Your “TESTING, TESTING” Sunday Afternoon NFL Football Open Thread

Is this the start of the inevitable (maybe) unraveling of The Shield’s best-laid plans? Hopefully for us watchers of games that’s not the case but I do stand by my prediction that there will be a break in play for a week or two if things get out of hand. I can’t get my head around how teams in Florida and Texas will be able to get through this unscathed, given their respective governor’s stance on The Covid. But hey, we’ve had four years practice of watching shit circumstances slowly unfold. Gird them loins, folks!

TO THE GAMES!

Texans/Titans:

Look for Henry to go buck wild in this spot-his only 200 yarder came against these guys last year and 4 out of 5 backfields have run for at least 140 vs Houston.

Bengals/Colts:

Your sneaky play here is Trey Burton-since wk. 4 he has a 19% target share and has led all Colts te’s with 35 routes run. The Cincy D has allowed the 3rd most targets to the position overall and the 2nd most red zone throws.

Falcons/Vikes:

In news that won’t shock you, opposing qb’s have an average rating of 125.1 vs Atlanta. The ground bound Vikes may want to toss a ball or three Thielen and Jefferson’s way. Or maybe new coach Morris has solved all of the Falcons’ woes this past week? [snorts]

Broncos/Pats:

Drew Lock was able to practice this week so Bye, Bye Bortles! As per usual the Pats are zipped lipped about Cam but I’m betting he plays. If Darnold can run for 84 yards against Denver, imagine where Newton’s wheels will take him.

Team/Giants:

Twere nice to see Alex Smith out there last week but the stat sheet wasn’t nearly as nice to him as the national media was. As a team, Team’s qb’s averaged 1.9 yards per pass play. If McLaurin isn’t doing anything Washington’s air O is doing nothing and those odds are good because cb Bradberry hasn’t allowed a single #1 wr more than 10 fantasy points this year.

Ravens/Eagles:

Wentz will get his ass blitzed for the 2nd week in a row but the good news is that he handled it well last week-he was 11-16 for 104, a TD and an intercept.

Browns/Steelers:

[point chasers insert Claypool into lineup] It’s worth a shot, right? Expect Pitt to shut down Cleveland’s healthy running game and force them to the air which isn’t a bad thing because the Steelers have given up big plays and OBJ and Landry are capable of just that.

Bears/Panthers:

Another sneaky fantasy play is Darnell Mooney-he’s #2 in target share now and since Foles took over the Bears have been passing at a 75% clip. (game scripts have influenced this) Mooney has aDOT of 15 and the Panthers give up the 7th most big plays.

Lions/Jags:

Detroit plays a vanilla man D that doesn’t do much to disguise coverages but they should take a run at Minshew. His clean pocket passer rating of 74.5 drops precipitously to 42.5 when he’s pressured.

Go man, go!

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Doktor Zymm

So is Haskins watching the game from a local IHOP?

Wakezilla

Of all the games to watch, I decided to watch #ThePauls play the Stillers, thinking I would get a good game..

The Pauls gon Pauls

King Hippo

Moved my DFO SurvivoUr off PIT to MIA. So, soUrry for ruining the fixture.

ArmedandHammered

Andrew Siciliano is not on DTV red zone and I do not like his replacement. I think this guy took Valium instead of Andrew’s cocaine.

Gratliff

MOAR Three and outs in Philly

King Hippo

BLACK KICKER ALERT!!!

/raises fist

Doktor Zymm

ALSO SOCCER PLAYER

King Hippo

I usually hate “human interest” stories, but the fact that is the first regulation FG attempt on any level of FITBAW?? How awesome is that?

Doktor Zymm

Takes some solid confidence to do that. Also to do that on a team where the kicker spot is apparently haunted by a vindictive, injury causing spirit.

King Hippo

Did I recommend Bungles ML bet earlier?

Sure did, Other Hippo!!

King Hippo

I am amused how The Shield has convinced coaches to wear their damned masks…when the TV cameras focus on them.

Doktor Zymm

fake it till you break it!

King Hippo

maybe if one printed “Suck It, Libtards!!!111” on the fabric, they’d keep ’em on?

Doktor Zymm

It’s just as funny that the NFL pretends to have brand standards

Horatio Cornblower

I took the dog for a long hike after West Ham went down 3-0. Came in and flicked on the TV just in time to see that amazeballs tying strike.

What a goal. And, as always, fuck Spurs.

Sharkbait

Damnit Spurs.

Wakezilla

I can’t believe the Sperms choked that one away.

Gratliff

Brandon Graham is personally disgusted with the state of the Eagles and plays like he wants to make sure everyone knows it’s not his fault

rockingdog

Crossing my fingers and hoping Big BEN throws for like 300 yrds + 3 TD’s

King Hippo

This would also benefit Hippo HARF!!!

Doktor Zymm

I like the uni selections in Team/Giants. Unfortunately that’s the only thing on the field that looks good.

King Hippo

Hey, fashion is always WORTH IT.

King Hippo

Do you want to throw TD?

TO FIRKSER!!!

