Your Thursday Night Football Open Thread

Welcome back! Let’s get Week 2 off to a slambang start! [looks at teams playing] Eh, you know, gut reaction tells me this tilt should be buried among a heavy slate of games on a Sunday afternoon but there’s enough here to slake my football thirst.

TO THE GAME!

Bengals/Browns:

-I said last week that the Browns should score a bunch but they ran head-first into a high quality opponent in the Ravens and were dominated on both sides of the ball. I get it, but the game-watcher in me says, “there’s so much freakin talent on this team“. I mean, they’ll put it together. Or is the goose* of Freddie Kitchens waddling the hallways of their practice facility?

-This thorough ineptitude has led to speculation, some warranted, some not. Chucklefarts at ESPN have said that Baker might get benched. For Case Keenum? After two games? (if he doesn’t play well tonight) C’mon, that’s tantamount to giving up on the season, isn’t it? The rumour that might have some legitimacy is OBJ being shopped around. He’s not shy about shooting his mouth off/throwing bizarre tantrums and who knows what’s happening in the locker room?

-Three starters on the Browns O-line are banged up as well and two cb’s are done for. On the Cincy side, Geno Atkins and his backup are out tonight. There might be some early, sloppy play to start the game.

-Burrow was a respectable (given the circumstances) 23/36 and ran one in. I heard a nay-sayer cluck that he missed on all 5 of the deep balls he threw which is ‘not a good sign’. If memory serves, two of those balls went through the pinkies of John Brown, one being a sure td. It looks as though A.J. Green is all the way back so that’s nice-he and Boyd and Mixon should be able to do some damage.

-I guess Cleveland really needs this one, or their fans do, otherwise the refrains of ‘same old Browns’ will rain down on the heads of all that young talent. The Bengals? 0-2 is kinda expected right now so not a big deal. I’m cheering for chaos so GO CINCY!

Have at it in the comments.

*Kitchens tried to be a ghost and messed it up, as is his way.

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JustStopDude

Um Joe…you ain’t Lamar.

You gonna be a couple inches shorter if you keep taking power slams like that.

Unsurprised
Mr. Ayo

Holy shit.

Game Time Decision

interesting choice of footwear

jjfozz

Whelp brothers, and sisters, 99% sure the furlough is gonna go to a full on lay off.

It’s weird I was expecting it, but still bummed.

Anyway, getting blind drunk tomorrow night.

litre_cola

Shitty to hear dude. Please don’t get thrown in jail.

jjfozz

I’ll be drinking in my neighborhood, so it’s a safe place.

JustStopDude

Besides, if you gonna get locked up, you wanna do prison, not jail.

Prison got programs, a library, and a yard. Jail fucking sucks.

Doktor Zymm

Fingers crossed you’ll quickly find a new, awesome job.

Sharkbait

That fucking sucks

jjfozz

I kind of feel used and abandoned, which is probably payback from my college days.

Sharkbait

Pro ranked choice vote ad in MA

YES on 2!!

King Hippo

Ranked choice is the way, the truth, and the light.

Doktor Zymm

It’s the way of the future! Hopefully we’re moving away from the 2 party system as a country

litre_cola

3 party plus fringe is pretty good too be honest.

King Hippo

be nice to make politicians have to build coalitions and actually TRY TO SOLVE PROBLEMS AGAIN.

King Hippo

at least my opponent has no #ThePauls in the lineup, and this means Burrow keeps throwing

Doktor Zymm

That was solid, Browns doing a good!

Sharkbait

Solid browns? Where?!
–OBJ

JustStopDude

Oh please zoom in on OBJ pouting on the sideline because he didn’t get three passes that series to drop.

Mr. Ayo

All nationally televised NFL games are streaming on yahoo.com if you change your mind.

Mr. Ayo

That is a much better use of your time.

herodotus450

Fun fact: an abnormally large, and unexplained, percentage of first born children are left handed. WEERD.

King Hippo

NOT ME, right-handed like God and Jeebus ordained

Viva La Tabula Raza

There’s a reason that latin for “left” is sinistra.

Doktor Zymm

I’m an only child, and while not fully ambidextrous I’m much better with my left hand than most right handed people are

King Hippo

I can do almost no “fine motor” lefty but I do have this awesome trick tennis shot where (if I can’t reach for a backhand) I flip the racquet into my left and stab at it.

