Your Thursday Night NFL Football Open Thread

It’s seems like just 48 hours ago we were doing this very thing! It’s as though days just blur into one another, amirite? I’m right. Let’s get at it.

Newsy Notes:

-LSU is pre-emptively kicking themselves out of the Bowl Game carousel because officials have come to realize that OBJ handing out cash to players after last year’s National Champeenship Game is not a good look. There’s far more to it than that of course but that’s a good start. OBJ is truly a full-of-himself, grandstanding idiot isn’t he?

-IU/Purdue, (oh no, we don’t get to find out which is the best team in a lousy football state) Okie/WVU and Texas/Kansas have been canceled among the nine (and counting?) other college games that have suffered the same fate. Parking lot drinking stats are definitely showing a steep decline.

-Paolo Rossi, the fella that led the Dirty Italians to a World Cup title way back in 1982 has passed away. I have some vague memories of watching him and there being some controversy regarding a match-fixing scandal (I had no clue what that was) and his fitness to play. He seemed like an underdog so I cheered for him. I’ve got nuthin else.

-Them Cowboys are getting flexed out of the week 15 Sunday Nighter so that the two-games-under-.500 Giants (as of this writing) can be featured. Oh, did you think that 9-3 Cleveland was the eye-catcher? No, you see, the Browns will be playing their third ever game on Sunday night. The Cowboys have played a mere 47 times.

-Is it too early to do a mock draft? Hell, yes but that’s never stopped anyone, including Walter Football. (I guess he’s obligated, what with that last name) So it’s Jets/QB Lawrence, Jags/QB Fields, Bengals/OT Sewell, Cowboys/DE Rousseau, Chargers/DE Barmore, Eagles/WR Chase, Panthers/TE Pitts, Falcons/DE Hutchinson, Fins/LB Parsons and Broncos/CB Horn.

TO THE GAME!

Pats/Rams:

-Hey it’s a replay of the most boring Super Bowl in recent memory!

-The Pats have been held to under 100 yards passing in two straight games but both were wins. In their last 5 they have all of 545 yards in the air.

-I must say, that’s an awfully cheeky way of nullifying Jalen Ramsey’s impact on a game. Oh, you think he’s going to shut down our wr’s? Nah, we’ll shut them down ourselves! 

-You may see the Pats blitz more often than usual given that Goff is 1-4 when facing that tactic more than 20 times a game. The Fins blitzed him 39 times and he rewarded them with a 53% completion rate and a W.

-It’ll be interesting to see if New England can reign in Aaron Donald’s impact as they did two years ago. They did it using the old double team and some outside zone runs.

-I forgot to look at player props but I wonder how many catches te Izzo might get. He gets the vast majority of the snaps at that position and has been targeted all of 5 times in the last five games.

-Earlier in the year I recall reading/typing that the Pats could be had by attacking the secondary but things might be fixed there. They’ve allowed only 4.4 yards per pass attempt and have not allowed a passing TD in their last two games.

Gimme that good stuff down below.

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The Maestro

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK

SonOfSpam

To be fair, Kenny Young was wide open.

SonOfSpam

/cries single high-pitched tear

rockingdog

BOW WOW!

Gumbygirl

Sudden change, part deux.

Viva La Tabula Raza

Whoops!

Horatio Cornblower

This looks to be an early evening.

SonOfSpam

lol Camception

Game Time Decision

How was that an interception? Shouldn’t it be a fumble on the WR?

Dunstan

I think no completed catch by WR, therefore no possession, therefore no fumble

LemonJello

MLS Cup? Is that a charity tournament for Lou Gehrig’s disease?

SonOfSpam

Looks like Game Time Decision started Akers like a jerk.

DFO PLAYOFFS ARE LIVE.

Game Time Decision

Haha. He’s my only spare RB

montythisseemsstrangetome

You definitely need multiple spare ribs.

– A. Reid

clint greasewood

Sudden Change

The Maestro

LET’S FUCKING GOOOOOOOOOOOOO

rockingdog

comment image

LemonJello

Da fuq does Jonnie Derp there know about the fitbaw?

Horatio Cornblower

Oh hai, Mark!

Gumbygirl

How about some dessert? I hear there’s always room for jello.

LemonJello

Yeah, there is.

comment image

ArmedandHammered

I always found that phrase disconcerting, it causes me to imagine a deranged lunch room lady shoving jello int the mouths of students with huge distended bellies strapped to lunch tables, while she screams the phrase nonstop with a voice hoarse from a 30 year 3 pack a day habit of unfiltered Lucky Strikes.

