We saw all these ‘soft tissue’ injuries coming, didn’t we? The rush to play combined with the lack of proper preparation led us here. Thing is, are there more injuries than a usual-season first week? I don’t have that answer but if someone comes up with it and the answer is ‘less’, The Shield shall crow it from the mountaintops.
TO THE GAMES!
Bills/Fins:
Buffalo’s Edmunds and Milano-two starting lbs, are out of commission and another backup is as well. Some guys from the practice squad have been engaged but look for heavy safety looks today. Miami’s secondary is looking good but the D as a whole only got 4 pressuses on Cam last week. That means good things for Allen if he can limit his tendency towards bone-headed turnovers.
Niners/Jets:
San Franny is all kinds of banged up but will it matter? Because you see, Adam Gase got his dream backfield of Gore/Ballage once again. Does the guy have Hypotoad capabilities? I’ve looked at all other options and this is the conclusion I’ve come to.
Broncs/Steelers:
Rb Conner is ready and raring to go after much teeth-gnashing by the fandom earlier in the week. Expect this cycle to repeat itself often this year. No worries though, Snell Jr filled in with a healthy 5.9 ypa and 2.89 yards after contact. That said, the Denver run D is a whole nother kettle of ponies.
Vikes/Colts:
You know what they say, “You can take the serial baby-maker out of LA but you can’t make him pass to his wr’s”. Of his 36 noodly appendage passes, 50% were to his rbs.
Jags/Titans:
Tennessee should roll as long as they can find Laviska Shenault. The ‘supposed’ wr played out wide, in the slot, at te, at rb and even had one down at qb. That’s interesting stuff.
Falcons/Cowboys:
Atlanta refused to address their lousy secondary during the offseason and paid the price yet again last week. They allowed the 8th most fantasy points to receivers but I think they can do even better vs. Cooper, Gallup and Lamb-maybe 2nd or 3rd most?
Rams/Eagles:
Philly’s glad to get Sanders back at back because Boston Scott got all of 35 yards on the ground last week. Fantasy deep-sleeper! Pshaw, I say.
Giants/Bears:
Call me a dumb Giants fan but I think Saquon flashes here. Y’all thinking, ‘but Bears D’ and I hear ya but they gave up almost 100 yards to AP and Swift would have had 4 catches and a TD if not for that egregious drop in the end zone last week. Bears sorta escaped that game.
Lions/Packers:
Rodgers had a 96 PFF grade last week, his highest in more than a decade. Did a trainer say something nice about his mom or something?
Panthers/Bucs:
This is Brady’s ‘get right’ game, right? But Godwin is out and Carolina looked functional last week. Don’t take the 9.5 spread but you may want to play Scotty Miller-he’s smallish but grabbed all 5 of his targets for 73 yards last week.
Go get ’em.
DrowningPool gets a TD
Good Canadian boy
This might not be Los Gigantes’ year
EAGLES DID A THING
The NFL’s golf carts are putting in so many extra miles that State Farm just upped their insurance premiums
Gonna become one of those guys who just harasses Chris Long to come out of retirement on Twitter
Thank you, king
Touchdown nullified by a bullshit call? Watch this bitch!
Woo! picked Tampa to win and Jets to lose in survivor pools.
How’s everybody doing? Last night I got too high and bought a replica of John Hammond’s cane from Jurassic Park. Go Bengals
Mccaffrey just carted off with a goiter
GOD BLESS BLEERGH
You’re gonna have to be more specific-bleergh is ruling the day so far.
Brought back punt return TD. 85-yard bomb on first play after the reprieve.
Chinese knock off fleshlight?
that fish has no idea what’s in store for him
Remember that Mr. Show bit? Yep, before I die, I’m gon’ fuck me a fish
Best pass so far for the Bucs made by Fournette.
Sweet.
Afternoon lizard people. Once again, will New Jersey win 8 games this year?
Combined between Gints and Jets?
No
Judge Jeudy ded now. I AM GONNA RUN OUT OF PILLZ AT THIS RATE
That’s just the Ginger Hammer punishing you for your disparaging comments on the buffalol/dedfins game… Be careful or the next punishment is “Elway becomes your new coach” button
cake or death?