King Hippo

D-O-N-K-S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Gratliff

There remains no end to fan artist horniness

Gratliff

Egypt’s military parades are different
comment image

ArmedandHammered

Tryouts for a member of the new Village People?

King Hippo

Good jerb (but NOT finished), Union Berlin y Valladolid

King Hippo

Boy howdy, that’d piss Hippo off if Other Hippo hadn’t convinced me to play Edwards-Hellaire over Beatie Mixon.

TheRevanchist

Today is our anniversary. One of my employees does creative stuff with her melty-smelly stuff. So, the wife got a Halloween pumpkin filled with some of that, plus some other chick stuff. I did okay this year.

Gumbygirl

How long have you been married?

TheRevanchist

18 or so years. I think. Maybe 17? 16? Not less than 16 though.

Gumbygirl

Well, Happy 16-18th Anniversary!

Wakezilla

Your wife got a pumpkin filled with WHAT? and some chick stuff? I didn’t realize Hugh Hefner was a member of DFO

/Happy anniversary

Mother Puncher

Fox’s cartoon Joe Burrow is trying to fuck me with his eyes

Sharkbait

I forgot how good hard cider can be. Lookout Farm original is pretty tasty, 5.2%

King Hippo

a good cider is human perfection

The Maestro

I have like 40+ litres of homemade cider to drink. When the world falls to shit again, I will be safe in my basement apartment kingdom.

Sharkbait

With plenty of booze. Smart man

The Maestro

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP FELLOW DEGENERATES

rockingdog

Bow wow

rockingdog

Probs gonna watch this later
BLACKJACK a John Woo film w/ DOLPH LUNDGREN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gbSsbU7f0J8

Gratliff

We need to see the Vikes do the glorious “cutting a massive free agent signing” thing

Sharkbait

PRAISE GAMBLOR!

King Hippo

HAIL BLEERGH

King Hippo

CCCCAAAAAPPPPPTTTAAAAIIIIINNNNN DINGLEBERRY! AHOY!!

King Hippo

Sounds like The Shield wants me to nap away the 4p window. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

bk109

An’ back after falling yet again for the bloody “can you pop to the shop for 10 minutes, pleeeeeeease” trap … One of these days I’ll learn… and thereby outliving my usefulness as a hubby 😀

Brocky

afternoon
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Gumbygirl

Mapletron! I love it!

Gratliff

CBS is showing the 4-0 Steelers(?) vs the 4-1 Browns(?????). 2020 shows no quit

Doktor Zymm

Going with a classic breakfast today. Bacon (really damn good, thick, farm bacon), an egg over messy, brie on toast and coffee.

Game Time Decision

Mmmmmm. You cooking the eggs in the bacon grease? Love those 2 together

Doktor Zymm

Damn right I am!

Game Time Decision

I ask as the rest of my family thinks its gross. Trying to see if randomish Internet people agree with me or not

Doktor Zymm

It’s definitely a normal thing to do. Eggs cook better in some form of fat, so why not use the tasty fat that you just rendered out of the bacon? Efficient and economical.

Brick Meathook

Fry eggs in creamery butter. Eat the bacon with the eggs. Save the bacon grease, pour it through cheesecloth, and use it for cooking beans and rice and other delicacies.

Gratliff

It’s no scrapple, but I guess it’ll do

Gratliff

So the Eagles lose to Washington and LA, tie the Bengals, beat the hobbled Niners, and gave Rapey all he can handle in a loss. I go into today assuming the Ravens beat them by 70 and I don’t even care because they probably only need to win 3 in the division and 2 outside of it to make the playoffs, and I’ll take a Wentz at 20% effectiveness over any of the other 3 non-dead East QBs any day.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m an Arsenal fan because when Hippo made us all pick teams several years back Arsenal had some sort of affiliation with the Yankees. That affiliation has now been switched to Man Shitty, but I simply will not make that switch.

Fronkenshteen

Welp, that’s that off for the week.

Horatio Cornblower

Does West Ham know the game started?

Fronkenshteen

Suboptimal start.

Horatio Cornblower

Remember, you can’t spell ‘Oh look at that gorgeous pass from that diving cunt Harry Kane’ without Harry Kane.

litre_cola

Enjoy the morning games lads and lasses, Dad duty is happening. Now with more boozy coffee and edibles!

To the hobby farm! When we booked this, fall was in full swing. Now? -7 C and snow!

blaxabbath

Took blaxito yesterday (had to drive 90 mins bc there is, I guess not surprisingly, no agricultural in Vegas) and it was low 90’s. Beat me down plenty good and the kid turned a little red but he didn’t sleep a wink on the drive back.

The lady in the Trump tee coupled with the Trump Train hat and high BMI was the highlight of my day behind the deep fried cheesecake on a stick.

Horatio Cornblower

So happy that my kids are either in or out of college.

My ambition today is to do as little as possible.

blaxabbath

Don’t know if it’s optimism or pessimism but I’m kind of thinking, once the Cheeto dust settles, the congressional GOP will still be numerous and vocal enough to have influence on one or two things. My prediction: they bail on every GOP Base Cause like amnesty, the wall, Traitor Flynn, non-SC judges, police funding, God back in public, confederate statues, etc; and will give it all up to protect as much of the corporate tax cuts as possible.

