A special/limited edition Pepsi can goes to the winner! That strikes me as a half-decent marketing gimmick-good job soul-less international corporation.
I wasn’t too happy drafting 5th in a couple of leagues this year but it turns out it was one of a few sweet spots this year considering who has gone down to injury. You weren’t high enough to grab Saquon/McCaffrey and not low enough to be enticed by Thomas. Sometimes the sun shines on this old man’s arsehole.
TO THE GAME!
Fins/Jags:
-The Jags are the youngest team in the league at 24.9 years. If Miami didn’t have Fitz they would be the youngest. That tends to happen when you jettison all your assets for draft picks I guess.
-The Fins are without wins this year but not by design so there’s a bit of grumbling amongst the faithful. But last week’s game was going fine until cb Byron Jones went down and was replaced by the youngest player in the league (wish me luck spelling this) last of the first rounder’s cb Igbinoghene. Diggs went a-feasting and the game turned. Sometimes it’s that simple.
-You do want to keep an eye out for 6’1″, 230 pound rook “plays all the skill positions” Laviska Shenault though. He’s an entertaining player that runs in a violent fashion and he gets the ball all over the field. His problem in college was staying healthy and so far so good.
-The over/under on this is 49 and the Jags can’t pressure the qb yet and Miami gives up the most yards per play two weeks in.
-Minshew has been exceptionally efficient with a 75% completion rate, a 7.9 yards per attempt and 6 TD’s to boot. His only two interceptions came on a batted pass at the line of scrimmage and rook wr trying to catch a pass that was not meant for him.
-Fantasy sweetheart come-lately is UDFA rb James Robinson who had 120 combined yards and a score. Good for him.
Well, that was my best effort to make this game look good. I actually do think it will be entertaining however. Go get ’em!
I have discovered jalapeno pickled eggs. They are fucking awesome.
Hope you live alone for the sake of others
My advice to Litre? Was LOLfins moneyline
Twas, and followed.
Rule 2. Always bet on Jorge Wilstermann is Sud Americana futbol.
Jakeem Grant is quick. (Please don’t let Howard Cosell weigh in)
Look…I am all for BLM, but can we please acknowledge that a shit ton of suburban kids have come into black communities and destroyed shit?
Also, how many more times is Portland City Hall going to be sacked? We are on something like day 200 of rioting. Portland doesn’t even allow black people to own property in that fucking city.
I want to agree. However, there are enough people I know secondhand who work at the justice center and hate it because they are under siege, and whom I hate, that I am ambivalent.
Its hilarious, in the way you have to laugh or you will scream, how all along east lake street in Minneapolis, every single black own business was hit by rioters, but the hipster bars managed to not be touched.
Or how the Chaz self defense force managed to murder more young brothers in two weeks than the Portland PD in over 50 years.
As an African American, I really get uncomfortable when white people create roving justice mobs…given American history.
Portland replaced the black people with BLM posters.
Nice move by my player* Robinson!
*My player whom I was unaware of, existence-wise until a couple weeks ago.
The joke is, ‘here’s to you, player Robinson’
Fucker. The website crashed on me, or I would have nominated him for $2 as my last auction nomination.
/Spam had #1 waiver priority after Week 1, I got Gaskin #2 at least
It’s ok, Gaskin looked good slamming into the line 3 times in a row.
TRUE Hippo Story! In the Year of Our Lord 2019, I lost a fantasy matchup to a guy who started two dudes on bye.
I considered this my rock bottom, except that I kept getting worse at everything.
*except pill refilling
Sounds like code for: you had a fantasy about two bi dudes and you were getting rocked as a bottom?
Those dude’s shoulders? To die for!!!
I really despise my dreaming mind. Es verdad.
Crisco for Santa’s asshole.
That’s not Jordan Howard
Oh yeah, who scored first?
Dammit. Scotchy has Preston Williams. And I’m sure he started him against me instead of keeping Kirk in his lineup.
He did not!
