Whilst many hot-takers are pouring shit all over the good (huh?) folks of Baltimore and their football team, Who could have seen this happening during a pandemic, really? I choose to admire the power that the Ravens have over the league. Not only have they embarrassed said league by forcing them to re-schedule this tilt three times, the Ravens have 1) caused another Thursday game to get canceled 2) created a Monday night doubleheader 3) sprung into being another Tuesday night game. All this while dragging the Steelers and their fans along in their powerful wake. Very nice flex, Baltimore Ravens.
TO THE GAME!
Ravens/Steelers:
-Ingram and Dobbins are out of Covid but not in uniform. That might have something to do with not having practiced for ten days and that was a smart thing for their team to do. Had either one gotten injured a hellfire of vitriol would have rained down on the team. (not that they aren’t accustomed to it by now)
-So it’s Gus The Bus-his nickname seems awfully familiar-Time today. His last two vs Pitt he’s done 217 yards and a TD. Who will be blocking for him? No one knows.
-Speaking of being bereft of knowledge, with Edwards, Ricard and Boyle all out for various reasons, I’ve not a clue as to who will pretend to play the tight end spot. The punter? The waterboy/girl? Will a coin be flipped?
-RG3 gets the nod and it doesn’t look as though it will be pretty but given how badly Lamar’s passing stats have regressed maybe a change will do the team a good. Though PFF’s passing matchups chart gives Marquise Brown -9% vs Joe Hayden, Dez Bryant is -21% vs Steve Nelson and Devin Duvernay is -infinity vs Cam Sutton.
-It’s Important to Share: Steelers wr’s Claypool, JuJu and Johnson all have between 559 and 535 yards receiving.
-Conner is out, Snell is in but likely won’t do that much damage. Pitt’s offensive DVOA when running the ball is ranked 29th in the league. Who’ll bet that this stat will bite them on the bum when they’re trying to run out the clock in a tight playoff game?
-No, it’s The Ben Pass Show. It’s mostly quick slants underneath and fades/back shoulder passes outside the numbers when they get single coverage. As a Giants goofball, I wonder what it would be like to have wr’s that can separate from defenders.
-Just heard that Pouncey is out for the game.
Welp, enjoy the spectacle of the NFL playing a game on a sunny (here) Wednesday afternoon.
You thought you had a cover, get fucked.
Hey, on the ESPN Pick ‘Em it’s still only 3.5!
My bad, coach…
That’s some terrible D.
— Ms. Favre
Fuck.
I’m so amused that of all those awful teams, only the Bungles are described as the exception to “playing well right now”
It would be great if Cleveland ruined Pittsburgh’s undefeated season in the final week of the season, and also about as likely as me hitting Powerball.
Shit, I’ll put in $2 on that
Could easily happen, if the Steelers sit their starters.
I’ve just discovered a fun new internet activity. Introduce people who call masks ‘muzzles’ to the kink of ‘puppy play’
Some of them are going to get introduced to the kink of “breath play.”
Justice Hill, is he-
-A spot where cowboy No-Gooders are hung in Spaghetti Westerns?
-A judge in small mountains claim court?
-A scrappy, seldom-used Ravens rb?
-some random dude whose name I’m riffing on so I can make bad jokes?
-a Christian girl that only does anal to keep her virginity
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjjh9PML8tE&has_verified=1
Love G&O.
Me too! Though I probably love Gulf & Ohio Railways for different reasons.
Easily accessible boxcars for corpse disposal?
more appropriate
McSorely got checked into the boards.
He (Marty) deserved it.
“Trace McSorely!? A QB with a girl’s name!? What a fa..”
/Absolutely beaten to death by Elliot Page fans
football on a ……… Wednesday?
“I dated her. She promised me that her nipples would explode with delight. They did not. I still gave her half my estate after we broke up.”
-John Cleese
Personally I’d hope I’d learn my lesson after my second failed marriage, but John Cleese is a more determined man that I.
MCSORELY MANIA
Glad to see Gretzky’s gonna get some protection.
+1 old school!
AWWWW SHIIIT
“Broncos to keep Blake Bortles away from facility to prevent future void at quarterback”Uhhhhhhhhh, anyone else seeing the fault with that plan?
Not at all. I think it’s a good idea for every team to keep Blake Bortles away from its facility.
