What’s going on? Almost too much, right? Yesterday the news broke in wave after wave of infos. Patricia has been exiled to a Golden Corral upstate, a female kicker made history with a squibber, the Broncos lost all their qb’s and the Ravens are coviding to the tune of 20 (and still counting?) players. And I may have missed some other things but I haven’t checked the news. Has a nuclear device detonated somewhere? Are these the hallowed End Times or is just another day? Most likely the latter, I guess.
TO THE GAMES!
Raiders/Falcons:
This will most likely be the Brian Hill show because Gurley is out and Las Vegas can’t defend the run for crapola. I’ll say it-Julio is overrated. Yes, he’s gone off a few times (137, 137, 157) but his dud games (24, 32, 54, 39) outnumber them and he’s once again got a paltry (3) amount of TD’s to his name. He’s DeSean Jackson in a larger frame.
Chargers/Bills:
Young Bucks With Big Arms Meet For First Time reads my title and it sounds like a porno. Moving on… But it should be noted that both these fellas have fantastic numbers while under pressure because of their mobility which buys them time when the pocket shrinks or collapses altogether. No idea who is rb-ing for the Chargers-Ekeler is sorta back but may not get much action, Ballage is banged up, Kelley is in the doghouse so Troymaine Pope?
Giants/Bengals:
Since he’s returned wr Shepard leads the team in targets, catches and red zone looks-it’ll be a long day for covering cb Leshaun Sims. When brand new Cincy qb Brandon Allen (Hippo shakes tiny fist because not Ryan Finley) drops back to pass his first look should go to Tyler Boyd and not Higgins because the former will be covered by badly-struggling rook cb Darnay Holmes. Wows, Giants Wayne Gallman is fantasy’s RB7 over the last five weeks.
Titans/Colts:
Of course you start him but temper your expectations for rb Henry because the Colts shut down the run game better than pretty much anyone else. This looks like a spot where Mike Pittman might go off-his 223 air yards the last 2 weeks lead the team and the last time these two teams played Rivers went for 308. Corey Davis is finally delivering on his high draft spot-fantasy-wise he’s averaging 14 points per game.
Panthers/Vikes:
Teddy B would appear to be a great streaming option today-the Vikes pressure rate is dead last in the league and they’ve given up the most passing TD’s from a clean pocket. Every one of Bridgewater’s 6 spots have come from a clean pocket.
Cards/Pats:
The Hopkins/Gilmore matchup looks like a good one if the latter is available. He’s had a bit of success matching up with this wr in recent ‘entanglements’. Is this the spot where wr Kirk goes nuclear? The Pats are last in average yards per target and 2nd-last in deep pass percentage completed. Kirk leads his team in deep passes targeted with 13.
Fins/Jets:
You can add Denzel Mims to the long, long list of rook wr’s finally getting their feet under them. He’s seen 326 air yards and a 22% target share the last two weeks. The wet blanket in this scenario comes in the form of cb Xavien Howard. This should be a get-well tilt for Tua because the Jets secondary is dead last in overall coverage grades.
Browns/Jags:
The Giraffe is under center in Jacktown so you might want to pump the brakes on Chark. With Luton under center 33% of looks to Chark were on deep passes. The last time Glennon played on a regular basis he threw deep 7% of the time. Cleveland has been the team most likely to run the ball over the last month. Not a surprise given the talent in their backfield. Jarvis Landry is still second on the team behind OBJ in fantasy points for wr’s despite the fact the latter played his last full game back in week 6.
Have at it, savages!
They just referred to Josh Allen as a “gunslinger.”
Ti-Nee Pee-Nis *clap* *clap* *clapclapclap*
Seriously, Chargers, you have the powder blues in your wardrobe, and you’re going with these drab dark blues?
Justin Herbert is one of the most proactive players I’ve ever seen. Get it? Pro-active? ProActiv?
Actually he needs more proactive than any player I’ve ever seen. I don’t blame him for not going to the Chargers Drs to get it taken care of though, they actually melt his face off.
