Look, I’m sure this game won’t be nearly as fine a spectacle as the Thursday Night Mega Tilt Of All Fixtures, Giants/Eagles!!! but let’s try to make the best of it. Just like I’m trying to make the best of a situation-there is a plumber in my house as I type. (halftime of the first game) He’s ‘fixing things’ and ‘asking me questions I don’t know the answer to’ and ‘questioning my masculinity’. I put on pants for this? He’s not the least bit interested in wearing a mask but a man with his skillset is a somewhat rare commodity in this town, so wadda ya gonna do? You’re gonna watch a game, that’s what you’re going to do.
TO THE GAME!
Cards/Cowboys:
-The Mighty Red Rocket grabs hold of this magnificent O and… well, let’s see what happens. Plenty of imagineers think that he’ll succeed in this spot-his triumvirate of wr’s and his rb are nothing like anything he’s had to work with the last few years.
-This is really a game about defensive futility on both sides-Dallas is 20th vs the pass and 28th vs the run. Yeah!, Vander Esch is back but whatever…
-In signing Zeke the Boys had to let Byron Jones fly away and opposing qb’s have a 141 rating when they go long. The Cards? They have the least amount of takeaways in the league.
-Three of five teams that have played Dallas have had a receiver catch 2 TD’s.
Will we get a high-scoring game that offsets this (so far) low-scoring Chiefs/Bills doozy? Let’s watch and see. Comment as you see fit.
lol showing the backup QB for Dallas, some guy named Ban DiNucci from James Madison.
I think Ben DiNucci was the tough-guy caddy in Caddyshack.
found a funny:
British show contestants are like “Graham loves to spend time in his garden, tending to his lilacs” and American show contestants are like “Mark was dead in a ditch once for 40 minutes”
Did they just say the backup QB is James Madison?
I’m trying to figure out a way to mock him fucking up so badly the British burned down the White House and Capitol.
Ah, his college was named James Madison. No problem.
“I haven’t seen a James Madison product get wrecked like that since the last Federalist Society convention!”
https://twitter.com/nbcnews/status/1317654156455411714
“Slipped.” Gee, I can’t imagine why people don’t trust legacy media anymore.
Can the blue states join with Canada? Leave those red states to die
That would leave Jesusland with like, one port.
WE DON’T NEED NO IMPORTS except Trump’s entire fashion line.
And his wives.
https://www.fivewivesvodka.com/
Did someone mention Five Wives?
A Utah original!
Poor New Orleans
Its got 2 wangs. Hahaha
NV, AZ and NM are Blue.
Not blue enough. Go big or stay in Jesusland.
Eh. ~51-49 and last 10 years. This graphic is from about 2004 IIRC.
NM is socially conservative blue.
I’ve always been a bit amused by the assumption that the rest of Illinois was blue; Chicago just outnumbers them. Its really a lot more West Indiana below about I-80.
Hell, even the Chicago suburbs have a majority population that’s perfectly comfortable using racial slurs
man fuck indiana
-me living in Indiana
What’s in it for us?
you get to be Americans
Not sure thats a plus
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7APmRkatEU
No jokes here. I tell everyone who suggests that even slightly seriously to fuck themselves.
Forced into poverty by a monumentally flawed Trump-led response to global pandemic. We know.
Congrats to the NFC East champion Eagles.
Hey, The Giants could conceivablAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I was so close to finishing that sentance
If we took the best players and made an NFC East team (and vacated their playoff spot), would that team finish top-7 in a 13-team NFC?
No salary cap?
For them, no. Because they’re special. In every sense.
Then realistically, yes. Even without a reasonable QB, there’s enough strength at all the other positions between four NFL teams to make a damn good team. The top quarter of any NFL team is going to be good enough to play on any team in the league.
No
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcZzlPGnKdU
Just admit the mistake and hire Eric Bieniemy. Dallas needs to do this
You shut your whore mouth! Once a Bengal, Always a Bengal!
Come home, Eric! Mike Brown will be dead soon enough!
Most (thought admittedly not all) of the Cowboys fans I know down here are also MAGAs, so that makes this doubly delicious.
As opposed to Arizona noted land of Liberalism.
Yeah, but I don’t hate the Cardinals.
Ah yes, Christian Kirk is the GOAT.
Good lord Dallas is bad.
I thought they’d go .500 this year, (and win the division, naturally), but now I think 5-11 might be ambitious.