I don’t think the Panthers are gonna win a game this year
#FreeHuey
Dak Garbage time starts early
Eagles lose another O-line player, so fuck
Cowboys getting hopes up to crush them in a painful late collapse
Kid Durable strikes again!
Zeke really wants to fumble. I can feel it
YOU SHUT YOUR WHORE MOUTH
Did Mike Gallup get fat? Why can’t he get open this year?
he got on Hippo’s fantasy roster
Shit, the announcers just called Frank Gore an alien. Now ICE will be waiting outside the stadium after the game
A Trump ad in California? That’s smart spending!
California is pretty tight wing as soon as one leaves the LA, San Fran, etc areas.
Fuck inland empire area, the rich are allowed to hunt the poor for sport.
Doesn’t matter population-wise though. You get Reps like Nunes (who hasn’t sued anymore livestock recently afaik) but there’s no chance for Prez or Senate
It’s gotta just be spite, making us look at his stupid face
my guess (especially with one on NYG/CHI broadcast too) is that you don’t get to pick individual games for ad buy
If you can’t pick the market it’s airing in, then that’s actually worse, there’s no excuse for untargeted ad spend nowadays.
Reagor on concussion protocol
Frank Gore facing his old team, San Francisco (Frisco to the locals) and well, folks, he’s been in the league so long all of his former teammates are in the stands watching their kids play now!
What else, what else…
Miami-Buffalo is back.
OH THANK CHRIST I MISSED IT SO MUCH
Donks don’t have a 3rd QB, so we could get that MNF-redux when a third down back (NFC East game) played most of the 2nd half at QB. Brian Mitchell, maybe??
Can get one out of the stands
The cardboard cutout shit is stupid..
It has the potential for being humorous, but the bosses will quash that. The only thing to hope for it the legal proceedings following the unauthorized usage of a famous person’s image.
Hey Moose-y, are you also Reacting Reasonably to the death of Horse Cock Lock?
Throw it to Ertz you stupid redneck.
Ertz don’t it?
Bills/Fins isn’t showing because the game’s been relatively injury-free.
Not at all true, the signal from the stadium pulled a hamstring, so it’s questionable to return at this point 😀
Makes sense, Buffalo are land mammals so the Bills don’t know how to deploy tuna nets
Oh for fucks sake, can we please go 3 plays in a row without the medical staff having to come out? At this point the EMTs are gonna start getting overuse injuries
If Josh Allen throws a TD to Stefon Diggs does anybody see it?
In the forest.
I just sing-sang (FOAR Cancer Boy Conner) “Come with me if you want to live!” and now I really wants a Terminator musical.
Yeah, it’s statements like that from people like you that we ended with Dank Fate and Genishyt … Also “what the fuck is a Jeff Driscoll” ?
Slightly less fucktarded Tebow?
How ass is Wentz?
He’s more Chicken than Eagle
How ass is now
7/10, 68 yards. They’re all drops, though. This time, it’s the other players fucking it up.
Don’t mess up the hate narrative with facts!
Dat ass tho.
The Kardashians are thinking of suing for trademark infringement.
This is good.
“Gore never misses a hole, he still hits it like he’s 22 years old”
This Cowboys team is gonna make Aldon Smith start drinking
“Everyone.”
-Folks featured in the banner pic
I don’t get that pokemon shit.
mom pokers.
I actually think that is from Golden Boy.
It is. Pokemon has slightly less nipples.
Just saw my first Trump ad of the day during Chi-NYG. Fuck that shit.
The Dallas coaching carousel is doing more for Jimmy Johnson than Extenze ever ddi
Bosa waved off that first cart because it was being driven by an Indian. Normal behavior for him, though for some reason he had to point out it was “dot, not feather.”
Eagles beatdown softens the Dallas ass whipping.
The derp-off comes in Week 8
/will still get national teevee
Merril Reese: “The cardboard cutouts are booing.”
Time to scrap the playbook and start doing wacky shit. At least make it entertaining.
Methinks I wrote the RRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! obituary way too quick
Whelp, at this rate instead of covid, the NFL season will end because the teams cannot field a full roster.
Did Montgomery land on his head? What the fuck
Jordan Reed! Look at him being successful in two different Kylie Shanny offences!
Shhhhh. Accepting compliments instantly puts him in the Protocols of Concussion.