First off, I wish Everton had already played so I could use Dominic Calvert-Lewin’s Black Lives Matter #9 shirt. But this will have to do. Full credit to the Premiership for taking on racial justice issues, with remarkable unity and moral clarity. I am proud to support this League.
OF COURSE in the year that the fucking Shite run away with the League title, Everton must play at a rabid Anfield in the fall, but the return trip will be silent as a morgue (2p Sun, Big Boy NBC). At least Arseholes did the honourable thing (Seppuku, always Seppuku) on Wednesday so that the Very Bad Thing did not occur on Goodison Park soil. Would have been a sacrilege of the highest order.
Probably thanks to the extra prep time, the initial EPL fixtures have not been quite as rough as Bundesliga’s. Or I am just biased. Both? That said, the Norwich/Saints puppy abortion I am (avidly, because it’s on) viewing as I write…quite a spectacle. Let’s be thankful that both of these could end up relegated.
But fuck it, I am glad the Clubhouse is up early for this delightful Sabado. You DID set your alarm, right?
Relegation-threatened Moose Hornets host the 3rd (REALLY???) position Foxes to start our day (7:30, NBCSN). If you don’t like the video game simulated crowd sounds, go online – Rebecc-ur and the Robbies keep mentioning that option, so they must despise the fake noise. Meh, I am completely neutral.
Arsenal are away to the Trashbirds o’ Brighton next (10:00, NBCSN). I guess it can only improve from Wednesday’s pitch shitting for the Gooners? Hey, at least your boss don’t got the COVIDs no MOAR. Trashbirds should be able to avoid the drop, but early points would surely help them breathe easier (insert COVID joke).
Big NBC’s long-awaited Spotlight Dance (12:30) is…Wolves/Hammers? For real?? Wolves likely in a cage match with Spurs for the final Europa slot. West Ham are just very grateful there are 3-4 clubs more shite than they are.
Palace at Cherries close us down (2:45, ???). NBC Sports’ website ain’t telling me where to watch. I think it’s NBCSN, but it might be on that new “Peacock TV” streaming thing they are promoting. Y’all done got my $50 for Gold, fuck off if ya want more.
Tomorrow, I get to be a nervous fookin’ wreck…and am very much looking forward to it.
Good morning, Litre_Cola here.
I got your nerves right here! Also a derby! Mightey Whitey (nawt raycess) plays their noisy neighboUrs Brentford 1st thing this morning in the West London derby. It’s sad that the outcome for this game will determine my mood for the weekend, but it is what it is and I am very excited.
Did anyone ask for a Championship round up? No? Well you are going to get a snapshot anyway so scroll on down or strap in. Brought to you by Marmite, the evil cousin of vegemite. Do not eat this.
My club is in 3rd which is a playoff position and 6 points back of automatic promotion to the Prem. Leeds, and West Brom are above them, and Brentford is in 4th.
The 5 substitutions really changes the chase as managers can adjust tactics 3 times a game and deeper clubs who have a great bench will benefit greatly. Down one? Throw on two strikers. Just scored two goals, throw on some defenders. Good managers will manipulate the game more. Deep teams will benefit greatly and some teams budgets do not allow a loaded bench. Some are owned by the same man who owns the Jacksonville Jaguars and has paid a lot of money for the experienced side. (Hee hee).
Leeds was on a fucking tear before the ‘Rona and they’ll have never wanted to stop. Bielsa their manager notoriously has a short bench and with 2 games every week he may be stretched thin, which is awesome. Leeds always seem to find a way to shoot themselves in the dick every year and I really hope they do it again in heartbreaking fashion. The break will also affect young teams as those lads aren’t used to having a break and wouldn’t know what to do themselves. Where an older more experienced team would have loved getting healthy and getting a break. (my theory)
This week will dictate how Fulham Flying Khans do. They have the neighboUrs and then Leeds next week. Win both and it is fucking on. Lose both we will have to hold on in the playoffs and its a white knuckle ride in. The players all stayed because they thought they would go back up to the Prem and living in West London is pretty sweet. If they do not go up the club will be in rebuild mode and will stay down for 5 years as the parachute payments from the Premier League runs out.
