Your “Another One?!” Monday Night Football Open Thread

Look, I’m sure this game won’t be nearly as fine a spectacle as the Thursday Night Mega Tilt Of All Fixtures, Giants/Eagles!!! but let’s try to make the best of it. Just like I’m trying to make the best of a situation-there is a plumber in my house as I type. (halftime of the first game) He’s ‘fixing things’ and ‘asking me questions I don’t know the answer to’ and ‘questioning my masculinity’. I put on pants for this? He’s not the least bit interested in wearing a mask but a man with his skillset is a somewhat rare commodity in this town, so wadda ya gonna do? You’re gonna watch a game, that’s what you’re going to do.

TO THE GAME!

Cards/Cowboys:

-The Mighty Red Rocket grabs hold of this magnificent O and… well, let’s see what happens. Plenty of imagineers think that he’ll succeed in this spot-his triumvirate of wr’s and his rb are nothing like anything he’s had to work with the last few years.

-This is really a game about defensive futility on both sides-Dallas is 20th vs the pass and 28th vs the run. Yeah!, Vander Esch is back but whatever…

-In signing Zeke the Boys had to let Byron Jones fly away and opposing qb’s have a 141 rating when they go long. The Cards? They have the least amount of takeaways in the league.

-Three of five teams that have played Dallas have had a receiver catch 2 TD’s.

Will we get a high-scoring game that offsets this (so far) low-scoring Chiefs/Bills doozy? Let’s watch and see. Comment as you see fit.

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JimU

Do we really have to have an NFC East team in the playoffs?

Doktor Zymm

It’ll be a nice confidence boost and chance to build momentum for whichever wild card team gets to play them

JimU

Looking at the current matchups, it would be the Packers at the Cowboys. Rodgers should just throw Hail Marys all game.

Senor Weaselo

For fantasy reasons, go pick 6!

Senor Weaselo

That was almost correct.

litre_cola

So close but I don’t think I will get it over the line

Doktor Zymm

See? It would have been way better if they had gone for a long field goal on 3rd down

Sharkbait

This game is a snuff film

Game Time Decision

Snuff film is gentler

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Faces of Death.” Theme: bird pecks out human eyes.

JimU

That’s the Andy Dalton we all know.

Horatio Cornblower

GO FOR IT!!!

What are you going to do, lose the game!?

litre_cola

Punt it!!!

Horatio Cornblower

You shut your Canadian piehole

litre_cola

Or that could happen. Have to win that field position battle.

Horatio Cornblower

I just laughed so hard at that sack that our cat jumped out the window.

Doktor Zymm

I miss that cat that got onto the field that one time

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not sure Lucky Buster is that fast, but you never know.

Doktor Zymm

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Horatio Cornblower

That’s definitely not him, and I cannot imagine the bloodshed that would result if I tried to stuff him or his feral sister into that shirt.

Doktor Zymm

I really enjoy pictures of cats looking annoyed in clothing, but that cat seems weirdly okay with it

Horatio Cornblower

LB would likely tolerate it, but our other cat, Nutmeg The Great & Terrible, is a year-round outside cat, basically feral, (I built her a kickass fort, for which she has shown no gratitude whatsoever), would shred multiple layers of skin off of anyone who tried that crap.

TheRevanchist

I’ll just assume you live on the 69th floor. My condolences.

Horatio Cornblower

Would be nice, (elbows you ridiculously hard in the ribs), but no, he jumped 4′ out of the 1st floor window.

TheRevanchist

Many years of watching Leslie Nielsen movies may have warped my humor. Also, the Schottenheimer years in KC didn’t help, either.

Horatio Cornblower

I now need .86 points to tie Rob, .87 to win, and keep in mind that he has Zurlein. Will I pull it out? Much like the night my son was conceived, absolutely not.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Christ, it’s only still the 3rd quarter….

litre_cola

I can’t wait to see what offensive wizardry BlueBunny comes up with now!

Horatio Cornblower

I absolutely want McCarthy fired, but not even Belichek could do anything with this offensive line.