It’s really de-motivating to the opponent when this goes in (about one time in three)

Doktor Zymm

Nice! I tried playing tennis lefty a few times, it actually really helped my backhand since using my stronger arm as my off hand highlighted the role the second hand has in a two handed backhand. Can’t serve lefty at all though

Viva La Tabula Raza

I’m first/only. Left eye dominant, so I do all two-hand things like shooting pool, rifle, bow and arrow left handed. But everything else I do right handed. My mom is the oldest and is a lefty.

JustStopDude

Fun Browns Fact: the orange color for the pants were selected as they help hide the staph infections.

Senor Weaselo

I gotta check the family tree that my grandfather keeps to see how many generations of firstborns I go.

JustStopDude

Now is the perfect time for OBJ to give up on a route and give up a pick six.

litre_cola

I have ML on the Burrowses tonight, can I cash in now?

King Hippo

I would have done, but my pretend moneys haven’t cleared yet. Sabado morn, though…

Doktor Zymm

This is probably the only Orange Bowl we’re gonna get this year

King Hippo

BANNER THIS PLS

Redshirt

Our kicker was able to take three steps and kick. Progress.

JustStopDude

3-0. Insurmountable lead.

I’m going to go drink in my garage and punch the drywall.

King Hippo

I wonder how much Subway had to pay Grumblelord to say that many words.

Beerguyrob

He was paid in Brazzers “MYLF” coupons.

Doktor Zymm

I suspect it’s dubbed

JustStopDude

Based on this series, I am no longer impressed by the Ravens performance last Sunday.

Apparently anyone can move the ball against the Browns.

Last edited 4 years ago by JustStopDude
Dunstan

Ah, Browns-Bengals. The “Herp meets Derp” Bowl.

Sharkbait

The stoppable force meets the movable object

JustStopDude

Let’s take a moment to appreciate those 6000 fans hoping their Browns.

King Hippo

If we made a #ThePauls t-shirt, how many would you buy??

JustStopDude

Much like my online porn fetishes, I refuse to share my Browns fandom in public.

King Hippo

SEE FOLKS, this is how one PROPERLY SELF SHAMES.

King Hippo

He needs to keep on that read option. Walk into the end zone.

JustStopDude

A stop on 3rd! A stop on 3rd!!!!

King Hippo

it’s NO FARE, your coach woulda punted

King Hippo

Righteous! Good on ya, OKC Bomber, Jr.

JustStopDude

The Browns are better than a bye. They are going to make this kid look like a world beater.

JustStopDude

A successful challenge. That is legit our Superbowl.

Let’s have another parade.

King Hippo

#FlagsFlyForever

King Hippo

a fight sure would be nifty

JustStopDude

Refs in mid season form. Covid or not, it’s refreshing we still don’t know what a fucking catch is.

JustStopDude

This is preseason week two right? This doesn’t count like last week?

Mr. Ayo

CLE/CIN? I didn’t realize MACtion was back.

King Hippo

HAWT MACtion

King Hippo

tell your liver to MAN UP and stop its bitching smh

King Hippo

One foot, no knees. Can see how the ref was all confused there.

herodotus450

This guy is going to cause a future we’re all ruled by cruel, left-handed overlords

JustStopDude

One day we will have our righteous cleansing of the rightists.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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King Hippo

Debating Laserface v. Burrow in fantasy. If only I could ask someboooodddday?

TheRevanchist

Can you really rely on Mud-Butt-Flows Rivers to deliver anything but a floater?

litre_cola

Go with the rook! Make tonight moar interessin.

King Hippo

SIGH. I am indeed leaning that way. Hey, I already have Beatie Mixon. Might as well wrap up my inevitable loss early.

clint greasewood

Check the waiver wire.

King Hippo

12-team League. Is where I got Laserface.

As told to Litre earlier, I have this week’s Rotowire’s #12 (Teddy Ballgame), 13 (Burrow), 14 (Laserface), and 16 (The Ben).

This can only possibly end poorly.

clint greasewood

ouch

TheRevanchist

 the Browns O-line are banged”

You fucking know it!

Beerguyrob

“Amateurs”

— Rex Grossman

Gratliff

It was 85 degrees yesterday. I just turned the heat on for the first time this season as we’re going into the 30’s tonight. Wonder if the planet is still under warranty.

