Look, I’m sure this game won’t be nearly as fine a spectacle as the Thursday Night Mega Tilt Of All Fixtures, Giants/Eagles!!! but let’s try to make the best of it. Just like I’m trying to make the best of a situation-there is a plumber in my house as I type. (halftime of the first game) He’s ‘fixing things’ and ‘asking me questions I don’t know the answer to’ and ‘questioning my masculinity’. I put on pants for this? He’s not the least bit interested in wearing a mask but a man with his skillset is a somewhat rare commodity in this town, so wadda ya gonna do? You’re gonna watch a game, that’s what you’re going to do.
TO THE GAME!
Cards/Cowboys:
-The Mighty Red Rocket grabs hold of this magnificent O and… well, let’s see what happens. Plenty of imagineers think that he’ll succeed in this spot-his triumvirate of wr’s and his rb are nothing like anything he’s had to work with the last few years.
-This is really a game about defensive futility on both sides-Dallas is 20th vs the pass and 28th vs the run. Yeah!, Vander Esch is back but whatever…
-In signing Zeke the Boys had to let Byron Jones fly away and opposing qb’s have a 141 rating when they go long. The Cards? They have the least amount of takeaways in the league.
-Three of five teams that have played Dallas have had a receiver catch 2 TD’s.
Will we get a high-scoring game that offsets this (so far) low-scoring Chiefs/Bills doozy? Let’s watch and see. Comment as you see fit.
Wow, this is a game that is happening.
The mistake-a-thon continues
Jesus what a shitshow.
Scratch that. I’ll do better.
Derrrrp
Dallas and Arizona not scoring reminds me of my bedpost all through high school.
So do Cincinnati fans know of 3 ways Dalton sucks, or 5 ways?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cincinnati_chili#The_%22way%22_system
No, its the rare 6-way, as it leave a bad taste in your mouth that ruins everything involved in it.
And just imagine the Cowboys could have hired Eric Bieniemy instead of that fat hump
Eh, hits out of bounds don;t count when you’re still in the air.
That explains the guy in a jetpack around LAX, he’s just getting in some out of bounds hits
Andy Dalton throws a should-be pick every drive.
In Phoenix, the water tastes like dirt. In Dallas, everything tastes like ass.
Except ass. Ass tastes like black licorice in Dallas.
Shouldn’t it taste like Daal? Hence Daalass
I’ve never been to India, never had it. Sri Lanka once, but it was a short liberty and I just got drunk instead of eating.
One of these days I’m gonna get around to napalming Augusta National.
“Hello, friends” WHOOOOOOOSH!!!
Dennis Gardeck, I call him the Luftwaffe, because while that blitz looked impressive, it failed to achieve any success.
I am into the margaritas. I repeat, I am into the margaritas!
on the rocks or frozen?
On the rocks, of course. I am not a goddamn Philistine.
In that case I won’t ask about salt, I will just assume you are doing it correctly
“Hey you, person that sits at a desk! Cancel all my appointments on weekdays that end with ‘y’. I’m busy that day!”
-H.C.
I have this week off, but your idea is not far off my actual approach to litigation.
I’ve always said Larry Fitzgerald was a damn dirty player
/I have never said or even thought that. Larry Fitz is a national treasure.
Looks like we’re in for a zebra fest
BLEERGH be praised
“Was hoping for a giraffe fest. Oh well…”
-M. Glennon
Arizona D smells blood in Red Rocket’s urine.
Admittedly I haven’t watched a lot of football this season, but I have yet to see a safety this year. Come on, Dalton!
Awww, disappoint 🙁
Almost. He did a good job of avoiding it and avoiding a penalty, as well, considering that dude had him dead to rights.
Looked to me like his forward progress had been stopped before he chucked the ball.. Shoulda been a safety.
I’m really surprised ‘in the grasp’ wasn’t called.
