It’s gonna be bad guys. Real bad.
-the Bills/Titans game seems to be hanging in the balance. As noted by yours truly before, let’s get some Wednesday Night footballing going. Ya know ya wanna.
-Every Little Bit Helps-Falcons cb A.J. Terrell has finally graduated from Covid U and should see game action on Sunday. Let the torching commence. All told, five members of Atlanta’s secondary are hammyed, concussed or IR’d. This qb Ryan trying to throw his team back in the game looks like a year-long thing.
-Team’s qb Haskins is down and out in Washington. Destroyer of wide receiver’s competency, Kyle Allen, gets another shot at mediocrity. What did I say about being leery of one-year wonders coming out of college? Huh? Huh? Best of luck to anyone behind that garbage fire of an o-line though.
TO THE GAME!
Bucs/Bears:
-You had to think that at some point-given the quality of Tampa’s receiving corps-that Brady would go off sooner or later. That it happened with Godwin out and Scotty Miller and Cam Brate scoring, well that was a bit unexpected.
-Your Super Sneaky Fantasy Start is going to be a fella that grabbed himself a score last week and that is Ke’Shawn Vaughn. Tampa is so banged up at rb that they may only have him and Dropper Of All Soft Passes Out Of The Backfield, Ronny Jones III available. Horny Fourny didn’t practice on Tuesday so he’s likely a sitter-outer.
-If he dons the cup tonight keep an eye out for Darnell Mooney-last week his target share, route run percentage and air yards were second only to Allen Robinson II.
-Much like Foles, you should keep a sharp eye on Vita Vea-this alliterative interior lineman (along with Aaron Donald) is the only player at his spot to have more than a 20% win rate on pass rushing downs.
Give me your best down below.
Didn’t get the job. Wife hates me. Bourbon. Wine. Bourbon. Fuck my life. Fuck every last fucking cuntwad who ever went into human resources.
So how is everyone else?
PS eyeing the vodka
I get to take the train home tomorrow.
No fucking comparison.
Yeah, a couple quantum levels or three.
Indeed. I can’t help being a fucking asshole.
I’ll have some wine too. Fuck HR.
In my life I have never felt this hopeless. The black dog of depression is on me like stink on shit. I want to punch the world.
The one thing I’ve been able to muster and tell other people in your position is that at least you’re not alone, and it is 100% not your fault. You have things in life I would murder a continent to have (not just Antarctica, either). I’m in a temporarily different and ostensibly more secure position. But so fucking what.
What matters is what you have right now. What matters is that a lot of that – no one and nothing on Earth can take that away. Fuck the world. At least you’re still Fozz.
With the unemployment numbers like they are these days, I guess HR folks (and all their employers) can afford to be stiff pricks.
HR is generally made of suck at any given company, but I’m sure they’re even more inundated than usual with applications.
HR is fucking awful, absolutely worth an arid vodka martini
I get it, I didn’t get the job. Fine. But you can’t fucking get in touch with me? explain why?
the other job i interviewed for – the guy was a cunt – they never acknowledged the samples I sent
or the thank you email
People eat shit
I FUCKING HATE when jobs ghost you. Have the fucking decency to say I didnt get the job you fuckwits.
That is cowardly shit. My company is not Google or some shit, but the policy is to get back with everybody who gives it a shot.
A company that’s shitty to its applicants is usually shitty to their employees as well. Could be a blessing in disguise that you didn’t get the job.
Zymm, that’s a good point.
I emailed the person I interviewed with to thank them and ask for feedback on my interviewing skills.
Crickets….
That tells me alot.
Mix them all together in a peanut butter jar. That’s how I did it in my teen years from my parents’ bar and not have it noticed.
Sorry man. Just keep writing and applying. Also drinking.
I’ve got all three down pat.
Lol of course these mother fuckers were part of that batshit protest at Lansing where they were in the Capitol building while open carrying
Here’s the deal.
It’s treason.
Plain and simple.
Put them up against the wall and fire away.