5-11 might win the division
God help us all, but you’re not wrong.
Dear jesus that was pretty.
……………so when does the NBA restart?
Ok that one was Wilson-like
Lol
As a Giants fan, I’m a huge fan of Dandy Dalton.
Related to the downthread chain. Fuck and double fuck.
https://www.rawstory.com/2020/10/jeff-bridges-announces-he-has-been-diagnosed-with-lymphoma/
New shit has come to light.
Shit.
Dalton settling into the old days where he was blown up by a cb blitz that he didn’t recognize.
Woo! My wine-in-a-can order just shipped!
Wine in a can? Whatever will they think of next?
Its been done before
I must have this.
You can always drink wine in the can.
Adds an extra bit to the nose.
Suggested food pairing:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52jSB5s33aA
Budda Baker was a beast for U Dub. Quite a few around the PNW were pissed the Hox didn’t draft him.
How many plays until Andy Dalton starts to wonder if he’s died and gone to Hell to be damned to QB shitty, shitty teams?
Didn’t that happen when he showed up for his first training camp with the Bengals?
Can we stop putting the NFC East in nationally televised games?
All right, just for that, every game will have an NFC East team! Or two! Or even three!
Not until another division manages to be as dominant as the NFC East was in the 90s, clearly
Eagles-esque pass protection
Charmin gives more protection
I think this is the universe finally holding Zeke accountable for his questionable grasp of both the football and the concepts of cause and effect
Anyone on the Dallas D taunting anyone about anything needs to be referred for a psych evaluation, never mind penalized.
Maybe they’re nihilists
No, these Dallas defensemen are nihilists, there’s nothing to be afraid of.
At least its an ethos.
Say what you will about the tenets of national socialism…
Is that you, Bill Barr?
Plumber went out to his van-brought a Wet Vac into the house. It’s sucking up a bunch of water. I’m so hard right now. He knows what he’s doing. Does he have protection?
Were they taunting their own coach or?
I’m going to be quite cross if I lose to Litre because that’s marked as a pass.
The good news is I finally upped my phone to an iOS that apps still work for, so I can check my fantasy teams on Sundays again on my phone. So that’s nice to not cost me (does math) 18.6 points.
I really wanted that scrambledown!
Zeke in that Wentz zone where he’s their only hope and will just constantly give the ball away
What happened to Ezekiel Elliot?
According to the color guy he just cares too much.
Might be time to feed Tony Pollard for a bit.
This is all because of Zeke’s nose rings — Skip Bayless, probably
Why do i even watch this fucking team
Is Jerruh in the building? Not one owner box shot yet
He’s toobin so they left the camera off him
Fuck that is a god awful color scheme for the scoreboard. Didn’t they decide last year not to use yellowish colors since it looks like a flag on every play?
That’s game. See you guys Thursday
Well, there’s the insurmountable lead
I was gonna post this on the next score but I ain’t got all night
c’mon, fumbled snap!
I would not make the effort to take a Butterfinger out of the refrigerator, assuming someone in my household possessed the deadened tastebuds necessary to purchase one in the first place.
Plumber is still here-it’s a waiting game now.
If you move to kiss him first, he’ll think you’re a slut. BE STRONG!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z6ZlyeXHlfw
This corset is so damn tight though. I need room to breathe!
Do not liveblog a murder.
You just can’t buy that kind of legal advice, y’know.
Is that why we only liveblog abortions and curbstompings?
No wonder Red Rocket was so reckless trying to avoid a safety (dance). First score apparently wins.
It’s hilarious to me that the one Instacart driver who has texted to ask for a five-star review is also the only one who’s ever managed to drop the groceries in front of the wrong apartment. Yeah dude, I’ll get right on that five stars for you.
I TEXTED THAT TO YOU IN PRIVATE!!!
I thought that was for … the other thing.
Already gave you five stars for that.
obligatory:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u7WYFLlxGbA
This is why I prefer to risk my life and go to the store myself.
Meanwhile Murray is proving more that he’s a new Tavaris Jackson than a new Russell Wilson.
Did somebody break Murray?
Arizona heat will do that
my fantasy opponent started him.
he also started the dallas defense.
I’m just saying there’s lots of questionable decision making going around
Brandon Knight needs to be fired into the sun before the next possession.
Looked like a football move to me, though this game does not have many of those so far
Some real ball security there
…
That was beauty incarnate