Gratliff

Score Update:
ARI 28 – 3 DAL
07:53 3Q

This game has a 5.17% chance of ending in Scorigami.
Most likely Scorigami: 84-3 (0.42%)

— resilient coastal gull (@AnthraxJones) October 20, 2020

Senor Weaselo

That seems unlikely.

Gratliff

Could just go into victory formation

Spur

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Sharkbait

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Last edited 4 years ago by Sharkbait
Viva La Tabula Raza

I reckon you should magnet it to the fridge door, in case you need to get your pipes cleaned in the future.

Doktor Zymm

Hey, another field goal attempt! Missed this time.

Horatio Cornblower

28-3, but by all means, let’s try a 58-yard FG.

Fuck you Mike.

Gratliff

Andy definitely thinks he’s on Arizona

Viva La Tabula Raza

Cedrick the Injuretainer

Viva La Tabula Raza

This guy did a lot that contributed to modern life. Probably not as sexy as Patrick Swayze, but they are both dead so the point is moot.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Dalton

Last edited 4 years ago by Viva La Tabula Raza
Sharkbait

Dalton just got a man killed.

Gratliff

While being heralded as the best thing to happen in Dallas this year

Gratliff

Ded’d

Gratliff

Clutching his ribs mid-air probably isn’t a good sign

Horatio Cornblower

Thought that was a head-to-head hit, but looks like he just caved in his chest with his shoulder. Which is good, I guess?

Doktor Zymm

Out of breath from solar-plexus hit maybe?

Horatio Cornblower

Arizona is already in a prevent defense, and I don’t blame them a bit.

Also, looks like Zeke may have been benched.

Doktor Zymm

Hey, out of curiosity, why did you have to cancel your Mexico trip? Would you have to quarantine on return or something?

Horatio Cornblower

We live in CT, so yes, we would have had to quarantine for 14 days when we returned. That wasn’t really an issue, since I work out of the house and Mrs. Cornblower can get creative with her schedule.

The real issue for us was that we have 2 kids and felt like we would have spent more time worrying about what we were being exposed to during the travel to and from the destination, and during any side trips we took, than we would have spent enjoying being away.

Doktor Zymm

That sucks, there’s a whole new comfort level calculation that has to go into travel nowadays. When I went to visit my parents I semi-quarantined beforehand, then took a lot of precautions during the flight, but even with that I didn’t fully relax until a couple weeks after returning home when I could be 100% certain that I didn’t infect them.

Horatio Cornblower

Exactly. That said, please enjoy Mexico for us as well as yourself. Vaya con Dios.

Horatio Cornblower

2nd and 10, here comes a run up the middle

Recovery Whiskey

My god this game is beautiful. — America’s Team Haters Worldwide

Sharkbait

This is an awfully familiar score.

Senor Weaselo

Yes, but they’re not the Atlanta Cardinals.

Viva La Tabula Raza

And they aren’t the Dallas Patriots, either.

Doktor Zymm

In an alternate non-Covid world, the crowd size would be the same after this most recent TD

Bogdanski

So hulu just decided that us san diego folk don’t get to watch the 2nd half. Anyone else having this problem?

Gratliff

It’s a feature, not a bug

Bogdanski

Figured but what the hell am I suppossed to do? Talk to my wife and kids? No thanks

Spur

we’re not missing anything. Go get a fish taco.

litre_cola

OK, so they bring in the backup for the 4th right?

Viva La Tabula Raza

Dang, this is quite a beatdown.
—Rodney King

Gratliff

Schadenbleergh

Gratliff

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litre_cola

No Edmonds down, must have the Drake, love the Drake.

Horatio Cornblower

The Cowboys need to run a few pick plays and take out some officials.
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Gratliff

Some defenses get worn down, some get forced into retirement in the third quarter

Gratliff

May as well just get on the bus at this point

Horatio Cornblower

Kirkpatrick tackled him. That’s a bullshit interception.

litre_cola

As a 100% biased Iggles fan, you are absolutely correct. That shit was fucking blatant.

Horatio Cornblower

The NFL, of course, will never admit it.