That stuff works! I have acne still at this age but Jessica Simpsons proactiv keeps it mostly in check.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7CAtY5z_a5U
My only option right now is Chargers-Bills.
This must be what it feels like to have to drink milk with every meal.
When I am annointed God-Emperor of Earth and All Her Satellites for Eternity (plus 1), sprots events will start on time, dammit! For every minute kickoff/tipoff/puck drop is delayed, one member from each team must be selected for execution.
go maxx williams!
[waves tiny cardinals banner]
Colts kicker wears glasses? That’s a quality nerd right there.
Chelsea is going to blow this game.
From your mouth to the Lesser Footy’s Gods ears.
Aw, good. They chose Brandon Allen as QB. Now all they have to do is put Ryan Finley in a barrel, throw him into the Ohio River and have it float west until the riverwater dissolves same.
You obviously haven’t seem him play in stripes.
PERIOD OF ADJUSTMENT!!!1111
Also, time to take off my leisurely, morning sweatpants and put on my fancy, out-in-public worthy afternoon sweatpants.
Is there a consensus DFO nickname for Justin Herbert yet?
Norvspawn?
th (236×183) (bing.com)
I’m surprised we haven’t jumped on this?
Lord Pimpleface
Rainbow Herbert
That would make today Brokeback QB vs. Rainbow Herbert? That sounds FABULOUS!
[smoke machines activate]
Bah gawd! THAT’S BUDDY’S MUSIC!
We would also have accepted:
/glitter gun activates
I still like ScarredFace, especially with the way he guns those throws.
found a funy:
me: pretty cool i trained my dog to get us beer
friend: it’s been awhile
me: i hope they didn’t card him
Damn, NFL for postponing Baltimore-Pittsburgh. I could’ve had three football games to choose from!
At this rate they’re getting positive, I don’t think Baltimore will have 11 guys to field a team on Tuesday.
Time for some last minute regretable FF roster tinkering! Or at least it would be, if I had any benched competent players to swap in!
What is the Lesser footy equivalent of BLEERGH? Chelsea is collecting yellow like its going out of style
either a yellow card, or sometimes the offside flag
qualifies as “Lesser BLEERGH” that is
Children of a Lesser BEERGH would make a fun Book Flies Open post.
oh SNAP!!
/Rikki has all teh greatest ideas
For all those sheeple who are buying into the FAKE NEWS that none of Q-Anon’s predictions have every come true, check this out:
Q predicted that “a storm is coming.”
Storm in the X-Men franchise was played by Halle Berry.
Halle Berry also starred in the Catwoman movie.
Joe Biden is reportedly getting a cat to bring to the White House.
Q was right!
Convoluted logic is the best logic!
The “sheeple” thing is the icing on the cake for me. Because nothing says “bold independent thinker” like believing whatever insane shit some rando on 4chan writes.
Well time to get the radio from where I put it when Joe Burrow got hurt last week.
(go to radio deeply imbedded in the drywall)
Holy fuckballs, y’all. I had a last-second realization that I should probably swap out McManus at kicker, and Younghoe was sitting right there, for free.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BrSUedWoPY
One of my favorite shorts
Mrs. Gumby is stacked.
Aw, shucks! [Blushes]
OMG, CBS is just doing a montage of Brady and Mahomes intercuts, to Neil Young’s “Old Man.” I had to dive for the remote control.
Gross
Good thing I wasn’t on CBS. It too cold to get a new TV and window.
It seems they have just started considering the idea of a playoff bubble. Just now. How did the NFL end up with such idiotic management even when compared to the other sports leagues?
Where the F is Pulisic?
How has Terry Bradshaw NOT contacted COVDID yet. Lazy virus.
Bradshaw is a real-life Forrest Gump. He just bumbles through life, and good things happen to him.
/except he’s like, SUPER RAYCESS
Of course, he’s from Loos-e-anna.
Either COVID-19 has standards or CTE is its weakness.
Aw! They gave Kendall Hinton #2?! I want to see a player in the 80s under center. Let’s embrace the absurdity.
SRSLY!!!
