Your NFL Sunday Night Football Open Thread

He really should have minded his own business. I gave him a chance but he wouldn’t listen and now he’s fodder for the seagulls, crows, bears, whatever…

It’s time to move on. Opportunities around these parts are getting increasingly rare and I’m taking more and more chances and I’ve just got a bad feeling. When I’ve had that creeping feeling before I’ve always listened and it hasn’t failed me to this point. So I’m moving on. Part of that process involves getting rid of some garbage that I’ve accumulated. (I always keep my trophies wherever I go though). You know, the normal sort of detritus that piles up, that you put aside and put off until you can’t ignore it anymore. On Saturday I made my first run to the local landfill and as I was getting rid of stuff I saw an older fella rummaging thru piles and he eventually approached my truck. As he looked in he said, “hey you know that metal stuff belongs over there” pointing across the yard “and those bags of leaves go over there”. I nodded and went about my business. He stiffened and repeated himself, “That stuff goes over there!” I ignored him and left as he yelled at me.

You know his type-the guy that had a small amount of power and let it take hold in his head. Maybe he was a security guard, perhaps a custodian. The type that just can’t mind their own business. The type that will point out that you didn’t park properly. The kind that tries to assert their non-existent authority over you. The second visit was more of the same. I didn’t anticipate that he would be there so I didn’t bring any ‘tools of the trade’ with me to my significant disappointment. I figured if I went back a third time it would be too risky but if he’s a regular there I’ll come back. Soon.

I took a chance on the following Tuesday but he wasn’t around. Probably telling off some parent of a crying kid at the grocery store or some such thing. I went back again on Thursday and there he was, jawing at someone else that was minding their own business. I hung back at the far entrance and waited until that put-upon guy was done. As he passed I pulled my cap down over my eyes. No one else was around except Mr. Garbage Cop, rummaging through the contents of what had just been left behind. I backed up, put a Wusthof 5″ boning knife up my sleeve and exited my truck. Sure enough.

“You back again? Just how much garbage do you have anyway?”, he said as he peered in the bed of the truck. “What? There’s nothing in here!” As he turned to look towards me I slashed the side of his throat. Not clean but good enough. His eyes went as wide as any I’ve ever seen and I’ve seen lots. He stumbled backwards over a lawn chair, holding his hand up to stop the gushing. I know I didn’t go that deep but he didn’t. I fell on him. The stink of rotten food was horrible. He didn’t have a chance, trying to fend me off with just the one hand. A deep slash to his stomach followed. His hand left his throat and I (you’ll excuse the cliche) went for the jugular. Blood and mud became one as he flopped around, trying to get to his feet and failing a few times. It didn’t take too much longer. I kicked his body down the small embankment and threw some trash on him. He’ll get found in a day or three but by then I’ll be miles and miles away. A great departing gift though…

TO THE GAME!

Seahawks/Cards:

The Kyler should have plenty of time to make the right sorts of decisions-his o-line gives up quick pressure on only 16.5% of passing snaps and Seattle just doesn’t rush the passer very well. Their secondary should get decimated by Hopkins as long as Murray is consistent on shorter passes-he’s inconsistent there.

Type away.

 

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ballsofsteelandfury

The Cardinals kicker should be directing Mexican soft-porn.

Viva La Tabula Raza

How do you know he isn’t already?

Doktor Zymm

ROBERT MITCHUM
in
THUNDER ROAD

Doktor Zymm

The law they never got him cause the devil got him first

ballsofsteelandfury

What about Thunder Rosa?

Speaking of, where’s Joliet Jake been?

Mr. Ayo

The thunder roads
And the lightnin’ streaks
Another show grows cold
On a football night

TheRevanchist

This is so dumb. Why keep running the ball for 3 plays to get 1 yard when you have half the field to go to have a chance to win? Coach should be fired for being too stupid to pick his nose.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Well, he did go to Texas Tech.

ballsofsteelandfury

I just realized we have a choice of Joe Buck on one channel and Cris Collinsworth on the other.

/mutes everything again

Unsurprised

Yeah, but which one has a Master’s in Ball Administration?
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Mr. Ayo

That’s a lot of corn in one picture.

And five head.

ballsofsteelandfury

Me?

Doktor Zymm

Fuck em all, gonna go watch Thunder Road

ThePirateSloth

2 MEN ENTER, 1 MA….. oh.

You said Thunder ROAD.

/kicks Master Blaster and goes home

Unsurprised
Unsurprised
Wakezilla

Amazing catch

Viva La Tabula Raza

Seattle is the current version of the New England Patriots for hatred, with Russell Wilson playing the part of Tom Brady. IMHO.

