Your “Um… What?” Wednesday Afternoon’s Last Week’s Thursday Night Football Game Open Thread

Whilst many hot-takers are pouring shit all over the good (huh?) folks of Baltimore and their football team, Who could have seen this happening during a pandemic, really? I choose to admire the power that the Ravens have over the league. Not only have they embarrassed said league by forcing them to re-schedule this tilt three times, the Ravens have 1) caused another Thursday game to get canceled 2) created a Monday night doubleheader 3) sprung into being another Tuesday night game. All this while dragging the Steelers and their fans along in their powerful wake. Very nice flex, Baltimore Ravens.

TO THE GAME!

Ravens/Steelers:

-Ingram and Dobbins are out of Covid but not in uniform. That might have something to do with not having practiced for ten days and that was a smart thing for their team to do. Had either one gotten injured a hellfire of vitriol would have rained down on the team. (not that they aren’t accustomed to it by now)

-So it’s Gus The Bus-his nickname seems awfully familiar-Time today. His last two vs Pitt he’s done 217 yards and a TD. Who will be blocking for him? No one knows.

-Speaking of being bereft of knowledge, with Edwards, Ricard and Boyle all out for various reasons, I’ve not a clue as to who will pretend to play the tight end spot. The punter? The waterboy/girl? Will a coin be flipped?

-RG3 gets the nod and it doesn’t look as though it will be pretty but given how badly Lamar’s passing stats have regressed maybe a change will do the team a good. Though PFF’s passing matchups chart gives Marquise Brown -9% vs Joe Hayden, Dez Bryant is -21% vs Steve Nelson and Devin Duvernay is -infinity vs Cam Sutton.

-It’s Important to Share: Steelers wr’s Claypool, JuJu and Johnson all have between 559 and 535 yards receiving.

-Conner is out, Snell is in but likely won’t do that much damage. Pitt’s offensive DVOA when running the ball is ranked 29th in the league. Who’ll bet that this stat will bite them on the bum when they’re trying to run out the clock in a tight playoff game?

-No, it’s The Ben Pass Show. It’s mostly quick slants underneath and fades/back shoulder passes outside the numbers when they get single coverage. As a Giants goofball, I wonder what it would be like to have wr’s that can separate from defenders.

-Just heard that Pouncey is out for the game.

Welp, enjoy the spectacle of the NFL playing a game on a sunny (here) Wednesday afternoon.

 

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
313 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
clint greasewood

You thought you had a cover, get fucked.

Senor Weaselo

Hey, on the ESPN Pick ‘Em it’s still only 3.5!

WCS

My bad, coach…

Mr. Ayo

That’s some terrible D.

— Ms. Favre

Gumbygirl

Fuck.

Doktor Zymm

I’m so amused that of all those awful teams, only the Bungles are described as the exception to “playing well right now”

Horatio Cornblower

It would be great if Cleveland ruined Pittsburgh’s undefeated season in the final week of the season, and also about as likely as me hitting Powerball.

Doktor Zymm

Shit, I’ll put in $2 on that

Gumbygirl

Could easily happen, if the Steelers sit their starters.

WCS

comment image

Doktor Zymm

I’ve just discovered a fun new internet activity. Introduce people who call masks ‘muzzles’ to the kink of ‘puppy play’

Dunstan

Some of them are going to get introduced to the kink of “breath play.”

Mother Puncher

-a Christian girl that only does anal to keep her virginity

Dunstan

Love G&O.

Dunstan

Easily accessible boxcars for corpse disposal?

Brocky

more appropriate

comment image

Gumbygirl

McSorely got checked into the boards.

WCS

He (Marty) deserved it.

Horatio Cornblower

“Trace McSorely!? A QB with a girl’s name!? What a fa..”

/Absolutely beaten to death by Elliot Page fans

Brocky

football on a ……… Wednesday?

comment image

Horatio Cornblower

Personally I’d hope I’d learn my lesson after my second failed marriage, but John Cleese is a more determined man that I.

clint greasewood

MCSORELY MANIA

SonOfSpam

Glad to see Gretzky’s gonna get some protection.

Gumbygirl

+1 old school!

Mother Puncher

AWWWW SHIIIT

bk109

Broncos to keep Blake Bortles away from facility to prevent future void at quarterback”Uhhhhhhhhh, anyone else seeing the fault with that plan?

Dunstan

Not at all. I think it’s a good idea for every team to keep Blake Bortles away from its facility.

bk109

That’s the problem – if everyone else gets the ‘rona, this will only ensure that they have a BOAT-sized void at QB

Doktor Zymm

The Steelers are like one of those fungi-filled Twinkies that were so revered by mycologists this summer

Gumbygirl

Heeeath!

Dunstan

Really don’t understand punting there. If you can’t convert 4th-and-2, you really think you’re mounting two TD drives in the ~8 minutes the Steelers will leave you?

