeedway in Alabama.
- Unhinged 300 – 5:30PM | FS1 / TSN3
- UFC Fight Night:
- Blaydes vs. Volkov: From Las Vegas | ESPN / TSN
- Prelims: 5:00PM
- Main Card: 8:00PM
- Blaydes vs. Volkov: From Las Vegas | ESPN / TSN
- ABC: The Last Dance
- Episode 9 – 8:00PM
- Episode 10 – 9:00PM
- Australian Football League:
- Gold Coast Suns vs. Adelaide Crows – 11:00 PM | FS1
- Essendon vs. Melbourne – 1:30 AM | ESPN2 / TSN4
- Super Rugby Aotearoa:
- Hurricanes vs. Crusaders – 11:30 PM | ESPN2 / TSN2
The viewing evening starts with left turns & ends with toilets flushing the wrong way.
HOW CAN YOU GO WRONG?!
Latest youtube wormhole I’ve fallen down. British Aviation history!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8kuDb9h_b9M&t=2s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xNJl_EijuWA&t=138s
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JvU7nQUethw
Ok, who wants to pick my next cocktail?
Freezer vodka.
tWBS would know that’s not how I roll
Make it strong.
Margarita.
You monster
DACHSHUND!
Just went and picked up our pizza. Evidently, Vocelli’s screwed up, and gave us a free pie. Shit, fellas, free pizza.
.
I forgot that gif got fucked up.
Big story about how K-Pop fans and Gen Z kids signed up for all the online tickets and made the campaign think there was SO MUCH interest in the rally, they set up that outdoor stage and whatnot. The idea for it was some 51 year old lady who was a Buttjudge campaign volunteer. Gen X and Gen Z, working together to make the world less Boomer.
K-Pop fans are fucking crazy
Have you seen some of those K-Pop girls (and boys)? They’re not crazy.
Season 3 of Mad TV with the Bill Cosby rape sketch. How the hell did it take so long for this shit to really land?
Because he was America’s TV dad
Racism.
Ooooh Japanese.
I think that’s Greek
I bo longer have a dvd player and my wife is younger than me and has never seen Singles. It is not available on Netflix etc due to the WKRP licensing issues. How do I rectify this???
Is there a porn parody version?
Schwingles.
HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!
That video told a STORY, man.
Triples
Act it out for her, line by line.
no choice but to describe every episode, line by line
I happen to have both of those. Send her over and I’ll take care of things.
Make sure and park your van at a legitimate address this time.
Perhaps the best movie soundtrack EVAR, and a very solid movie. When I was younger, I felt I vaguely resembled an uglier version of Campbell Scott’s character.
/like said character, I also had the intense hots for Kyra Sedgwick
I like jerkin’ off to that movie
Never gets old!
Curtis Blaydes vs Alexander Volkov?
MMA got some video game ass names.
Thought that was an ECHL hockey game matchup for a second
Good fight. Blaydes gassed at the end but managed to stagger through the last 5 minutes.
ATTENTION
I have switched to mezcal old fashioneds
P!nk with the burn of the night.
https://twitter.com/Pink/status/1274495280348639233
Why did I start reading the comments? WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?!?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=voUMQrLy_uY
Yeah that’s the stuff.
Outstanding.
For a point of comparison, here are 19,000 at the BOK for Metallica.
?1547924618534
As per twitter, apparently the Wiggles sold that place out.
I am starting a new movement called Black Lives Make Batter for all non-PoCs who have been made horny by black women and men (thinking of you Zymm).
Here’s to you, Toni Braxton and Noemie Lenoir.
I’m pretty sure that’s already a Pornhub Category…
Well then time for my backup, fecund the police
Shut up and take my money.
So, if they detonate a nuclear bomb in the area, where does the fallout go?
Northeast as far I as I can tell
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sfR_HWMzgyc
Downhill, no doubt.
Wasn’t this the plot of the last M:I movie?
