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Your “Another One?!” Monday Night Football Open Thread

scotchnaut

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Look, I’m sure this game won’t be nearly as fine a spectacle as the Thursday Night Mega Tilt Of All Fixtures, Giants/Eagles!!! but let’s try to make the best of it. Just like I’m trying to make the best of a situation-there is a plumber in my house as I type. (halftime of the first game) He’s ‘fixing things’ and ‘asking me questions I don’t know the answer to’ and ‘questioning my masculinity’. I put on pants for this? He’s not the least bit interested in wearing a mask but a man with his skillset is a somewhat rare commodity in this town, so wadda ya gonna do? You’re gonna watch a game, that’s what you’re going to do.

TO THE GAME!

Cards/Cowboys:

-The Mighty Red Rocket grabs hold of this magnificent O and… well, let’s see what happens. Plenty of imagineers think that he’ll succeed in this spot-his triumvirate of wr’s and his rb are nothing like anything he’s had to work with the last few years.

-This is really a game about defensive futility on both sides-Dallas is 20th vs the pass and 28th vs the run. Yeah!, Vander Esch is back but whatever…

-In signing Zeke the Boys had to let Byron Jones fly away and opposing qb’s have a 141 rating when they go long. The Cards? They have the least amount of takeaways in the league.

-Three of five teams that have played Dallas have had a receiver catch 2 TD’s.

Will we get a high-scoring game that offsets this (so far) low-scoring Chiefs/Bills doozy? Let’s watch and see. Comment as you see fit.

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Unsurprised

This game and this thread are amusing as Hell if you read them now.

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

My body hurts.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Not as much as mine will tomorrow

1
BrettFavresColonoscopy

From the vacation?

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I wonder if JJ will expose his team to COVID in retaliation for their shitty showing tonight.

2
Dunstan

Worse. He’ll expose Jeffrey Toobin to his team.

3
Sharkbait

He usually just exposes himself

4
Horatio Cornblower

If you think Covid is the worst thing JJ can expose his team to you have not been paying attention.

5
Viva La Tabula Raza

Going forward, I will continue to root for Kyler Murray’s successful execution of game plans.

1
Doktor Zymm

Who is Dallas playing next week, and can I pick up their defense?

4
Gratliff

Team

1
Doktor Zymm

This matchup might require its own, custom drinking game.

3
Gratliff

Pints of bleach

4
Viva La Tabula Raza

And UV lights, internally applied.

3
Doktor Zymm

Oh wow, Cows@Team next week. I don’t wanna fuck with that, that much derp can go critical and ANYTHING can happen

3
TheRevanchist

Football team. I’m not sure how to forecast that game, other than we should watch with these same announcers. It’s going to be a hoot!

3
Dunstan

You could probably pick up their blitz. Single-handedly.

1
Horatio Cornblower

They have Washington. So you might want to pick up the Dallas D

1
Gratliff

The only time I like Stephen A is after a Dallas loss

1
Senor Weaselo

I was about to say “hey, the Cowboys’ average points allowed is going to go down.” Never mind.

2
Unsurprised

Shitting their dicks is preternatural

0
Sharkbait

“Thankfully the Cowboys are out of timeouts”

Amazing.

5
Gratliff

Holy shit I had no idea the defense was that bad

1
Horatio Cornblower

BEN DINUCCI EVERYBODY!!!

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Why are the Cowboy Cheerleaders still leaping around?

1
Horatio Cornblower

Trying to stay way from Jerry Jones?

8
Unsurprised

It’s impressive that he is less of a creep and monster towards his cheerleaders than Snyder is towards his.

0
Gratliff

Ahahaha the smash cut to Foles lifting the trophy

1
Senor Weaselo

Kenyan Drake>Canadian Drake

4
TheRevanchist

69 yards!

1
Sharkbait

Nice

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

—Gronk

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

Bonie Maroney.

1
litre_cola

LOVE THE DRAKE!

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

NOT US!
—The Spanish Armada

6
Horatio Cornblower

Outstanding

1
Gratliff

Moar lol

0
Redshirt

Kyler Murray is 9 for 24 yet his team is up by 21 points. Football is weird.

3
Sharkbait

comment image

2
Horatio Cornblower

When I was in high school the Bears whipped Dallas 44-0, and that was considered the defining moment of the end of the run Dallas had as a good team.

This is far, far worse.

5
Doktor Zymm

The pity TD didn’t help?

0
Horatio Cornblower

That’s what makes it worse. The Bears just beat the hell out of Cowboys, with a purpose. The Cardinals were like, “yeah, whatever, have a meaningless TD, you need it more than we do”

2
Recovery Whiskey

Seattle beat Dallas before it was cool

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

I still remember joyously watching the old AFC West Seahawks upsetting the fuck out of the Cowboys on Thanksgiving Day back sometime in the late 1970s. Very cool.

2
Horatio Cornblower

Jim Zorn!

2
Mr. Ayo

I’m sure that run helps.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

I still get wood when I remember that game.

2
Col. Duke LaCross

I was seven, and I still remember Ditka apologizing to Landry after that game.

1
Recovery Whiskey

That years Dallas went 10-6

1
herodotus450

Not to alarm anyone but it’s looking more and more likely that Tampa is one of the better teams in the NFC.

1
Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s easier to believe when you consider that Brady sold his sold to Satan (the real one, not Belichick) a quarter century ago.

Last edited 5 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
2
hippofant

Horatio Cornblower

Editor October 19, 2020 9:51 pm

Oh my god there’s 9 minutes of this left.

Posted: 30 minutes ago.

