He really should have minded his own business. I gave him a chance but he wouldn’t listen and now he’s fodder for the seagulls, crows, bears, whatever…
It’s time to move on. Opportunities around these parts are getting increasingly rare and I’m taking more and more chances and I’ve just got a bad feeling. When I’ve had that creeping feeling before I’ve always listened and it hasn’t failed me to this point. So I’m moving on. Part of that process involves getting rid of some garbage that I’ve accumulated. (I always keep my trophies wherever I go though). You know, the normal sort of detritus that piles up, that you put aside and put off until you can’t ignore it anymore. On Saturday I made my first run to the local landfill and as I was getting rid of stuff I saw an older fella rummaging thru piles and he eventually approached my truck. As he looked in he said, “hey you know that metal stuff belongs over there” pointing across the yard “and those bags of leaves go over there”. I nodded and went about my business. He stiffened and repeated himself, “That stuff goes over there!” I ignored him and left as he yelled at me.
You know his type-the guy that had a small amount of power and let it take hold in his head. Maybe he was a security guard, perhaps a custodian. The type that just can’t mind their own business. The type that will point out that you didn’t park properly. The kind that tries to assert their non-existent authority over you. The second visit was more of the same. I didn’t anticipate that he would be there so I didn’t bring any ‘tools of the trade’ with me to my significant disappointment. I figured if I went back a third time it would be too risky but if he’s a regular there I’ll come back. Soon.
I took a chance on the following Tuesday but he wasn’t around. Probably telling off some parent of a crying kid at the grocery store or some such thing. I went back again on Thursday and there he was, jawing at someone else that was minding their own business. I hung back at the far entrance and waited until that put-upon guy was done. As he passed I pulled my cap down over my eyes. No one else was around except Mr. Garbage Cop, rummaging through the contents of what had just been left behind. I backed up, put a Wusthof 5″ boning knife up my sleeve and exited my truck. Sure enough.
“You back again? Just how much garbage do you have anyway?”, he said as he peered in the bed of the truck. “What? There’s nothing in here!” As he turned to look towards me I slashed the side of his throat. Not clean but good enough. His eyes went as wide as any I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen lots. He stumbled backwards over a lawn chair, holding his hand up to stop the gushing. I know I didn’t go that deep but he didn’t. I fell on him. The stink of rotten food was horrible. He didn’t have a chance, trying to fend me off with just the one hand. A deep slash to his stomach followed. His hand left his throat and I (you’ll excuse the cliche) went for the jugular. Blood and mud became one as he flopped around, trying to get to his feet and failing a few times. It didn’t take too much longer. I kicked his body down the small embankment and threw some trash on him. He’ll get found in a day or three but by then I’ll be miles and miles away. A great departing gift though…
TO THE GAME!
Seahawks/Cards:
The Kyler should have plenty of time to make the right sorts of decisions-his o-line gives up quick pressure on only 16.5% of passing snaps and Seattle just doesn’t rush the passer very well. Their secondary should get decimated by Hopkins as long as Murray is consistent on shorter passes-he’s inconsistent there.
Type away.
When Russell plays unconscious, they look unbeatable, but when Andy does it, they get blown out by Washington.
Russell is very vocal about his faith; Dalton doesn’t have a soul. Case closed.
Nice
I just bought some treats. I got a semi-hard cheese.
Hehehe. Semi-hard.
Semi-hard and two more guys, you can fuck an ostrich
There’s the can-do attitude that keeps this clubhouse humming!
Hahahah
HOLY SHIT DK Metcalf is fast….
https://twitter.com/JacCollinsworth/status/1320536285577203713
22.6 mph. Unreal.
Point of reference: Usain Bolt was clocked at 27 mph.
I would 100% wear a belt buckle that says “Jesus holds up my pants”
So would Mike Pence, missing the irony.
Things I have scars from: Walking in fire when I was 3, plywood floor at a punk show when I was 20, shitting in an alley and slipping on ice when I was 27
Scars never heal, but, the real wound is being a fan of Dan Snyder’s Football Team.
