It’s the start of another week. Hopefully you all had a good weekend. Congratulations to monty this seems strange to me for guessing correctly the hidden theme to Sexy Friday! There will be another hidden theme next Friday.
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The Week in DFO
Here are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:
I’M HERE HIPPO. I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR MOONMAN LANGUAGE BUT I LIKE SHOUTING.
monty this seems strange to me
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Don’t know if I’ve seen another player score 4 in a game. Not that he’s being defended.
Fronkenshteen
Admit it, you and the Mrs. both think of Antonio during sexual congress
King Hippo
Our foreplay DOES involve her braiding my hair, now that you mention it.
Fronkenshteen
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Would any of you be interested in starting a DFO podcast? I don’t know shit about production but I offer because I’m unionized and generally immune to being canceled.
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
And now over to Hippo for Gamblor’s KCKorner!
(Hippo passed out in an opioid coma)
OK and that was Hippo’s Gamblor’s KCKorner!
herodotus450
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Pope frantically getting his hands on the ball as if it were an 8 year old choir boy
Wakezilla
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Another positive case in my office. So the next two weeks are going to be fun.
Unsurprised
That syphilis is a bitch once it gets loose.
Horatio
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Found a funny:
ME: *whispering to date as symphony orchestra begins playing beethoven’s 5th* can you believe a dog wrote this
rockindog
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found a funny:
me: there were two controllers
firefighter holding my xbox: im not going back in
rockindog
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What are they avenging? Chastity?
Don T
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Commentators just suggested that Harry Kane is frustrated at his lack of opportunities inside the box. I can relate.
Dunstan
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Fancy! Junque in the trunque.
Gumbygirl
You can camp on that back bumper
Game Time Decision
I need to say that to my lady friend. She might like it…
Balls
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I keep telling that cat, Ross and Rachel WERE ON A BREAK!
Dunstan
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Last I checked, Terry Bradshaw couldn’t spell “rape” even if you spotted him the r, the a and the ghb.
Beerguyrob
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The Russian Woodpecker!
Col. Duke LaCross
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Sláinte!
Boy did I feel dumb saying this to my Asian friends before I found out how it’s actually pronounced!
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
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Can’t wait for my Harry Potter fanfic to drop “DeSean Jackson and the Prisoner of Farrakhan”
Now I originally had a one liner that was just “DeShoah Jackson” but I’ve matured.
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
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EDIT: 1/6/86 was the 1st time I got drunk. Hey, you get a fake Dominican birth certificate for little league, stuff gets stuck in yer head.
Don T
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Congrats on your baby penis!
Don’t you mean “baby’s” penis?
I said what I said.
SonOfSpam
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Your kid failing to score with the woman who complimented him on his penis means he’s the reincarnation of Seamus. Congratulations on birthing the opposite of the Dalai Lama.
/but seriously congratulations.
//if any monks show up in Orioles colors, do not open the door.
Horatio
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I don’t have a horse in this race.
Monty, this is football, not horse racing.
Ok, I don’t have a dog in this fight.
No, not Michael Vick football. International football. You know, soccer.
Oh. Well I do have a sock. It’s under my bed but I promise you don’t want to see it.
Nobody said they wanted to see it, Monty.
It was implied.
What’s your exit strategy for this imaginary conversation?
I thought I would just … kind of… trail off…
monty this seems strange to me
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My covid test came back negative; which was great.
Ants in the kitchen; not great.
Grilled baloney & cheese for dinner; it was great.
Can feel myself getting fatter; typical day.
Porky Prime
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Before we celebrate Dan Snyder changing the name, let’s note that it didn’t take public perception or even common decency for him to do it. It took money. And he didn’t even fight for it. The instant the money was at risk, he folded like a house of cards.
Redshirt
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Fuck, remember fighting the bad faith trolls on the Redacted’s name when KSK still fucking existed? I sure fucking do. Fuck them eternally, and somebody squash Dan Snyder like the tiny fucking dung beetle that he is.
Old School Zero
How’s your anus?
Brick
Bloody, festering, and absolutely in the depths of madness. I hope yours is faring better.