That’s the problem – if everyone else gets the ‘rona, this will only ensure that they have a BOAT-sized void at QB
The Steelers are like one of those fungi-filled Twinkies that were so revered by mycologists this summer
Heeeath!
Really don’t understand punting there. If you can’t convert 4th-and-2, you really think you’re mounting two TD drives in the ~8 minutes the Steelers will leave you?
Here a punt, there a punt, everywhere a punt, punt!
If a guy in his 11th season has had his best production over the last I have a pretty good idea of who I’m taking in the “Next To Get Popped For PEDs” draft.
Pfft, this isn’t baseball or bicycles, unless you’re snorting Covid, smoking pot, or sucking dick no one cares what goes in your body
Steelers -10.5
O/U 42.5 points
Hey, it’s like Al Michaels is calling the game after all!
The Blood Recyclotron works! It works!
?itemid=5403958
It’s only OK to be a steelers fan if you’re from Pittsburgh or Toledo. Anywhere else is morally indefensible
Damn, no amnesty for all the other shitty towns that are closer or equidistant to Pittsburgh than other NFL cities?
Suburbs aren’t real cities it’s all just Pittsburgh
Erie? Waterstown? Etc?
Morgantown and Wheeling.
Judging by the stadium turnout – also DC and LA
Erie is just warm Buffalo
My niece went to Gannon, in Erie. She would argue that it was far from “warm”
My point exactly
Them’s fightin’ words
I used to take my wife to Vermont from Ohio for her grad school. On the way back I’d always stay the night in Erie at the Holiday Inn next to that indoor water park down the road from where that delivery driver was killed with that neck bomb. Lots of fun memories getting blackout drunk at the sports bar next door with a bartender arguing that the Native Americans deserve everything that happened to them.
It’s where all my most racist cousins are from!
I haven’t been there since the industrial pollution killed my Grandmother
It’s a birth defect, you shouldn’t make fun of me!
You shouldn’t say that – Yinzers aren’t defective, they’re all special in their own unique way :p
And so, so pretty!
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder … and the BAC s/he has attained
To be clear, Toledoans hate the rest of Ohio and only cheer for teams out of spite
As a one time Toledoan, I concur!
Insurmountable lead?
Christ, I hope so!
I want to be in Sir Mountable.
-A. Rodgers
BEN HIT JEW JEW FOR TOUCH SCORE
Do you think the anti-tobacco people are capable of making a commercial that isn’t so idiotic, self-righteous, and patronizing that it doesn’t make me want to go buy a pack of cigarettes just to support the tobacco companies?
The anti tobacco ads are all paid for by tobacco companies as part of some class action suit from the 90s. It’s absolutely purposeful.
Just get a pack of Djarums. You get revenge against those idiotic ads, and cloves are good for you.
Can you still get those in the US?
As a 51 year old, I have no idea if anything fun is available anywhere.
Apparently not.
NBC didn’t even bother to give that show a name, just call it NURSES.
Should at least be Chicago Nurses.
CBS has the trademark on that. They would have to go non-name brand and call it something like Skokie Nurses
Then they could have the Nurses hook up with Nazis!
Nazi nurses… why does that ring a bell ?
I think I saw that video
Illinois Nazis. Hate ’em!
NURSES: SVU
Extraordinarily Small Claim To Fame-
I was there at Frankie Goes To Hollywood’s very first ‘concert’ in Canada.
https://www.setlist.fm/setlist/frankie-goes-to-hollywood/1984/porter-hall-carleton-university-ottawa-on-canada-1bcbb558.html
“Carleton University — Where the ‘K’ stands for Kwality!”
It’s ok, a Carleton alum told me that.
How is his School Crossing Guard career path working out?
Oh, that’s strictly a graduate program there.
Uhh, as someone who’s seen a 5 foot lollipop woman drag out and beat the everloving shit outta some cunt in a beemer twice her size… I wouldn’t mess with those XD
Good for her! Even in hippie-ass cities, drivers are pretty shitty about pedestrians and those who defend them
How was the afterorgy?
So you’re telling me that teams having a long layoff with one team decimated by the plague doesn’t make for the best football game? I’m shocked!
On the contrary, this is a very entertaining Preseason Week 1 game.
1) PIT will lose this Lovie-ish challenge
2) Very rare that 7 fucking yards is worth risking the lost timeout
He took 3 steps and tucked the ball away before it was punched out. The refs agree with me, for once!