Unsurprised

Fightin’ words

Viva La Tabula Raza

To clarify, the NFC version. KC is the AFC version.

Recovery Whiskey

We have one SB win. Come on man.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Sorry man, you’re right. I’m just internalizing my bitterness at my team coming back to earth and returning to mediocrity. I knew it would be like this.

Wakezilla

Nah, they need to win another Superb Owl before they get that “honoUr”

ThePirateSloth

MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON BALL
MOON BALL
MOON BALL
MOON BALL

ballsofsteelandfury

Great catch

Recovery Whiskey

Lets go to VAR

Mr. Ayo

Stupid fucking refs changing that call. LET IT GET REVIEWED AUTOMATICALLY.

Doktor Zymm

Derp.

Horatio Cornblower

Dave Roberts is such a shit manager.

WCS

Is It A Catch? Part Eleventy Billion

Wakezilla

Just kick the damn Field goal and make the score TD, FFS!!!!

Mr. Ayo

TOUCHDOWN HOX!!!

Recovery Whiskey

The Russian Judge disagrees

Mr. Ayo

GO FOR IT

Mr. Ayo

Atta boys.

King Hippo

JESUS, what a fucking catch

Mr. Ayo

Ridiculous this team has Lockett and DK.

Recovery Whiskey

DK was a second round pick and Lockett a 3rd.

King Hippo

HAVE TO. The maths is overwhelming.

ThePirateSloth

GO FOR IT

WCS

Juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust a bit outside.

Recovery Whiskey

The ruling on the field stands is changed and stands again

Viva La Tabula Raza

Anybody else been following the new season of Fargo? It’s pretty odd, but I love the vintage cars and all the weird names of the characters.

Horatio Cornblower

I heard very mixed reviews. Any good?

Viva La Tabula Raza

I haven’t watched any of the previous seasons, but the time frame of this one got my attention and it has pretty much sucked me in, and I have enjoyed it. Definitely odd, but seeing Timothy Olyphant as a deranged US Marshal is a nice touch. YMMV.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Also, everyone in the show smokes like chimneys, even in hospital rooms, so that much at least is realistic.

King Hippo

oh my cats, the CARROTS thing

Unsurprised

You should go back and watch from s1 through after this is over. Each season is standalone, but it adds a lot watching them together.

Horatio Cornblower

Season 2 was perfect.

Unsurprised

OMG. I keep forgetting that was ALL season two. I keep thinking it was two seasons.

And, yes, it was.

Unsurprised

I keep forgetting, but I should. It feels like season three was a million years ago.

King Hippo

Yes, but am a week behind. Jason Schwartzman and Chris Rock as mafia dons was creative as fuck. And “Doctor Senator” is the character that makes the season.

Horatio Cornblower

I go back to work tomorrow after a week off. Conference call at 9:30 to ring things in.

If I pull a Toobin, how many more weeks will I be off for?

Doktor Zymm

Don’t risk it, go full nude, and do a little dance where you shake your bits

Unsurprised

Nonsense. Full nude, but pull a Buffalo Bill.

Unsurprised

Depends. We can figure out how to keep you eligible for UI.

Mr. Ayo

I’m sure you can get off in under 5 minutes.

TheRevanchist

This is a shitshow. Has it been this way the entire game?

Gatoraids

Don’t see the jets or the cowboys on the field so it’s not the Aristocrats

Mr. Ayo

Default setting for ARI-SEA games.

Recovery Whiskey

Good game so far

Wakezilla

Believe it or not, the Hawks have been playing well. Now they are playing down to their opponent

Viva La Tabula Raza

“Thought that was a smart pill I ate, guess it was just a goat turd.”
—K. Murray

Recovery Whiskey

Sudden reversal of sudden reversal!

Mr. Ayo

Damn rookies.

HOX!!!

WCS

YOU GET A PICK! AND YOU GET A PICK! EVERYONE GETS AN INTERCEPTION!

ThePirateSloth

WHOOO

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King Hippo

#KylerGivesBack

Unsurprised

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Gratliff

SUDDENCHANGEKAKKE

TheRevanchist

Haha! Suck it, Wilson!

– Ciara

Gatoraids

Isn’t that Dj Khaled wife’s line

Gatoraids

Speaking of another one

WCS

CHARMSEPTION….?

Gatoraids

Leading the league in smiles per hour

ThePirateSloth

Throw the gotdamn ball!!!!!!!!