I’m not sure why anyone even gambles on the NFL when the officiating is so bad.

And for the record, the Cowboys are well on their way to losing this game all by themselves; they do not need the officials help.

Doktor Zymm

People gamble on FIFA, people gamble on casino games, people used to gamble on who would get hit by streetcars, people will gamble on damn near anything

Horatio Cornblower

Fair point. I used to play poker with a bunch of guys that would have the Barrett car auctions on in the background and they would bet on the outcome of each car.

Horatio Cornblower

“And for the record, the Cowboys are well on their way to losing this game all by themselves; they do not need the officials help.”

Horatio Cornblower

Eh, don’t mind me. I’m just pissy* because I’m going to lose my FF game on less than 70 points and I should be in Mexico but Trumper won’t wear masks.

*drunk

Horatio Cornblower

I gotcha, man. That one would have been all on me.

Senor Weaselo

Good thing they kicked that field goal, right? Eh?

Please don’t hurt me.

Recovery Whiskey

Daltoned

Senor Weaselo

So… anyone see the Tuatara run? That has to be fucking terrifying.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N22JfNHiC1k

Doktor Zymm

Am I wrong that it’s weird of the ‘No on 23’ people to specifically call out that kidney disease can affect Millennials?

Unsurprised

I want to rub his head across concrete like an eraser until there’s nothing below the metal collar.

Last edited 4 years ago by Unsurprised
Spur

Was Berman always a redhead?

Gumbygirl

I remember it being dark and greasy years ago. Maybe he has scurvy or rickets or something.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m pretty sure his hair was trending towards green two years ago, and that’s not a joke.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not exactly hanging around waiting on Tony Dungy for words of wisdom.

Sharkbait

He should have choked on those words as soon as he thought of them

Horatio Cornblower

Christ, what an asshole

Unsurprised

Not as bad as the simps in his replies.

Redshirt

“No major discipline for the Titans”

This season will not be finished because the NFL is gutless.

Senor Weaselo

Granted, we knew that.

Doktor Zymm

The problem is, every team in the league is probably guilty of the same infractions. The Titans were just unlucky that they didn’t get away with it so it drew attention to them. But if they implemented harsh penalties, the Titans could respond by insisting on the same penalties for every team with infractions that didn’t result in infection.

Doktor Zymm

Remember the Redacteds Rule, where there was a correlation between Redacteds pre-election wins and the incumbent party keeping the presidency? Then the correlation disappeared for the last few elections? Maybe it just isn’t enough for the Football Team to lose a game this year, maybe the entire division needs to blow goat chunks to indicate an historic landslide change in power…

Recovery Whiskey

Newsletter, subscribe

Gumbygirl

From your lips/fingers to Dog’s ear!

Horatio Cornblower

If McCarthy kicks a FG here I will murder him

Horatio Cornblower

That’s it, I’m getting arrested

litre_cola

That seemed like kind of a dumb move.

Senor Weaselo

Sharky, I think you’re closer to him than I am, you’re responsible for bailing him out.

Sharkbait

As long as he doesnt flee, I’ll do it

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not worried about trial so much as I am writing my inauguration speech as Governor of Texas afterwards.

Spur

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Redshirt

…uh oh.

Game Time Decision

Haha. Green Bay fans welcome you to the anti-McCarthy clubhouse, grab a drink and a chair

Recovery Whiskey

Bringing Dallas and Green Bay fans together in McCarthy hate. Hilarious

Spur

yep, I just called in sick tomorrow, Pray to Cronus I feel better, no way I can chance a Doctors visit for a back.

Redshirt

Do nothing but rest the back.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Last time I fucked up my back I stayed home for a full work week.

Horatio Cornblower

‘How will Arizona get any pressure”

I dunno, Brian, but stumbling forward seems to be working just fine so far.

Redshirt

Honestly, I think walking forward is more than enough.

SonOfSpam

Is CassetteTape Lamb hurt? Why is he on the bench?

Sharkbait

Because I need him to score fantasy points for me apparently.

Horatio Cornblower

As do I. He’s been in the game, just apparently not in the game plan.