Doktor Zymm

Here a punt, there a punt, everywhere a punt, punt!

Horatio Cornblower

If a guy in his 11th season has had his best production over the last I have a pretty good idea of who I’m taking in the “Next To Get Popped For PEDs” draft.

Doktor Zymm

Pfft, this isn’t baseball or bicycles, unless you’re snorting Covid, smoking pot, or sucking dick no one cares what goes in your body

clint greasewood

Steelers -10.5
O/U 42.5 points

Dunstan

Hey, it’s like Al Michaels is calling the game after all!

Horatio Cornblower

The Blood Recyclotron works! It works!
comment image?itemid=5403958

Horatio Cornblower

comment image

Mother Puncher

It’s only OK to be a steelers fan if you’re from Pittsburgh or Toledo. Anywhere else is morally indefensible

Doktor Zymm

Damn, no amnesty for all the other shitty towns that are closer or equidistant to Pittsburgh than other NFL cities?

Mother Puncher

Suburbs aren’t real cities it’s all just Pittsburgh

Doktor Zymm

Erie? Waterstown? Etc?

Gumbygirl

Morgantown and Wheeling.

bk109

Judging by the stadium turnout – also DC and LA

Mother Puncher

Erie is just warm Buffalo

Gumbygirl

My niece went to Gannon, in Erie. She would argue that it was far from “warm”

Mother Puncher

My point exactly

Doktor Zymm

Them’s fightin’ words

Mother Puncher

I used to take my wife to Vermont from Ohio for her grad school. On the way back I’d always stay the night in Erie at the Holiday Inn next to that indoor water park down the road from where that delivery driver was killed with that neck bomb. Lots of fun memories getting blackout drunk at the sports bar next door with a bartender arguing that the Native Americans deserve everything that happened to them.

Doktor Zymm

It’s where all my most racist cousins are from!

I haven’t been there since the industrial pollution killed my Grandmother

Gumbygirl

It’s a birth defect, you shouldn’t make fun of me!

bk109

You shouldn’t say that – Yinzers aren’t defective, they’re all special in their own unique way :p

Gumbygirl

And so, so pretty!

bk109

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder … and the BAC s/he has attained

Mother Puncher

To be clear, Toledoans hate the rest of Ohio and only cheer for teams out of spite

Downfield Matriculator

As a one time Toledoan, I concur!

Dunstan

Insurmountable lead?

Gumbygirl

Christ, I hope so!

SonOfSpam

I want to be in Sir Mountable.

-A. Rodgers

SonOfSpam

BEN HIT JEW JEW FOR TOUCH SCORE

Doktor Zymm

Do you think the anti-tobacco people are capable of making a commercial that isn’t so idiotic, self-righteous, and patronizing that it doesn’t make me want to go buy a pack of cigarettes just to support the tobacco companies?

Mother Puncher

The anti tobacco ads are all paid for by tobacco companies as part of some class action suit from the 90s. It’s absolutely purposeful.

WCS

comment image

SonOfSpam

Just get a pack of Djarums. You get revenge against those idiotic ads, and cloves are good for you.

Doktor Zymm

Can you still get those in the US?

SonOfSpam

As a 51 year old, I have no idea if anything fun is available anywhere.

Horatio Cornblower

Apparently not.

clint greasewood

NBC didn’t even bother to give that show a name, just call it NURSES.

SonOfSpam

Should at least be Chicago Nurses.

Doktor Zymm

CBS has the trademark on that. They would have to go non-name brand and call it something like Skokie Nurses

SonOfSpam

Then they could have the Nurses hook up with Nazis!

bk109

Nazi nurses… why does that ring a bell ?

Dunstan

I think I saw that video

Gumbygirl

Illinois Nazis. Hate ’em!

Mr. Ayo

NURSES: SVU

Dunstan

“Carleton University — Where the ‘K’ stands for Kwality!”

It’s ok, a Carleton alum told me that.

Dunstan

Oh, that’s strictly a graduate program there.

bk109

Uhh, as someone who’s seen a 5 foot lollipop woman drag out and beat the everloving shit outta some cunt in a beemer twice her size… I wouldn’t mess with those XD

Doktor Zymm

Good for her! Even in hippie-ass cities, drivers are pretty shitty about pedestrians and those who defend them

SonOfSpam

How was the afterorgy?

JimU

So you’re telling me that teams having a long layoff with one team decimated by the plague doesn’t make for the best football game? I’m shocked!

Redshirt

On the contrary, this is a very entertaining Preseason Week 1 game.

King Hippo

1) PIT will lose this Lovie-ish challenge

2) Very rare that 7 fucking yards is worth risking the lost timeout

Gumbygirl

He took 3 steps and tucked the ball away before it was punched out. The refs agree with me, for once!