BrettFavresColonoscopy

Happy Chanukah to very few of you!

SonOfSpam

Stop making up words. You’re a grownup for Christ-Definitely-Our-Lord-And-Savior’s sakes.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Yeah, what the hell is “happy”?

Gumbygirl

Not Jewish, but my dad was the personnel director for a supermarket chain in Pittsburgh and all of upper management was. I fucking loved Hanukah, those chocolate coins and eight days of presents. Oy vey!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Howz yer dreidel?

Gumbygirl

I made it out of clay.

jjfozz

Another name for the gray in teh Rams’ color scheme: Fozz’s College Sheets Gray

SonOfSpam

Yeah, but these seem to be flexible.

jjfozz

Yes, my sheets did have a crackle to them.

Horatio Cornblower

Look, this isn’t my type of music at all. I’m just posting the video for Balls.

I thinking my reasoning should be obvious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WegpRQ4-gzQ

ballsofsteelandfury

Bless you

LemonJello

Told myself today, “Make sure to get Akers off the bench and into the FF lineup.”

Narrator: “He did not put Akers in the FF lineup.”

Shit fire and save matches.

rockingdog

whats good
Obi-wan!

Bow wow

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=67OtoET_JR8

litre_cola

P*ts back to sucking?

Viva La Tabula Raza

It feels like 1990 again. Wish I was 30 years younger to go along with that feeling.

rockingdog

found a funny:

if you drink 4lokos you don’t need to worry about what’s in the vaccine

jjfozz

Best fucking cover of an xmas carol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Icy_lcKebD4

SonOfSpam

ONCE
THERE WAS AN ELF WHO
NEVER MADE A TOY BECAUSE HE HADN’T BEEN TO ELF SCHOOL
AND THEN

jjfozz

Cam Cameron’s guest play call.

Redshirt

All hail, the Playcall Script!

King Hippo

Buster playing well or playing shit seems to have almost NO BEARING on whether RRRRRRRRRRRRRRAM IT!! wins or loses. It’s freaky.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s not The Little Drummer Boy, but I found a tune to play in the DFO clubhouse over the next couple of weeks.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xE7vDUHLKSU

Brocky

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litre_cola

Newton throws weird.

Horatio Cornblower

It’s like he’s trying to chuck a dart into the lawn.

Redshirt

Its the drawback of college. His legs were so much a gamebreaker that he didn’t need to learn how to throw great, just good.

King Hippo

$23 ML P*ts bet looking Not Great, Bob!

litre_cola

No sir it isn’t.

Senor Weaselo

New phone, which is nice because I had about a 10 minute battery life by the end of the old phone.

Redshirt

I hold on to my phones for so long, when I upgrade, its like I’m going from a Nokia flipphone from 2000 to the Ziggy handlink from Quantum Leap.

Horatio Cornblower

I hope McCarthy took some notes on how to score a TD from inside the 3.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Coach for a team that’s not the Cowboys?

King Hippo

That would require him to put the iced cream spoon down.

rockingdog

realtalk
this gonna be a jared goff
ROAR REVENGE GAME??

King Hippo

Lookit Buster GO!!

litre_cola

Like people watchin at a bus station.

rockingdog

YES YES YES!
Akers with the big run early

thats ROCKING!

Last edited 3 years ago by rockingdog
rockingdog

BOW WOW
who else startin Cam Akers?

RAMMMIT!!!!!

jjfozz

You have one stick of dynamite. Whose ass do you shove it up and light it?

  1. Cris Collinsworth
  2. Joe Buck
  3. A priest
  4. Trump
  5. Any millenial
montythisseemsstrangetome

Collinsworth and I don’t think it’s particularly close.

King Hippo

This is correct answer.

jjfozz

I turned off the volume when he was calling the ravens stillers game. Good god. Why not tattoo a bullseye above your mouth so the Steelers know exactly where to stick their dicks?

Unsurprised

Do I get to choose which priest?

Last edited 3 years ago by Unsurprised
jjfozz

Of course

Redshirt

Me: “Hey Siri, give me directions to Westboro Baptist Church. … That’s directions to the Ohio River. … That’s directions off a cliff. … That’s directions into a brick wall.”
Siri: “You deserve all those destinations, you intolerant shit.”

Unsurprised

Those yokels are amateurs.

Redshirt

Trump, but I may be able to pick up a combo.

What is the explosive yield of the dynamite? Can I shove shrapnel up the ass first?

jjfozz

Nope, just dynamite. Use your imagination.

