Your “Brother, Can You Spare a Hamstring?” Sunday Early Slate NFL Football Open Thread

We saw all these ‘soft tissue’ injuries coming, didn’t we? The rush to play combined with the lack of proper preparation led us here. Thing is, are there more injuries than a usual-season first week? I don’t have that answer but if someone comes up with it and the answer is ‘less’, The Shield shall crow it from the mountaintops.

TO THE GAMES!

Bills/Fins:

Buffalo’s Edmunds and Milano-two starting lbs, are out of commission and another backup is as well. Some guys from the practice squad have been engaged but look for heavy safety looks today. Miami’s secondary is looking good but the D as a whole only got 4 pressuses on Cam last week. That means good things for Allen if he can limit his tendency towards bone-headed turnovers.

Niners/Jets:

San Franny is all kinds of banged up but will it matter? Because you see, Adam Gase got his dream backfield of Gore/Ballage once again. Does the guy have Hypotoad capabilities? I’ve looked at all other options and this is the conclusion I’ve come to.

Broncs/Steelers:

Rb Conner is ready and raring to go after much teeth-gnashing by the fandom earlier in the week. Expect this cycle to repeat itself often this year. No worries though, Snell Jr filled in with a healthy 5.9 ypa and 2.89 yards after contact. That said, the Denver run D is a whole nother kettle of ponies.

Vikes/Colts:

You know what they say, “You can take the serial baby-maker out of LA but you can’t make him pass to his wr’s”. Of his 36 noodly appendage passes, 50% were to his rbs.

Jags/Titans:

Tennessee should roll as long as they can find Laviska Shenault. The ‘supposed’ wr played out wide, in the slot, at te, at rb and even had one down at qb. That’s interesting stuff.

Falcons/Cowboys:

Atlanta refused to address their lousy secondary during the offseason and paid the price yet again last week. They allowed the 8th most fantasy points to receivers but I think they can do even better vs. Cooper, Gallup and Lamb-maybe 2nd or 3rd most?

Rams/Eagles:

Philly’s glad to get Sanders back at back because Boston Scott got all of 35 yards on the ground last week. Fantasy deep-sleeper! Pshaw, I say.

Giants/Bears:

Call me a dumb Giants fan but I think Saquon flashes here. Y’all thinking, ‘but Bears D’ and I hear ya but they gave up almost 100 yards to AP and Swift would have had 4 catches and a TD if not for that egregious drop in the end zone last week. Bears sorta escaped that game.

Lions/Packers:

Rodgers had a 96 PFF grade last week, his highest in more than a decade. Did a trainer say something nice about his mom or something?

Panthers/Bucs:

This is Brady’s ‘get right’ game, right? But Godwin is out and Carolina looked functional last week. Don’t take the 9.5 spread but you may want to play Scotty Miller-he’s smallish but grabbed all 5 of his targets for 73 yards last week.

Go get ’em.

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
535 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Spur

McCarthy needs to go NOW

hippofant

I dunno, I kinda like the uniqueness of his “drop the ball’ offensive strategy.

Doktor Zymm

I can’t wait till Thanksgiving. I will be watching all the games from a fancy beach resort in Cabo, that’s also less than an hour from the Old Town and walking distance to a swimmable beach.

JustStopDude

Say what you will, Big Ben never stops.

You can plead, beg, and bang on that bathroom door for help, he ain’t stopping.

King Hippo

HARF, The Ben is playing fun game, pew pew

Gratliff

Holy shit. 17-0 with 4 minutes to go in the first?

Gratliff

Pretty sure we’re all seeing this with our favorite teams. It’s impressive really.

Gratliff

I do not understand how Arcega-Whiteside is as bad as he is. I’m glad they were able to get Agholor’s replacement in the second round last year

King Hippo

OK, fantasy FITBAW. I gives up.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Daniel Jones playing like Bob Jones

Spur

At least Barkley will have all the time he wants to play Cyberpunk 2077 now.

Doktor Zymm

Looking like last week was just a warmup for injuries…

Gatoraids

They put barkley in again after being injured the previous play. Giants acquired the redacteds med staff in the off season

bk109

You mean elbow, right? The one that popped or he got extra ded?

