It’s been tough to make predictions in this most unlikely of football adventures this year but here’s one I feel I can safely offer. The entire NFC East will lose this week, allowing the mighty New York Football Giants to maintain their stranglehold on the division lead. Easy Peasy.
TO THE GAMES!
Saints/Falcons:
Fantasy owners looking to Kamara to win them some games down the stretch have been ambushed by The Taysom Hill Factor. Three targets in two weeks? Adding insult to injury, he’s been out-snapped by Lat Murray 34 to 25. ATL has been enjoying a prolonged ‘dead cat bounce’ after the Quinn firing-their D has gone from surrendering 32 points per game all the way down to a much more respectable 20.
Lions/Bears:
Truth Biscuit gonna have himself a game? Over his last four vs Detroit he’s had 3 TD scores each time. The secret behind his success was the Lions not disguising their coverages at all. Since-fired Patricia used little to no motion pre-snap so Mitch was able to go to get the ball to his first read. It’s hard to imagine that the Lions would be able to change things up so quickly. Your sneaky play just might be Darnell Mooney who is playing off Jeff Odukah-the latter has given up the 3rd most yards receiving despite missing 2 games.
Browns/Titans:
Since the Titans acquired Desmond King they have been PFF’s highest-graded coverage unit. Their run D remains a work in progress though. They’ve allowed the 7th most fantasy points to rb’s and struggle when opposing O’s give them a taste of their own Derrick Henry medicine. “Oh, oh. That’s Nick Chubb’s music!”
Bengals/Fins:
“Ladies and Gentlemen, if Fitz is under center, start your Devante Adams.” He gets a silly 40% target share when the bearded Harvard is in there and there are far more shots downfield. Tua is a gametimer and Flores insists if he’s ready to go he’ll be in there. At 7-4 the Fins need to take care of business here because they have K.C, N.E., L.V. and the Bills the rest of the way.
Jags/Vikes:
Minny has the 25th ranked run D and is the only team to allow 100 yards to Zeke. That bodes well for rb Robinson because The Giraffe leaned on him plenty last week to the tune of 27 touches and a ridiculous 97% snap share.
Raiders/Jets:
The Jets trajectory is such that one can get a ‘Lawrence’ jersey in green and white on eBay. They do have the league’s 4th best run D but that’s because everyone passes on them. That said, Vegas will no doubt give rb Booker (Jacobs is injured) 20 touches because Gruden will always Gruden.
Colts/Texans:
Rook Taylor was finally tearing Indy’s RBBC asunder when he got Corona-ed. So does he immediately return as the main guy or are fantasy guys back to square one again? Many are lamenting the absence of Will Fuller but the Texans are more likely wishing that cb Bradley-Robey was on the field. Without him Houston has gifted 196/2 to Adams and 146/1 to Chark. Hear that, Michael Pittman owners?
Do you have a prediction? Let’s hear it.
I should get awesome FUCK THE NFL MAN points for my fantasy players being ejected.
Like, holy shit, did that really just happen?
The crazy part is that my TV reception cut out while the ball was in the air, so it’s very plausible to me that someone reset The Matrix as a special present for my birthday this coming week.
Honestly, not an awful try for 62 yds
A safety in Indy and possible tie in Minnesota? Thank the lard!
Still plenty of players to go, but Hippo is killing me in DFOball. Whether I go down in flames, or make a miraculous comeback, either way, GG.
Cincy Jungle on Twitter: ” ? ? WE HAVE REACHED PEAK BUNGLE ? ? ” / Twitter
We really all should have known that That’s My Raiders doesn’t belong on the same night as Dem’s Da Jets.
And the Raiders roll a natural 20!
Bengals just killed their 2nd QB of the year!
Eh, the sequel isn’t nearly as good as the original
I’ve held enough. Wine & cigs foar all!
Did the Bengals-Dolphins game legit get called or something?
Nope. I’m watching for comedic purposes only.
The announcers were openly saying they needed a drink after having to call this shit show
What even?
Come on Jets, try the 67-yard FG for the tie!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHwVBirqD2s
Listen to Jets radio on Sirius XM. This is gonna be fun.
I listen to Jets fans podcasts on Mondays, makes the day bearable.
