Tis a strange schedule. You get one Premiership fixture each day, at bizarre times. Saturday has ONLY the early bird special, which features Euro-curious Wolves away to “just happy to be here” Villa (7:30, NBCSN). I feel like a lunatic setting me alarms for this. But I will. Saints at Moose Hornets is your Sunday brunch (11:30, NBCSN). Surely, nobody needs (or wants) an alarm for that’un.
Most of the British action is the FA Cup quarters, 1 match on Saturday, 3 on Sunday. Knifey/Arsenal is the pick of the lot (8:00, Sun). And I think ESPN is broadcasting all or at least some of these, filling that massive #ContentVoid. Originally, was all going to be ESPN+ only. I have it, but teevee box is easier for olds like Hippo.
Mighty Whitey are away to Leeds in HAWT Championship action (10:00, Sat). Had Litre’s homeys won last week, this would have been very tasty indeed. Alas, Fulham-ish happened. As it is wont to do.
Krauts have all their matches at the same time, because they aren’t the most fun group of ppls. Various Fox/FS entities will carry sommet or another (9:30, Sat). I have given up betting them, the break tossed a spanner into my system. Fuck you, YOU have a problem.
Santander League is nice and spaced-out, both days. BeIn also has Kaylyn Kyle now (as pictured). Do you think she got my letters, and is just too shy to write back? I done told her not to feel pressured to use blood just cause I did. (smh obvs)
Most importantly – THE GODDAMNED REDSHITE WON’T BE AROUND FOR ANY OF IT. Yes, this past Thursday was a day to live in infamy, much like 9/11, but with Scandinavia replacing the Middle East as the outlier happy zone.
Pretend Man City?? Glad you asked! After 22 Prem fixtures of the 2046-47 season (SHUT UP)…my last remaining dream of an “Invincibles” season is still alive. 19-0-4, 16 points clear of 2nd position Bournemouth (stay alive FOAR this sweet reality, yeah right!), who I welcome to David Silva Community Stadium next. I will update y’all in the comments, as circumstances warrant.
I leave it to Wakey, Litre, and/or Ballsy to writes MOAR if they feel so inclined.
***
Balls: Barcelona tied a game away to Sevilla and that has allowed Real Madrid to tie them on points. Since Real won one El Clásico and tied the other, they would get the tiebreaker and win the league. There are only seven games left including today’s tilts.
Barcelona will visit Celta de Vigo today while Real Madrid go to Barcelona tomorrow to take on relegation-bound Espanyol.
I do recommend watching Athletic Bilbao take on Mallorca in the early early morning for those of you with little babies.
A special note to pass along: Australia and New Zealand were named as hosts for the 2023 Women’s World Cup!!
I don’t know what will be happening in my life then, but it sounds like it would be an awesome trip! Who’s in? DFO Road Trip!
***
FFS, get Bruno off the field He needs to be fresh for the Seagulls. Seriously, fuck the FA Cup, finishing in the top 4 and winning Europa is what matters
Cantwell replaced by Tryhard. I like this move.
That penalty call wasn’t even Close!
It was actually Klose.
Krul vs Romero in PKs? If United want to win this, they might want to score before then.
The fake ManU fans at the game are getting restless…
Kinda worried that if their team loses they might fake riot.
Cantwell playing like a man desperate to get the fuck out of Norwich.
Pogba, Bruno and Matic are now on? Jesus, Ole. Brighton is way more important than this game.
Toddlerzilla is currently obsessed with the Big Bad wolf/werewolves. So when she found out that a team named Wolves plays lesser footy, that has become her team. Everyday, she asks if Wolves are playing.
So my question is, how long do I wait to threaten to use the belt on her for liking Wolves?
But seriously, at what age do I have to hold her to her decision of sticking to Wolves? I’d guess between 5-8?
This sounds similar to my picking up the Donks at age 2. It lasts.
lol Manure.
I get it now.
“BURN THE NORWICH!”
-Manure/Python fans
Sudden Lesser Change!!
LOOK AT YOU, NORWICH!!!
Norwich have cleared themselves off the line from scoring!
I’m onto the ‘Blueberry Hard Iced Tea’ phase of my functional alcoholism. Hoping it doesn’t last longer than these two cans.
Ighalo finally scores against an *EPL team!
*Obviously Norwich is more of a Championship club, but beggars can’t be choosers
“None of these Norwich players have scored an FA Cup goal, ever.”
That’s not good at all, is it?
They’re trying their hardest to keep it that way
“Tis a strange schedule. You get one Premiership fixture each day, at bizarre times.”
These times have been magical! While there is no consistency, not having to wake up at 4 or 5 am to watch lesser footy has been amazing. More night games in England (so it’s early afternoon or late morning in North America) please
There are upsides to the rift in the space/time continuum, fair do!
Pretend Round 34, away to 4th position Gooners. I was able to rest a few players Round 33 (comeback win at Pretend Bristol), but I just know this will be my banana skin.
The thing I don’t understand about Footy Manager is how the hell can the players possibly keep up with all the games being played? They must be exhausted!
Norwich player on the ground moaning and crying as though he’s just been told the ending of Wuthering Heights.
DZN Canada covers the EPL but not the FA Cup? That’s some bullshit right there.
It’s on SportsNet. Yes, I was surprised.
Orange slices and pep talks now for Norwich/ManU.
I am officially tired of this fake crowd noise.
How about these talking guys doing their best ‘golf announcers on sleeping pills’ impression?
I’m enjoying the accent on this ESPN analyst. Brings a proper tone to the proceedings.
Welp, Barça season is over!
Shouldn’t this hold 3 tacos to be called a tricerataco?
The difference between concept and practical manufacture is great.
Okay this is getting crazy now
FYI; Tulip is a squirter.