Gimme an Uzi, I’ll do it myself.
Fucking excrement. .
Maybe we should bring back having criminals drawn and quartered.
I’ll get the horses.
I love my country. Love it. I know it has plenty of blemishes.
But when you do that shit, and advocate violence, you forfeit your rights.
And you should die horribly.
Yep.
Yes, three of the guys in the photo below.
found a funny:
katy perry: do you ever feel like a plastic bag?
me: *stuffing myself beneath the sink knowing nobody will ever need me* why do you ask
Nick Foles has never been good outside Philly and I don’t know why people keep expecting otherwise
The most popular athlete in most towns is the back up quarterback.
Backup goalies have the same thing going.
Both get undeserved pussy.
Want to know how Trump’s got a cult? The same guys who SWORE Obama was spying on them online at every turn (correctly) and knows the system is in their business — if even passively— at every turn. Now, cuz Trump gives them the occasional empty nod, they went and TRUSTED THE GOVERNMENT NOT TO SPY ON THEM WHILE THEY SEMI-PUBLICLY PLANNED TO ATTACK THE GOVERNMENT.
These are the real victims of institutional white privilege.
Yup. Fuck every last one of them with a rusted barbed wire covered garden rake.
Can Tom Brady’s dick drown from all this slobbering?
I missed the very special Pike Place episode of Robocop.
Commando Comedy Comment!!
Quit being such a bitch, Troy
-Helen
second dumbest person in a zombie movie ever,
beaten only by the guy getting his blood pressure checked in dawn of the dead
To be fair, the Dawn guy had been on the road awhile, and had been indulging in a high-sodium diet.
I’m full after only 3 crabs, which is pathetic, but I’m also out of butter so it’s just as well. Plus now I can touch the keyboard without spending 30 seconds wiping my hands first!
Fun fact: Russell Johnson was best known for his role as The Professor on Gilligan’s Island.
One of my friends dated a really emotionally unstable dude for a while, and the first indication we had that he wasn’t quite right was when he cried at a crab feast because he was having trouble disassembling his crabs and didn’t want to ask us to show him how to do it again (it was his first time eating whole crabs, and it does take a while to get the hang of it, but who goes off and cries instead of just asking for help?!)
Dude
Emotionally unstable people who didn’t get the support they needed when they were younger, struggle in every day situations, and face a constantly building anxiety due to a society unkind and judgemental to people in that situation.
My friend went and comforted him and once we knew what was up we were happy to help him out, but it was definitely unexpected. They eventually broke up after he started frequently punching holes in walls.
Worked with alot of people like that when I was in retail and lumber. You can tell they just never really had a chance, especially older ones who didn’t really have the available support even if the parents weren’t garbage. My brother is a lot like that, though less ragey, and still struggles incredibly with it in his 20s but that’s the trash parents thing again.
That’s a bummer. This guy’s parents seemed okay but no way to really know. I think this was his first time living away from home though, it was grad school but I think he went to undergrad locally and lived at home rather than a dorm.
I always wondered what happened to those excess crabmen…
How many crabs is normal? I’ve only had like the big legs and I don’t think that’s what you’re saying.
These are L Male Blue Crabs, 6-10 per person is a good rule of thumb
Unless you’re serving other food too, then more like 3-6
Like other entrees? Or just sides?
Just sides, or a lot of filling beer, crabs are one of the few times where a really cold lite beer is appropriate.
That might be where I went wrong actually, I don’t have any shitty beer in the fridge so I’m pairing with an IPA. Tasty, but filling.
Hmmm — when things go back to normal….
If you’ve never been to a restaurant where they pour out a bucket of crabs onto a table and expect you to bust them open yourself and douse them in old bay… congratulations you’re not a marylander
I bet I can find a place in a casino that mimics this…
There are a lot of places that do seafood boils, but that’s more of a Louisiana thing although similar.
+1 to Fox for using Panama
Mom?
THERE WE GO!
I have both RoJo and Evans, so I’m ok with that from a fantasy perspective. Less fine from a salty Bears fan perspective.