Spend more time studyin and less time stabbin.
It’s okay. I think Taylor is gonna go totally bananas this week. Like ‘game winner’ bananas.
He might!
Of course I can has no Gaskin TD
Troy…you can’t recall where your car keys are, the names of your kids, or who put your pants on.
How many people have the turf taken out this year? This is starting to enter horror film territory?
I have not waxed.
Public service announcement: leave moving to the young folks. This shit seriously sucks. Stupid fucking stairs.
My octogenarian parents recently sold their ranch and bought a smaller place in Kerrville. Due to my foot I have not been able to help them move, but was happy to hear that they actually hired a moving crew for all the large stuff..
Guess who started Gaskin in his money league??
/yes I am 0-2 y due u ask
Rhymes with “Gas Can”.
Why did my opponent start Lambo, who is currently on IR? Is he generous or stupid or both?
Also, he is starting Minshew and Shenault. As is a different opponent in a different money league. Times are strange.
Shenault y Robinson in DFO/no moneys league. I was just bored.
I love fucking around in non-moneys leagues. SWING FOR THE FENCE!
derp
STORNG TAEK!
Maybe the beard is part of Witness Protection.
Hey
The only professional football teams in Florida should be in the NCAA.
“He has a fantastic mustache. We’ll get into that later.”
Oh my, a delightful teaser. Can’t wait, Erin.
perverted overactive imagination engages
“Did I say into? I meant ‘on to’.”
-Erin
“Pfft. Punk.”
Fitzmagic time!
FuMinshew vs. Harvard Hobo
Scotchy, in Hippos lge do you have any Fins or Jags, I am too lazy to look.
Nopers.
2020 in GIF form. Looks like Sean Young on the outside, but its crazy with Sean Young and it has an unexpected surprise that will either cause to run and hide or make a quick judgment call..
Fitzpatrick has turned full hipster.
Sweep the leg.
I’ve been keeping my beard trimmed for the last 9 months while stuck at home, once every two weeks or so. Coming up on time to do it again, and the thought crossed my mind that I should grow out a big old ZZ Top masterpiece. But seeing Fitz’s interview, I think I’ll charge up the trimmer tonight.
Video Game Update (because the Real World sucks ass): After numerous (honestly lost count) trial and error efforts, I was able to find a way to NOT be drafted by the Miami Dolphins in Madden NFL 20. In retrospect, its now seems obvious that being barely adequate in the College Playoffs and then simultaneously sucking/blowing in the Combine would guarantee Cincinnati taking you in the 4th Round. Either way, being taken by the Bengals means I was able to complete the Redshirt NFL Revenge Tour and completely murderdeathkill every team I faced. True, it was on Rookie, but this wasn’t for sport; this was therapy
And I don’t have to ever think about the Miami Dolphins again.
(turns on Thursday Night Football game)
Aw, shit.
In hindsight I have too much money on this game.
/thats what you get textin Hippo
Are we coloUr rushing this or what?
Hope Julio takes this week off so Ridley can score another 2 TD’s.
MOXIE!!! Drink!
I’m not entirely sure, but I think Michael Irvin might be completely shitfaced.
Given past performance, more likely coked to the gills.
Hookers and blow!
Deep cut joke? That’s barely a small incision, joke-wise.
By saying it is just for the ladies is very limiting. It should be for everyone who wants to enjoy .
Seriously, I’m a huge fan of waxy, gelatinous backgrounds.
That’s a jizz wall
Dang, I thought that was 10ml semi-opaque plastic dropcloth.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbiGS65gigY&pp=QAA%3D
Lemonjello: Borble!
“THE POOL WAS DAMN COLD, ALRIGHT!!”
UK commentary FTW
The fact that NFL Network’s hype for this game revolves mostly around QB facial hair tells you all you need to know about the quality of football to which we are going to be treated tonight.
Wil we watch? HAIL GAMBLOR WE WILL.
Y’all taking the over?
