Eventual Balls Thoughts XXIII

It’s the start of another week. Hopefully you all had a good weekend. Congratulations to monty this seems strange to me for guessing correctly the hidden theme to Sexy Friday! There will be another hidden theme next Friday.

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The Week in DFO

Here are the things I read in DFO this week that reminded me how much I love this site:

I’M HERE HIPPO. I DON’T UNDERSTAND YOUR MOONMAN LANGUAGE BUT I LIKE SHOUTING.

monty this seems strange to me

***

Don’t know if I’ve seen another player score 4 in a game. Not that he’s being defended.

Fronkenshteen

Admit it, you and the Mrs. both think of Antonio during sexual congress

King Hippo

Our foreplay DOES involve her braiding my hair, now that you mention it.

Fronkenshteen

***

Would any of you be interested in starting a DFO podcast? I don’t know shit about production but I offer because I’m unionized and generally immune to being canceled.

Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show

And now over to Hippo for Gamblor’s KCKorner!

(Hippo passed out in an opioid coma)

OK and that was Hippo’s Gamblor’s KCKorner!

herodotus450

***

Pope frantically getting his hands on the ball as if it were an 8 year old choir boy

Wakezilla

***

Another positive case in my office. So the next two weeks are going to be fun.

Unsurprised

That syphilis is a bitch once it gets loose.

Horatio

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Found a funny:

ME: *whispering to date as symphony orchestra begins playing beethoven’s 5th* can you believe a dog wrote this

rockindog

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h/t Brick
h/t Litre_cola

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found a funny:

me: there were two controllers

firefighter holding my xbox: im not going back in

rockindog

***

h/t Moose

What are they avenging? Chastity?

Don T

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h/t Brick
h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose

***

Commentators just suggested that Harry Kane is frustrated at his lack of opportunities inside the box. I can relate.

Dunstan

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h/t Moose

***

h/t Moose

Fancy! Junque in the trunque.

Gumbygirl

You can camp on that back bumper

Game Time Decision

I need to say that to my lady friend. She might like it…

Balls

***

h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose

***

h/t Unsurprised

I keep telling that cat, Ross and Rachel WERE ON A BREAK!

Dunstan

***

Last I checked, Terry Bradshaw couldn’t spell “rape” even if you spotted him the r, the a and the ghb.

Beerguyrob

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h/t Moose

The Russian Woodpecker!

Col. Duke LaCross

***

h/t Dok Zymm
h/t Moose

***

Sláinte!

Boy did I feel dumb saying this to my Asian friends before I found out how it’s actually pronounced!

Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show

***

Can’t wait for my Harry Potter fanfic to drop “DeSean Jackson and the Prisoner of Farrakhan”

Now I originally had a one liner that was just “DeShoah Jackson” but I’ve matured.

Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show

***

EDIT: 1/6/86 was the 1st time I got drunk. Hey, you get a fake Dominican birth certificate for little league, stuff gets stuck in yer head.

Don T

***

Congrats on your baby penis!

Don’t you mean “baby’s” penis?

I said what I said.

SonOfSpam

***

Your kid failing to score with the woman who complimented him on his penis means he’s the reincarnation of Seamus. Congratulations on birthing the opposite of the Dalai Lama.

/but seriously congratulations.

//if any monks show up in Orioles colors, do not open the door.

Horatio

***

h/t Moose

***

I don’t have a horse in this race.

Monty, this is football, not horse racing.

Ok, I don’t have a dog in this fight.

No, not Michael Vick football. International football. You know, soccer.

Oh. Well I do have a sock. It’s under my bed but I promise you don’t want to see it.

Nobody said they wanted to see it, Monty.

It was implied.

What’s your exit strategy for this imaginary conversation?

I thought I would just … kind of… trail off…

monty this seems strange to me

***

h/t Moose
h/t Moose

***

My covid test came back negative; which was great.

Ants in the kitchen; not great.

Grilled baloney & cheese for dinner; it was great.

Can feel myself getting fatter; typical day.

Porky Prime

***

Before we celebrate Dan Snyder changing the name, let’s note that it didn’t take public perception or even common decency for him to do it. It took money. And he didn’t even fight for it. The instant the money was at risk, he folded like a house of cards.

Redshirt

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h/t Moose
h/t Viva La Tabula Raza
h/t Moose

***

Fuck, remember fighting the bad faith trolls on the Redacted’s name when KSK still fucking existed? I sure fucking do. Fuck them eternally, and somebody squash Dan Snyder like the tiny fucking dung beetle that he is.

Old School Zero

How’s your anus?

Brick

Bloody, festering, and absolutely in the depths of madness. I hope yours is faring better.

Old School Zero

***

h/t Brick

“I know you are. But what am I?”

Dunstan

***

Usually when an Eagle makes a mockery of six million, it involves a Freddie Mitchell contract.

Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show

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DeSean Goes to Auschwitz sounds like a Tyler Perry knockoff of the Ernest movies

Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show
Moose

***

h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose

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Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I call her Son Goku, because everyone is lending her their energy so she can survive to defeat the pink skinned blob monster threatening to kill us all.

Redshirt

***

Oh, dear God, that idiot’s gonna be a Senator?!

Redshirt

You have to narrow down the field a little more than that.

Viva La Tabula Raza

***

What if we fund an ad campaign and reassure Alabama voters that “Doug Jones” is white?

SonOfSpam

Good point. My name’s the flipside. My college roommates saw my nom de réalité and expected to see a black guy, only to see a skinny, paler than Olaf white geek show up at the door.

Redshirt

Good story, D”Brickashaw.

SonOfSpam

***

h/t Viva La Tabula Raza
h/t Moose
h/t Brick

***

Long Stick Midfielder. That was me in college.

What? No, I didn’t play lacrosse, why?

monty this seems strange to me

***

h/t Moose

I only need one more and I’ll have Octopussy

Dunstan

***

Lots of people rushing to Nick Cannon’s defense. Might be a wacky day.

Gratliff

I haven’t seen this many Jews v. Cannon since the Six Day War

Buddy Cole’s Halftime Show

***

h/t Moose

***

Found a funny:

cop: do you know why i pulled you over

me: arbitrarily exercising power over others helps you forget how powerless you feel in your own life

cop:

me: [pulling off mask to reveal im his therapist] we’ve talked about this

rockindog

***

h/t Moose
h/t Unsurprised

***

h/t Moose

When did Scotchy get into the pillow business?

Sharkbait

***

h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose

***

The great thing about working from home is that, when you don’t get a lot of sleep the night before, it’s pretty easy to disappear for a refreshing nap.

Horatio

***

h/t Moose

Loads of natural charm on that one. I bet his name is Wilfredo.

Don T

***

h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose

***

Man, Balls is gonna have some sadness when Tiktok is inevitably shut down.

Senor Weaselo

He’s gonna be drained for sure.

scotchnaut

***

h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose
h/t Moose

***

h/t Unsurprised

Top Heavy was my fave James Bond movie villain.

scotchnaut

***

found a funny:

dr frankenstein: it’s alive!

igor: great! what should we name him

dr frankenstein: uh we won’t

igor: idk might lead to some confusion

dr frankenstein: it will literally never come up

rockindog

***

h/t Moose

***

So I have to think Edmonton’s social media department is being flooded equally by American racists angry at changing the team name and Letterkenny fans suggesting they change it to Roughriders

Gratliff

I am sure Trevor Risk is involved in the Roughrider naming.

Litre_cola

***

h/t Moose
h/t Don T
h/t Unsurprised
h/t Unsurprised
h/t Unsurprised
h/t Moose
h/t Moose

***

Here’s this week’s Balls’ Choice from Request Line:

h/t SonOfSpam

***

Thank you to everyone one for providing quality laughs and gifs/pics to look at. Have a good week, everyone!

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ballsofsteelandfury
Balls somehow lost his bio and didn't realize it. He's now scrambling to write something clever and failing. He likes butts, boobs, most things that start with the letter B, and writing in the Second Person. Geelong, Toluca, Barcelona, and Steelers, in that order.
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jjfozz

Tire Guy: “Mr. Fozz you need new tires.”
Me: “Do you think I could drive from here to North Carolina and back with the old ones?”
Tire Guy: “You could, but I’m pretty sure part of that trip, you’d be walking to a gas station to get new tires.”
Me: “Go fuck yourself with a red hot tire iron, you pus-filled, tumor-eating cunt.”
Tire Guy: “So, can you bring it in tomorrow?”
Me: “Yes.”

I fucking hate being an adult.

jjfozz

Selling merch at the crucifixion. Fucking full on money right there.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

NBCSN just played this – IN FULL – for the 2nd time (that I’ve seen). Up there with Jim Mora, really:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsKAoZ56QlM

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Gratliff

Some things make the hell site worth the visit
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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

That’s very good.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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Brick Meathook

This guy served me a beer in St John’s Newfoundland, September 2019

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Brick Meathook

Here’s the beer:

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

I knew you’d pick that one.

*Guessed.

ArmedandHammered

This is one of the few reasons to look forward to a Monday!

Horatio Cornblower

I look forward to Mondays as the day that fucker Garfield is most likely to commit suicide, and I’ll be damned if I miss that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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*Don’t worry, the negligent fucker lived.

Gratliff

Kids are getting corrupted by Antifa at a younger and younger age smh

SonOfSpam

Bad news: Charles Guiteau already took care of him.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Like in a sex way?

SonOfSpam

Well, a load was shot, so sure.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

We gets Everton Football Club this Monday!!!

/hey, is good news if a Team Knifey supporter

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Fun fact: Everton is the brand of boxing gloves that Andy Reid used to wear.

jjfozz

Did his wife make him wear those to keep him from gorging at the buffet? Kind of like my wife puts my hands in cement so I can’t binge drink?