I Can See Your Voice is why I’m ok with the imminent heat death of the universe.
man, the lighthouse is trippier than I remember
Why didn’t they change Wilmer Valderrama?
US version of the cover.:format(jpeg):mode_rgb():quality(90)/discogs-images/R-8644429-1465799698-5249.jpeg.jpg)
You saw the chins thing, right?
Absolutely. I just wanted to be tattoo-adjacent.
Okay, just wanted to make sure you saw teh funnay.
(Rips off Nick Foles’ helmet to unveil…)
Oh, it was Nick Foles the whole time.
Buy the set, with s bat facemask
Is that Chanel?
Did Jimmy Graham still play basketball now that he’s a Bear?
Rawr
You may have heard of another famous basketball player who played for Chicago….
Ok just got back from a drive in movie and am thoroughly confused. The Bears aren’t being blown out and this game is on Fox. Wtf?
Duh. Pepper is for oral sex.
Sweet, it turns out you CAN freeze whole crabs. I was gonna have trouble eating 2 dozen over the next day or two, 1 dozen and freeze the other is way more attainable
“Amateur”
-Jameis W.
I prefer burning them with a match but you do you.
Lightning in such a cap crunch they apparently traded Tyler Johnson to a whole ‘nother league!
/This is a very funny joke if you know that there is a hockeyd player named Tyler Johnson on the Lightning, who are very much up against the salary cap.
Theory: it’s the Bears’ uniform that turns QBs into shit. Like that black thing that ate Dumbledore’s hand.
Could be. My theory is that being bathed in the mild disdain that all Bears fans have for any offensive player that isn’t a RB eats away at them subconsciously
figure I’ll try it a little different tonight, if I start month of macabre a little earlier, so I can get more gifs in
released in 1979, zombi 2 (“Zombie” in north America)was billed as the sequel to “dawn of the dead” (despite having no affiliation and none of the crew) zombi is the gory italian answer to what a zombie movie should be
And the only film I know of to feature a zombie versus a shark. Great stuff by Fulci.
oh dont worry, I got the gifs
I saw this at the base theater in Karamursel Turkey in 1970 at age 11. I don’t believe in any of that devilly supernatural shit and didn’t even back then. But this movie really freaked me the fuck out and I can still remember it pretty vividly even 50 years later.
It came out in ’79-80, so you’ve obviously got ahold of Future Clone Debbie Harry’s T.A.T.A.S.Well never mind then! Your JPEG didn’t show up & my joke is now the stuff of mockery and derision.
Two crabs disassembled and devoured, 4 to go!
In tWBS Memorial league, HAIL GAMBLOR! (no idea who that is) is projected to beat me by at least 12 points.
oh snap there was a dfo league this year?
I guess that’s what I get for going dark on the site for months at a time
We like to think of ourselves as being ‘woke’ but when you went “Dark”, well, we totally excluded you.
Even the muted pictures were making me too mad. Teevee off.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SlKao_Pox5A
This is the first time I’ve seen GOATy play as a Buccaneer. How is he doing this year?
So Brady’s holes are getting better with age?
Have to ask Joe Buck and Troy Aikman.
….. never change moose
“Fuck off! I’m not going to give you two fives for a tenner!”
-Never Change Moose
[starts to check pockets]
[discovers not wearing pants]
[goes ahead with “check”]
Kristina Pink, my heart is yours.
That is NOT pervy. I don’t care what my urologist says.
She is sooooooo delightful
Don’t even have any fantasy players or HAIL GAMBLOR action going here. But I still want 2 love u, FITBAW!!!!
I have to take public transit tomorrow. This is truly the darkest timeline.
Have some T&A
I will be thinking about this T&A while you bathe in the aerosolised COVID-scented excretions of the masses.
At least my death won’t be in vain.
Why they gotta play hip-hop in the background during Tom Brady’s interview? He doesn’t strike me as a person that identifies with type of music.