/also, in case Our Equine Lord and SavioUr is reading – there is one HippoSpawn in the greater Denver area (Boulder, specifically), and she DID play a series at QB in the high school “powderpuff” fixture…
//she is like 5’4″ and MAYBE 105 lbs, though, so Special Young Man Bolles better block his arse off
Audi, BMW or Mercedes. You’re a douchey trust fund kid. Which brand do you pick?
Based on my high school experience, BMWs.
I most definitely did not have a BMW in high school
All three.
Audi
The correct answer is “Tesla, so you can then smugly denounce people who don’t drive electric vehicles.”
I’m benching Higgins today, so he’ll probably score two TDs
Started a new career on Football Manager this month. Here’s how that’s going:
Management: We know we suck and will probably get relegated this year. Just do the best you can to build for the future
Me: Cool, I can handle that. Time to meet the team.
Me: Well, men, I know we’ve got our work cut out for us this year, but if we work hard and stick to the system, I think we’ve got a chance to avoid relegation.
Players: We’re mad that you’ve set such unrealistic goals. Dude, we really really suck.
Me: Uh… ok.
(mid-season, we do indeed suck and are mired in the relegation zone)
Players: Waaah! We’re upset and demoralized because we suck!
Management: We’re concerned that the players are demoralized. You’re fired.
Me: Fuck. You. All.
Think I may be done with this game.
Does Football Manager allowed summary executions?
Which club was this? Sounds like Millwall.
Isnt Fitzmagic starting today instead of Tua?
Yup. Tua’s thumba isa swellinga.
Yeah, I do these things at 5 in the morning and tend to miss some stuff.
NFL knows exactly what its doing by telling the Donks tough shit on not having a QB. We’re all going to watch this game now.
“Yup.”
–Colin K.
Yeah Rights Reign of terror atop the EPL pickem is over.
Weight update
Net Loss 3 pounds this week . Not bad with with very unhealthy food on Thanksgiving and Friday. The two a days on Mon-Wed helped a lot and even though its only been 4 weeks I can already feel and see the muscle am building from weight training.
Best thing I ate, coconut cream pie, I’ll admit to having 2 large slices.
Looking good for a strong December.
I-Can’t-Believe-Its-Not-COVID Update:
Feeling better but stomach upset from all medicine to the point where thinking of food causing queasiness and a small Thanksgiving leftover dinner resulted in…um…stomach aborting the normal digestive process and flow. I don’t need food to survive, do I?
Slowing eat soup and crackers until traitorous tummy gets back in line. Ate Taco Bell for lunch as a test and stomach seems to be acceptable, though that barely qualifies as food.
Antibiotics killing off all your gut bacteria is a spot where probiotics aren’t BS, pop a few or eat some yogurt and you’ll be right
Took no antibiotics. Only took DayQuil and NyQuil. Thinking I took on empty stomach and reality ensued.
thats ROCKING
Great work
Still haven’t found that net yet, huh? Or did you lose another one?
Moring Folks
Rocking, dawg
Cincinnati Sports Radio called Brandon Allen the Break-Glass-in-Case-of-Emergency QB since he was hired and kept in a bubble for COVID-19 reasons (looks in Bronco’s general direction). While I cannot help but feel a bit of shock for Mike Brown paying someone to stay away from work, I hope Brandon Allen does good because with the break glass reference, I can call him Stone Cold Brandon Allen.
There’s still time.
Trump still POTUS for 1,247 hours 56 minutes 45 seconds, but who’s counting?
Trump Administration Fast Tracking Executions and Trying to Bring Back Firing Squads Before Biden’s Inauguration
The cruelty is the point.
Can we start with people who try to overthrow an election?
Good thing is they have about as much subtly as a bull in a china shop coked outta its mind.
There is a few irregular things here and there that could be called attention to, that wouldn’t overturn the election but it would cast doubt into Biden’s win and set the seeds for a ’24 comeback. However, instead of saying, we want to look into this thing, they are going “We wus robbed! We won this thing!” and shows no evidence because of it.