Jags -3 and Jordan Howard first TD at +1800
Minshew is very obviously expanding his skill set and no one is talking about it.
With you on the Jags to cover. Pays out like 5-2.
Nope. Under this week.
An anti-masker (who was wearing a mask) was trying to convert me in the coffee shop today. I was way too polite.
Anti-Masker: [wears a mask]
Moose: [can’t compute]
I like to imagine a vaporization was involved.
So I was ordering coffee and he asks me what I thought of this “mask nonsence” I said something about science then he asked if I’ve heard of a British “doctor” who does stupid YouTube videos and I just said I don’t need to waste time on that shit or some such.
“mask nonsence”
Was he a Brit?
Another typo, sorry.
As this guy Moose would say, “that’s the joke.”
I got the colour, just wanted make sure it wasn’t my joke. This guy was pure MAGA.
It’s Thursday; time to party.
Let’s milk up! Lactose pass-out!
THURSDAY?!!! CHRIST I FORGOT ABOUT HRTN!!!
I kid, of course.
You know who else was kidding? Jeffrey Epstein.
So was the Prince!
He’s not dead, or did you mean Micheal Jackson?
I need to actually read what you said. The Fresh Prince of Epstein.
This needs bannered, and not just because Jeffrey is just hanging around.
Epstein jokes are just low hanging fruit.
Listen; you are just sticking your neck out repeating jokes.
Has there been any more reporting on Epstein? I haven’t seen him in the noose lately.
I think the news squeezed the life out of that story a while ago
But the conspiracy theories keep on giving.
He’s quite the swinger!
He was three sheets to the wind.
That shit comes naturally to you to do well, no worries, if fact you probably do well with some weed and some time pressure.
One episode I typed on my mother’s couch the night before Thanksgiving, since we had to go visit her last-minute due to a health scare. I think I got it done a few hours before it was supposed to pot.
Sadly, no weed was involved.
Since I see you were keeding I withdrawing the comment, but not the gif.
You’re not wrong, though. I did some pretty good eps under a real time-crunch on the first go-round.
Now I try to get them done by Monday or Tuesday so I don’t have that nagging pressure.
Don’t I know it!
/starts writing tomorrow’s column…
*post, not pot, but fuckit, I am not going to edit it. It’s funnier the way it is.
This is a thing I really like about this site-we tend to leave our mistakes in and if folks have fun with it, it’s cool.
My typos are funnier than my “jokes”…. but you already no that.
You had me the 1st go round.
You do you, droog.
I was only kidding; I have no cookies.
My ma in law brought some and I am now high as shit. Hell yeah.
Wait, did she bring cookies? Or weed? Or does she just “bring it” in the enthusiasm sense? I have questions!
[Balls starts typing]
There’s a whole HRTN episode, right there.
COOL!
A visit to this place will sharpen you up and make you ready for a bit of the old ultra-lactation.
70+ points tonight. Hobo chili. Hope the chips fall onto yer pile. Cheers!
Gigantic ook?
OOK!
Original Mega-OOK, before he got all shrunk.
Hobo chili? Are you a dinner guest at Scotchnaut’s tonight?
Ma in law is here. Forgot whether I ate that 2nd edible. Prob should have another. Better safe than sorry.
/she loves red wine so that’s phenomenal
Gonna be pretty awkward when “Color Rush History” gets it’s own month, and that month has more than 28 days.
If it was 28, it would have to be red.
Excuse me, is this where I come to indulge in Minshewmania?
Technically minshews aren’t nuts, they’re legumes.
Merkins.
Color Rush? Need Mustard!
C’mon Jags -3!
Going to have to disagree with ya here Sharky.
Can we agree on Howard first TD?
I can get behind that.
Very disappointed that the header image didn’t show an example of The Hitler Toothbrush, especially given the times we live in today. I’m sure it will be making a comeback in the near future!
4 out of 5 dentists agree that the Hitler stache is called ‘The Toothbrush’.