Bret Hart vs. Will Sasso on Mad TV is one of the funniest things I remember from middle school and this might be the first time I’ve seen it since it first aired. I see a bunch of people angry at the big wet idiot president on TV, but why would anyone do that to themselves, MAGA zombies included? I’m guilty of tracking the idiocy, but I do everything in my power to avoid suffering the voice of that man.
Mad TV is why I’m still madly in love with Alex Borstein.
In a few months, this series will be gifified and memed into oblivion like all the rest, but for now I can just enjoy rewatching it and seeing shit I forgot I enjoyed as a kid.
This stupid fucking country is just giving up and letting the virus plateau because the plateau is below the peak. I can’t wait until this shithole is isolated because the only countries where the virus exists is this one, the UK, and Brazil; all countries that have states existing simply to cripple and destroy their populations anyway.
Of course, it’s not like anyone or any institution has any legitimacy left anyway, so they can’t do anything about it. The media that once propagated the fucking nonsense that masks might be more dangerous than wearing nothing and has been equivocating and pushing this whole “MUH ECONOMY” bullshit that even the Democrats got onboard back in April so now that states are reopening even though instances are rising or never fell significantly in states like California, Oregon, and Washington (notoriously deep red states). So fuck everything. We’re all going to die because we’re stupid and we deserve this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ep9Vzb6R_58
Have you ever considered that maybe all of this is your fault?
Women’s MMA fight temp stopped for a low knee to the cooch.
Didn’t know the fight could be stopped for that.
Oh, now I see. The knee got stuck.
Nothing better than seeing the better joke being made right after.
Nah, because I should’ve somehow added “unstuck knee sound effect” to it.
I didn’t say “best”, I said “better”
Oh wow, that UFC chick just took a serious knee to her balls.
Oreos or ovaries?
I don’t know what’s going to explode first, me or that stupid fucking car when it runs over a rabbit.
The following people are going to be in VERY big trouble for RSVP’ing and then not showing up.
Lennay Kekua
Lennay Kekuua
Lennai Kekua
Lenay Kekua
etc.
I RSVP’d as Dixie Normous and got a personal message from the Veep.
I RSVP’d as Hugh G. Rection and got a tax break.
Imagine if you’d gone as Hugh G. Koch.
Banner this man.
Holy fuck, 13th was an amazingly well done movie that was hard to watch. Recommend viewing with time for a palate cleanser.
Is that about the 13th Amendment, and about we we’ve done certain people dirty for 400 years or so? Or is that the biopic about Jason and Camp Crystal Lake?
God dammit Rickon. Did you not learn after last time?
This is good.
Awesome
What will make you more likely to watch it? Yes or Neither?
One is probably really well-done and difficult to watch, and the other is about black people.
Honest answer is it’s about mass incarceration and weaponization of the criminal justice system against american communities of color. I had no idea (READ: totally forgot) that the 13th amendment had an explicit carve out for servitude as punishment for criminal conviction.
Also, fuck ALEC.
Yeah, when a honky says “there’s no systemic racism” it’s like, bitch, the whole deck is stacked so fucking thoroughly against equality that it’s gonna take an entire societal overhaul to even think about getting things to “pretty unfair”
But the great thing about being a white male is we don’t even have to think about it should we choose not to.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=2&v=E9Cl4xuFCJg&feature=emb_logo
Some talented SOBs right there.
Kinda unfair that the one with the huge hog also gets to be the one who can see.
But Mr. Trump, why can’t we just make a law against flag burning?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSANTRnEBgg
I have a margarita. Fish tacos will be ready soon. Trump is having a shitty night.
Life is good, but I’m a little worried about how 2020 is going to take its revenge tomorrow.
Oh, I thought you meant…….
The fish tacos contain sodium benzoate
Well, thousands of people worldwide will die of coronavirus, for a start.
*stares blankly*
*remembers that it’s good to feign concern for the welfare of other humans*
Oh, yeah. Right, of course.
Brad Parscale’s spirits this evening (artist’s conception).
–
oh he fired
SO fired
It’s The Cheeto; should he just double down on it?
Now I’m confused [see DonT’s post below].
I’m getting vertigo.
I may have to use this photograph as my Christmas Card. Assuming that my side loses the War on Christmas, that is.