Also see myself mostly playing Footy Manager tonight. Y’all notice how much less often…Dunstan checks in?? ONE OF US!!!!
Look, I’m already on my third job and trying to avoid relegation. It’s hard out there for a Canadian-born football newcomer.
THIS GUY GETS IT!!!!
/also, I did take Pretend Man City on a pre-season tour of Canadia, a few “years” back
I still need to try that out. I started and got a few minutes in before I realized I know nothing about tactics.
I’m Ted Lasso, but with hockey instead of football.
Just got a very lucky win. Scored a few minutes in when the opposing keeper’s punt was blocked by my striker. Held on to the lead thanks to a missed penalty kick. Added another in second half injury time.
Now I know what it’s like to face the Chicago Bears.
Yeah, you get one of those “blocked punt” goals every 4 or 5 seasons. Always glorious.
I have long ALMOST completely given up on humanity. Think today’s news out of Michigan is the last straw:
https://talkingpointsmemo.com/fivepoints/5-points-on-the-alleged-plot-to-kidnap-the-governor-of-michigan
Yeah, this is scary news in a way that all the other awful news isn’t
It makes me think “we really could be on the break of a shooting-based Civil War 2” isn’t just a worst fear sector of the brain.
And, like anyone living under an autocracy…my mind has been numbed to outrage.
FIND YOUR PUNCHCARD WHILE UR IN LINE, MISTER SAVIOUR
Jokes on this meme, all the coupons were long expired.
Bed, Bath, & Beyond employees sigh.
I’ve been thinking about that possibility, and how it will manifest itself, for months.
It won’t. Americans are cowards.
When I read they were from Columbus, I imagined it was a bunch of drunk Ohio State fans who wanted to steal Michigan’s mascot, but then they went with the governor after finding out they don’t have a mascot like Brutus Buckeye…and after one of them broke into the Detroit Zoo to steal a live wolverine.
I went to Ohio State. I am proud to be a Buckeye. But I can see that conversation happening.
Hush up! I finally got my shit together and will be sending you Blood Meridian. That’ll make you feel better!
I wonder how many of those Wolverine Watchmen actually attended and graduated from that school in Ann Arbor. Given their appearance, I would guess zero.
Those are called “Walmart Wolverines” in Michigan.
We’ve got the same phenomenon going on for Aggies and Longhorns down here.
I will not, can not, must not adjust mah volume setting from NIL. Nil it shall remain.
So it’s gonna be Aikman and Buck, it will be extra-schlobbery.
Also, Eddie Vedder looks like a homeless guy.
I mean, after Ten and Vitality…you hear the rest of the shite he put out? Ain’t no wonder.
Is that how they make the Monster drink?
Security Theater
That’s one of the weirdest urinals I’ve ever seen.
That’s sorta what I was thinking and should’ve added it, but no joke is hitting so I didn’t complicate it.
As far as airports are concerned, I’ve always masturbated in a stall in the women’s washroom. It’s about time I was given some guidance!
Well, Redshirt has a good suggestion. If you do change stay hydrated or it may not be a liquid.
When the hell was that picture taken? 7:30am on a Tuesday? I hardly see Logan that empty.
I know Fox Sports have a bagillion hours to fill but the awful comedy bits from the Kevin James knockoff needs to just die already.
Crabs are steaming, butter is melted, citrus is sliced, beer is open!
That sounds like a party! I’m making chicken nachos with all the stuff on top, very excited!
Disassembling crabs indoors on a TV table with a mallet is hilariously messy and slightly dangerous, but totally WORTH IT. I haven’t had a proper bunch of blue crabs in years.
Twist in plot: he’s not talking about food or drinks.
He?
Are you a mind reader, because I honestly hesitated when I wrote “he”.
It was either “he” or “it”. I chose to error on the side of inaccurate gender instead of nonperson.
Could have easily gome without; “And this comment is not even…..”
I barely passed Language Arts in High School, Moose. I’m lucky I can communicate.
But I will try to do better.
Or less hard, that’s what I do.