“Hey, maybe we shouldn’t have the death penalty when the state can do thi—
/Gets beaten to death by “law and order” Democrats.
ah man
No Christan Pulisic for da blues today
oh well.
I don’t understand why everybody is overlooking the obvious solution to the Broncos’ QB situation. Who wouldn’t enjoy seeing Elway suit up again?
that would be ROCKING
Doesn’t want anyone to notice his gut.
This play but 15 yard behind the line of scrimmage
They tried to petition the league to allow an assistant coach to suit up at QB, but got denied
So presumably the league would also say “neigh” to Elway at QB.
Why?! He’s already cleared COVID wise!
Okay, I just picked up Kendall Hinton and will be starting him in my flex spot. Fun!
I mean, you win with THIS GUY, and you can tell your fookin’ grandchildren about it!
Thank GOD the Raiders aren’t playing against Denver because this is exactly the perfect setup for one of those “very special episodes” of That’s My Raiders.
Dunno why I keep forgetting to mention this, but Frank Lampard is a Tory Cunt.
In fact, while “Special One” is with Spurs, this needs to be named the Rancid Cunt Derby.
Can we get realistic viewing audience numbers for the games? Because the audience for some of these fixtures is going to be… Shitty is probably the proper term.
it’s sunny and mild here in CT today, and I suspect I’ll go for a walk while we’ve got daylight. These match-ups are….not good.
I’ve got a grocery store run and some weekly chicken prep to do and hell even my team is playing.
Looks like Julio Jones is out, Should I start Curtis Samuel or pick up Kendall Hinton to play in the flex?
Samuel, just because who knows what’s going to happen with Denver.
Hinton would be MOAR FUN. Do it!!
There is a strong argument for that, depending on how your team is doing.
If you want a safe floor go with Samuel (though he does have a good matchup) if you have a strong team, swing for the fences with Hinton. I gave it some serious thought because Gibson did so well on Thursday but I didn’t have anyone I wanted to drop from my team.
I hate rooting for ManUre, but watching Southhampton blow it during extra time does make me smile.
oh, was almost perfect (I didn’t bet it)
Peak 2020 – I am opposite the Saints’ D/ST in one league, and Yinzers (against the corpse of RG3) in the other. Why fucking bother?
Achtung! Judon!! and Mark Andrews is welcomed to the #NuAIDS bruthahood
oh my, Ole is gon’ get the sack.
#BlackItalian is playing through his head owie, so I can’t even start fucking Perine.
Only one or two more unlikely injuries are needed before Taysom Hill is a viable fantasy quarteredback for me
oh, I started him last week, and was gonna do so again (before BloodSugarFitzMagic against the Jest became an option).
Turns out someone already snatched him up! Now this Theodore Bridgeman is looking tempting…
Teddy Ballgame is an actual must start, yo. See Scotchy above. I am the playing him ahead of The Ben in money league.
I thought about Fitzy, but he only put up 18 against the Jests in the first game, albeit while throwing 3 TDs.
I couldn’t believe he was still available in one of my money leagues so I grabbed him by the underwear and now he’s praying for my team.
I have surely said this before…but Wakey’s Red Devils being the GOOD GUYS is not a world in which I am comfortable living.
I can hear Wakey’s screams all the way down here in Old Dixie.
They had a trivia question during the SillyCuse broadcast (that surely only Scotchy and I were watching) – who is the all-time completion percentage leader in NC State history?
Is it future HoF-ers Rivers or Wilson? Oh, maybe legendary QB of yesteryear Roman Gabriel?
No, plebians. I got it right – Ryan Muthafuckin’ Finley.
Fantasy show I was listening to this morning-the guys were ragging on Brandon Allen for bringing nothing to the table and having really small hands for a qb. Neither one was a fan of the Broncos but they couldn’t believe that Allen is under center. It’s the last freaking game he’s ever going to start!
As a Donks fan (who has sadly used N’Awlins already) picking in the DFO SurvivoUr League? I switched from SeaTruthers to Los Gigantes.
I think everyone in your money Survivor is going Bills so I was thinking of pivoting to them as well. Were I a bettor I’d also take the line as well.