Old School Zero
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“I know you are. But what am I?”
Dunstan
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Usually when an Eagle makes a mockery of six million, it involves a Freddie Mitchell contract.
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
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DeSean Goes to Auschwitz sounds like a Tyler Perry knockoff of the Ernest movies
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
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Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I call her Son Goku, because everyone is lending her their energy so she can survive to defeat the pink skinned blob monster threatening to kill us all.
Redshirt
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Oh, dear God, that idiot’s gonna be a Senator?!
Redshirt
You have to narrow down the field a little more than that.
Viva La Tabula Raza
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What if we fund an ad campaign and reassure Alabama voters that “Doug Jones” is white?
SonOfSpam
Good point. My name’s the flipside. My college roommates saw my nom de réalité and expected to see a black guy, only to see a skinny, paler than Olaf white geek show up at the door.
Redshirt
Good story, D”Brickashaw.
SonOfSpam
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Long Stick Midfielder. That was me in college.
What? No, I didn’t play lacrosse, why?
monty this seems strange to me
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I only need one more and I’ll have Octopussy
Dunstan
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Lots of people rushing to Nick Cannon’s defense. Might be a wacky day.
Gratliff
I haven’t seen this many Jews v. Cannon since the Six Day War
Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
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Found a funny:
cop: do you know why i pulled you over
me: arbitrarily exercising power over others helps you forget how powerless you feel in your own life
cop:
me: [pulling off mask to reveal im his therapist] we’ve talked about this
rockindog
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When did Scotchy get into the pillow business?
Sharkbait
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The great thing about working from home is that, when you don’t get a lot of sleep the night before, it’s pretty easy to disappear for a refreshing nap.
Horatio
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Loads of natural charm on that one. I bet his name is Wilfredo.
Don T
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Man, Balls is gonna have some sadness when Tiktok is inevitably shut down.
Senor Weaselo
He’s gonna be drained for sure.
scotchnaut
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Top Heavy was my fave James Bond movie villain.
scotchnaut
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found a funny:
dr frankenstein: it’s alive!
igor: great! what should we name him
dr frankenstein: uh we won’t
igor: idk might lead to some confusion
dr frankenstein: it will literally never come up
rockindog
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So I have to think Edmonton’s social media department is being flooded equally by American racists angry at changing the team name and Letterkenny fans suggesting they change it to Roughriders
Gratliff
I am sure Trevor Risk is involved in the Roughrider naming.
Litre_cola
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Here’s this week’s Balls’ Choice from Request Line:
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Thank you to everyone one for providing quality laughs and gifs/pics to look at. Have a good week, everyone!
Tire Guy: “Mr. Fozz you need new tires.”
Me: “Do you think I could drive from here to North Carolina and back with the old ones?”
Tire Guy: “You could, but I’m pretty sure part of that trip, you’d be walking to a gas station to get new tires.”
Me: “Go fuck yourself with a red hot tire iron, you pus-filled, tumor-eating cunt.”
Tire Guy: “So, can you bring it in tomorrow?”
Me: “Yes.”
I fucking hate being an adult.
Selling merch at the crucifixion. Fucking full on money right there.
NBCSN just played this – IN FULL – for the 2nd time (that I’ve seen). Up there with Jim Mora, really:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsKAoZ56QlM
Some things make the hell site worth the visit
That’s very good.
This guy served me a beer in St John’s Newfoundland, September 2019
Here’s the beer:
I knew you’d pick that one.
*Guessed.
This is one of the few reasons to look forward to a Monday!
I look forward to Mondays as the day that fucker Garfield is most likely to commit suicide, and I’ll be damned if I miss that.
*Don’t worry, the negligent fucker lived.
Kids are getting corrupted by Antifa at a younger and younger age smh
Bad news: Charles Guiteau already took care of him.
Like in a sex way?
Well, a load was shot, so sure.
We gets Everton Football Club this Monday!!!
/hey, is good news if a Team Knifey supporter
Fun fact: Everton is the brand of boxing gloves that Andy Reid used to wear.
Did his wife make him wear those to keep him from gorging at the buffet? Kind of like my wife puts my hands in cement so I can’t binge drink?