Gambling on the Championship is brought to you by Brown Sauce. It also is shitty, kind of like a poor man’s A1.
As for Gamblor, I have laid a 100 on Millwall making the top 6 and qualifying for the playoffs. They have the easiest run in and if The London Jaguras do not make it to the Prem then I want the ruffians from Millwall to go up. Today, I have a treble of Fulham, West Brom to beat Birmingham in a derby, and Leeds to beat the sheep shaggers in Wales. Going down will be Barnsley, Luton Town (sadly), and I really hope Middlesbrough or fucking Wigan go down.
As for Everton v Liverpool, I hope Everton wins so we have a happy Hippo and all my scouser friends can piss off.
If Colbert having a copy of Bolton’s book means he’s been booked on the show, that interview could be some must see tee-vee.
Cant I just watch Dr Strangelove while listening to the Hamilton soundtrack?
Speaking of which, can one fucking streaming service pick that film up? Oops. Another ded gunner.
This reads even more pill addled than usual
THANK YEEEEWWWW!!!
I’m no orthopedic surgeon, but this doesn’t look good.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ea9rzBXXQAE0HcZ?format=jpg&name=medium
I mean…NBCSN wouldn’t show the replay past the moment he landed. Had to be quite gross.
If you click on the link you’ll see what looks to be an ankle about to move in a very non-ankle approved direction.
Would not want to see an actual replay.
The scream was very much like Andre Gomes’ when Son broke his ankle with a bad tackle many moons ago.
https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Ea9rlz8WAAEzQD8?format=jpg&name=small
What in the name of all that is holy does Kyle Martino have hanging off his ear?
I wondered the same thing. Pretty out of place to be snot.
I’d rather fight a pissed off Khabib Nurmenghadanov, (there’s no way I spelled that right), than drink Conor’s shitty whiskey.
They had orange slices break AND a keeper death…only 5 minutes of added time??
When cheering for ‘Freiburg’ should one raise a lit lighter?
and this side will NEVAR chaaaaaaange
I thought this joke would crash and burn.
This is a very lengthy 5 minutes
Repeat – That Does Not Look Good FOAR Arsenal
The standings? The keeper injury? David Luiz?
I was thinking the dude who went down holding his ankle, but seems he is a’ight
Yeah, that looked like a Turf Gnome had reached up and given him a good yank
Utterly unrelated, I went to buy some DVDs and Blu-rays from a specialty shop in my area earlier today and one of the assistants called Cross Of Iron and Stalingrad racist, ’cause there’s absolutely no black people in the cast XD
Does frostbite count?
On the bright side, ye Imaginary Gooner pals – Mikel Arteta still quite handsome!
“Some strong words from the German as he makes his way off”
And when has that ever worked out badly for anyone?
He’s German, not Austrian, so we’re safe for now. Now, if he starts muttering about Lebensraum or Untermenschen, then we’ll talk 😀
/Turns on the Lesser Footy
//sees favoUrite team’s Keeper screaming in pain and about to be surrounded by a curtain and shot
2020 everyone!
The Timeline That Keeps Holding Our Beer
Ded keeper, check.
Is the backup named O’Brien? I’ll see myself out.
Tagline of our season, thanks to the BBC
“that does not look good for Arsenal”
Don’t care if one has to play U16 players in central defense, has to be better than David Luiz. Talk about stealing a living…
Honestly, I’ve got a better grasp on the game than David Luiz, and I’m half-listening to it on radio and building a bloody FW-190 😀
Unfortunately that’s the same things Luiz is doing right now.
After what he did mid-week, dunno how you ever play him again. If he does, just sunk cost fallacy in action.