That said; both you and the Doktor have been here forever, thus my surprise.
“Is that a probe in your pocket or are you really happy to see me?”
-excerpt from Open-Minded Cheerleaders on Planet Myanus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9_L-2k2zxA
The fathers of Peyton Manning’s fivehead.
Apparently John Ireland Jr. is no relation to Oscar-nominated actor John Ireland. Nice bait and switch.
Might have to start watching WNBA if the name “Cappie Pondexter” is anything to go by
/Hoping it’s pronounced “Cappy-eh”
Oh, come on! They broke the rules and practiced when they were supposed to be quarantining. You want to pull this miracle of a complete NFL season off, they gotta obey the rules. The Titans didn’t, so screw ’em. Forfeit their asses!!!!
https://www.cbssports.com/nfl/news/titans-week-5-game-postponed-to-tuesday-night-sparking-week-6-schedule-change-for-bills-per-report/
Since when has the NFL given a shit about the rules?
You should have stopped after ‘shit’.
There is money.
Mark it zero, dude.
LIEK teh volume setting on mah teevee box
Tom Brady is on Thursday Night Football? Understood. Assuming DFO-sanctioned Tom Brady Viewing Mode:
Yes, I’m watching “Spaceballs” of BBC America. How’d you know?
I’m looking at galleries of softcore porn photos
Softcore? When did you go puritan?
It’s the charcuterie plate
This goes for vacuum cleaner masturbation too.
Of note, CHI also passed on Bruce Arians to hire Marc Trestman. I’m not going to see if there were follow up meetings but BA completely opened the playbook and destroyed the Bears in his first meeting after they passed on him. For that reason alone, I’d FF TB big time this week.
Brady or Cam Newton? hmm… Yep, going Brady! GO TB12!
You’re dead to me.
Your in line just behind my wife, the kids, my parents, the neighbors, my co-workers, Phil Lamowski of Gerrtenburg, PA, the 1982 Chicago Cubs, and my dog. My murder will be a 4 hour Dateline special.
Don’t forget cholesterol!
https://twitter.com/atrupar/status/1314177373009580038?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1314178706970152961%7Ctwgr%5Eshare_3&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fdeadstate.org%2Ftrump-blames-gold-star-families-for-giving-him-coronavirus-they-came-within-an-inch-of-my-face%2F
This Just In: President Trump Pulls Out For The Very First Time, Ever!
I bet he’s pissed he can’t go golfing. Hope the military guy carrying the nuclear football hides the key.
The only word to describe him is a word I can’t type here.
Everything? It’s Fine.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=caXeAMseve0&ab_channel=ThatLook
Friend at work told me her daughter was in the post office when someone walked in without a mask on. When asked to put one on, she said, “It’s my right …blah blah blah.”. Post office worker dude said, aloud, “Well, it’s my right to tell you to get the fuck out of here if you don’t want to wear a mask!”. Lady left without completing her transaction. Fuck that Becky.
Exactly. Still hoping the above joke working for you.
If only it were a joke…
It’s a camouflage mask, therefore they couldn’t see it. I hate when a good camouflage joke goes to waste. Or without being seen.
Fuck that stupid bitch. Seriously. I want to be able to send my kid to normal Kindergarten; he’s two and that isn’t necessarily a given right now.
Maybe this will help, not the joke, but….
They hate all that stuff, too.
No, they just are ignorant of most of it until it fails.
UNION STRONG
-Jefferson Davis, mistaken, like, really mistaken
Indeed. They should have strung his fucking ass up.
Another joke about manufacturing capabilities and you will be punished.
Did everybody miss the fucking joke? Camouflage jokes are old and tired and that is why I’ll continue with them forever.
I’m old and tired. Well (sorta) done, Moose.
Me too, hopefully we are also bad jokes that keep on giving.
Happy Thursday you cunts.
And cuntesses.
Humble brag:
Its my Friday today and Monday is a holiday up in these parts, so extra long 4 day weekend
Wooooooooooooooo
SWEEEET!