Had some Nashville hot chicken last night. Now I feel like I really identify with Gronk, because it burns when I pee.
I still had leftovers for lunch though. Also like Gronk, I regret nothing.
Blame it on the chicken!
“There’s another reason? Huh…”
-Frank Zappa
RGIII and out
“hey, is that TJ Watt?”
“Yeah, leave him alone, what’s the worst he could do?”
Ben is nurturing these young receivers
Ben: “When you take your dick out in a bathroom stall, do it slowly, create some tension. Don’t just whip the thing out. I learned that lesson the semi-hard way.”
Elastica bump music? Yes!
Elastica still has the best song about impotence
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ie4x8hWYYE
Here’s the best song about premature ejaculation
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUYaosyR4bE
???
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yem_iEHiyJ0
I clicked on the link but didn’t make it all the way through.
So do the networks only reanimate Al on Sundays?
It takes a full week to sober him up again.
What is this sorcery – there’s live NFL on my sat feed….. Also, can we agree on nuking Yinzerstan if they go 19-0? 😀 Also hi y’all
The Yinzers are endemic now, we would have to nuke the world
There is a Steelers bar in Rome, off the Campo del Fiori (sp?) Run by a really cool old guy. We are legion!
Botticela or something like that? I’ve been there and the crowd was awesome (and not at all violent to people with Pats or Giants kit on)
A lot of people with those kits went to university. Cheers!
One of my friends has a terrible towel featuring the Colosseum from the Rome Steelers bar, and I went there once (not during football season) when I visited her
I think it’s the same place, because I distinctly remember those… and the Veni Lusi Vici t-shirts in my size 😉
Edit: Yes, it IS the same place and I do recommend it even to Ravens fans, they’re that cool over there
Nice play. Thank you Canada!
“I don’t know why all the other teams in the league aren’t studying what the Ravens are doing right now.”
-Chris Collinsworth, accidentally revealing his time-traveling abilities
They need to change the name of that penalty from “roughing the passer” to “touching the passer”.
“Touching the passer is what I asked that trainer at Tennessee to do.” — Peyton M.
“Me too!”
— Jerry S., PA
“I prefer touching the pisser.”
-Larry Craig
I don’t mind when it’s RG3. Dude has enough problems
“Engaging in conduct detrimental to the quarterback’s emotional health, 15 yards, loss of two downs on the next offensive possession, and touchdown Seahawks!”
Roughing the passer. Sure Jan.
I’m torn here. I don’t like the Steelers, but I do want to see the Dolphins have to shut the fuck up about going 17-0.
No reason to be torn. If the Steelers go undefeated to the Owl, they will be just as insufferable, but a hell of a lot younger and capable of being insufferable for longer
Yeah, we really don’t need Roethlisberger undefeated against football opponents AND rape allegations.
I mean, that really is something to consider.
AND Choco Tacos
Oh, Choco Tacos are gonna win in the long run.
I had never heard of or seen Choco Tacos prior to DFO. I had my first one earlier this year, and have to admit that DFO Ben has good taste.
You Don’t like Mercury Morris talking about having the champagne on ice?
No. No I do not.
Yes, because if the Steelers and their fans are known for one thing, its being humble and letting their success speak for themselves.
It’s ok the Dolphins will all be dead soon
Japanese Dolphins GIF by South Park – Find & Share on GIPHY
Makeup flag there
I’m not sure if it’s a make-up as much as just the usual shitty, inconsistent refereeing that the NFL seems to love.
Luke Willson’s nickname in Seattle was Dickfingers.
Goldfinger loved gold, so…
EdwardPenisHands.jpeg
He must have been super popular with the female “Purity Pledge” crowd in high school.
Goodell being interviewed from his perch atop Smirk Mountain.
Gahhh! Kill it with fire!
tenor.gif (220×119)
National Disgrace Alert!
Harbaugh can yell about the Steelers delaying all he wants; his dumb ass is what gave them a reason to.
The Ravens should’ve made it obvious instead of just lying there and let the Steelers screw ’em.
The Steelers weren’t really delaying-they were just thinking about baseball.
A no-call against the Pittsburgh Steelers?! Je suis très choqué!
Wow, just wow. Maybe tonight’s MAC offerings will provide some actual football to watch
/narrator: they won’t
Quit letting Canadians play actual football
Except for Claypool.