Gatoraids

Oops

ThePirateSloth

NOT LIKE THAT YOU ASSHOLE

Mr. Ayo

But not there.

Gratliff

Here we have Showtime spelling Marc Maron’s name correctly, but not the lesser known Barack Obama’s.
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Horatio Cornblower

To be fair, those Moslam name’sr hard to spelt right.

Brocky

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Unsurprised

Recovery Whiskey, are you in the PNW? That skyline photo looks familiar.

I also find it funny that I can now hang out with ThePirateSloth (and if I ever see them around here, OSZ and Big Black Richard) except for NuAIDS

ThePirateSloth

Did you not meet up with me a few years back in Seattle? It’s been so long, I don’t remember who came by the bar the last time a meet was planned.

Unsurprised

No. We were supposed to meet up near Lake Oswego then things fell through, and I wasn’t able to go up to Seattle at the time.

ThePirateSloth

Well next season then, or a Marlins game if we can gather next summer, should be a meet up.

Recovery Whiskey

Seattle. About 4 mi from Centurylink.

Last edited 4 years ago by Recovery Whiskey
Unsurprised

Cool. I’m getting better at recognizing the local geography.

Recovery Whiskey

Now that looked like young Russell Wilson

Gatoraids

Like a virgin keeping it for the very first tiiiiiiiime

Unsurprised

Beautiful

Wakezilla

How are the Hawks only up by 10? It feels like they should have 40 by now

WCS

Three now.

Recovery Whiskey

The usual. Dominate stats but don’t score

Unsurprised

I haven’t donated to a candidate I don’t know since 2012. I should have for a person I know running for an open judicial seat (I like her and I have nothing but contempt for her opponent. So of course we know how this will end.). I also shouldn’t have made any of those 2012 or 2010 donations.

Viva La Tabula Raza

I haven’t donated to a candidate since Kerry in 2004, and I am still on all the fucking email mailing lists.

Unsurprised

Yeah. That follows you like herpes

Viva La Tabula Raza

It’s why I don’t do it anymore. They get my vote, and that’s what they get.

Horatio Cornblower

This was the first year I did, mostly out of a sense of rage, and the political impotence of living in CT, where my vote is just one more for a Dem candidate that is going to win in a landslide.

Unsurprised

Nothing for local candidates?

Horatio Cornblower

There’s no need. If my district were any more blue this guy would be our state senator.
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The only reason there are any Republicans on our town board is that the charter requires that there be two seats for minority parties, and every year they get 2 seats.

King Hippo

My suburban small town (the first election I voted in locally, BOTH mayoral candidates were GOP) just voted out the last Republican off town council, by almost 2-to-1.

Unsurprised

What about primaries?

King Hippo

Hopkins is as insanely good at WR as Wilson is at QB.

Unsurprised

A month ago Trump was being blasted for calling Gen. Kelly’s son a loser at the kid’s grave (Fuck John Kelly. He deserved that. I hope he enjoys his blood and slave money.) and Bob Woodward hid tapes of Trump downplaying COVID in February to sell his shitty book no one even remembers?

WCS

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Pepperidge Farms remembers.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s a typical US attention span, I don’t find it at all surprising.

Scary as hell, sure, but not surprising.

Doktor Zymm

Sorry, which thing are you wishing was more important in trump’s downfall?

King Hippo

I have outrage fatigue. Just counting down the days until the fucker is voted off the island. Which is 100% happening in 9 days.

Wakezilla

With the last Florida poll revealing Pigshit is winning, I’m not so sure

King Hippo

Florida is a terrible state. Diamond Joe will hold up better in AZ/the upper Midwest, which will suffice.

I just hope North Cakalaky does a good this cycle.

Fortunately, the way TX and GA are trending, this may be the last time we really have to care about FL or OH.

Unsurprised

There’s no way those TX polls hold up. No Democrat swings +5 net in a month.

King Hippo

oh, I think Diamond Joe and Hegar come up a hair short. But going forward, things is a changin’

Viva La Tabula Raza

My county in Central TX (W of Austin, N of San Antonio) went 65/35 Trump in 16. I see plenty of Trump yard signs but not as many as last time. A lot less Biden yard signs, because Texas, who want to paint a bullseye on their house? I like to think all the homes with no signs are voting blue. We shall see, I am not blindly optimistic though. This is my US congress fight:
https://www.texasmonthly.com/politics/wendy-davis-chip-roy-race/

Unsurprised

I would have lived up to my username if you were somehow in Crenshaw’s district.