“I thought it was.” — Jeffrey Toobin
I recently had my shirt off when an attorney came on early for a call and I thought the camera was off, but I cannot imagine the thought process behind “I should rub one out now, while I’m juggling a call with my co-workers with a second computer showing porn”
I am mostly concerned about leaving my bag o’ weed and pipe laying around.
There is a reason CBs don’t make good WRs.
BWHAHAHAHAHAH!
Watching Dalton play is much funner when he’s not your team’s QB!
I need 16 points from 4 Cowboy offensive players and looking at Dalton I don’t think I’m going to get them.
I need 25 from Lamb and Zeke. I feel you
Until some point last Sunday it would have been a gimme. Now? Not so much.
That play was “anything you can herp, I can derp better” personified.
evening
Just have to make an entrance, don’t you?
/Life in a Northern Town
Turns out that the plumber’s sister drives the school bus that my son takes to school, his brother-in-law worked as a sales rep at my business, his cousin has been with us for almost 30 years in the office and he molested my nephew at a youth camp.
Hey-uh-na-na-na, hey-uh-a-ni-ya!
Lotta detail. Did you guys sit down and shoot the shit while you split a sixer after the job was done?
Russell Wilson’s 2nd year was the SB win. No pressure Murray.
is Kyler Murray what Manziel was suppose to be?
Drunk?
Overrated?
Coked to the gills? Nah, that’s Jerrah.
Angel in the Streets, Devil in the Sheets?
/I may be posting to the wrong thread
[Balls to face joke]
Emphasizing where the Cowboys are going to be taking it for the rest of the season.
Her hair seems a little greasy. She probably uses a cheap 2-in-1 like Pert Plus.
Goddamn hussy.
A opening three-and-out. There’s the Dalton I know!
I said get me a toilet pLuNger!
Toilets have been installed. I repeat, toilets have been installed.
Oh, shit! And pee.
I must be high as fuck because i just saw the Dallas Defense cause a 3 and out.
Jones: “Are you ready to be my starting quarterback?”
Dalton: “Yes.”
Jones: “Will you give your body for my team?”
Dalton: “Yes.”
Jones: “Will you give your heart for my team?”
Dalton: “Yes.”
Jones: “Will you give your soul for my team?”
Dalton: “My what?”
I thought this was going to be some weird take off of Meatloaf’s “You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth”
“I bet you say that to all the ‘Boys.”
Never mind Andy Dalton’s shoes, Dak Prescott would just be happy to be wearing any shoes right now.
He can afford two lefts
Cowboy defensive of strategy of letting the receiver get so wide open that the QB freaks out and misses him proves effective, for now.
Did DHop not bother to finish dressing?
Ooh, he was undefeated in high school! Tell me more!
Big deal! Did he play basketball?
Wait a minute. Andy Dalton is a real redhead? I thought he just dyed his body hair his team’s color?
Which is why his career has no Super Bowl wins, no soul to trade for one.
“A live audience!”*
*for now
Like many that are not a Cowboys fans, I have visceral hate for “America’s Team.”
Come on Cowboys. Do it for the cripple!
I have money on you guys as I believe that Zona is overhyped.
“THAT’S WHAT I’VE BEEN SAYING! THE ‘RONA IS TOTALLY OVERHYPED BY THE LOSER LIBERAL MEDIA!” Donald J. Trump
/wife and I are living between two different places right now
//she accidentally takes the keys to my vehicle as well as her own
Her: “I fucked up. I’ve got your keys. What time do you leave for work?”
Me: “When you get here and give me my fucking keys. Duh.”
Buffalo being predictable, part II:
Whoever took the under wins.
I want Red to do something special, but I also enjoy watching Dallas lose. So conflicted.
Go Birds
I need 25 points from Lamb and Zeke
At this difficult time, my thoughts are with Jeffrey Toobin. It was an innocent mistake. They told him the Zoom call was for the purpose of election simulation, and, you know, if you’re not paying attention, that reads like “erection stimulation.”
Just squint until plumber = hobo
(Scotch gets random boner)