Esther: [demurely] “Would you like to try my peach cobbler? It’s quite moist.”
Abram: [hesitantly] “On a Tuesday? I don’t think the Elders would approve…”
Esther: [eyes fixed steady on the ground] “The Elders needn’t find out.”
Abram: [taking a slice] “I pray we don’t don’t turn to pillars of salt for this transgression.”
Esther: [taking a chance] “Yes, perhaps we should pray together… in the hayloft of the barn.”
Sister squirters.
Isn’t that a scene from Letterkenny?
I overslept, got a case of The Sads, and went for a 3.5 milr jog / trot instead of a Wake ‘n Bake. Life is good. Time for a dip.
Exactly what happened when I lit a J 15 minutes later.
Sky here is that color ‘cause yooge clouds of Sahara dust have been hovering since Monday. The resemblance to the Apocalypse Now [?] pic is uncanny. Didn’t go 5000% over budget taking the photo and it to the masses.
There is no such thing as oversleeping on a weekend
Groot’s gotta be a grower, not a show-er.
This comment has grown roots.
found a funny:
me: it doesn’t have a tail so i’m pretty sure it’s a hamster
tech support: okay fine right-click the hamster
It’s like I’ve fallen down an Amazon rabbit hole:
I hate everything. We are just awful.
I agree, I just feel a little better looking at Mr. Midair Cat.
Drink a shot, it’ll help. Also no offence to Hippo, but as soon as he said that he bet on your lot, I knew it was game over 😛
Fuck, its an hour and a half drive to Dick’s I am leaving early. Fuck this. Drunk and high by noon.
Barn Moonick spanking the Wolfies.
Ironic that Wolfsburg has a VW logo because they’re getting run over.
Kaylin is an excellent studio analyst, beyond the pervosaur factoUr.
Nothing’s beyond the pervosaur factor, damn it!
SCORE A FUCKING GOAL!!! JESUS FUCK.
There is nae enough ganja to soothe away teh Fulham-ish
Handball in the box, no VAR. However Mitro elbow smashed their cb in the 1st 4 mins and should have been sent off. Karma.
So I’m on Amazon looking up Raymond Chandler novels for Kindle (The Long Goodbye specifically, and they ain’t cheap), when I see a suggestion below for the first issue of Mad Magazine, on Kindle, for 99 cents. So I buy it. Then I look down to see the other Mad issues offered, yet at the bottom of the page I see a book cover with a dog on it. I click on it and . . . what the fuck???
Remember when these kinds of books had Fabio (or his non-union Mexican equivalent) on the cover? I think the romantic lead in this book is actually a dog.
Well Fuck, there goes my weekend. At least I will be drunk and stoned at BC DIck’s by mid day.
Say high to the two hot chicks in bikinis for us.
We beat Fulham, United draw (home to Villa??) So we can has title after Round 31. That’s the good shit.
My Pretend Youth candidates put SEVEN past my Pretend U18s. Just thought everyone would like 2 noe.
10 mins to go. At the inlaws, sequestered in the basement. Have a joint rolled to take the edge off. COME ON FULHAM. FOR FUCK SAKES WEST BROM LOST SO BEAT LEEDS FUUUCCCKKKKK
Weed is bollocks, smoke a Cohiba instead (with a glass of Tullamore 12 to keep it company)
I put like $74 on y’all. I shall be very remorseful later.
Oh if there was a game for us to win it is this one, just to string us along.
I SAY US BECAUSE I AM A CLUB MEMBER AND THEY CHARGE A STUPID RATE.
/also part of Fulham Supporters Trust.
Afternoon ya pervosaurs, how’re the gambling gods treating y’all
Not great, Bob!!
/not like I’mma stop
Who said anything about stopping?! If you stop now, how can you win back your losses?!
Do I hate Villa just because they coach is coincidentally named Dean Smith? Yes, Other Hippo, we sure do!
Oh there is many reasons to hate Villa.
Let’s see, 2047 is
/ grabs calculator
Sans virus, I can make that!
Dat a lot of beach walks, yo.
Drew away to Barcodes, hit the post THREE fucking times. Annoyed, but still Invincible. Fulham is next. Time
Jonny always carved up Pretend Everton, that fuckadoo
Hey herodotus, the Red Wings are looking real good next year.
https://www.draftsite.com/nhl/mock-draft/2021/
Aatu Barratta Nikto is a really good looking prospect.
I wouldn’t take this mock too seriously though-they have the Sens drafting someone that is taller than 5’11”. That never happens.
Nuno Santos has to be a Scotchy trigger…yeah? One assumes he has the sense to stay away from Northern Ontario.
If he doesn’t play Traore the whole second half, I’ll beat Scotchy to him.
Aside from #HAILGAMBLOR interests, is smart how he brings him on later in the match (especially now) to face tired legged defenders.
He DESTROYED West Ham.
When he’s right/motivated, he’s almost unplayable
This made me laugh:
https://southendnewsnetwork.net/news/fa-confirm-west-ham-will-be-double-relegated-to-league-1-if-they-finish-in-bottom-three/
That is funny. We will welcome you down here because our fuckwit manager keeps playing his brother in law who is at best a Sunday League player.
I have indeed bet on Mallorca. And an unholy amount on Mighty Whitey.
Also…23-0-6 after 29. I can also draw once more and still hit magic #100 in overall points.
The Sens pick 3rd and 5th (first was never gonna happen-I never entertained the thought) and have 7 picks in the first 2 rounds. I feel sorry for whoever the GM is 4, 5 years from now-that’s a shit ton of talent that he’ll have to trade away.
But think of how many first round picks he’ll have!
It’s like a pyramid scheme that I is too stupid to understand.
It’s the Circle of Larf!