That actually does heal, although it itches from time to time, probably like herpes
All mine are emotional.
Wait, my eyebrow has a scar from three different incidents. Lucky to still have that eye really.
Even though he’s a Pitt guy, I would vote for Fitzgerald for President.
He’ll be rocking the University of Phoenix bust when he goes to the CFB Hall.
I briefly checked out the football game and all they were doing was removing a corpse from the field. The baseball game has been pretty good so far.
“You wanna keep these athletes as safe as we can” while playing a season in the MIDDLE OF A PANDEMIC.
Fuck. Off. Cris. You. Cocksucking. Dumbfuck.
Wait a minute. Stepped away from watching for a couple minutes. Who died?
Lockett is awesome, please ignore this dude we’re rolling onto a backboard, football!
To think: Carroll only ended up in Seattle because he didn’t want to eat the sanctions he left in his wake at USC.
It’s a real The Mighty Ducks story.
Paul Allen flew to LA and interviewed him personally.
Just had to bring this out
Glitter is impossible to get out of sheets
And my beard.
Russell Wilson is a cheat code at this point
WHOOOO
You all may remember Patrick Peterson from my offseason piece: Sunset Now.
Pop drop and
Double coverage dont matter
This Charmslinger guy might be pretty good.
MVP!!!!
It’s hard to believe Charmslinger has never received a MVP vote before
East Coast Bias is real
Cardinals corners probably wonder why they’re trying at all at this point.
Omg
Seems like a good QB could take out a knee or two with a slide and probably wouldn’t get called
20 DOWN
Tyler Lockett welcome to the game
Old Man Wilson kicking Kyler Murray off his lawn
I can relate to Scotchy’s dump adventure. Hoo boy, can I relate to it.
We got ourselves a ballgame
There’s some amazing base running plays in this football game.
Damn nice play
Cat farts are adorable
Until you smell them.
Meanwhile, I’ve been to 100 counties, with my thirst for booze. Fitzgerald and I are so similar!
Gail is the best
Cute 97 yard drive
That was fast. Not DK fast, but still fast.
Budda Baker’s college teammate Will Dissly
I swear the Seahawks have 15 tight ends.
“It’s the future of the game.”
– Pete C[AARP]rroll
Makes up for shit linemen
It gets a +1 run block for every TE
Wilson to Murray: hold my beer
Weekly reminder the Eagles took JJAW over Metcalf specifically to hurt me
You’re a great fan; very valid complaints.
Nobody wanted Metcalf. He ran a shitty NFL Combine.
“So did I. Big deal.”
– V Young
Which should tell them all they need to know about the value of the NFL Combine
They’re praising Mike Bidwill for paying millions of dollars to a bad GM who costed the franchise millions more with his trash contracts (still paying off contracts) but then “being patient” enough to give the drunk a second chance?
Though if you want to sell hype, I guess you ignore the history of ARI….
Isn’t the sole function of commentators to find someone’s dick to rhetorically fellate?
Given the Bidwill family history just not being a drunk is winning the game.
Neither team wants to win
One team’s fanbase sure as shit does
BFIF?
KyLOL
No. Fucking. Points.
The way of the Budda
Baker got DK’d
People around here were pissed we didnt draft Baker.
Should’ve run it
[cheers quietly]
whooooooooooooooooooo
/does not disturb kittens that suddenly appeared on my lap to sleep
I dunno how I’m gonna get my new beer, dammit.
Gotta have a kitten sling. Or a monkey butler to bring you beers.
I tried to train my dog when she was young to pick up cans of beer.
She did not understand what to do and would just puncture the can and drink the beer.
So yea, gonna need that monkey.
I feel like something thumb-like is needed for cans
She knew what SHE wanted.
Farts always win
Ballard almost butt-recovered
POONA!!!
Hox ball
Rosen wasnt quite the full Ryan Leaf but he was still a bust
Gonna hit that package store for my last cans like Monty Fucking Capuletti, baby!