Horatio Cornblower

So long as the polls in PA, WI, and MI hold and Biden flips them, everything else is irrelevant.

AZ also looks like it might actually flip as well. Maybe GA. No way Texas flips.

King Hippo

AZ, then NC are the most likely “next dominoes” – after that, GA/FL/TX (in that order)

Unsurprised

Not 100%

Unsurprised

Neither. I don’t care about Trump. I wish the story killed Woodward’s career, because he’s been a piece of shit his entire post-Watergate life (and coasting off an undeserved reputation from how relevant he was in that).

I just think it’s funny.

Wakezilla

I remember 4 months ago when the GOP were considered ghouls, and yet there are a lot of rumours Biden might name a few of them on his team, and people are Ok with that.

Recovery Whiskey

I’m sorry sir but this is a Wendy’s

Doktor Zymm

Velvet Underground is still the sexiest music.

ballsofsteelandfury

Agree, although Roxy Music is right up there.

Wakezilla

Murray has such an ugly throwing style

Brick Meathook

This World Series is setting a record for ugly pitchers with horrible haircuts.

Brick Meathook

Kershaw got relieved by Bozo

Horatio Cornblower

I was telling my brother that everyone on these fields makes a minimum of $570K plus. They can all afford better haircuts.

Unsurprised

No amount of money can buy taste

Horatio Cornblower

Rays unis are contributing to the visual AIDS.

King Hippo

Since I have already voted, I should get interludes of heroic RedZone muzak whenever these stupid goddamned pro- or anti-Cal Cunningham ads come on.

Horatio Cornblower

You can just call me if you want anti-Cal Cunningham rants. All that stupid motherfucker had to do was not cheat on his wife and confirm it in writing and he’d be up 9 points but nooooooooooooo. That was just a bridge too far for ol’ Cal. Fucking scumbag dumbass.

And I say all this having donated to his campaign!

King Hippo

Shit, even I didn’t donate. There was always sommet I didn’t like about him. But his poll numbers have been steady, people are just too pissed off to care about “he’s a shitheel” this year.

Horatio Cornblower

That’s good to hear, because Iowa seems to be slipping away. If NC goes blue for the Senate then it’s likely Mitch McConnell dies an irrelevant piece of shit rather than as Senate Majority Leader.

Actually, shit, he’s only 78. Turtles can go for 150, so he’ll probably be around for a while yet.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Fuck Cal Cunningham. And his dog Spot.

Unsurprised

I keep seeing his name and thinking of Cal Worthington, the car guy

King Hippo

He completely gives off “used car salesman” vibes. Like John Edwards, but a shittier actor.

ThePirateSloth

BEST PUNTER IN THE LEAGUE

King Hippo

You do NOT want DonT to have to hunt you down for heresy.

Brick Meathook

I just discovered an Almond Joy bar I tucked away in my refrigerator!

ballsofsteelandfury

It’s the little things…

WCS

Rob Lowe and Hugh Grant are at the World Series?
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Last edited 4 years ago by WCS
Recovery Whiskey

Videotape of a 16 yo vs. caught with a hooker.

TheRevanchist

Nothing wrong with hookers, except he was married at the time to one of the hottest women on the planet. Like, WTF?

Unsurprised

Engaged at one time. And she’s still one of the hottest women on the planet.

King Hippo

But Rob Lowe is such a yuuuuuuge fan of NFL!

Unsurprised

And 16 year old Atlanta girls

Horatio Cornblower

The football game AND the World Series in commercials at the same time.
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I blame the Rothschilds.

Doktor Zymm

they really want you to know about medication that affects your perineum

Gratliff

Googling that particular side effect was a mistake

ThePirateSloth

That’s why I use Bing!

Mr. Ayo

Always nice to put a name to a piece of anatomy.

Last edited 4 years ago by Mr. Ayo
Brick Meathook

I have absolutely no idea about any of these ballot propositions at this point

Gratliff

I haven’t seen a single proposition ad so far. I did however just get 2 minutes of John James in front of a blank white background talking about politics being too uncivil, which is perfect.

Horatio Cornblower

“John James” sounds like a pseudonym thought up by a particularly unimaginative con man.

Gratliff

Correct
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Unsurprised

I almost got thai curry coconut hummus but that seemed ridiculous. I got jalapeño instead, and I don’t even like jalapeño. This is good, though.

Unsurprised

Oh, shit. I just remembered we talked about not asking Mike Bidwill about his brushes with the law.

King Hippo

Remember – it’s NOT a crime when white ppl do it!

Unsurprised

Rich and white