Your Very First Sunday NFL Football Open Thread

It’s been tough to make predictions in this most unlikely of football adventures this year but here’s one I feel I can safely offer. The entire NFC East will lose this week, allowing the mighty New York Football Giants to maintain their stranglehold on the division lead. Easy Peasy.

TO THE GAMES!

Saints/Falcons:

Fantasy owners looking to Kamara to win them some games down the stretch have been ambushed by The Taysom Hill Factor. Three targets in two weeks? Adding insult to injury, he’s been out-snapped by Lat Murray 34 to 25. ATL has been enjoying a prolonged ‘dead cat bounce’ after the Quinn firing-their D has gone from surrendering 32 points per game all the way down to a much more respectable 20.

Lions/Bears:

Truth Biscuit gonna have himself a game? Over his last four vs Detroit he’s had 3 TD scores each time. The secret behind his success was the Lions not disguising their coverages at all. Since-fired Patricia used little to no motion pre-snap so Mitch was able to go to get the ball to his first read. It’s hard to imagine that the Lions would be able to change things up so quickly. Your sneaky play just might be Darnell Mooney who is playing off Jeff Odukah-the latter has given up the 3rd most yards receiving despite missing 2 games.

Browns/Titans:

Since the Titans acquired Desmond King they have been PFF’s highest-graded coverage unit. Their run D remains a work in progress though. They’ve allowed the 7th most fantasy points to rb’s and struggle when opposing O’s give them a taste of their own Derrick Henry medicine. “Oh, oh. That’s Nick Chubb’s music!”

Bengals/Fins:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, if Fitz is under center, start your Devante Adams.” He gets a silly 40% target share when the bearded Harvard is in there and there are far more shots downfield. Tua is a gametimer and Flores insists if he’s ready to go he’ll be in there. At 7-4 the Fins need to take care of business here because they have K.C, N.E., L.V. and the Bills the rest of the way.

Jags/Vikes:

Minny has the 25th ranked run D and is the only team to allow 100 yards to Zeke. That bodes well for rb Robinson because The Giraffe leaned on him plenty last week to the tune of 27 touches and a ridiculous 97% snap share.

Raiders/Jets:

The Jets trajectory is such that one can get a ‘Lawrence’ jersey in green and white on eBay. They do have the league’s 4th best run D but that’s because everyone passes on them. That said, Vegas will no doubt give rb Booker (Jacobs is injured) 20 touches because Gruden will always Gruden.

Colts/Texans:

Rook Taylor was finally tearing Indy’s  RBBC asunder when he got Corona-ed. So does he immediately return as the main guy or are fantasy guys back to square one again? Many are lamenting the absence of Will Fuller but the Texans are more likely wishing that cb Bradley-Robey was on the field. Without him Houston has gifted 196/2 to Adams and 146/1 to Chark. Hear that, Michael Pittman owners?

Do you have a prediction? Let’s hear it.

5 4 votes
Article Rating
Subscribe
Notify of
491 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Doktor Zymm

I should get awesome FUCK THE NFL MAN points for my fantasy players being ejected.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Like, holy shit, did that really just happen?

The crazy part is that my TV reception cut out while the ball was in the air, so it’s very plausible to me that someone reset The Matrix as a special present for my birthday this coming week.

Doktor Zymm

Honestly, not an awful try for 62 yds

herodotus450

A safety in Indy and possible tie in Minnesota? Thank the lard!

Doktor Zymm

Still plenty of players to go, but Hippo is killing me in DFOball. Whether I go down in flames, or make a miraculous comeback, either way, GG.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

We really all should have known that That’s My Raiders doesn’t belong on the same night as Dem’s Da Jets.

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

And the Raiders roll a natural 20!

Redshirt

Bengals just killed their 2nd QB of the year!

Doktor Zymm

Eh, the sequel isn’t nearly as good as the original

Don T

I’ve held enough. Wine & cigs foar all!

hippofant

Did the Bengals-Dolphins game legit get called or something?

Redshirt

Nope. I’m watching for comedic purposes only.

Mother Puncher

The announcers were openly saying they needed a drink after having to call this shit show

Doktor Zymm

What even?

4pb8ge.jpg
Dunstan

Come on Jets, try the 67-yard FG for the tie!

Sharkbait
Redshirt

Listen to Jets radio on Sirius XM. This is gonna be fun.

ArmedandHammered

I listen to Jets fans podcasts on Mondays, makes the day bearable.

Don T

Gregg Williams got burned?
comment image

The Maestro

This remains one of the best GIFs of all time.

The Maestro

HAHAHAHAHAHAH

INFINITE JETSSSSSSSSSSS

Dunstan

Jets to Bears: “Your move.”

hippofant

Apparently if you throw infinite jailbreaks at a QB, even Carr will eventually complete a pass.