WCS

comment image

Dunstan

Had some Nashville hot chicken last night. Now I feel like I really identify with Gronk, because it burns when I pee.

I still had leftovers for lunch though. Also like Gronk, I regret nothing.

Gumbygirl

Blame it on the chicken!

SonOfSpam

RGIII and out

Horatio Cornblower

“hey, is that TJ Watt?”

“Yeah, leave him alone, what’s the worst he could do?”

Doktor Zymm

Elastica bump music? Yes!

Doktor Zymm

Elastica still has the best song about impotence
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ie4x8hWYYE

Horatio Cornblower

Here’s the best song about premature ejaculation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUYaosyR4bE

SonOfSpam
Dunstan

I clicked on the link but didn’t make it all the way through.

Horatio Cornblower

So do the networks only reanimate Al on Sundays?

Dunstan

It takes a full week to sober him up again.

bk109

What is this sorcery – there’s live NFL on my sat feed….. Also, can we agree on nuking Yinzerstan if they go 19-0? 😀 Also hi y’all

Doktor Zymm

The Yinzers are endemic now, we would have to nuke the world

Gumbygirl

There is a Steelers bar in Rome, off the Campo del Fiori (sp?) Run by a really cool old guy. We are legion!

Last edited 3 years ago by Gumbygirl
bk109

Botticela or something like that? I’ve been there and the crowd was awesome (and not at all violent to people with Pats or Giants kit on)

SonOfSpam

A lot of people with those kits went to university. Cheers!

Doktor Zymm

One of my friends has a terrible towel featuring the Colosseum from the Rome Steelers bar, and I went there once (not during football season) when I visited her

bk109

I think it’s the same place, because I distinctly remember those… and the Veni Lusi Vici t-shirts in my size 😉
Edit: Yes, it IS the same place and I do recommend it even to Ravens fans, they’re that cool over there

Last edited 3 years ago by bk109
Gumbygirl

Nice play. Thank you Canada!

WCS

comment image

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

They need to change the name of that penalty from “roughing the passer” to “touching the passer”.

Dunstan

“Touching the passer is what I asked that trainer at Tennessee to do.” — Peyton M.

WCS

“Me too!”

— Jerry S., PA

SonOfSpam

“I prefer touching the pisser.”

-Larry Craig

Doktor Zymm

I don’t mind when it’s RG3. Dude has enough problems

Horatio Cornblower

“Engaging in conduct detrimental to the quarterback’s emotional health, 15 yards, loss of two downs on the next offensive possession, and touchdown Seahawks!”

Gumbygirl

Roughing the passer. Sure Jan.

Horatio Cornblower

I’m torn here. I don’t like the Steelers, but I do want to see the Dolphins have to shut the fuck up about going 17-0.

Doktor Zymm

No reason to be torn. If the Steelers go undefeated to the Owl, they will be just as insufferable, but a hell of a lot younger and capable of being insufferable for longer

SonOfSpam

Yeah, we really don’t need Roethlisberger undefeated against football opponents AND rape allegations.

Horatio Cornblower

I mean, that really is something to consider.

Dunstan

AND Choco Tacos

Horatio Cornblower

Oh, Choco Tacos are gonna win in the long run.

Dunstan

I had never heard of or seen Choco Tacos prior to DFO. I had my first one earlier this year, and have to admit that DFO Ben has good taste.

clint greasewood

You Don’t like Mercury Morris talking about having the champagne on ice?
comment image

Horatio Cornblower

No. No I do not.

Redshirt

Yes, because if the Steelers and their fans are known for one thing, its being humble and letting their success speak for themselves.

Mother Puncher

It’s ok the Dolphins will all be dead soon

Mother Puncher

Makeup flag there

Horatio Cornblower

I’m not sure if it’s a make-up as much as just the usual shitty, inconsistent refereeing that the NFL seems to love.

WCS

comment image

Recovery Whiskey

Luke Willson’s nickname in Seattle was Dickfingers.

SonOfSpam

Goldfinger loved gold, so…

Mother Puncher

EdwardPenisHands.jpeg

Gumbygirl

Gahhh! Kill it with fire!

Redshirt
Downfield Matriculator

National Disgrace Alert!

Horatio Cornblower

Harbaugh can yell about the Steelers delaying all he wants; his dumb ass is what gave them a reason to.

Redshirt

The Ravens should’ve made it obvious instead of just lying there and let the Steelers screw ’em.

Redshirt

A no-call against the Pittsburgh Steelers?! Je suis très choqué!

Downfield Matriculator

Wow, just wow. Maybe tonight’s MAC offerings will provide some actual football to watch

/narrator: they won’t

Mother Puncher

Quit letting Canadians play actual football

Gumbygirl

Except for Claypool.