–
The fact that they had to cancel the outdoor speeches because no one was there is the maraschino cherry on this ballsweat sundae.
I just watched the ABC evening news. They kept calling it a “massive” rally, and only showed tight shots on Trump, instead of panning the arena. I’m sick of this shit
Yeah, that’s some primo bullshit.
“Here’s the bad part: When you do testing to that extent, you’re gonna find more people, you’re gonna find more cases. So I said to my people, ‘slow the testing down please!'” — Trump
Here’s Trump downplaying the coronavirus as “sniffles”
“The stage was higher than this one … I’m weather leather-bottom shoes … it was like an ice-skating rink” — Trump whines at length about the media pointing out the obvious and noting that he had a hard time walking down a ramp last weekend at West Point
“We ought to come up with legislation that if you burn the American flag you go to jail for one year … if somebody wants to burn the American flag and stomp on it, but just burn it, they go to jail for one year” — Trump
Trump claims that if Biden gets elected, “money itself will be worthless”
So the Tulsa speech is going well.
My wife is watching and howling with laughter.
If that’s the effect His Trumpiness is going for, he’s fucking nailing it like it was a porn star who needs $130,000.
Yeah but Stormy made her money much more quickly. Very bigly and strongly quick.
Also he referred to coronavirus as the “Kung Flu”. Cause things like that are totally gonna expand his base of support.
He has zero new voters from 2016.
We need another Vietnam–thin out their ranks a little.
Oh, like they’ll go this time.
Speech? I’d characterize it more as a “late-stage syphilitic rant.”
When the recount is finished and I’m finally sworn in as Secretary General of The World in Perpetuity, I will lock Bill Raftery and Gerry Rafferty in a room and not let them out until they come to a consensus on ONE spelling/pronounciation of their name. They will then be generously given lifetime appointments at the Tijuana Labor Camps.
Bill Raftery in the prison shower: “And the KISS!”
Gerry Rafferty will end up stuck in the middle of Baker Street.
Jim Kiick’d the bucket.
Mercury Morris and Larry Csonka drinking survivor champagne.
We’re finally watching 13th and let me tell you, I need every cocktail I’m making and drinking
BIG BOTTOM
“Good night Springton, there will be no encore.”
“The attendance goes to 11,000.”
That broad couldn’t hit the broad side of a board.
For the last time, all my GFs in NYC had black hair. That’s not me.
Request answered
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0R6WIbx8ysE
“I asked for an angle!”
-Pythagoras
THIS IS THE ONLY ACCEPTABLE MUSIC VIDEO OF THIS SONG.
–
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aaWsVHv5dGc
Edmonton, Alberta ladies and gentlemen.
Nascar fans: object to the use of Kommie Meters (Km) in their race.
Also Nascar fans: Yo how many Liters are in that engine?
You want to get shot with a 9mm you fucking commie?
Hitler used the metric system.
Counterpoint:
The Metric System used Hitler. Prove me wrong.
Joseph Stalin
His last metric point was a 7.65mm chambered Walther PPK.
Hitler is a hero because he killed Hitler, and he gave his life doing so.
If only more fascists were as brave as he was…
But he wouldn’t be if he did it way earlier.
Makes you think.
I am at a bar drinking by myself, not in an engine thanks.
NEWS FLASH: Essendon v Melbourne has been postponed due to an Essendon player testing positive for COVID-19. More details on the AFL Beat on Tuesday.
GODDAMNIT! And I was having such a perfect evening.
Oi, he hooked himself a big one there!
When I grow up, I’m going to buy me a Japanese toilet.
Tonight on Svengoolie: Boris Karloff in the Man with Nine Lives.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EMIhi06wuc
We can be social and lose a few….
Seat belts are important. People forget that.
And helmets!
Specially ass helmets.
And lose my chance to be thrown clear? Count me out
Well this is the headline of the day for sure
I hope the owner’s name is Chubby.
Y’all can take away my 17 year-old stripper girlfriend’s pole when you tear it away from her K-Y Jellied hands!