The Maestro

HAHAH 500s

Redshirt

WHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA!

Gumbygirl

The Jetsiest game ender evah!

Gatoraids

Trevor lawrence breaks open bottle of champagne over head

Don T

FUCK YOU HOUSTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON

King Hippo

WOW

Dunstan

Jets gonna Jet

BrettFavresColonoscopy

The NFL in 2020–as fucked as the rest of life

hippofant

What a total clusterfuck of 4th-quarter football.

King Hippo

ALL FEAR TEH MIGHTY GIRAFFE!!!!

bk109

… do you guys reckon I’ve been a good enough non-doggo for Santa this year? I’m askin’ ’cause I saw a really nice AssGun an’ I may need the “Santa did it” excuse XD

Dunstan

I don’t want to know what an AssGun is, do I?

bk109

sorry – Assault Gun (not to be confused with an Assault Rifle)

Basically think this, but requiring a complete overhaul :
comment image

Ah, and with a 100mm moar Dakka gun

Doktor Zymm

Why are they trying to hold that in with a rusty, though stylish, bike rack?

bk109

No idea, but I’ve been to the Warsaw military museum and … it’s a sad sight, tbh…
Also tanks, just like BJs, should be free… it’s in the Bible!

ArmedandHammered

Have you painted your tanks red so they go faster.

bk109

… no, but that’s a good idea. Aside from the Chieftain everything’s in the appropriate camo pattern and colours. The chiefy’s getting a totally inaccurate digital tigerstripe (midnight blue as base with 3 shades of black for the stripes)

I am happy to report that all my “gallons per mile” vehicles have “Hybrid” badges to make them more fuel efficient 😀

Doktor Zymm

From the Simpsons, I’m pretty sure you need speed holes

ArmedandHammered

Don’t you have enough tanks for the Waaaaaaaauuuugh yet?

bk109

… why would I want to go to war with my own shit… plus, no – I’ll only have enough when I’ve amassed enough of a vehicle fleet to get a seat on the permanent UN security council … or until I run out of space (or really cheap surplus gear… I’m serious, it’s like 2 grand for a 31 tonne bugger that “needs work”, but has a working powertrain and all its parts) XD

hippofant

And lost SEVEN.

Doktor Zymm

Are there Jags fans?

Dunstan

Who isn’t?

hippofant

Didn’t she go full Trump?

bk109

Eh, she’s nowhere near as good lookin’ as she was on JAG (or the Hot Line… google it in private)…. also she’s a full-blown scientology nut afaik

BrettFavresColonoscopy

What happened to know where the sticks are?

Gatoraids

Trevor Lawrence pops the champagne

Last edited 3 years ago by Gatoraids
Sharkbait

comment image

bk109

Isn’t it redundant to call them “Goddamn” ? They’ve been a shitshow since like … January 4th-ish 2000

ArmedandHammered

Let them save Gases job. I need more laughs next year.

ArmedandHammered

Or maybe they didn’t want to save his job.

hippofant

Lol even Carr’s receiver seems pissed at him.

Mother Puncher

Heck yes. Let’s get these Jets to 3 wins so Cincinnati has the first pick again. I believe in us

King Hippo

THERE ARE NO BLEERGHS ON THE PLAY!

BrettFavresColonoscopy

THESE BEARS I CALL THEM GENEROUS LOVERS BECAUSE THEY’RE GIVING IT AWAY WITHOUT GETTING ANYTHING BACK IN RETURN

Doktor Zymm

They’ll eventually commit suicide like that chick in “The Hustler” and we’ll all be sad but not surprised

King Hippo

The Dreaded Giraffe Sprint!!

Doktor Zymm

The Liouns change from season to season, but the Bears are always the Bears

Redshirt

Disqualified Player Tracker:

Cincinnati: 2
Miami: 3

hippofant

Stupid Redzone’s not showing the fight, and instead teams actually mounting comebacks in the 4th.

litre_cola

Oh cuckLiouns

litre_cola

So good when you have the ML like me.

King Hippo

NEVAR CHANGE, Bearistocrats!

Mother Puncher

Bengals are so terrible that without their 23 year old rookie there’s absolutely no semblance of leadership

Redshirt

We are still stopped at CIN/MIA because of this clusterfuck.

Doktor Zymm

Can’t they just do baseball rules and get on with it?

Gatoraids

And it all ends with another punt

King Hippo

Peak Bollo del Verdad!

Dunstan

It’s got to be weird for you Raiders fans to see flags being thrown on the OTHER team.

Redshirt

Dolphins #11 just did an impression of E. Honda.