I don’t care for their cumulative effects of strangling the public funding BUT, personally, the big tax cuts were the only part of the Trump administration that actually improved my life, personally. Don’t get me wrong, I won’t lift a finger to stop then when Illian Omar and her husband-brother come for my handouts but, if they get left in place and CORPSE/HARRIS work with the GOP to find a better funding vehicle (maybe taxes on student loan repayments or prenatal care?), this Biden thing may very well work out in the end. And if the GOP doesn’t protect the tax cuts, I will rail against whatever stupid cause the Gaetz Caucus decides to fight for (probably eliminating DUI and child rape laws because Liberty).

King Hippo

You need your own MSNBC show. Full hour.

blaxabbath

“Join sebastian blax and Jalen Ramsey for Covered — where they ‘cover’ all the days news like NFL ‘cover’age. Get it? NEWS DOESN’T HAVE TO BORING!”

Horatio Cornblower

‘Hi Sebastian, thanks for taking my call. How’s it going?’

‘Better than America under Donald Trump.’

I already like it better than Chuck Todd.

Horatio Cornblower

Too bad the remaining GOPers in Congress are likely going to be from deep red safe seats, where the path to success is running as far to the right as your opponent as you can. They need all those issues you’re hoping they drop to motivate their slack-jawed base to stagger out and vote every 2-4 years. If anything they’ll double-down on most of them, (I agree that they’ll drop any concerns for anyone in the Trump admin, like Flynn), while sitting back until 2022 and just trying to keep Biden’s administration from getting any kind of success.

Gratliff

The single most important thing they need to do is kill those tax cuts. Unfortunately, if the Obama administration proved anything, it’s that modern dems will have none of it.
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/obama-signs-bill-to-extend-bush-tax-cuts/

Gratliff

If there is one lesson to be learned from Obama’s terms (it won’t be), it’s that compromising to make conservatives happy just makes it so they can afford fancier shivs to put in your side

Fronkenshteen

Jake Tapper disemboweled that cunt Lara Trump this morning. Too little, too late.

Last edited 4 years ago by Fronkenshteen
blaxabbath

“You can lie day in and day out as an official administration acting in your professional trusted capacity but I will be GOTT DAMNED if some failing campaign whore is gonna come on here and make a mean comment.”

King Hippo

I repeat, so long as Diamond Joe don’t die on us, we got this motherfucker.

Horatio Cornblower

Buddy, if you don’t think I’ll vote for a corpse…

Gratliff

She was just here this week for another MAGA rally because apparently there wasn’t enough COVID from the airport one last month.

bk109

Afternoon, ladies and germaniums.. Are we all ready for some (soon to be cancelled, because fuck 2020) FOOTBAW?!

King Hippo

We has a Derby with Donks Woo!!! v. P*ts today!

bk109

Odd, I thought that be cancelled ’cause “NFL cares about COVID,lol” after extra people got a positive ‘rona tests on your end

King Hippo

Nah, The Shield will start executing fuckers first.

blaxabbath

My suggestion for The COVID Season/Seasons is for the NFL to just play whatever games are available each week and then contract the BCS to set the playoffs rankings. While the playoff teams quarantine for two weeks, let the other teams still play for viewership. Then have a four/eight/thirty-two team playoff to determine the NFL/BCS Champion.

“You love the NFL. You love the BCS. Now we’ve brought together your favorite football brands(tm) to bring you THE POSTSEASON. Play the games and have a winner. Disclaimer: all player postseason incentives earned will be sent directly to the hardworking staff of the NCAA that has been struggling with this crisis. VOTE TRUMP!”

King Hippo

Good Goddamned Hippo Ideas! Garfunkel & Oates should do a gangsta rap covers album.

blaxabbath

My wife has XM and they have a coffee house station. That may be your springboard.

King Hippo

Can your wife make it trend for Hippo>

blaxabbath

She sure can make me….trend.

litre_cola

I’m trending, I’m trending, almost there, I’m trendiiiiinnnnnng. Now I am cancelled.

blaxabbath

“I’m gonna TREND!”

“Hold on. What’s this old tweet from 2009? You said Obama looks like is enjoying a banana smoothie?”

King Hippo

Moneyline GAMBLOR! Bungles (+290), Jaguras (+165), N-GCp (Evens) all solid value.

blaxabbath

I might put a Tubman on those blimey jaguars.

litre_cola

I also put money on ML Jaguras, we are all doomed.

Fronkenshteen

How is the NE game still happening? This is fucking insane.

King Hippo

Triumph of the Shield’s Will

rockingdog
litre_cola

Probably has missing U’s everywhere.

Fronkenshteen

I did.

Fronkenshteen

How could the Jets try hard for Gase? It must be fucking mutiny in that locker room.

King Hippo

Similarly, I am streaming the screaming tittyfuck out the LOLfins D/ST

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