Could never root for it mind you, but being sent to prison by donald fucking trump is a perfect fate for John Bolton.
https://www.thedailybeast.com/trump-wonders-if-john-bolton-will-go-to-jail
I normally don’t want to slap bald men’s heads. I would like to slap Aaron Mooy’s head
“Be careful-once you start it’s quite difficult to stop.”
-Moe Howard, speaking from the dais at Headslappers Anonymous
Gunners look sharp.
You’re probably watching a rerun.. If you’re seeing Henry or Bergkamp on the field, DO NOT change the channel 😀
But hitting the woodwork because GAMBLOR HATES HIPPO NOW
Lewandowski just scored his 32nd. League record apparently.
edit-I’m a liar, 40 is the record
“See? I told you being nice to the Poles would pay off!”
-Ghost of Winston C.
I’m a sick man. Just put a buck-fitty on Arseholes.
Well, off to do some hiking in the mountains. Now West Brom and Leeds are sure to win. Book it.
In foul weather you can do model kits – not only does it do wonders to calm you, BUT the fumes numb you rather nicely too XD
Yeah I agree. Just had a couple 10 mg gummies, now to go out with the fam. Toddler is acting like a psycho. Need to burn him out.
Toddler acting up…. May God have mercy on your sanity 😀
Have you not heard teh Gospel of Footy Manager???
Duh, I’ve bee playing that since it was called Championship Manager 3 waaaay back in .. ho-lee fuk, it’s been 20 years!?
I moved to Pretend Man City because Pretend Everton’s board were complete bellends (despite my winning the League 4x in 13 years).
WHAT AN EQUALIZER???!!!
Well fuck. There goes my weekend.
That was quick 😀
WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF????
No clue, but if you ever discover the root cause for that particular bit of masochism, feel free to clue me in, ’cause I don’t get why I keep inflicting Arsenal on my self 😀
We all hate ourselves, in unique and brilliant ways.
Sorry EPL, but now that I’ve gone Bundesliga I can’t go backesliga
“Once you go Bundt, you can never go back.”
-A. Reid, K.C.
Goddamned Bees and Moose Hornets, fucking my ass over.
Screamer!
Creepy Bugeyed Fuck is on the Gooners’ sub bench. I am sure everyone is Reacting Reasonably about that.
BURN THE WITCH, THAT IS THE ONLY WAY TO CURE THE RONA… I mean, “That’s my gooners” 😀
So this is how Canada declares war against the US.
https://torontosun.com/sports/hockey/nhl/toronto-maple-leafs/maple-leafs-star-auston-matthews-tests-positive-for-covid-19
Matthews lives in AZ, you see.
I’m not a scientician but I’ll bet that the Covid particles got trapped in his pathetic excuse for a moostache.
Afternoon lads and lasses! What’s with this godawfully triggering and insulting picture in the thread!? Ah, nevermind, re-read that, it is a decent description.. Marmite really is the evil cousin o’ vegemite. Anyway, how’re y’all this fine day?
My weekend hasnt been ruined yet. Yet being the key word.
Best part about the Merseyside Derby not kicking off until 2p on Sunday
Give it like a couple of hours , I know mine will be ruined around 5PM BST 😀
Huzzah! Our imaginary Oirishman pal LIVES!! How are those tanks?
They’re fine, we decided to spend the lockdown up North in Sweden (Yeah, I know, I know, but at least I had a tank and some place to have a run), so at least we didn’t go completely bonkers 😀
Losing money and loving every second!
Some dude on Fulham twitter said if they take a knee that he is out after being a supporter for 50 yrs. The club responded back to him “Fine by us”
Hey, as an Arsenal fan I agree, if Fulham take a knee, I’ll stop being their supporter of 0 seconds, until I forget my faux-outrage and bet on them 😀
Chouddry’s hair is spectacular! Rocking some Kaep shit.
We’ve lost Litre, doesn’t bode well for White Power.
Nerves. Scoreless in 65’.
You are correct. Very nervy….
Edibles this morning?
Nah, went old school and smoked a bowl on the balcony at 5 am. Edibles for hiking in the mtns later.