3
Horatio Cornblower

It’s given me more time to drink, so there’s that.

2
hippofant

I fell asleep and awoke to, “Don’t be fooled by the 31-10 score, it hasn’t been that close.”

4
Col. Duke LaCross

That was the most pathetic goal-line sequence that somehow resulted in a touchdown I’ve ever seen.

And I’m a Bears fan.

4
Senor Weaselo

I’d say something as a Jets fan but you said “resulted in a touchdown.” And “goal-line.”

8
Viva La Tabula Raza

And Dallas cracks two-digit score!

2
Horatio Cornblower

Typical Cowboys fan. Smoking hot woman by his side who puts up with his ridiculous obsessions, and he’s got his head down and weeping while she’s trying to make out with him.
comment image?itemid=5175269

2
Viva La Tabula Raza

Reckon he’ll be toobin’ it tonight.

4
Horatio Cornblower

Related, earlier: My wife comes into the room and starts tormenting the dog and cat. I tell her that I’m trying to follow my team and to pipe down. She looks at me and says “Oh sorry, I don’t really follow baseball” and then smirks at me and THAT people, is why I married her.

7
Viva La Tabula Raza

If she is really tormenting animals, I hope the animals fuck with her while she is asleep.

0
Horatio Cornblower

The dog adores her; it’s a game they play every night.

The cat, on the other hand, is going to murder her.

2
Sharkbait

ESPN shitting on this drive almost made watching this game worth it

2
Senor Weaselo

And it’s a garbagedown to boot!

1
Horatio Cornblower

That was an all-timer right there. Steve Levy should get MNF for the foreseeable future.

2
Sharkbait

Liked him already for his NHL support. Just added on

1
TheRevanchist

These announcers and crowd is making me laugh so hard. That dude with his head down like he is crying was too much.

2
JimU

Steve Levy just shitting over the Cowboys and NFC East.
comment image?itemid=14306654

5
Doktor Zymm

In all those fan shots, I think I saw 2 masks?

1
Doktor Zymm

Oh there we go, they found some fans with masks

1
Sharkbait

Are you counting the luchador mask?

1
Doktor Zymm

Luchador guy also had a gaiter, but it was pulled down, so equivalent of mask around the neck

1
herodotus450

Or metaphorical masks which hide the shame of being a Cowboys fan?

0
hippofant

This was a helluva game to get coronavirus for.

2
litre_cola

Here comes the Zeke td to kill my $$FF week.

0
Horatio Cornblower

Fuck him. They should give Pollard all the carries down here.

1
litre_cola

I am up by 3 pts right now…. Zeke td, done.

1
JimU

Woo hoo!

2
litre_cola

So you are saying there’s a chance.

1
Sharkbait

Wait, we’re not in already in the second half of Dalton’s career???

2
JimU

Andy Dalton is better than other starting quarterbacks in the league. Ahh, Joe Flacco and who else?

1
litre_cola

Kyle Allen.

2
JimU

Daniel Jones?

1
Sharkbait

Sam Darnold?

1
litre_cola

Cousins?

1
Recovery Whiskey

Cousins is better

2
Col. Duke LaCross

Foles?

1
litre_cola

If you had to choose, Jameis or Dalton?

1
hippofant

Jameis by a mile, if only for the entertainment value.

There’s just something about Fitzmagickkkkk

1
Doktor Zymm

For anyone who’s just joining us now, here’s the highlights from the first 56 minutes of the game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8SjHGILye0

2
Horatio Cornblower

Yes, pile up those meaningless FF points for me!
comment image?itemid=6219985

1
Sharkbait

Jealous

1
Horatio Cornblower

There is no real value to Dak Prescott. Anyone who saw that injury knows that he is never coming back from that injury, at least anywhere close to what he was before the accident. I hope to Christ he proves me wrong, but a broken and dislocated ankle on a QB who relies in part on rushing, is not a good thing.

3
Dunstan

Huh. Usually it’s altar boys who get reamed this badly by Cardinals.

14
Recovery Whiskey

Omg

1
Horatio Cornblower

Banner.

3
Unsurprised

and then hang it from the rafters because it’s a HOF first ballot.

Last edited 5 years ago by Unsurprised
1
Sharkbait

Magnificent.

2
Unsurprised

Jesus Christ. I had friends who were molested by priests and this is a goddamn gem.

0
Doktor Zymm

In retrospect, the Cowboys probably shouldn’t have moved the visitor’s locker room behind that grassy knoll

4
Horatio Cornblower

Their place in the standings is moving back, and to the left. Back, and to the left.

5
Viva La Tabula Raza

Given the Cardinal’s assassination of the Cowboys tonight, I think they might have spent the night in the Book Depository.

3
Horatio Cornblower

I’m not sure whose death the announcers are referring to, but since they’re referring to his kindness and generosity, I’m going to go ahead and assume that Jerry Jones is still alive.

3
Spur

I don’t think Dallas is going to win this.

2
Horatio Cornblower

McCarthy is already ordering up a FG on 4th and 2 from the 26.

Dallas’s 26.

3
Horatio Cornblower

Oh my god there’s 9 minutes of this left.

1
Doktor Zymm

Smart of the Dallas defense to just give up. No reason to tire yourself out when you know the offense is only gonna give you a 30 second break.

3
Sharkbait

Go to Kirk again!

0
Unsurprised

— Green hookers across the galaxy

0
Viva La Tabula Raza

O’Brien’s decision to get rid of Hopkins continues to look like a brilliant fucking move.

3
Horatio Cornblower

David Johnson is leading the league in rushing though, right? Right?

2
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