Notice James’ attacking contribution in his first three league seasons. These numbers are insane for a player who wasn’t a regular starter for Zidane.

In short, James’ time in La Liga can be best summed up as underused and incredibly underrated.

Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

Prediction: Everton get back on track by taking the Claret, turning that sumbitch sideways, and SHOVING IT STRAIGHT UP BURNLEY’S CANDY ASS!

Next up is Man Shitty against the MIGHTY WHITEYS (NAWT RAYCESS)!

Most of you are familiar with slavery that still goes on in Qatar. Well, the United Arab Emirates  are also guilty of this practice. Especially the whole withholding a passport of a worker to keep them there forever. I mention this because it has become quite clear over the past 2 years that Pep looks like he wants to get the fuck out of City and yet he is still there. With City currently sitting in 11th, you would think the board my want to give Pep the punt if Man Shitty weren’t to finish in the top 4. With that said, the Citizens are still only 6 points out of first, so, we’re still a long way off of seeing what will happen if Pep doesn’t finish in the top 4.

Mighty Fulham are currently not in the relegation zone, which is quite nice. After beating the Foxes on Monday, a healthy Fulham side will be ready to ride that momentum and beat Man Shitty for the first time since 2009.

On a side note, while this won’t happen, one thing I would like to see is Mighty Fulham become active in the January transfer window. Fulham is essentially a yo-yo club and if they want to remain in the EPL, they’re going to need better players. Playing matchmaker here, I genuinely believe Fulham could benefit from buying Jesse Lingard and Phil Jones from United. Both those players need a fresh start and in all honesty, I think both players would thrive being a big fish in a small pond. The problem is with Special Ed Woodward. Both Jones and Lingard aren’t worth much, but because Special Ed wants to get the most unrealistic deal ever since he’s not a lesser footy guy, but a fucking idiot, he’d probably start the bidding for Jones at 25 million and Lingard at 40 million when both players combined are worth no more than 20 million. This is also why both players haven’t already left United. Instead of just getting their salaries off the books, saving millions, Special Ed thinks he’s in a position of power.

Anyway, since City already clinched a round of 16 Champions league spot, I would expect Pep to field a strong lineup against Fulham.

Prediction: At his press conference, Pep gave lots of praise to the Mighty Whiteys. Though given Fulham’s nickname, that’s not surprising. I expect Pep to field his strongest XI because next week’s UCL match means nothing. Unfortunately, Man Shitty wins 3-1.

The penultimate game on Saturday is 5th place Rum Ham taking on Satan’s favoUrite team, Manchester United.

This is a YUGE match for both clubs and surprisingly favoUrs Rum Ham. United have only won 3 of their last 11 matches against Rum Ham. West Ham has also gone quite a few games where they have scored the first goal, which will throw off United’s game plan. Luckily for United, Michail Antonio will be out for the match. He’s a speedster who would have feasted on United’s painfully slow centre backs. There’s a reason why Ole plays 2 defensive midfielders in-front of the Centre backs; Ole doesn’t trust Slabhead and Lindeloff.

As for United, I don’t know which team, which lineup, which formation and which strategy is going to show up. For the success Ole has had managing United for almost 2 years, the fact I can’t answer the above shows his biggest problem. To a fault, Ole is loyal to certain players who do not belong in the starting XI (McTominay) and is indifferent to players who actually make an impact every-time they play (Donny Van De Beek).

With United absolutely shitting the bed against PSG, I expect them to get at least a draw, if not a win on Saturday, especially since the Poch rumours have picked up steam the past 2-3 weeks. I hope Ole pulls out the win because if he gets replaced by Poch, United will reset and when Poch doesn’t get the help he requests, United will be at the exact same position that they are at right now.

Prediction: Ole is going to have a starting XI that will piss most people off, but United will eek out a 2-1 win when Donny and Pogba sub on in the 75th minute. Also, Bruno will score on a PK.

The Main event:

The Racists who are against Poor Children eating breakfast (Chelski) vs The Horse cum rags (Leeds United).

Fuck Fat Frank Lampard and his BOJO supporting ass. Fuck Chelsea fans for being racist scum and fuck Roman Abramovich for bribing FIFA officials to avoid financial fair play and his illegal Israeli settler project currently happening in Palestine. Chelsea are scum and they deserve every bad thing that happens to them.

As for the Horse Cum Rags, well, I must admit, when they joined the Prem this season I was pretty indifferent because the last time they were in the Prem, I may have still been a teenager. But now that I see United is a week or two away from playing Leeds, the hatred is starting to return.

Former Chelski and now Leeds striker, Patrick Bamford is fired up to play against the Racists. Here’s hoping he shows up and has a monster game.

Prediction: Fat Frank is as inconsistent as Ole and Biesla plays a beautiful style of lesser football. This feels like a game Chelski will drop points. However, it would be typical of the Horse Cum rags to lose because it would set United back in their chance for a top 4 spot. We’ll call it a 2-2 draw.

Finally, last week, Horatio wrote an excellent tribute to Maradona. The one thing that pissed me off about how the media covered it was how much they bashed the man. When you compare how war criminals, or even Kobe Bryant was eulogized, and then compare it to Maradona, you’ll find they were quite malicious with him.

I can only conclude it was because he was a socialist. He has Che Guevara tattoos on his body, which he speaks highly of. He declared himself an honorary Palestinian. He rolled with Castro for many years and has a tattoo of Fidel on his body. He also spoke out against American imperialism and provided food supplies runs for the Venezuelan people under Chavez, during America’s crippling sanctions. Then of course, for the British, he scored the Hand of God, with the Falklands War still fresh in everyone’s mind.

Speaking of the World Cup ’86, when asked to comment about Maradona’s death, England’s goalie in ’86, Peter Shilton, just HAD to mention Maradona never apologized for the Hand of God.

To that I say, did Shilton apologse to his ex wife Sue when he was caught with another man’s wife in a car which he had crashed while driving drunk into a lamppost? Did Shilton apologize to his ex wife Sue, as she stood by her husband during his chronic gambling addiction? Did Shilton apologize to his sons?

Did 6’1 Shilton ever apologize to his ’86 teammates for being out jumped by a generous, 5’5 Maradona?

While we’re also on the subject of World Cup ’86, people bashing Maradona for the hand of god goal also seem to forget that the match against England wasn’t the World Cup finals, or even the semi-finals. It was a quarter finals match.There’s no reason to think that English squad was good enough to beat Belgium, let alone not get destroyed by West Germany or France in the Finals. They sure as shit weren’t winning anything when their goalie is losing a jumping competition to a player 7 inches smaller than him.

Many still say “But he cheated!” Yeah, no shit. Forgetting that Maradona still shouldn’t have out jumped Shilton for a second, this argument is also denying the fact that England wasn’t cheating as well. Look at this!

While the game was certainly rougher back then, don’t tell me that some of those slide tackles weren’t trying to break his leg, or they weren’t trying to knock him out with elbows to the head, and take him out of the game with the eye poke. On a related note, Maradona went through this shit every game he played. It’s no wonder that he could barely walk by the time he turned 40.

Now lets say that the goal wasn’t allowed, if Maradona still scores this goal to make it 1-0, England isn’t coming back from that anyway.

RIP to the GOAT, Diego Armando Maradona.

Enjoy the games!