Viva La Tabula Raza

A quarter or half stick would probably be adequate, so spread the love around…

Gumbygirl

I’m thinking all of that undigested KFC and hamberders, combined with all the vitriol and bad humours in his ginormous gut will make up for the lack of shrapnel. It will be the biggest, hugest, most luxurious explosion ever!

Game Time Decision

Can it just duct tape the 5 of them together and then have them hold the stick with their ass cheeks

litre_cola

P*ts ML, Akers, and Meyers to get TDs. Didn’t feel the least bit dirty making the P*ts wager.

jjfozz

I’m pitching The Masked Penis to Fox. So far, things are looking good.

Redshirt

Are you going for a soft pitch or are you going balls out?

jjfozz

Shaft, head, balls, pubes, the whole deal

jjfozz

The GMC commercial with the two dickshits buying each other cars is an ultimate fuck you to every American. I want to eat their souls.

montythisseemsstrangetome

Joke’s on you, they don’t have souls.

jjfozz

Fine, I’ll eat their livers.

jjfozz

Terry Bradshaw drinks a gallon of virgin’s blood every night. Gawd I hate that fuck.

Redshirt

/ found a funny

yay-im-a-llama-again-wait-the-emperors-new-groove-36229468.png (500×608) (onsizzle.com)

Top: “Yay, its December! 2020 is almost over!”
Bottom: “Why do I hear Boss Music?”

Senor Weaselo

It’s the 20th anniversary today!

The Maestro

Manish Mehta got fired from the Jets’ beat by NYDN. Apparently he was stalking the GM’s kid… and he hasn’t had an actual press credential for months. Insane shit.

Unsurprised

Oh, God. It’s fucking Thursday? I should’ve just taken the days off. These half days have gotten me more fucked up.

Redshirt

I’m halfway through my COVID-sabbatical from work. There is nothing to do and nowhere to go. The only way I know if its a weekend or a weekday is by turning on BBC America and seeing if Star Trek is on.

I’m legitimately starting to missing work.

Unsurprised

Don’t forget to file for UI if you’re not getting paid for the time off.

Redshirt

They offer two weeks for COVID, plus I got over three weeks of Vacation time. Best case: I’m back next Wednesday. Worst: I’m back Monday after next.

Unsurprised

Cool.

jjfozz

I feel very out of touch with you guys. My fault as I’ve been flooded with shit. Not a good excuse. I’ll do better. I promise.

Redshirt

Starting to get stuffed up nose. Family, who walks around maskless in house, say I probably caught COVID-19. Getting test tomorrow and then shovel and lye on the way home in case they gave it to me.

Viva La Tabula Raza

A 55 gallon barrel of hydrofluoric acid might be of some use.
—Walter White

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Hearts: sweetbreads, jewelry made out of vertebrae

Darts: hearts

Unsurprised

That test will clear those sinuses right up.

jjfozz

Christmas time must be hell for epileptics. All those flashing lights. Gotta suck.

herodotus450

oh an dont think I didn’t see that dig against the Red Wings the other day scotchy

herodotus450

And inscrutable patterns of red on their clothing.

King Hippo

God, that was a hideous Owl weren’t it?

Viva La Tabula Raza

For the last SB of a long-term dynasty, it was shite.

jjfozz

Bandage off, knee looks good, bourbon flowing, interview via video is over. HOW THE FUCK YOU DOING BOYS?

Redshirt

Great news!

litre_cola

I have one of them video interviews on Monday. Kill me.

jjfozz

They’re not bad, but not fun. I have a vintage Farrah Fawcett poster on my wall, I start off every interview with, “Check that out. Seventies tits are the best. Am I right?”

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Great! It’s my birthday tomorrow!

Viva La Tabula Raza

Good to see ya in an upbeat mood!

Game Time Decision

Does having fitbawl on 4 of the 7 nights of the week make it less special? To me having fitbawl on just Sunday and Monday for so long helped to make it moar of and event so with it on all over the week it just feels like another game.

litre_cola

I like it. I would like it Thurs, Sun, doubleheader Monday, Tuesday. More of an excuse to avoid everything.

King Hippo

Concur Redux!

Rikki-Tikki-Deadly

Probably. I get super jazzed for robot fighting and that’s only on once a week. Football…eh. It’s like James Gandolfini in True Romance. “I do it just to watch their expressions change.”

Redshirt

Every time I watch the Grubhub gymnastics commercial, I get an sudden urge to punch the bearded guy in the face very hard. Is that normal, or is my dormant Republican tendencies picking something up?

King Hippo

“Punch the hippie douche” is maybe the last thing that all across the political spectrum can agree on.

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