Sharkbait

This is fine.

WCS

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Viva La Tabula Raza

Warranty voided by unauthorized modifications.

Gratliff

Didn’t realize John Deere acquired the Earth

Viva La Tabula Raza

Ask the farmers that aren’t allowed to work on their tractors about John Deere.

Gratliff

Oh yes, that’s very much what I was referencing. Still remember back in the late 90’s/early 2000’s when us nerds were screaming about how the implications of the DMCA could eventually lead to people not even being allowed to fix their own vehicles. We were all ignored as will happen, and lo and behold, here we are.

Sharkbait

At least without fans, this can’t happen again:
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Last edited 4 years ago by Sharkbait
Beerguyrob

“Ama-toors” (English accent)
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Redshirt

If the Bengals second half o-line from Sunday shows up, Cincy wins in a shootout. If the Bengals first half o-line shows up, the Mistake by the Lake reigns supreme tonight.

Redshirt

Showed flashes of real potential but also showed that he’s a rookie quarterback making his first start with no preseason. Panicked for one drive in the fourth quarter but regrouped for the last Drive.

Unlike Dalton he’s not afraid to make tough throws.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Wuerffel?

King Hippo

My cat (son Kruger) seems to like the “Lift Every Voice” song, so I guess he’s an Antifa Libtard Turrorist smgdh

jjfozz

I want to see the OBJ meltdown my sons and I were hoping to see during the Ravens game.

I mean, he may lose his shit…

litre_cola

I was so hungover/still drunk that I forgot to sub out Miles Sanders Sunday morning and Rev beat me by a small amount.

litre_cola

Yes but it was in the Rockies so the air was fresh, that and Mrs. Cola wasn’t there so it doesn’t count!

Game Time Decision

Booooooo

Sharkbait

Where is Hippo? Football Manager is free on Epic Games and I need to know how to not Levy the virtual Spurs

King Hippo

Present!

Sharkbait

How steep is the learning curve?

King Hippo

You catch on pretty fast. I got fired my first try (in Season One), took a lesser job (sucked there too)….then re-booted.

Buy younger players. Stay reasonably deep at both fullback slots (especially when in Europe). Don’t loan out as many people as your staff “recommends.”

Clear out your dressing room cunts.

Sharkbait

Clean put my dressing room cunts huh?

What’s Portuguese for Pack your shit Jose?

Gratliff

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herodotus450

It looks like they forgot to label that vertical line on the left with “Dwarf Fortress”

litre_cola

Free? Tell me more.

Sharkbait
Gratliff

I don’t know what it is with Michigan but it had the first case of a child under 12 dying of COVID, and now the first infant. Almost makes me wonder if there’s some slight mutation to it up here. Of course, the pressure to compel in-person school mounts by the day while things continue to reopen even though the numbers are getting worse. But hey. Big 10 football! (unending wanking motion) It’s not just how stupid things are, but also how consistent the stupidity is.

Sharkbait

Must be something in the water.

ballsofsteelandfury

And you also have killer mosquitoes, as I read…

Gratliff

Equine encephalitis something or other that humans can catch from them. They’ve been spraying for them like crazy the last week or so. They also spotted dagger moth caterpillars a few miles from here. Send help.

herodotus450

I just mix up a big bowl of bleach and ammonia when I see a fly near my booze; works everytim!

litre_cola

I have eaten a lot of thc gummies for this game. I forgot that i took them the 1st time. This will be fun.

WCS

Earlier today, wifey took Lil’ WCS to preschool, and then went to run some errands. During my usual late morning/early afternoon poo break, I noticed Lil’er WCS suddenly went quiet. When I finished, I walked into the living room to see she got into can of Ovaltine. Chocolate powder EVERYWHERE.

Later, Lil’ WCS quite literally shit her pants, despite my continuous questions if she needed to go potty. I had to throw the underwear away.

And people ask why I drink so much.

Gratliff

Just hardest possible pass on this game. Gonna keep working through the last few months of NJPW in preparation for the G1 that starts on Saturday.
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rockingdog

also thow da ball to AJ Green silly

rockingdog

found a funny:

oh so you rich guys throw the water out after you boil hotdogs. too good for hotdog soup. too good to dab the soup on your wrists like colog

ballsofsteelandfury

I’m ready to watch the train wreck!

Unsurprised

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Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

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