Noice!
Can one make edibles pancakes? That would seemingly be the tits. Especially with blueberries.
Oh yes, you can buy oil now that is close to flavoUrless and that would work.
Just garnish them with weed butter pats, and smother the bastards with syrup alongside an entire box of breakfast sausage links. Then take a nap.
I would like this to be my fathers day.
I don’t mind the artificial crowd noise. I’d love to watch NFL without it, though. And with enhanced field mics.
Absolutely love the 5 subs/9 on bench rule. I’d kill for that tweak on Footy Manager. Pretend man management is well difficult.
Need Sarr to punch one home here. Or at least an assist. And Vardy’s knees to simultaneously explode. Thank you.
co-signed!
The reason I love my club.
https://www.dailystar.co.uk/sport/football/sky-sports-appear-play-f-22224414.amp?__twitter_impression=true
My Everton moment is where they played “Born Slippy” on the PA system, during the lead-up to Steven Gerrard’s last appearance at Goodison.
Also, I wonder if Vardy took a knee? Had to tear him up inside, if so.
Story?
Just vague whisperings that he is all Brexit-y. Maybe because he looks like a National Front poster boy.
The fact that Berman will be testifying in front of the house on fuggin’ WEDNESDAY tells me something LARGE has been uncovered by SDNY.
Nixon, without the tact.
The Barr and Berman statements coming in the middle of the same night wasn’t surprising. But the house inviting him Wednesday tells me they’re all, “Get this guy on the record before someone shoves a hat pin up his nose!” Like Epstein.
Goddamnit, Capoue. SITTER
Wonder if our internet friend bk is still about. He seemed to only show up for teh futbol.
I was just thinking about him! Hope he’s well.
He owns tanks, I am sure he is thriving!
First orange slices break. Whose mom brought Sunny D, instead of teh purple stuff?
“No Purple Drank?”
-Sad Hippo
I am prepared to wake up everyone in my building with joy or obscurities. Probably both.
Shot off the bar and I woke up my wife. Oops.
Rebecca Lowe making beans on toast was adorable.
Unfortunately for our German readers…this was nae a euphemism.
I know, I know. Stick to sprots. But holy jeezus, that was some fuckery they pulled last night. ALL their bullshit. Middle of the night. Party of fucking nazi vampires.
Anywhoozle, hope Hippo is correct re: West Ham’s fate. I’d hate to be relegated the same year fucking Millwall moves up.
I’d disagree only to the extent it might be unfair to nazi vampires.
Fair point.
I am legitimately nervous. Might Whitey loses here it will be just waiting for the playoffs….hopefully.
Brendan Rodgers (now back at Pretend Mighty Whitey) is my good friend in Footy Manager, and I find this shameful of me.
$50 on Moose Hornets, $90 on Mighty Whitey
WHAT A GLORIOUS DAY TO BE ALIVE LET’S DO THIS MUTHAFUCKA
Hell yes!!!
You can call them Derby Days but FC Wang Chung’s preferred nomenclature is Dance Hall Days.
The Decilitre alarm clock never fails.
STORY TIME!!! My oldest was like a time bomb when she woke up (usually early like Deci). But one fateful Sabado morn, then-wife and I marvelled at the happy sounds coming from the baby monitor. Like a Christmas miracle!
After about 30 minutes, I rose and wandered into Emma’s room. I bellowed back to then-wife “Do you want crib, or do you want baby?”
For Emma had managed to remove her diaper, and had gleefully been waving it around like a Terrible Towel.
Oh dear cats, there was SHIT EVERYWHERE.
For the record, I don’t recall which option then-wife chose. But she did complete her selected task, before going back to sleep.
We get up fpr work at 5ish so I really cant expect him to sleep past that on weekends. I have adjusted my sleep to 9 pm to 4 am. Woohoo.
Going for beers tonight which means Fathers day will be painful.
Pedialyte. It works (especially if can force it down before passing out).