Gregg Williams got burned?
This remains one of the best GIFs of all time.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH
INFINITE JETSSSSSSSSSSS
Jets to Bears: “Your move.”
Apparently if you throw infinite jailbreaks at a QB, even Carr will eventually complete a pass.
HAHAH 500s
WHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!
The Jetsiest game ender evah!
Trevor lawrence breaks open bottle of champagne over head
FUCK YOU HOUSTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON
WOW
Jets gonna Jet
The NFL in 2020–as fucked as the rest of life
What a total clusterfuck of 4th-quarter football.
ALL FEAR TEH MIGHTY GIRAFFE!!!!
… do you guys reckon I’ve been a good enough non-doggo for Santa this year? I’m askin’ ’cause I saw a really nice AssGun an’ I may need the “Santa did it” excuse XD
I don’t want to know what an AssGun is, do I?
sorry – Assault Gun (not to be confused with an Assault Rifle)
Basically think this, but requiring a complete overhaul :
Ah, and with a 100mm moar Dakka gun
Why are they trying to hold that in with a rusty, though stylish, bike rack?
No idea, but I’ve been to the Warsaw military museum and … it’s a sad sight, tbh…
Also tanks, just like BJs, should be free… it’s in the Bible!
Have you painted your tanks red so they go faster.
… no, but that’s a good idea. Aside from the Chieftain everything’s in the appropriate camo pattern and colours. The chiefy’s getting a totally inaccurate digital tigerstripe (midnight blue as base with 3 shades of black for the stripes)
I am happy to report that all my “gallons per mile” vehicles have “Hybrid” badges to make them more fuel efficient 😀
From the Simpsons, I’m pretty sure you need speed holes
Don’t you have enough tanks for the Waaaaaaaauuuugh yet?
… why would I want to go to war with my own shit… plus, no – I’ll only have enough when I’ve amassed enough of a vehicle fleet to get a seat on the permanent UN security council … or until I run out of space (or really cheap surplus gear… I’m serious, it’s like 2 grand for a 31 tonne bugger that “needs work”, but has a working powertrain and all its parts) XD
3rd and 2 and Falcons hand it off to Gurley. Jeezuz!
And lost SEVEN.
Are there Jags fans?
I’m a Catherine Bell fan. Does that count?
Who isn’t?
Didn’t she go full Trump?
Eh, she’s nowhere near as good lookin’ as she was on JAG (or the Hot Line… google it in private)…. also she’s a full-blown scientology nut afaik
What happened to know where the sticks are?
Trevor Lawrence pops the champagne
Bengals & Dolphins Benches Clear After Cheap Shot Hit on Jakeem Grant – YouTube
Isn’t it redundant to call them “Goddamn” ? They’ve been a shitshow since like … January 4th-ish 2000
Let them save Gases job. I need more laughs next year.
Or maybe they didn’t want to save his job.
Lol even Carr’s receiver seems pissed at him.
Heck yes. Let’s get these Jets to 3 wins so Cincinnati has the first pick again. I believe in us
THERE ARE NO BLEERGHS ON THE PLAY!
THESE BEARS I CALL THEM GENEROUS LOVERS BECAUSE THEY’RE GIVING IT AWAY WITHOUT GETTING ANYTHING BACK IN RETURN
They’ll eventually commit suicide like that chick in “The Hustler” and we’ll all be sad but not surprised
The Dreaded Giraffe Sprint!!
The Liouns change from season to season, but the Bears are always the Bears
Disqualified Player Tracker:
Cincinnati: 2
Miami: 3
Stupid Redzone’s not showing the fight, and instead teams actually mounting comebacks in the 4th.
Oh cuckLiouns
So good when you have the ML like me.
NEVAR CHANGE, Bearistocrats!
Bengals are so terrible that without their 23 year old rookie there’s absolutely no semblance of leadership
We are still stopped at CIN/MIA because of this clusterfuck.
Can’t they just do baseball rules and get on with it?
And it all ends with another punt
Peak Bollo del Verdad!
It’s got to be weird for you Raiders fans to see flags being thrown on the OTHER team.
Dolphins #11 just did an impression of E. Honda.