Mr. Ayo

Extra ded.

bk109

Yeah, I just saw it on RedZone…wow, back to back ded’s …

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Um, sorry, scotchy

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Aim higher, car

ArmedandHammered

She charges extra for that.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

If that scene was filmed in Nevada the VW cannot be prosecuted.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gatoraids

Dallas trying this new wear our the other teams offense strategy

Gratliff

The offense they’re wearing out is the Giants

ArmedandHammered

Rivers delivers an a premature interception at the goal line, he must be getting old as he used to be able to hold out till the 4th quarter for those.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Or at least until Tiffany took off her shoulder pads

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

They are now on her knees.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I wasn’t aware that delivering something prematurely was an issue in the Rivers’ family, but I guess when the numbers game gets that big, things will happen.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

That first quarter flew by and I’m not even near Hippo’s pill stash

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

I gotta be honest, I can’t pretend to have a whole lot of interest in the NFL this season.

But I <i>can</i> pretend to have <i>some</i> interest in the NFL this season. So who’s going to be good this year? The Jets? The Bengals?

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Keep guessing

Doktor Zymm

Orthopedic surgeons are the real winners

JustStopDude

Miami just blinked out of existence. Then entire city.

2020 sucks.

Doktor Zymm

It’s too bad that body parts aren’t interchangeable like on Mr. Potato head. Although as long as Mustard has two good legs SC is probably okay

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Gratliff

jfc

JustStopDude

It’s not fair that Miami doesn’t have to follow Covid restrictions and let in the usual number of fans for a home game.

Spur

Am calling to see if they will see me now to get the dogs nails cut. Fuck this shit.

Gratliff

I’m not comfortable in a reality where the slurs are the only competent NFC East team

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Doktor Zymm

Define ‘competent’

Spur

Fucking Cowboys. I hate my fucking team. I wish Double would die already. Fucker is going to live until he’s 200

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Good enough: the Chicago Way

BrettFavresColonoscopy

When an announcer uses a word like “plaudits” you know they’re tumescent

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

JustStopDude

Last time I did a job in NYC, my back was killing me so I went to a massage parlor. I had to argue with the woman I was there for just a massage and did not want the happy ending.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

Prolly just used to when the P*ts are in town.

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

comment image

Spur

Dallas doesn’t want to play offense today. KILL McCarthy!

Gratliff

MOAR BUBBLE SCREENS

King Hippo

Also, Chelski…you had ONE JERB

Moose -The End Is Well Nigh

You know can watch Donks?

Gratliff

Fletcher Cox is definitely a player the Eagles can afford to lose

Doktor Zymm

What the hell!? Who stocked the Santa Clara fridge with MALK?

Doktor Zymm

comment image

Second injury TO in the last 15 seconds or so

Doktor Zymm

Damn, Bosa is down a leg

Spur

Nick Bosa’s legs turned into spaghetti

BrettFavresColonoscopy

MAKE HIS LEGS GREAT AGAIN

King Hippo

PUT IN HINES, MOTHERFUCKER

Gratliff

Jeff Driskell imminent

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THIS GUY KYLE FULLER I CALL HIM DADDY BECAUSE HE’S SLAPPING AROUND BALLS

King Hippo

BrokebackDOWN

Spur

When you have no expectations, disappoint isnt so hard a bite.

King Hippo

Sigh. Sad Donks.

Spur

Dallas is not gonna have a fun year

Spur

FIngers crossed!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

You can’t blame Daniel Jones for following in Eli’s footsteps and being a turnover machine

Gratliff

My favorite Eli moment was the night game against Philly when he broke off a long scramble during an all-out blitz, fell forward untouched down the field, and fumbled the ball away

Fronkenshteen

The footsteps Eli heard have followed in the footsteps of the footsteps Daniel is hearing. I’m high.

Doktor Zymm

I really should try to care about SF, since I live here and don’t really have a team at the moment, but I’m not sure I know how to support a team that appears to be competently run

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Can we call them Santa Clara Football Team?

Doktor Zymm

Absolutely!

King Hippo

Also took GB in all my Survivor pools, so today looking just peachy

Beerguyrob

Cooking the breakfast bacon on the barbecue. Bonus: The flames are killing all the moths!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

IS THAT BUDDY’S MUSIC?